Ocean Jokes

Contents

Funniest Ocean Jokes

Funny Ocean Jokes

I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda. When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.

I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice. Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.

I dropped my laptop in the middle of the ocean A dell must be rolling in the deep

There are three men in a boat in the middle of the ocean with four cigarettes, no lighter or any matches. What do they do? They throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

I used to think an ocean of soda existed. Turns out it was just Fanta sea.

*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal... ...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.

What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck!

There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky

Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark? Black people can't swim.

One of my dad's favorites about flying "You know there are more planes at the bottom of the ocean than submarines in the sky. They have never left one up there."

Why is the ocean so salty? The land never waves back.

Why is the ocean salty? Because the land never waves back.

My friend has an unhealthy obsession with ocean life I told her to sea kelp

I had a dream I was drowning in an ocean of orange soda. When I woke up I realized it was just a Fanta sea.

My girlfriend got a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh... ...and if I put my ear against it I can smell the ocean

Is the ocean salty because... the land doesn't wave back?

Last night I dreamt I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.

A friend of mine got a seashell tattoo on her thigh... If you put your ear up to it, you can smell the ocean

You ever heard of the ocean located at 5.694647° S, 136.987557° W? I like to call it the specific ocean.

Why is the ocean salty? Because the land never waves back


(I apologize greatly if this had been posted before)

I've always dreamed of swimming in an ocean of orange soda Its a fanta-sea of mine

If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are together on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it sinks, who survives? America.

Why is the ocean so salty? Probably because the land doesn't wave back.


Credit: local radio

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic ocean with the Titanic? About halfway.

^^I'll ^^see ^^myself ^^out...

I had a dream I was drowning in an ocean of orange soda Thank god it was only a Fanta sea

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

​

Thanks, I'm here all week. Try the veal.

Why were the Kardashians banned from the beach? Because there is already too much plastic in the ocean

I looked at the ocean today, and thought it looked completely orange... And so then I wondered if it was reality or a Fanta sea.

Why is the ocean so salty? Because the land never waves back.

I dreamed last night I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda... Then I woke up and realized it was just a fanta sea.

What lies on the bottom of the ocean and sweats? A nervous wreck...

I met this girl with a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh Cool thing about it is, if you put your ear up to it, you can really smell the ocean

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic ocean with the Titanic? Half way.

I dreamt that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda... But I woke up and realized it was just a fanta sea.

I had a dream last night where I was drowning in an ocean made from orange soda... It took me a while to figure out that it was a Fanta sea.

What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.

Sea what I did there?

I'm shore you did.

Laugh, you son of a beach!

How do you cut the ocean in half? Use a sea saw

A plane above the ocean is crashing A woman in this plane knew she was going to die so she got up and shouted "Before I die I want someone to make me feel like a woman"

A couple rows down a man got up, took off his shirt and said "Here iron this"

Popular Topics

New Ocean Jokes

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.

The shore didn’t even respond- what a beach.

What’s the difference between the ocean and the Kardashians? There’s less plastic in the ocean.

I would love to swim in an ocean of orange soda. It would be my Fanta sea

Why is it illegal for the Kardashians to go swimming? Because throwing plastic in the ocean is a crime.

Would the ocean be deeper... If it didn't have any sponges in it?

Last night, I was swimming in a strange orange, bubbling ocean of sweet water. Then I woke up and it turned out to have been just a Fanta-sea.

A carrot, some corn and a cucumber fell into the ocean Now they're all C foods

What's the difference between my ex girlfriend and the Atlantic Ocean? The Atlantic Ocean would never give me *that* many crabs.

What do pieces of wood in the ocean and Nintendo Switch joysticks have in common? They drift

I had a dream last night that there was an ocean filled with soda It was a fantasea

The CEO of Ocean Spray called up his mom to wish her a happy birthday They had a nice cranversation

The Titanic has been resting on the ocean floor for over a hundred years. Let that sink in for a minute.

I was out on the ocean the other day and these guys boarded my vessel and stole all of the currency I’d saved on a computer game I was playing. They were Simoleon pirates.

Deep at the bottom of the darkest trench off the ocean lives the most feared sea monster to ever exist. The Kraken, Urbutt.

Yo mama so fat She had to be baptized in the pacific ocean

What's the score between the ocean and the beach? Tide

Ocean Time What did the ocean say to the other ocean? what? nothing they just waved. oh. do you sea what I did there? no. i'm shore you did. how do you have friends? don't be such a beach.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean when they saw each other? Nothing. They didnt even wave. Oceans cant communicate smartass

Want to know why ocean is so salty ? Because land never waves back .

