As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Y'know, one would have been enough.
Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral But not my Sister.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!! It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house
My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat?
Not because he was in to bestiality, you Islamophobe.
He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday
I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday but nooooooo.. ... he just wants to sit in his wheelchair and cry ...
TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday... and my mom gives awful birthday gifts.
It's my cake day, so better post a joke about cakes... Why couldn't the Teddy bear finish his birthday cake?
Because he was already stuffed...
Sorry, I'll do better next year - definitely Muffin that I will repeat again!
My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24 What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.
My son is so ungrateful I Bought him a trampoline for his birthday and all he did was sit in his wheelchair and cry.
I handed my dad his 50th birthday card
With tears in his eyes he says
One would've been enough.
Facts of life
At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he’d be around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, So I made her and all her friends clean the house.
When I was ten my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party. That's when I realized that he was her favorite twin, not me.
What do you call a circle of $100 bills?
(Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)
Two guys were sitting in a bar, when one guy said to the other:
Two guys were sitting in a bar, when one guy said to the other: "Don't you hate it when they repeat the title in the post?"
Edit: Wooow, first gold, and on my birthday too :D
My girlfriends birthday is in a week and she said "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring!" So I got her nothing
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “You know, one would have been enough.”
I just bought some presents for my epileptic girlfriend's birthday Just a few small gifts, nothing too flashy.
I brought my MP3 player to school yesterday, but bullies broke it. Luckily, today is my birthday and my parents got me an MP4 player, but the bullies broke it again Tomorrow, i'll bring an MP5
I asked my five year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday and she giggled, "I want unicorns, rainbows and fairies!" Ok, LSD it is!
My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring". So I bought her nothing.
The worst thief ever came to my birthday party today. I mean, I've seen other thieves, but this one took the cake.
My son was so upset when he didn't get a gaming pc for his birthday luckily, this playstation was able to..........console him
My wife said she wanted her birthday gift to go from 0-200 in less than ten seconds... ...so I bought her a bathroom scale.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked me with tears in his eyes and said... “You know, one would’ve been enough!”
Adolf Hitler and my wife have the same birthday. It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people... Shares the same birthday as Adolf Hitler.
4/20 It's Hitler's birthday today... ... I guess that brings a whole another meaning to "Smoking a J"
I asked my crush when is her birthday
Me: when is your birthday?
Her: march 1st
Me: *walking around the room* when is your birthday?
I'll be celebrating my birthday next month, but only for half a minute. It's my thirty second birthday after all.
The Russian doll that I got for my birthday has a terrible personality It’s so full of itself
Did you hear about that kid that got overwhelmed and burst into tears when his parents threw him a huge Thor themed 6th birthday party? He wanted something a little more Loki.
I forgot one of my daughter's birthday presents in the closet.... After six weeks, that pony really began to reek....
I went to bring my stripper girlfriend a birthday present at work, but she was busy adding up her earnings for the day. It's the thot that counts.
My wife's turning 32 soon, and i told her not to get not to get super excited
"Why?" She asked. i replyed: "it's only going to last half a minute." "what do you mean?"
"It's your thirty second birthday "
I wanted to give my brother a gift for his 40th birthday that says “It’s all downhill from here.” He told me not to, he already has a picture of me.
My wife: I'm turning 32 next week so I want to celebrate in a big way
Me: Okay but don't get your hopes up we're only going to celebrate for half a minute.
She: What? Why?
Me: Because it's your thirty-second birthday
I am a little confused about why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday I don't know what to make of it
X Æ A-12 not even gonna have any birthday parties... Elon's just gonna release the patch notes
I was always told to we should celebrate our mistakes I guess that's why my mum throws me a birthday party every year
Quarantine birthday My birthdays in quarantine, but I’m not sad I had the exact number of people who came last year
I was always told we should celebrate our mistakes... I guess that’s why my mum throws me a birthday party every year.
They say you should sing Happy Birthday when cleaning your hands, but I find Uptown Funk to be much more effective Don't believe me? Just wash
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too!
Edit: hint, hint
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said You know, one would've been enough.
Why do we put candles on top of Birthday cakes? because it is very hard to put them on the bottom...
50th Birthday Card
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ti me: "You know, one would have been enough"
My older sister told me this joke and i chuckled against my free will. I hope you do too.
When I was ten my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party That’s when I realized he was the favorite twin, not me.
Here is a word for "walking in on your parents on your birthday right as they are climaxing" Traumatiming
Happy birthday to Frank Zamboni A revolutionary inventor, despite being dead for almost 40 years, his name still resurfaces.
If you don’t know what to give your friend as a birthday present, just give them a fridge, and watch their face light up as they open it.
Today was my birthday and my parents gave me a whistle as a gift...
Oh man!!! this thing blows
P.s. : excuse my English, not my first language
A blond gets a toilet brush for her birthday
Her friend asks if it's any good, and the blond girl replies
"Yeah, I think it's Allright, but I prefer toilet paper"
My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday and I don't know which one to go to One took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
My mother told me to take my brother out for a movie while she set up his surprise birthday party. That’s when I learned that he was her favorite twin.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it
I got my brother a trampoline for his birthday He just sat there, and cried in his wheelchair, like the ungrateful person he is.
Kids are so ungrateful I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday and all he did is sit in his wheelchair and cry
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it.. ..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake