UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals
EDIT: if i see one more comment that says "knuckle sandwich" i will kidnap all of you and put you on flight 3411
Why are you flying with United Airlines? Beats me.
Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed. You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.
Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated... "Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".
Things that will get you kicked off an United Airlines flight:
2)Having an United Airlines ticket
On the bright side of this United Airlines ordeal. At least they won't have any more problems with overbooking.
United Airlines will treat you like a King! Rodney King, that is.
What's the difference between Game of Thrones and United Airlines? One has dragons and the other has drag-offs
Two guys walk into a bar. Psyche! It's just another United Airlines joke.
It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack. If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.
There was a race to see what company's planes flew fastest United Airlines beat everyone...
United Airlines pays "enormous sum to Dr. Dao who they dragged of plane" Largest bill for Chinese take out to date
Was going to do United Airlines joke But everyone already United Airlined me to it.
4/5 doctors recommend united airlines You can't beat that!
What's the difference between United Airlines and a magician's hat? You can't pull a live rabbit out of a United jet.
Why was 1 afraid of 4? United Airlines.
A man went to the United Airlines counter
A man went to the United Airlines counter. The ticket agent asked, “Sir, do you have reservations?”
He replied, “Reservations? Of course I have reservations, but I’m flying anyway.”
I'm starting to feel that the united airlines memes are like beating a dead horse. so to save everyone some energy I bought the horse a ticket to fly United.
So many failed United Airlines jokes... They just don't get off the ground.
Have you heard the new United Airlines motto? "One drag a day keeps the doctors away!"
Was out of the loop. Asian friend told me United Airlines has the power to deny your liberties He said they punched his rights out.
UA at it again
If you can't beat them, join them.
If you can't join them, beat them.
-United Airlines over booking policy
Sean Spicer, United Airlines CEO and Pepsi's PR team walk into a bar... They're all getting fired, so drinking on a Tuesday is acceptable.
I order eggs through United Airlines when making omelets. Because they come pre-beaten.
Have you seen that old Nick Cage movie about United Airlines? Con Air.
I think my work is boring and not challenging enough... I think it's time to apply for a United Airlines Spokesperson position!
My girlfriend has a new fetish... To be treated like a United Airlines customer
Why did the vulture fly United Airlines? Because they allow 1 free carrion
I was gonna make a United Airlines joke about the doctor... But it got carried away
Did you hear about the award United Airlines just got? They were voted best in Chinese takeaway!
In order for United Airlines to keep their business... They're really gonna have to have unbeatable prices!
I was going to make a joke about the united airlines... But someone already beat me to the punch.
When you fly United Airlines they treat you like a King. Rodney King that is.
I booked an airline ticket with United Airlines It was a drag
United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business... ...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.
how do United Airlines treat their passengers? \[Removed\]
What food does United Airlines serve? Chinese take out.
United Airlines just dropped a new song... It's a big hit!
The past few days summed up
Pepsi: We just pulled the worst PR stunt of the year.
United Airlines: Hold my beer.
Sean Spicer: LEEEEEEEEEEROY JEEENKINS.
United Airlines should be a sponsor of Planned Parenthood for all the takeoffs they abort
What do United Airlines and an Asian restaurant have in common? Chinese take out.
Did you know that United Airlines has the cheapest prices! Therefore, their prices are unbeatable!!!!!!..... but their customers aren't.
So Delta and United Airlines are in a bar...
United: "We threw a doctor off our plane!"
Delta glances around, spies baby....
Delta: "Hold my beer..."
A massive rabbit aboard a United Airlines flight turns to the passenger sitting next to him and says "Ehhh, what's up Doc?"
Did you hear the latest United Airlines joke? Passengers thought it was hilarious.
Had em rolling in the aisles
Yep, still milking it....
United Airlines United Airlines, now offering Chinese take-out........
The United Airlines incident has me re-thinking the validity of... the 'fight-or-flight' mechanism.
Why doesn't Doctor Who travel with United Airlines?
Because the tardis is faster.
Yeah, you were expecting a joke about that doctor who got kicked off the United Airlines flight, but you were wrong.
I tried some United Airlines Salsa Today *It had a some kick to it.*
United Airlines new motto: "Our prices can't be beat, but you can."
United Airlines service has become absolutely abysmal. I mean, just 16 years ago, they'd fly you right into your office!
United airlines- arrive as a doctor Leave as a patient.
United Airlines adds a new food item to their menu Beet Salad
As compensation for their appalling behaviour, United Airlines are going to sponsor a lot more community sports and activities Their first project will be Drag Racing
If United Airlines are ever underbooked will they force people to get on?
Why do people fear flying with United Airlines? Because they reach their bruising altitude before takeoff.
Up next on Showbox... Mayweather vs United Airlines staff.
How do you eat your United Airlines meal? Through a straw.
We should stop the jokes about United Airlines At this point we're just dragging a dead horse.
United Airlines: Enter as a Doc, leave as a patient
All of these United Airlines jokes Are just plane rude
What is the official vegetable of United Airlines? Beets
I was going to make a United Airlines joke, but there's so many.. That it threw me off
What item can get you thrown off of a United Airlines flight? A Ticket
Pepsi: Well THAT was the PR nightmare of the century.
Fox News: Hold my beer.
United Airlines: Jinx, owe me a Coke?
Pepsi: For reals?
Sean Spicer: Make it a double.
Pentagon awards new military contract to United Airlines To forcibly remove Assad
Breaking News: United Airlines to replace carbonated beverage options. They will now only sell punch.
Near death experience with united airlines Well it was more of a fight or flight moment
I was about to buy cheap tickets on United Airlines, But someone beat me to it
C'mon guys...The United Airlines jokes are too much. Please, leave them in Chicago.
What did the dog say about the United Airlines Employee? Ruff
Knock Knock... United Airlines
Did you hear that United Airlines has stopped serving beer? But they still offer a nice strong punch.
I'm pretty sure the list of passengers to be ejected from that United Airlines flight was... ...doctored.
What does United Airlines and The United Center have in common? The cheap seat are nosebleed seats.
What do you call an Elite Team of United Airlines employees? Steal Your Seat Team Six.
United airlines did get one good thing out of this all. Everyone will volunteer their seat if they're over booked.
A message from Comcast... Thank you United Airlines!
United Airlines has just become the safest international airline Not even terrorists would fly with them anymore
Good News! I heard that the US government will stop enhanced interrogations. On a related note I hear that United Airlines has a new government contract.
The doctor on the United Airlines flight could have avoided being beaten so easily. All he had to do was give the air marshal a Pepsi.
I tried to book cheap tickets on the United Airlines.. But someone beat me to it.
United Airlines does not want you to talk about them So they made a Fight Club
United Airlines new customer service motto: If you can't beat 'em.... ....BEAT 'EM!
I'm sorry I told a United Airlines Joke Please don't beat me
The entire United Airlines incident could've been avoided... if someone had offered a Pepsi.
American airlines, Delta Air Lines, and United Airlines all had a race... United Airlines beat them all, united airlines beats EVERYBODY.
Q: A plane crashed and every single person died except four, Why? A: Because they were flying United Airlines
"Its ok to hit a man with glasses." - United Airlines
What's United Airlines most popular in-flight drink? Punch.
Me and the wife found a cheap pair of tickets with United Airlines and decided it was time to join the Mile High club. In the end all I got was beat off.
Did you hear that United Airlines just updated their motto? "United Airlines: Beating our competition, AND our passengers, since 1926!"
What's united airlines new slogan? Our seats are so comfortable, you won't want to leave.