UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals
EDIT: if i see one more comment that says "knuckle sandwich" i will kidnap all of you and put you on flight 3411
Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed. You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.
Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated... "Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".
Things that will get you kicked off an United Airlines flight:
2)Having an United Airlines ticket
On the bright side of this United Airlines ordeal. At least they won't have any more problems with overbooking.
What's the difference between Game of Thrones and United Airlines? One has dragons and the other has drag-offs
It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack. If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.
United Airlines pays "enormous sum to Dr. Dao who they dragged of plane" Largest bill for Chinese take out to date
What's the difference between United Airlines and a magician's hat? You can't pull a live rabbit out of a United jet.
A man went to the United Airlines counter
A man went to the United Airlines counter. The ticket agent asked, “Sir, do you have reservations?”
He replied, “Reservations? Of course I have reservations, but I’m flying anyway.”
Yo momma's so fat... United airlines employees said " let the goddamn computer choose someone else. I ain't movin that!"
I'm starting to feel that the united airlines memes are like beating a dead horse. so to save everyone some energy I bought the horse a ticket to fly United.
Was out of the loop. Asian friend told me United Airlines has the power to deny your liberties He said they punched his rights out.
UA at it again
If you can't beat them, join them.
If you can't join them, beat them.
-United Airlines over booking policy
Sean Spicer, United Airlines CEO and Pepsi's PR team walk into a bar... They're all getting fired, so drinking on a Tuesday is acceptable.
I think my work is boring and not challenging enough... I think it's time to apply for a United Airlines Spokesperson position!
Did you hear about the award United Airlines just got? They were voted best in Chinese takeaway!
I was going to make a joke about the united airlines... But someone already beat me to the punch.
In order for United Airlines to keep their business... They're really gonna have to have unbeatable prices!
United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business... ...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.
Did you know that United Airlines has the cheapest prices! Therefore, their prices are unbeatable!!!!!!..... but their customers aren't.
So Delta and United Airlines are in a bar...
United: "We threw a doctor off our plane!"
Delta glances around, spies baby....
Delta: "Hold my beer..."
A massive rabbit aboard a United Airlines flight turns to the passenger sitting next to him and says "Ehhh, what's up Doc?"
United Airlines is being sued for copyright infringement. Killing the Wabbit is a registered trademark of Warner Bros, Inc.
Did you hear the latest United Airlines joke? Passengers thought it was hilarious.
Had em rolling in the aisles
Yep, still milking it....
The United Airlines incident has me re-thinking the validity of... the 'fight-or-flight' mechanism.
Why doesn't Doctor Who travel with United Airlines?
Because the tardis is faster.
Yeah, you were expecting a joke about that doctor who got kicked off the United Airlines flight, but you were wrong.
United Airlines service has become absolutely abysmal. I mean, just 16 years ago, they'd fly you right into your office!
As compensation for their appalling behaviour, United Airlines are going to sponsor a lot more community sports and activities Their first project will be Drag Racing
Why do people fear flying with United Airlines? Because they reach their bruising altitude before takeoff.
We should stop the jokes about United Airlines At this point we're just dragging a dead horse.
Pepsi: Well THAT was the PR nightmare of the century.
Fox News: Hold my beer.
United Airlines: Jinx, owe me a Coke?
Pepsi: For reals?
Sean Spicer: Make it a double.
Breaking News: United Airlines to replace carbonated beverage options. They will now only sell punch.
The past few days summed up
Pepsi: We just pulled the worst PR stunt of the year.
United Airlines: Hold my beer.
Sean Spicer: LEEEEEEEEEEROY JEEENKINS.
Did you hear that United Airlines has stopped serving beer? But they still offer a nice strong punch.
I'm pretty sure the list of passengers to be ejected from that United Airlines flight was... ...doctored.