Nice joke for y'all. Guys, do you think the ocean is salty because the land never waves back?

What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, they just waved.

Last night i had a dream that i was swimming in an ocean of orange soda When i woke up i realised it was just a fanta-sea

One day the amount of plastic in the ocean will be irreversible, That will be the last straw

two sailors were out in their boat when a hand appeared in the ocean ‘what’s that?’ asked the first sailor, ‘it looks as if someone’s drowning!’

‘nonsense,’ replied the second, ‘it was just a little wave’.

Elon Musk just announced a new multimillion dollar electronic ocean cleanup project. He says it’s all in the name of E-fish-in-sea

My ex is like the like the Ocean filled with plastic

Why are ocean levels so high? sea weed.

What do you call an ocean that sings? Billy.

How does the ocean say hello? How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.

Ocean walks in to a bar Bartender says "why so blue?"

Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea

How much trash do you have to throw in the ocean to make a new country? None, just some tea

What shakes on the ocean floor? A nervous wreck!

Ha ha, I’m shore that you sea what I did there.

I like to visit the ocean for Christmas. It always brings good tidings.

What do you call a Soda Ocean A Fanta Sea

Can you call the ocean something else? Shore

I had a really weird dream last night. I was floating on an ocean of orange flavoured fizzy drink, then Queen music started to play. I found myself wondering; Is this the real life? Is this just fanta sea?

How do we know the ocean is a woman? Because she wears sea cups.

what said the ocean to the sky ? I sea !

The other day I carried a jar of sour cream into the sea. Some guy comes up to me and asked what I was doing I said I was taking a dip in the ocean

Popular Topics

Long Ocean Jokes

If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly.
The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg.
We are taking on water but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat, and they are beautiful lifeboats.
Look, passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want them.
We don't have any lifeboats, we're not lifeboat distributors.
Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their own lifeboats.
I really don't think we need that many lifeboats.
We have lifeboats and they're supposed to be our lifeboats, not the passengers' lifeboats.
The lifeboats were left on shore by the last captain of this ship.
Nobody could have foreseen the iceberg.

Edit: Thanks to those that awarded and enjoyed this. I didn’t know so many people would like it this much!

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. “Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”

“No, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. “Her name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”

“Batteries?” cried the wife.

“Yes,” he replied. “Sally sells C cells by the Seashore.”

Two whales seek revenge.

Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.

The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"

The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"

The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the surface fill our lungs full of air and go right underneath the boat and blow as hard as we can! Our air will flip the boat and all the men will fall in the water and drown!"

Second whale says "Okay, lets do it".

So they get their lungs full, they dive down beneath the boats hidden from the whalers. They blow as hard as they can and flip the boat with literal ease.

The whales swim back and watch as the men struggle to survive.

The first whale looks to the second and says "Man, they really aren't drowning like I wanted them to, we've got to do something!"

Second whale says, "Okay, what would you like to do?"

First whale says, "Lets eat them!"

Second whale stops him and says "Whoa, whoa, whoa, I agreed to the blow job, but i'm not swallowing the seamen."

Two irishmen, lost at sea...

Two irishmen are floating on a boat, lost at sea. They ran out of food a couple of days ago, and ran out of water just today, so naturally they're pretty desperate.

Out on the water, one of them spies a genie's lamp, and they both frantically paddle towards it.

One of them pull out the lamp and rubs it, and lo and behold, a genie pops out!

"Will ye grant us tree wishes mister?" the Irishman pleads.

"I'd love ta, but this old genie's barely enough for just the one. So wish carefully."

Quickly, one of the men calls out, "I wish the ocean'd turn ta Guinness!!"

"Consider it done." The genie and the lamp disappear, and the entire ocean changes from water to beer.

The second Irishman looks at the first, stunned, then finally manages, "Ya fockin' idiot! Now we have ta piss in the boat!"

Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.

The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"

The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"

The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the surface fill our lungs full of air and go right underneath the boat and blow as hard as we can! Our air will flip the boat and all the men will fall in the water and drown!"

Second whale says "Okay, lets do it".

So they get their lungs full, they dive down beneath the boats hidden from the whalers. They blow as hard as they can and flip the boat with literal ease.

The whales swim back and watch as the men struggle to survive.

The first whale looks to the second and says "Man, they really aren't drowning like I wanted them to, we've got to do something!"

Second whale says, "Okay, what would you like to do?"

First whale says, "Lets eat them!"

