What Do You Call Jokes

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Funniest What Do You Call Jokes

Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth? A Flossiraptor

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark? A chicken.

Funny What Do You Call Jokes

What do you call children born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts



Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger!

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line.

What do you call a boat full of polite football players? A good sportsman ship



I'm sorry

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein? No Whey José.

What do you call a redditor with an opinion? Names

What do you call a priest that’s also a lawyer? A father in law

What do you call a Bee hive with no exits? Unbelievable.

What do you call a hippie's wife? A Mississippi.

What do you call an evil Muslim? Muhahahahahahammed

What do you call 6.02*10^23 butts? Molasses

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes. What do you call an Irish man bouncing off the walls?


Rick O Shea

What do you call a 60-year old whose puberty just started? A late boomer

What do you call the cleavage between breast implants? Silicon Valley

What do you call a french man wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillop

What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran

What do you call a dwarf in a tumble dryer? A midget spinner.

What do you call a black man that's just been hit by a bus? An ambulance you racist.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time? A widow.

What do you call the argument between two vegans? A plant-based beef.




P.S. [This is my first joke, pls don't judge too harshly]

What do you call a fight between an immigrant an a priest? Alien vs. predator.

What do you call a snake that's exactly 3.14 meters long? A πthon

What do you call two female lovers spying on the government? Lesbionage

What do you call a Communist sniper? A Marxman.

What do you call friends that you go out to eat with? Taste buds.

What do you call a 3.14m long snake? A πthon.

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? A waist of time.

What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? Laughing stock.

What do you call children who are born into a Whorehouse? Brothel Sprouts.

What do you call a stolen Tesla? An Edison.

What do you call a company that replants fields of grass using cropduster airplanes? A re-seeding airline!

​

This joke sucks but it's my cakeday and I was told there would be plentiful imaginary internet points .... XD

What do you call a man with 6,022 x 10^23 dollars? A Moleionaire

What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.

What do you call a wife that knows where her husband is at all time? A widow

What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence

*edit: I kinda thought it was funny, and* poof *it has 3000 upvotes. Thanks for the motivation*

What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell

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New What Do You Call Jokes

What do you call a Rick Astley song that makes it to the front page? A rick r/all

What do you call a rude cactus? A prick

I’m deeply sorry

What do you call a beehive that has no exits? Un-bee-leavable

What do you call a C₆H₁₂O₆ molecule that can use its right and left hands equally well? Ambidextrose

If you speak three languages you are trilingual. If you speak two languages you are bilingual. But what do you call someone who speaks one language? American

What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath? A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

What do you call smart person in America? A tourist.

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years? A Church.

A Joke from my little cousin What do you call a bunch of monkeys all mixed up?


An Orangatangle!

What do you call an alien with three balls? An extrateressticle

What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.

What do you call a werewolf who doesn’t know they’re a werewolf? A un-aware wolf

What do you call 5 fish cut in half? Tuna half.

What do you call a bear that likes to spend his summers at the north pole and his winters at the south? a bi-polar bear.

What do you call an emo accapello group? Self Harmony

What do you call a kid who is born in a whorehouse? A brothel sprout

(I’ll let myself out)

What do you call an incel in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile.

what do you call a poor part of a town in Italy the spaghetto

What do you call Hispanic men that are over 65 years old? Señor citizens.



I’ll see myself out thanks

What do you call an Irish baker? A ginger bread man.

Just came up with this. Sorry for your eyes.

What do you call a Werewolf YouTuber? Lycansubscribe

What do you call intelligent people in America? Tourists.

What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind? A maybe

What do you call an IT teacher who touches his student? PDF file.

What do you call a chubby midget? Low fat.

What do you call a group of unvaccinated children? A Plagueround

What do you call a beat-up Batman? A Bruised Wayne.

What do you call a catholic boy that can run faster than the priest? A virgin

What do you call a French guy wearing sandals? Philippe Philoppe

What do you call a pile of cats? A Meowtain


My daughter's joke.

What do you call a Japanese chihuahua? Konichihuahua

What do you call handicapped kids doing karate? partial-arts

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein? No whey Jose.

What do you call a group of programmers? An argument.

What do you call a fake koi fish? A dekoi

What do you call a principal that used to be a prostitute? The Head Master

What do you call currency in space? Starbucks.

What do you call a bug that pays the bills? A Paying Mantis


*My 10 year old daughter ran down the hallway to tell me this. She said she made it up.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? Steve. Just because he's irrelephant doesn't mean we don't use his name.

What do you call a group of 8 rabbits? A rabbyte.

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Long What Do You Call Jokes

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

The broom swept the nation away.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back for seconds.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in france? There was nothing but des brie.

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.

I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.

What should you do if you’re cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.

How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.

The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.

What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.

What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.

Sausage puns are the wurst.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

How did Darth Vader know what luke was getting him for his birthday? He could sense his presence.

Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.

What’s the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue? You can’t tune a bench but you can tuna fish. I bet you got stuck on the bucket of glue part.

What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.

Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.

Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.

Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.

Why did the man dig a hole in his neighbor’s backyard and fill it with water? Because he meant well.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.

What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.

What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

What kind of car does a sheep drive? A lamborghini, but if that breaks down they drive their SuBAHHru.

What do you call a spanish pig? Porque.

What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.

Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.

A cabbage and celery walk into a bar and the cabbage gets served first because he was a head.

