Birthday Jokes

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Funniest Birthday Jokes

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Y'know, one would have been enough.

Funny Birthday Jokes

Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral But not my Sister.

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!! It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house

My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.

What did the boy with no arms get for his Birthday ? Don't know he hasn't opened it yet

Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat? Not because he was in to bestiality, you Islamophobe.

He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday but nooooooo.. ... he just wants to sit in his wheelchair and cry ...

birthday card As i handed my mom her 50th birthday card today she said " One would've done"

TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday... and my mom gives awful birthday gifts.

It's my cake day, so better post a joke about cakes... Why couldn't the Teddy bear finish his birthday cake? Because he was already stuffed...

Sorry, I'll do better next year - definitely Muffin that I will repeat again!

My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24 What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.

My son is so ungrateful I Bought him a trampoline for his birthday and all he did was sit in his wheelchair and cry.

I handed my dad his 50th birthday card With tears in his eyes he says

One would've been enough.

Facts of life At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he’d be around for his 104th.

"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."

My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, So I made her and all her friends clean the house.

When I was ten my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party. That's when I realized that he was her favorite twin, not me.

What do you call a circle of $100 bills? Aretha Franklins!


(Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

Two guys were sitting in a bar, when one guy said to the other: Two guys were sitting in a bar, when one guy said to the other: "Don't you hate it when they repeat the title in the post?"

Edit: Wooow, first gold, and on my birthday too :D

My girlfriends birthday is in a week and she said "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring!" So I got her nothing

As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “You know, one would have been enough.”

I just bought some presents for my epileptic girlfriend's birthday Just a few small gifts, nothing too flashy.

I got an iPad for my birthday from my Chinese friend. Nothing beats a homemade present!

I brought my MP3 player to school yesterday, but bullies broke it. Luckily, today is my birthday and my parents got me an MP4 player, but the bullies broke it again Tomorrow, i'll bring an MP5

I asked my five year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday and she giggled, "I want unicorns, rainbows and fairies!" Ok, LSD it is!

My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring". So I bought her nothing.

The worst thief ever came to my birthday party today. I mean, I've seen other thieves, but this one took the cake.

My son was so upset when he didn't get a gaming pc for his birthday luckily, this playstation was able to..........console him

My wife said she wanted her birthday gift to go from 0-200 in less than ten seconds... ...so I bought her a bathroom scale.

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked me with tears in his eyes and said... “You know, one would’ve been enough!”

Adolf Hitler and my wife have the same birthday. It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people... Shares the same birthday as Adolf Hitler.

4/20 It's Hitler's birthday today... ... I guess that brings a whole another meaning to "Smoking a J"

On my 16th birthday my parents tried to surprise me with a car but I jumped out of the way.

I asked my crush when is her birthday Me: when is your birthday?

Her: march 1st

Me: *walking around the room* when is your birthday?

What's a buffalo's 200th birthday called? A bisontennial.

I'll be celebrating my birthday next month, but only for half a minute. It's my thirty second birthday after all.

Ever been to a bulimic's birthday party? (fixed) The cake jumps out of the girl.

The Russian doll that I got for my birthday has a terrible personality It’s so full of itself

Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december? The specific ocean.

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New Birthday Jokes

Did you hear about that kid that got overwhelmed and burst into tears when his parents threw him a huge Thor themed 6th birthday party? He wanted something a little more Loki.

I forgot one of my daughter's birthday presents in the closet.... After six weeks, that pony really began to reek....

I went to bring my stripper girlfriend a birthday present at work, but she was busy adding up her earnings for the day. It's the thot that counts.

My wife's turning 32 soon, and i told her not to get not to get super excited "Why?" She asked. i replyed: "it's only going to last half a minute." "what do you mean?"

"It's your thirty second birthday "

What did Tommy get when his birthday party was held during the epidemic? Arrested

I wanted to give my brother a gift for his 40th birthday that says “It’s all downhill from here.” He told me not to, he already has a picture of me.

My wife: I'm turning 32 next week so I want to celebrate in a big way Me: Okay but don't get your hopes up we're only going to celebrate for half a minute.

She: What? Why?

Me: Because it's your thirty-second birthday

I am a little confused about why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday I don't know what to make of it

X Æ A-12 not even gonna have any birthday parties... Elon's just gonna release the patch notes

I was always told to we should celebrate our mistakes I guess that's why my mum throws me a birthday party every year

What’s the best birthday present in the world? A broken drum! You just can’t beat it!

Quarantine birthday My birthdays in quarantine, but I’m not sad I had the exact number of people who came last year

I was always told we should celebrate our mistakes... I guess that’s why my mum throws me a birthday party every year.

Opened my Birthday card and loads of rice fell out It was from Uncle Ben

On my 18th birthday my friend introduced me to his fit sister. I was happy to meat her.

They say you should sing Happy Birthday when cleaning your hands, but I find Uptown Funk to be much more effective Don't believe me? Just wash

What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too!

