Asian Jokes


Funniest Asian Jokes

Funny Asian Jokes
Score: 22308

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

Score: 9572

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes It was the end of my Korea

Score: 5254

I once thought I had a Japanese friend. But it was just my imagine Asian.

Score: 1828

My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again And I don't know if I should tell him.

Score: 1373

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends? In an explosion.

Score: 1214

How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian? Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented

Score: 1055

My Asian roommate says I have schizophrenia. Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.

Score: 982

I was holding a door open for this asian guy and he said "sank you". I punched him square in the jaw, how dare he bring up pearl harbour like that.

Score: 958

How do you blindfold an Asian woman? Put a windshield in front of her.

Score: 839

Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said "You're a lot like a math exam."

I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"

She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."

Score: 770

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

Score: 650

I think my entire family is racist. I was dating an Asian woman and eventually brought her to my home to meet my family

My wife and kids didn't even want to talk to me.

Score: 634

Why can't Asian couples have Caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a white.

Score: 548

Asian Keanu Asian Keanu arrives at party.

Asian Keanu gets bored.

Asian Keanu Reeves.

Score: 402

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes. It was the end of my Korea.

I'm still China find another job.

Score: 385

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels

Score: 311

I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China" It was her made-in name

Score: 303

So I tried Colgate for the first time.. was not impressed- The tube said 'Guaranteed whiteness in 3 brushes". 3 brushes later, I'm still Asian.

(Speaking of still Asians, my grandma's a quadriplegic. She's a pretty still Asian)

Score: 294

What do you call a black asian? Thai-rone.

Score: 274

What do you call an Asian lady with one leg longer than the other?? Irene

Score: 270

Don't buy Colgate whitening toothpaste! It says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days.

It's been 2 weeks and I'm still Asian.

Score: 264

A wise Asian man once said.... If a dog is barking, you know it's undercooked

Score: 223

When I was a kid, I thought I had a Chinese friend but turn out, it was nothing more than just my imagine asian.

Score: 209

Asian keanu Asian Keanu arrives at a party

Asian Keanu gets bored

Asian keanu Reeves

Score: 203

I had a race with an Asian today It was a Thai

Score: 198

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...” Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

Score: 189

My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path They let me pick which medical school I'm going to

Score: 159

I ordered an Asian Hooker, she arrived 2 hours late She loves me wrong time.

Score: 151

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes. I feel like this is the end of my Korea. I am still China find a job.

Score: 151

How can you tell the difference between Japanese people and other Asian people? Use a Geiger counter

*Credit: my friend who has a lot of dark humour

Score: 139

I like my women like I like my ramen noodles Hot, cheap, and Asian

Score: 135

I was born to an Asian family But it was rough, the doctors had to perform a C section.

My dad slapped me at birth for not getting an A+ section.

Score: 131

An asian asks for help at an airport... Asian: "why is my plane late? It said it would be here at 6:30."

Airplane help guy: "fluctuations."

Asian: "fluck you americans too."

Score: 105

“I’m black and I’m proud!” “I’m proud to be a black man!” Said the black man

“I’m proud to be an Asian man!” Said the Asian man

“I’m proud to be a white man!” Said the racist

Score: 93

Flight back home Guy was boarding a plane to go back home from a business trip.

As he was boarding another passenger asks him: "our flight looks full what do you think they will do??"

The Asian man flying back home says "beats me"

Score: 69

What do you call an asian marksman? Precise Lee

Score: 47

Why did the Asian pilot get arrested at the airport? TSA thought he said he was going to "pirate" the plane.

Score: 46

I held a door open for an Asian guy and he said "sank you" so i punched him in the face. Serves him right for bringing up Pearl Harbor like that.
PS: Happy 4th of July

Score: 44

An Asian girl's last name was China... It was her made-in name

Score: 44

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New Asian Jokes

Considering how bad Asian drivers are... I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.

Score: 14

My doctor told me that I had Hepatitis B When I told my Asian dad, he said, "Why you no get Hepatitis A?"

Score: 5

What do you call a lonely south-asian man? Lone Lee

Score: 4

What's black, white, red and Asian? The red panda

Score: 5

I've been so stressed, I decided to finally try that Asian relaxing technique with the needles. Heroin

Score: 8

Lots of Asian women are turning into good drivers, So if you’re a good driver; watch out for asian women turning!

Score: 12

How does an Asian noodle say goodbye Chow main

Score: 11

Why don't Asian couples have Caucasian children? Because two Wongs don't make a white.

Score: 9

Met a 16 year old Asian girl last night. Her name was Tu Yung

Score: 26

'I'm proud to be a black man' 'I'm proud to be a black man!' Says the black man.
'Im proud to be an Asian man!' Said the Asian man.
'Im proud to be a white man!' Said the racist.

Score: 5

An Asian couple is in bed And the husband, making an effort to spice things up, says "We do #69 now"!

And the wife says, "Why you want Beef and Broccoli"?

Score: 6

A man calls the police station to report a house robbery Man: an Asian man just broke into my house and took my wife's jewelry!

Operator: how do you know he is Asian?

