Asian Jokes

Contents

Funniest Asian Jokes

Funny Asian Jokes

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes It was the end of my Korea

My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again And I don't know if I should tell him.

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends? In an explosion.

My Asian roommate says I have schizophrenia. Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.

I was holding a door open for this asian guy and he said "sank you". I punched him square in the jaw, how dare he bring up pearl harbour like that.

How do you blindfold an Asian woman? Put a windshield in front of her.

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

I think my entire family is racist. I was dating an Asian woman and eventually brought her to my home to meet my family

My wife and kids didn't even want to talk to me.

Why can't Asian couples have Caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a white.

Asian Keanu Asian Keanu arrives at party.

Asian Keanu gets bored.

Asian Keanu Reeves.

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes. It was the end of my Korea.

I'm still China find another job.

Kim Jong-un of North Korea has said he's going to destroy America So Trump was livid saying "That's MY job, and I'm not going to just stand by and see an Asian snatch away another American job."

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels

I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China" It was her made-in name

What do you call an Asian lady with one leg longer than the other?? Irene

A wise Asian man once said.... If a dog is barking, you know it's undercooked

Asian keanu Asian Keanu arrives at a party

Asian Keanu gets bored

Asian keanu Reeves

I had a race with an Asian today It was a Thai

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...” Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path They let me pick which medical school I'm going to

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes. I feel like this is the end of my Korea. I am still China find a job.

I ordered an Asian Hooker, she arrived 2 hours late She loves me wrong time.

I just held the door open for an Asian guy. He said, "Sank you," so I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that.

How can you tell the difference between Japanese people and other Asian people? Use a Geiger counter

*Credit: my friend who has a lot of dark humour

I like my women like I like my ramen noodles Hot, cheap, and Asian

What do you call an Asian in an elevator Wong on so many levels

I was born to an Asian family But it was rough, the doctors had to perform a C section.

My dad slapped me at birth for not getting an A+ section.

What is another name for an Asian assassin? Chinese takeout

I asked my Asian girlfriend for 69 She made me crunchy sweet and sour pork with double rice

As an Asian man, I have always wanted to know how it felt to be black. Today I finally accomplished that goal. I sneezed and watched every one walk to the other side of the street.

How do you blind an Asian woman? Put a windshield in front of her.

An asian asks for help at an airport... Asian: "why is my plane late? It said it would be here at 6:30."

Airplane help guy: "fluctuations."

Asian: "fluck you americans too."

How do you make an Asian Blind? you put a windshield in front of them

“I’m black and I’m proud!” “I’m proud to be a black man!” Said the black man

“I’m proud to be an Asian man!” Said the Asian man

“I’m proud to be a white man!” Said the racist

What does Asian Matthew Mcconaughey want for dinner? All rice, all rice, all rice

What do asian cannibals eat? "rawmen"

I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hooker. It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use.

So earlier I held the door for an Asian guy... He said "Sank you" ...so I punched him. I couldn't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that.

Don't be racist. It doesn't matter if you're black, asian or normal!

Popular Topics

New Asian Jokes

What do you say to someone who threw an Asian guy down the stairs? That is Wong on so many levels.

which Asian country do neckbeards love the most M'laysia

I'm proud to be a Asian descent, with my family name Chao. When we have family gatherings… It's completely Chaos!

I played my Asian friend in Tic Tac Toe It was a Thai.

What is white, black and Asian A panda

Not all asian stereotypes are bad, for example... Sony and Yamaha are pretty good.

What do you call an Asian woman who's always in the right place at the right time? Tai-ming.

There's a new Asian cookbook out... It's called 101 Ways to Wok Your Dog.

What do you call an Asian behind a camera? Phil Ming

I realized why I can't get an Asian girlfriend They really are smart

A midget, a fat man, and an Asian walk into a bar... ...it’s Kim jong un

What do you call an asian girl with only one leg? Irene

Just be thankful COVID-19 wasn't instead named East Asian Respiratory Syndrome. "Dude, don't touch her. She has EARS!"