Edit: hint, hint

For my birthday I got a sweater. I wanted a screamer or a moaner.

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said You know, one would've been enough.

What did the Redditor say to the kid at the birthday party? EDIT: Happy cake day!

Why do we put candles on top of Birthday cakes? because it is very hard to put them on the bottom...

50th Birthday Card As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ti me: "You know, one would have been enough"

My older sister told me this joke and i chuckled against my free will. I hope you do too.

Had a clown for my son's birthday yesterday. Tasted funny.

When I was ten my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party That’s when I realized he was the favorite twin, not me.

Here is a word for "walking in on your parents on your birthday right as they are climaxing" Traumatiming

Happy birthday to Frank Zamboni A revolutionary inventor, despite being dead for almost 40 years, his name still resurfaces.

Why didn’t Earth get a birthday party? Because no one was interested to planet.

If you don’t know what to give your friend as a birthday present, just give them a fridge, and watch their face light up as they open it.

Today was my birthday and my parents gave me a whistle as a gift... Oh man!!! this thing blows

P.s. : excuse my English, not my first language

A blond gets a toilet brush for her birthday Her friend asks if it's any good, and the blond girl replies

"Yeah, I think it's Allright, but I prefer toilet paper"

My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday and I don't know which one to go to One took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend

My mother told me to take my brother out for a movie while she set up his surprise birthday party. That’s when I learned that he was her favorite twin.

I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it

What is every horses birthday wish? A stable economy .

Why didn't Pluto organise his birthday party? He couldn't planet.

I got my brother a trampoline for his birthday He just sat there, and cried in his wheelchair, like the ungrateful person he is.

Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake It just takes more commitment

Kids are so ungrateful I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday and all he did is sit in his wheelchair and cry

My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it.. ..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake

Yo momma so fat... She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.

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Long Birthday Jokes

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries and did research, but found the prices to be too high.

*My daughter is inviting all of her friends, and I'll look bad if I don't put together a good cake*, he thought. Then, he stumbled upon a shop that opened once a year to provide free cake to its customers.

*How quaint,* the father thought, but desperate, he walked inside to see if they could provide a cake for his daughter's birthday.

He was met by a Buddhist monk chanting and lighting incense.

"Hello," the father asked, "I would like to buy a cake."

"Of course," the monk replied, "just draw a picture of the cake you would like on the notepad on the desk."

The father thought this to be weird, but wanting to save as much money as possible, he gave him the address and told him to come in the backdoor, just in case the cake was bad.

The day of the party arrived and the monk visited the house with the most extravagant cake the family had ever seen. All of the guests were in awe, and whispered to each other about how much the cake could have cost.

The monk became the guest of honor and at the end of the party, the father approached the monk and asked,

"Why do you do this for free? You should take money for your services!"

The monk smiled and said, "I do this for free because a cake day is the best way to earn karma."

PART 2 and PART 3 in my profile

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

‘Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

My daughter learned to count!

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Guess how old I'm going to be next month."

"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses. "How old?"

She smiled and held up four fingers.

It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week

She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."

I asked her: "What do you think it means?"

She smiled and said: "I don't know..."

Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.

I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know what this means, right?" The rabbit trembled and said:"I am so-o-o-rrrrry, sire, I-I-I couldn't find any me-e-a..." BAM! The rabbit fell to the ground, with tears in his eyes. Then he stood up and started laughing. The lion looked at him in confusion and asked:"Are you OK? Why are you laughing? " The rabbit: " Oh, it is nothing, mylord, I just remembered that the hedgehog is down the line, bringing you an apple. "

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open door, take elephant out of refrigerator, put giraffe in refrigerator, close door

Q. The lion throws a huge birthday party. All the animals but one go. Which is it and why?

A. The giraffe: he's still in the refrigerator

Q. Sally swims across an alligator infested river and doesn't get eaten. How?

A. The alligators are at the lion's birthday party

Q. Sally is found dead within the next 5 minutes: why?

A. She was hit by a brick falling from the sky

So a German, an Englishman and an Irishman

were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to appeal their sentences down to 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "As it is my first wife's birthday today, she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line; after thinking for a bit he said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but after only 10 lashes the whip had shredded the pillow. When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying in pain.

The Englishman was next up. After watching the German in horror he asked, "Please tie two pillows to my back." This time it took 15 lashes, but once again the pillows were shredded, and the Englishman was led away bleeding and whimpering in pain.

The Irishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from the most beautiful part of the world I have ever seen. Because of this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Irishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable man from a beautiful island, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with admiration. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish?"

And the Irishman said, "Tie the Englishman to my back."

An odd joke

Once there was a guy whose parents named him Odd. All through school, Odd was made fun of for his odd name. Eventually, as an grown man, he found a beautiful woman to marry and raise a family with. During a summer day in their 70s, Odd told his wife as they sat in the living room that he had never liked his odd name. He told her that, when he died, she should just put his birthday and date of death on the grave, without his name. Sure enough, several years later, Odd passed away. His wife did as he had requested, and buried him, putting only his birthday and date of death on the gravestone. But it was futile. To this day, people still walk by the grave and say:




"Isn't that Odd?"