Man: he's still trying to back out of my driveway!

Score: 6

What did the Asian man say to his wife when the hospital nursery tried to send them home with a blonde hair, blue-eye baby? Hmmm... two Wongs don't make a white.

Score: 14

The Asian man got bad news from his eye doctor The doctor told him he had a cataract.
The Asian man replied, "No I dwive a Wincoln!"

Score: 7

What's an Asian cannibal's favorite food? Ramen

Score: 7

What do you call an Asian man with correct change? Exact Lee

Score: 4

An Asian man decides to move to Manhattan to start a business, but when he gets to New York there are no high rise buildings. Where is he? Rong Island.

Score: 6

What do you call an Asian man who always has correct change? Exact Lee

Score: 5

what do you call an Asian man who always has a correct change ? Exact Lee

Score: 18

An Asian couple had an albino baby. Just goes to show, 2 Wongs can make a white.

Score: 34

My dad who has a really thick Asian accent just asked me.. Did you see the white *super racist* riot in Virginia? He was trying to say **supremacist**. Honestly, he wasn't wrong tho.

Score: 12

Held the door open for an Asian kid He said sank you. Punched that kid in the face can't believe he'd bring up Pearl Harbor

Score: 5

What do United Airlines and an Asian restaurant have in common? Chinese take out.

Score: 5

My Asian friend hooked up a computer keyboard to a bunch of speakers I guess that's stereotyping isn't it...

Score: 5

How do you get the Asian out of a China man? Spin him around until he's disoriented.

Score: 39

Why do you never see any Asian soccer players? Because when they get a corner they build a shop.

Score: 11

What do you call an asian with no eyes? Asan

Score: 6

I lost my white friend in the snow, I lost my black friend in the dark, I lost my Asian friend in the sand, I lost my Muslim friend in an explosion.

Score: 8

If nothing is faster than the speed of light Why did I see that Asian lady turn before I saw her blinker

Score: 6

An Asian lady walks into a bank She is trying to exchange yen for sterling.

She rants at the cashier " yesterday I get 200 pounds for 1 yen, today I only get 180, why is this? ".

The cashier replies " fluctuations ",

the lady replies " fluck you white people too".

Score: 9

9/10 Asian doctors have cataracts........ The other has a Rincoln

Score: 4

What does an Asian call their pet lion? Ryan

Score: 16

Which is the best Asian food, Vietnamese or Chinese? It's a Thai.

Score: 4

Sushi ...the rolls-rice of Asian seafood

Score: 5

Why do Asian parents want their children to have high grades? Because they're​ Asian, not Bsian nor Csian.

Score: 18

What do you call white people pushing a car up a hill? White power.

What do you call asian people pushing a car up a hill?
Asian power.

What do you call mexicans pushing a car up a hill?
Grand theft auto.

Score: 8

Asian people are pretty cool If only they could see that..

Score: 8

If you ever get your phone wet, put it in a bag of rice It will attract an Asian, who will then fix it.

Score: 5

What did the asian parents say to their son the before a test? Study Ying

I don't know if this joke is original or not.

Score: 5

How does an Asian feel after they have been insulted? Disoriented -.-

Score: 5

Was out of the loop. Asian friend told me United Airlines has the power to deny your liberties He said they punched his rights out.

Score: 14

I'm ready for this whole United thing to blow over... It's just beating a concussed Asian doctor at this point.

Score: 6

What's yellow and up in the sky? An Asian that stepped on a land mine.

Score: 13

What's the difference between an old crab and a Korean in the oven? Ones a crusty crestacean and the others a crispy crust Asian

Score: 4

How long is an Asian name? Yes it is.

Score: 4

Want to hear an Asian Dad joke? Get back to work, you slacker.

Score: 4

What do you call an Asian that works at a brothel? Whoriental

For as many jokes I have gotten form this subreddit, I'm happy I can finally submit my own.

Score: 4

My Asian friend got his Jewish wife pregnant. I guess "Cha Ching" wasn't an appropriate name suggestion

Score: 8

I'm furious! racist tech support just called me asian All I said was my drivers keep crashing

Score: 28

Did you know you can break your nose if you squint hard enough? I did it on the bus today and some Asian guy punched me in the face!

Score: 5

What do you call an Asian guy that always shows up before he needs to? Earl Lee

Score: 13

What do you call a Asian born in Canada Ehsian

Score: 7

What's a let down Chinese lobster called? A crushed asian

Score: 5

What do call an Asian woman with one leg longer than the other? Irene

Score: 5

I know kung fu, tae kwan do, ninjitsu, karate, tia chi... and a few other asian words.

Score: 43

I had surgery to change myself from Asian to Caucasian. It was a real eye opening experience

Score: 4

How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb? None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.

Score: 5

I'm no weatherman, but I am Asian... So expect at least half an inch tonight

Score: 5

An Asian man goes to the eye doctor The eye doctor says, "Sir, you have a cataract".

And the Asian man says, "No, I have a Rincoln Contirental".

Score: 14

An asian man goes to the eye doctor... Doctor: "Sir you have cataracts."
Asian man: "No I drive a honda."

Score: 3

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