Second whale stops him and says "Whoa, whoa, whoa, I agreed to the blow job, but i'm not swallowing the seamen."

Love this joke. Had to repost

Just an inch !

An American, an Afghan and an Frenchman sitting outside a bar, keep arguing about how their country is more advanced. A heated debate between the American and Frenchman continues whilst the Afghan can't seem to beat either of them and seems visibly frustrated.
" Our military is so advanced that our jets touch the sky when they fly" boasted the American. "REALLY, the SKY? ", snapped the Frenchman. " Well maybe an inch below" the American conceded.
Not to be outdone, the Frenchman says "our submarines are so advanced that they can dive to the deepest depth of the ocean and move along the floor". "I doubt that" says that American dismissively. "Well maybe an inch above " the Frenchman concedes.
The Afghan suddenly exclaims, " In my country we have revolutionized how we eat. All of us can simply eat through our nose"
"Impossible" the American and Frenchman exclaim in disbelief.
"Well maybe an inch below" concedes the gleeful Afghan.

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the Mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just Eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?" His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the sh!t inside!"

An atheist is deep sea fishing.

An atheist is out on the Atlantic ocean deep sea fishing when his boat is attacked by the Kraken. Huge tentacles wrap around the boat and begin to rip it in two. He looks over the boat straight into the jaws of the beast and screams "Oh God! Help!"

Time freezes. A ray of light shines down on him and he hears a deep voice say "I thought you didn't believe I was real."

"Come on, God, cut me a break!" the man responds. "A few seconds ago, I didn't believe the Kraken was real either!"

A group of old friends discussed where they should meet for lunch for their reunion.

They were all aged about 40.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the waitresses there were pretty.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was good and the wine selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.

I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man...

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man, is in town on business and towards the end of his trip he decides to take a walk on the docks and take in the ocean view.

As he's walking he comes up on a young boy, maybe 12 years old, crying on the edge of the dock.

Mr. Smith hesitates but decides to ask what's wrong.

"Excuse me, Son? Why are you crying?" He asks gently.

The boy wipes away his tears and replies, "Oh, there's just a lot of things going wrong in my life right now. I'm sorry if I bothered you."

Mr. Smith takes note of the boy's politeness, "Is there anything I can do to help? Why don't you tell me what's going on..."

With that the boy breaks down and sobs.

He starts going on and on about his troubles.

His mother is dying of cancer and can't work.

They can't afford the medicine to manage her symptoms.

They haven't eaten in days.

Not even an hour ago the boy had been caught dumpster diving behind a restaurant for food and was caned by the owner.

He tried to go home to his mother but when he got there he saw an eviction notice on the door and he just couldn't bring himself to go inside and give her the news.

Everything was just falling apart and he couldn't take it.

"So I came here and just cried," he finished.

Mr. Smith was shocked.

Of all the people he could have encountered he encountered this boy.

He could solve this boy's problems with a single check.

But Mr. Smith was a firm believer in earning what you got no matter what it was.

As the boy continued to cry, Mr. Smith looked out to the water...

"Son," Mr. Smith began, "What's your name?"

"My name is Johnny." The boy said.

"Johnny, you see that ship out there," he said gesturing to a ship about a mile out from the dock, "I'll make you a deal. If you can swim out to that ship, climb up the mast and wave to me I will write you a check for one million dollars."

Johnny was awestruck. "You really mean it?"

"Absolutely." Mr. Smith confirmed.

Johnny dove into the water without a word and swam like a madman.

Mr. Smith watched with a smile on his face but his smile faded when Johnny turned around and came back.

When Johnny reached the dock he explained he got too tired too quickly and knew he wouldn't make it.

"Well that's ok, Johnny. Tomorrow let's meet here, same time, and you can try again."

The next day they met and Johnny tried but once again he got fatigued and had to turn back.

Mr. Smith asked him if he'd eaten anything and Johnny told him he hadn't.

With that, Mr. Smith gave him some money for a small meal and told him tomorrow was his last day in town so if he was going to succeed it had to be then.

The next day Mr. Smith arrived and Johnny was waiting at the dock with a smile on his face. "You all fed and ready?" Mr. Smith asked.

"Yes, Sir" said Johnny.

And Johnny dove into the water.

This time he was swimming a bit slower.

He seemed to be pacing himself.
Mr. Smith watched Johnny get further and further and his smile grew and grew.

What a perfect end to a perfect trip.

He was going to make a difference in this boy's life.

Johnny made it to the ship.

Mr. Smith watched him climb up the mast.