How long is an Asian name More specifically, it’s Vietnamese/ Chinese

What do you call it when you make asian food in the jungle? Taking a Wok on the wild side.

How Long is an Asian man’s name. Hint: It’s not a question.

I've opened up a new restaurant named 'Karma' We serve Asian cuisine starting at $8.99

Karma doesn't give you any punchlines

When it comes to technology, Asian countries really do have Europe and America beat. We’re living in 2019 while they’re already a decade ahead!

What do you call an angry Asian man? Fu ming.

Asian guy goes into bank to check on his million dollars!!! Asian: why do I only have 999 900 dollars instead of 1 million dollars

Bank teller: Fluctuations

Asian: Fluck you too.

My asian aunt's quiet daughter is called Nosai Hai.

I think thats a great shy niece name.

What is the Asian equivalent of John Doe? Hu Dat

I’ve had some problems lately, so I decided to turn to alternative treatments. I’m pinning my hopes on that Asian thing, you know, with the needles? Ah yeah. Heroin.

What's the name of an Asian photographer? Phil Ming

If you're Asian when you go into the toilet, and you're Asian when you leave the toilet, what are you when you were in the toilet? European

What's the heaviest asian dish? _Wonton_ soup

Why did the Asian guy have his kid vaccinated? Because it's cheaper than a funeral.

My boss fired me for hr reasons. He said I made too many Asian jokes about their dialect. It was the end of my Korea. I'm still China another job.

Origin of the word asian Me: Bro, it's summer break. Why are you still studying
Ming: I must get A for my exams or I'll bring dishonor to my family
Me: Just because you're Asian? Besides, exams aren't even close. Let's hang out.
Ming: ASIAN WITHOUT A IS SIN

Whenever I tell people that I'm half asian they look so surprised They just can't tell by looking at my face

Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says"You have a cateract." Asian man says "No, I have a rincoln continental."

I know Kung-Fu, Taekwondo, Jujitsu... ...and 12 other Asian words.

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian woman and a girl in a wheelchair walk into a bar. Just kidding, the girl is in a wheelchair.

I just started dating a half Asian girl Her Mom's Korean, her Dad's Korean, and she lost her legs in a horrible car accident.

What do you call an eighteen year old asian prostitute?? Sum Yung Ho

Why are Asian brides always so satisfied? Because when ever you eat Chinese you're always hungry an hour later.

My Asian friend got shot today by someone with a starter pistol. Police think it may be race related.

What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen


What do you call an Asian woman with one leg?

Irene

A dad and his son are playing together The kid suddenly asks:
"dad if you're not Asian and mom isn't neither why do I look Asian? Am I adopted?"
The father, not being sure how to answer says:
"No son, unfortunately no..."

Why did the Asian kid get beat after his parents checked his blood type His blood type was a B+

Popular Topics

Long Asian Jokes

So I was at my bank today.

There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.

The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"

I was sitting at a bar last night

And this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.

-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

-The rest of the world is in shock.

-Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.

-Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.

-Latin American countries are sending clothing.

-New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

-The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.

-Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.

-President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.

Today i was in the bank

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Japanese man are hired at a construction site.

The foreman says to the Italian "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Asian "You're in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while." Later when the foreman returns he sees Nothing's done. He says to the Italian "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" "I no gotta broom. You tella da guy he inna charge of a supplies, but he go an I could no finda him!" Then asks the Scot "Didn't I tell you to shovel?" "Aye, ye did, laddie, but I couldna get meself a shovel. I canna find where the supplies man is aboot!" The foreman is really angry now and storms off looking for the Asian. Just then the Japanese guy springs out and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

FLUCTUATIONS

I was at my bank today; there was a short line.

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious that she was a little irritated...

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today, I only get hunat eighty. Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations..."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

Translated joke from a south Asian language.

I tried my best. I'm pulling this from memory. Changed a lot of stuff, and added a buttload of new things to make this seem as normal as possible. Enjoy!

> The cops arrest a truck driver for running over 50 people. They take him to the interrogation room and start questioning him. After a while they tell him to explain what happened as honestly as he could. He starts,

> "I was driving and realized that I had lost all possible means of braking or even slowing down the truck."

