Monday Jokes


Funniest Monday Jokes

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

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Funny Monday Jokes
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Monday: Greg Tuesday: Ian Wednesday: Greg Thursday: Ian Friday: Greg Gregorian Calendar.

Score: 560

A guy was nailing his interview and the employer said "well application looks great but there's a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened?" The guy says "oh I went to yale",
The employer: Oh great your hired you start Monday.

Guy: "Yay I got a yob!"

Score: 336

Sunday and Monday are in a fight. Who wins? Sunday. Monday is a weekday.

Score: 157

What do you call a person who's happy on a Monday? Unemployed.

Score: 102

Shoutout to my teachers from high school who said I would work at McDonalds I have my first shift on Monday.

Score: 46

I always give 100% at work 14% on Monday

30% on Tuesday

30% on Wednesday

24% on Thursday

2% on Friday

Score: 42

I was watching women's volleyball during the Olympics and there was already a wrist injury But don't worry, I should be fine by Monday.

Score: 40

The worst thing about Friday the 13th Is monday the 16th

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I went for a job interview I went for a job interview last Tuesday and was asked to describe myself in three words.

"Violent when disappointed," I replied.

I hope to get the appointment letter on Monday.

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What's the difference between a public park and a public toilet? I need to know before my court date on Monday.

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A man asks his wife on a Friday evening... Husband: Shall we have a nice weekend?

Wife: Sure, why not?

Husband: Ok then, see you on Monday!

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"Honey, let's make this an awesome weekend, shall we?" Says a man to his wife. "Sure", she responds

"Great, I'll see you on Monday!"

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Scroll to the end Monday: Greg

Tuesday: Ian

Wednesday: Greg

Thursday: Ian

Friday: Greg

Saturday: Ian

Sunday: Greg




The Gregorian calendar

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The owner of the local cinema died today His funeral is on:

Monday 16:45, 18:30, 20:15

Tuesday 15:30, 17:15, 19:00

Wednesday 16:45, 18:30, 20:15

Thursday 16:00, 17:45, 19:30

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Wait, Cyber Monday is about shopping? Apologies to my friends on my chat list...

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It appears we have reached that day once again where all the Irish people get drunk and start fights tonight and skip work tomorrow. Monday.

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My wife is turning 32 next Monday. I’ve told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday.

“After all,” I said, “The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

I said, “It’s your thirty-second birthday.”

Score: 19

For everyone in the working world today: It's a Tuesday... ...which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.

Score: 15

I asked the blonde why she had TGIF written on her shoes even though it's Monday. She replied, "Toes Go In First".

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Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Ahh, those were the days...

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A psychologist asked his client what was troubling him. "Well, doc, I think I can see into the future."

"Into the future?" the doctor said, intrigued. "When did this start?"

"Next Monday."

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Gregorian Calendar Monday: Greg Tuesday: Ian Wednesday: Greg Thursday: Ian Friday: Greg Saturday: Ian Sunday: Greg

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Why are Saturday and Sunday the strongest days of the week? Because Monday through Friday are weekdays.

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Sunday: Greg. Monday: Ian. Tuesday: Greg. Wednesday: Ian. Thursday: Greg. Friday: Ian. Saturday: Greg So this is how the Gregorian calendar was created.

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Why can't Monday get a girlfriend? Because it always comes to fast

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I called the local gym asking if they can train me to do gymnastics. They said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I'm free Monday, Tuesday, and Friday."

Score: 12

Mercurian day So - apparently one day on Mercury is an agonisingly long 1408 earth hours long...

In other words - one Earth Monday.

Score: 11

How to sustain a long marriage Have two romatic dinners every week.

You can do a lot of things on a romatic dinner, like drinking wine, dancing, watching TV etc.

My wife goes on Monday and Wednesday, I go on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Score: 11

Just as there is a balance of good and evil.... There's a Friday for every Monday.
Have a great week :)

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Why does One do everything on monday? Because tomorrow is Two's day

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Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday... ... Those were the days.

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Whats the good thing about living in Houston? Property values are gonna be higher than Miami on Monday.

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What did the businessman say when he woke up in a hotel room Monday morning next to two prostitutes? Hi ho. Hi ho. It's off to work I go.

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So we're all thinking it by this point! Fact of Life:
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F

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Black monday is way better then black friday, look at the deals these people in Ferguson are getting. Stuff is free!!

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What are the odds of USA beating Brazil in soccer? Brazilian to one....

(credit to bill burr's monday morning podcast)

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Next week is the International Diarrhea Week Runs from monday to sunday.

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What’s the typical thing a patient says at the Diarrhea Clinic on a Monday morning? “I had a terrible weak end.”

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New Monday Jokes

Why does my grandmother use a blue phone on Monday, a green one on theusday, a white one on Wednesday, a gray one on Thursday, a orange one on Friday and a red one on the weekends? To call people.

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A boss forwards an email to his secretary and inquires whether it is from his lawyer or his tailor. The email read: SUIT IS READY, TRIAL ON MONDAY.

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Starting next Monday, you can trade mushrooms on the stock markets The SEC has determined that mushrooms are fungible.

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How was your weekend?" "Hey, dad how was your weekend?" - "Light, dark, light, dark, Monday."

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Another Monday morning of people on the Internet screaming about what other people can or can't say. I wish these Game if Thrones spoilers would stop.

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This monday there will be a solar eclipse at 10am... Followed shortly after by funeral proceedings for the Flat Earth Society.

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One day on Mercury lasts aproximately 1408 hours The same as one Monday on earth

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Which is the most weird moment? That 2 second moment between Friday and Monday.


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What day of the week does Gordon Ramsey like best? Monday night Raw

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I'd love to watch 48 Hours But it would be Monday by the time it's finished and ain't nobody got time for that.

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