Johnny held on with one hand and reached the other out and started to wave victoriously but suddenly he lost his grip!

Johnny slipped and fell from the top of the mast all the way down to the ship below with a loud thud that echoed in the distance...

But Johnny was ok, know why?

...

...

...

...

...

He was used to hardships...

A man stumbles upon a lamp on the beach, rubs it, and a genie comes out.

"I shall grant you three wishes- but keep in mind that anything you wish for, your mother-in-law will get the same, two-fold."

The man thinks. "OK. For my first wish, I'd like to have a villa with an ocean view."

The genie says "OK, but your mother-in-law will have two."

"That's fine," the man replies. "For my second wish, I'd like to have $20 million."

"Granted, but your mother-in-law will have $40 million."

The man nods.

"And your final wish?" the genie asks.

"For my final wish," the man begins, "I want you to scare me half to death."

Girls night out

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and they might see him and they can ride their bikes there.

10 years later, the group of 25 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap, they had free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed where theyshould meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and if they go late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, at 45 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big, and the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, at 55 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was reasonable, the wine list was good, they had windows that open in case of a hot flash, and fish is good for your cholesterol.

10 years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because lighting was good and they have an early bird special.

10 years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because food was not too spicy, the restaurant was handicapped accessible and they even had an elevator!

10 years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

A group of guys, all aged about 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there were pretty.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was good and the wine selection was excellent.


Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

My dad told me this joke in Serbian years ago. Hope it translates well.

A man is terminally ill and has 3 months left to live. Seeing as he was a holy man for all his life, God gave him a visit and granted him 3 wishes. The man ponders for a few minutes then asks for his first wish.

“God, I’d love to have a nice steak dinner and some brandy to wash it down with.”

So, God waves his hand and a juicy steak and plum brandy appear in front of the man. He devours it. Whilst eating the steak the man thought of his second wish.

He asked, “God, can you make sure my children and grandchildren stay safe and healthy until it’s their time to go? I want them to live long lives.”

God thought over the idea of protecting the mans family and eventually agreed, “Sure, you’ve been a holy man all your life, it’s the least I could do.”

The man thought long and hard of what he wanted for his final wish. After a few minutes he inquired,

“God, I’ve always wanted to visit America but I was too scared to fly or go by boat, is it possible to build a road spanning the ocean so that I can drive to America in my car?”

God thought about it for a few minutes and responded, “I’m sorry but I’m afraid a project like that is going to take forever. Do you wish of anything else?”

The man thought, “God, I would consider myself a good man, a holy man. But, I’ve been married and divorced 4 times. I just don’t understand it. Can you grant me the power to understand women’s logic and reasoning?”

God, surprised by the question, took a few minutes to think and eventually responded,

“Sir, about that road, would you like 1 or 2 lanes?”

A group of guys, all aged about 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch...

A group of guys, all aged about 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the waitresses there were pretty.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was good and the wine selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

The Little Crab

A fisherman was out trying to catch some fish when a tiny little crab scampered up into his boat. It was too small to take back, so he simply threw it overboard.

About ten minutes later, the same crab climbed back into his boat. The fisherman chuckled to himself and threw the crab out again.

As he was sailing home, who should climb up but the *same* crab. This time the fisherman was surprised, but he threw it back into the ocean all the same. Now that he was moving, there was certainly no way it would come back.

But sure enough, almost a half hour later the crab was back. The fisherman finally slumped down and stared at the crab in shock.

“Wow,” thought the fisherman. “That little guy will do anything to get up boats.”

A magician was working on a cruise ship...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.

The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it's not the same hat!"

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table!"

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank.

The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean -- with the parrot, of course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word.

This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said, "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"

The President and his closest allies are involved in a terrible plane crash, and are left clinging to debris in the middle of the stormy sea.

As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a Soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.

As soon as the head of government is brought in, the Soldier turns to him and says, "Sir, unfortunately, this is a very small helicopter, and we only have room for one more person. Who should we rescue?"

The President peers over the edge of the chopper, at his closest allies down below. Among them are the Secretary of State, the Chief of Staff, and the National Security Adviser. By now, they are on the verge of being overwhelmed by the stormy sea, and whoever is left behind will certainly drown before more help arrives. He looks from one face to the next, before finally shaking his head in resignation, unable to choose who to save. "I'm too tired, son. Do what you think is best for the Nation."

"Sir, yes sir!" The Soldier gives a sharp salute, before pushing the President back into the raging ocean and flying away.

Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...

And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.

"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."

"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.

"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"

She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."

"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"

"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"

Popular Topics