How do trees access the internet? They log on.

Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.

Top 20 worst jokes ever !!!!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
You, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says
to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn’t find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good. . .) A
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different
puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!

Memory trick

Two very elderly couples bump into each other in the street, Jack says " hi there George, how are you?" George says " Great! we've just been to that new memory clinic, they teach you how to remember things using word association, it's really good" Jack asks " really? what's the name of the clinic?" George thinks for a moment and then says " let me see, eh, what do you call that flower with a thorny stem?"
Jack says "A rose"?
"Ah yes that's it" George turns to his wife...."Rose, what's the name of that clinic"?

Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean Beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

Two cows are grazing in the field. One cow says to the other, "Hey Dorris, you worried about this Mad-Cow Disease epidemic?" The other cow turns and says, "Why would I be? I'm a chicken."

What do you call a fat cow with a terrible personality? My ex girlfriend.

What is the proper term for a pregnant cow? Also my ex girlfriend.

Whoaa Nellie, that escowlated quickly.

Growing up in rural Texas, we had to find ways of entertain ourselves as kids. We used to sneak into local shops and businesses after hours and rearrange things, or play games with the merchandise. One night, we broke into the town butchery. After several minutes of throwing knives at the wall, my attention turned to the ceiling. There, right above our heads, hung the freshly butchered carcass of a full grown cow. My buddy nudged me in the side and said, "Hey, I betchya two dolla' that you can't rip off one of them cow legs."

I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, Rick, but the steaks are too high."

Another time, we all went out cow tipping. We dressed up in black, and made our way to farmer Dalton's ranch. I went first to do the tipping. After hopping the fence, I snuck up real quiet to the first bull (a big fella', mind you)... took my hands out of my pocket... and tossed fifty cents into the jar labeled "GRATUITIES ACCEPTED" that lay on the ground next to him.

A collection of OC jokes!

Well I hope they're funny, anyway. The past few months I've been writing down anything that seems vaguely amusing to me. I imagine that some of them might be already-existing jokes without knowing it, but I hope you enjoy!

* I was offered a job studying fog but I turned it down. In hindsight, I think it was a mist opportunity.
* What vegetable likes to wait around in lines? Queuecumbers
* What's a pensioner's favourite genre of music? Hip-op
* I decided to drink something from a scientist's test tube. It tasted vial.
* Why did the artist visit the bank? To draw some money.
* What's the best thing about walking through a friendly forest? All the pleasantrees
* I was going to make a joke about alcoholism, but I decided against it because I thought it'd be a bit too whiskey.
* how do you greet the world's cleanest woman? "Hi, Jean".
* I got kicked out of the wig shop because I didn't want toupee.
* I bought an album called "Sounds of the Railway", but I didn't like any of the tracks
* I tried to get into the Guinness Book of Records by smashing up music albums. I broke a lot of records.
* Why were there clouds at the theatre production? Because it had been over cast.
* I used to have a job testing the durability of trainers. You might think that sounds easy, but it was sole-destroying work...
* Did you hear about the fellow who went insane trying to clear his sinuses? He ended up in a menthol hospital
* I used to be obsessed with going to the bank. I'm trying to stop but I have withdrawal symptoms...
* Why did the eagle go to church? Because it's a bird of pray.
* Where do fish go to earn a degree? Tunaversity.
* Someone suggested I should grow my hair down the back of my head. I wasn't keen on the idea, but I told them I'd mullet over.
* I watched a movie documentary about the history of tea exports, it was rated PG tips.
* Who stands outside the toddler nightclub? Baby bouncers.
* I have a very special type of dog - it was cross-bred with a vegetable. It's a border cauliflower
* What happened to the last aftershave in the cupboard? It felt colognely
* What do you inject into a suit to make it look bigger? Bowtux.



Bonus jokes that I didn't think were very good but decided to include anyway!!!!

* I had a dinner cooked by Dr. Who. It tasted dalektable (like... delectable)
* What do you call a sour supervisor? A lime manager.
* What food keeps you warm on a cold day? Fajitas... (like uh, fa-heaters...)
* What's the funniest type of cereal? A muesli (like... amuse-li?)
* The Bow and Arrow is an excellent weapon, with one drawback.
* Gambling can be very dangerous, if roulette it take over your life.
* What do you call a boring, unoriginal piece of fruit? A banalna.
* What do you call a piece of fruit that doesn't really matter? Not applic-apple.

Everything is bigger in Texas

A Texan man was driving thru rural NSW with his Aussie chaperone when they passed a cornfield.

'You know back where I am from in Texas our cornfields are ten times larger then that' scoffs the Texan.

Next they drive past a couple of barns.

'You know back where I am from in Texas our barns are ten times larger then that'

They continue along when they pass an open field with kangaroos jumping about.

'What do you call those things' asks the shocked Texan.

The Aussie chaperone replies 'don't you have grasshoppers in Texas?'

Four musicians and a drummer walk into a bar. (Drummer jokes!)

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
*The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know where to come in.*

How do you get the drummer away from your door?
*Pay for the pizza.*

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
*Gifted.*

Why did the bassist keep drumsticks on his dashboard?
*So he could park in the handicap spot.*

What's the difference between a drummer and a pizza?
*A pizza can feed a family of four.*

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
*Ten: one to change it, and nine to say how Neil Peart would have done it better*.

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