A boy was born without a body

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.

So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.

The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he's hit by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.

"What a shame" his dad said.

"He should have quit while he was ahead"

A boy is born without a body

A boy is born without a body and miraculously survives. Even though he has no body parts below the neck he manages to make it through high school and on his 18th birthday his father takes him out for his first drink.

The boy drinks his first beer and instantly grows a torso. In utter shock, the father quickly asks the bartender for another beer. The bartender reluctantly pours the boy another drink. After chugging it, the boy suddenly sprouts a left arm.

Very eager and excited, the father orders another drink. The bartender stated that 2 is enough for a boy's first time and that he shouldn't go overboard. The father is furious at the remark and demands that he give his son another round. After a big sigh, the bartender hands the boy another beer. In a matter of seconds, the boy downs the bottle and grows a right arm.

The entire bar is enraptured at this point and begin chanting for one more beer. The bartender flat out refuses. In a storm of frustration and excitement, the father jumps the counter and steals a bottle of whiskey. The boy drinks the bottle dry and instantly grows two legs. On his newly gained legs the boy stumbles out of the bar into the street and is hit by a truck, killed on impact.

The entire bar is in silence.

"Well," says the bartender, "I guess he should have quit while he was still ahead."

Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.

He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.

He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.

He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.

A Whipping

An Englishman, a German and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Frenchman was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.

The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.

The Englishman smiled and said, "Tie the Frenchman to my back."

There are 500 bricks on a plane...

- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

499

- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge

- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge

- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?

Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.

- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?

The alligators are all at the birthday party.

- Sally dies anyways. Why?

She got hit in the head by a flying brick

A British family adopt a German child

A young British couple unable to have children decide that they want to adopt a child. They go and meet a few babies before settling on a child left by a German family.

They love this child to bits and feel as if he is truly their child, the parents and their family marvel at how the child never cries - ever - it has never cried. The child has never made a single noise.

After the child turns 1 the parents begin to worry that he still hasn’t said a word. They understand kids develop differently and move on. On the child’s second birthday, the parents are seriously concerned that he still hasn’t said a single word. They take him to a doctor who is concerned too but informs the parents to wait until the child is 3 to consider any drastic approach.

As the third birthday approaches, the parents are getting extremely nervous - still the child has said nothing. They prepare and research the potential approaches to get him to speak.

Two weeks before his third birthday, they are sat down at the table together eating down. The child says to his mother “Please may you pass the salt.” Naturally the parents are stunned “What! You can speak!” they exclaim, “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

The child responds in his heavy German accent, “Up until this point, everything was satisfactory.”

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open door, take elephant out of refrigerator, put giraffe in refrigerator, close door

Q. The lion throws a huge birthday party. All the animals but one go. Which is it and why?

A. The giraffe: he's still in the refrigerator

Q. Sally swims across an alligator infested river and doesn't get eaten. How?

A. The alligators are at the lion's birthday party

Q. Sally is found dead within the next 5 minutes: why?

A. She was hit by a brick falling from the sky

Why I fired my secretary today.

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".

I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know,it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".

I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!

"We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's go to my apartment".

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back".

"OK", I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...


Naked...

A wife took her husband to a strip club as a birthday treat.

The doorman greeted them, "Hi Jim! How are you?"

"How does he know you?" asked the wife. "Oh dear, I play football with him," said Jim.

Inside, the bartender asked, "Hello Jim! The usual?"

Jim turned to his wife. "Before you say anything, he and I are on the darts team."

Then a stripper walked up to them. "Hi Jim! You craving the Special again?" she giggled.

The wife had enough and stormed out, dragging Jim along and pulling him into a taxi with her.

The cab driver turned around. "Hey Jimmy Boy! You picked up a butt ugly one this time ..."

Jim's funeral is on Saturday.

why i fired my secretary

Why I fired my secretary:

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."
I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
"Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Okay," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake.
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Sobbing...
Naked...
and erect.

21st birthday

A little boy is born with a terrible birth defect - he has only a head, no torso, no limbs.

On his 21st birthday, his friends take him to the bar to celebrate. One of them pours his first beer down his throat - and poof! All of a sudden, a neck and torso pop out of his head.

His friends are stunned. "Quick, get him another one!" So one of them helps him drink another beer - and poof! Two arms pop out of the torso.

Amazed, they order another beer, which the boy (now having arms) proudly drinks all by himself. Poof! Two legs pop out of the torso. All his friends cheer as the guy gets up to take a few steps. But he's unsteady on his new legs - not helped by three beers in rapid succession - and after a few steps he stumbles through the front door and into the street, and gets flattened by a bus.

"Bummer," says one of the guys in the bar. "He should have quit while he was ahead."

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