United Airlines Jokes

UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout





EDIT: if i see one more comment that says "knuckle sandwich" i will kidnap all of you and put you on flight 3411

Why are you flying with United Airlines? Beats me.

Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed. You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.

Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated... "Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

Things that will get you kicked off an United Airlines flight: 1)Wearing leggings
2)Having an United Airlines ticket

-Dan Regan

On the bright side of this United Airlines ordeal. At least they won't have any more problems with overbooking.

United Airlines will treat you like a King! Rodney King, that is.

What's the difference between Game of Thrones and United Airlines? One has dragons and the other has drag-offs

It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack. If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.

United Airlines pays "enormous sum to Dr. Dao who they dragged of plane" Largest bill for Chinese take out to date

Was going to do United Airlines joke But everyone already United Airlined me to it.

Why was 1 afraid of 4? United Airlines.

4/5 doctors recommend united airlines You can't beat that!

What's the difference between United Airlines and a magician's hat? You can't pull a live rabbit out of a United jet.

A man went to the United Airlines counter A man went to the United Airlines counter. The ticket agent asked, “Sir, do you have reservations?”
He replied, “Reservations? Of course I have reservations, but I’m flying anyway.”

I'm starting to feel that the united airlines memes are like beating a dead horse. so to save everyone some energy I bought the horse a ticket to fly United.

So many failed United Airlines jokes... They just don't get off the ground.

Have you heard the new United Airlines motto? "One drag a day keeps the doctors away!"

Was out of the loop. Asian friend told me United Airlines has the power to deny your liberties He said they punched his rights out.

Sean Spicer, United Airlines CEO and Pepsi's PR team walk into a bar... They're all getting fired, so drinking on a Tuesday is acceptable.

I order eggs through United Airlines when making omelets. Because they come pre-beaten.

Have you seen that old Nick Cage movie about United Airlines? Con Air.

Why did the vulture fly United Airlines? Because they allow 1 free carrion

I was gonna make a United Airlines joke about the doctor... But it got carried away

Did you hear about the award United Airlines just got? They were voted best in Chinese takeaway!

I was going to make a joke about the united airlines... But someone already beat me to the punch.

In order for United Airlines to keep their business... They're really gonna have to have unbeatable prices!

When you fly United Airlines they treat you like a King. Rodney King that is.

how do United Airlines treat their passengers? \[Removed\]

I booked an airline ticket with United Airlines It was a drag

United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business... ...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.

What food does United Airlines serve? Chinese take out.

I was going to make a United Airlines joke, but there's so many.. That it threw me off

What do United Airlines and an Asian restaurant have in common? Chinese take out.

Up next on Showbox... Mayweather vs United Airlines staff.

American airlines, Delta Air Lines, and United Airlines all had a race... United Airlines beat them all, united airlines beats EVERYBODY.

All of these United Airlines jokes Are just plane rude

United Airlines should be a sponsor of Planned Parenthood for all the takeoffs they abort

I tried some United Airlines Salsa Today *It had a some kick to it.*