> "Go on".

> "I was losing control and had to steer the truck onto a large ground besides the road, to avoid collision with the traffic."

> "Then?"

> "I was still unable to slow the truck down, then I realized, to my horror, that I had to make a choice: I could have either steered the truck towards the large crowd which was there for the concert and killed several people or I could have steered the truck towards a hotdog stand where there were only 2 people"

> "You moron! Why didn't you choose to kill the people near the hotdog stand?"

> "I did, officer! I crushed one under my truck, but the other one ran into the crowd."

**Edit: Um... front page? Am I doing it right?**

I was at my bank today...

... there was a short queue. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line.

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...

Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."

Exchange rate

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to
the currency exchange window at the local bank. Just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'. The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.

An Asian man and a Jewish man walk into a bar

The Chinese man goes: “Hi, my name is Joe Chan, what’s yours?”

The Jew replies: “Michael Goldberg... Hey you know, I never did forget you Koreans for Pearl Harbor.”

The Chinese man, surprised, replies:
“Uhhh... Pearl Harbor was done by the Japanese, not Koreans, and I’m Chinese.”

“Well.. Chinese, Japanese, Korean, what’s the difference?”

“You know... I never did forgive you Jews for sinking the Titanic.”

“Uhhh... but that was an iceberg.”

“Greenberg, Goldberg, iceberg, what’s the difference?”

Currency trading

I used to trade currency. this asian guy came in and wanted to exchange 10,000yen - I gave him $120.

a week later he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $105.

a week after that he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $135.

the guy said to me in an annoyed voice " why one week $120, then $105, then $135! - why the difference?!!?"

I says to him "fluctuations"

He responds "fluck you white people"

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich.

He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!" "Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!" The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwellingmammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and whitecoloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

Bad Dad Panda Joke

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"


The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"


The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves."

​

(lol i'm sorry for this bad joke but i laugh everytime i think about how hard my father laughed when he told me. Even laughing at himself struggling to tell it to me again many years later RIP Dad)

Panda walks into a restaurant....

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats, shoots, and leaves."

Panda Definition

A Panda Bear walks into a café and orders a
sandwich and a drink. After he is finished eating,
the waiter comes over to bring him the check.
When the waiter arrives at the table, he just
starts to ask 'Would you like any des...' Then the
Panda Bear reaches into his fur, pulls out a gun,
and shoots the waiter dead. The Panda Bear then
wipes off his chin with his napkin, gets up, and
starts to walk out. Just as he is about to go
through the door, the manager grabs him. 'Wait a
minute!' he yells, 'You just killed my best waiter!
Besides that, you didn't even pay for your
sandwich!'

The Panda Bear grasps the manager by the
throat, jacks him up, and growls, 'Hey man! I'm a
PANDA! Do you know what that means? Why
don't you look it up!'

At this the Panda walks out the door and ambles
down the street. The manager, shaken, returns to
his office and consults a dictionary. He reads:
'panda - a large mammal of the Asian mountain
forests related to raccoons and true bears and
characterized by bold black and white markings.
Eats shoots and leaves.'

Source : A joke book I read somewhere

-might be repost... I don't know, I'm new-

A man goes to a massage parlor looking for a happy ending...

A man goes to a massage parlor looking for a happy ending.

He goes inside and meets with his massage therapist, a middle-aged Asian woman who is not wholly unattractive. She takes him into the room, lights a few candles and leaves the room so he can undress. He does so and lies down on the table.

She returns and begins to massage his back and buttocks, causing him to become aroused. After several minutes, she asks him to roll over, whereupon she notices the large bulge beneath his towel.

"Oh! You want wanky?" she asks, and the man nods emphatically. With a smile, the therapist signals to him with one finger and steps out of the room.

Thirty minutes or so pass, and the man is still lying on the table. By now, he is no longer horny. The therapist finally returns, and peeking her head into the room, she asks, "Are you done?"

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East .

Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

Iraq, Kuwait, UAE, Saudi Arabia and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.

Latin American countries are sending clothing.

New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.

Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.

President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.

Popular Topics