How do you make a gingerbread man’s bed?
With a cookie sheet.
Direct from the lips of my 4yo daughter. I almost died laughing. I was expecting something ridiculous.
After having Chinese food, my cookie was missing the piece of paper on the inside! It was unfortunate.
Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance Long story short, my girlfriend said no.
I opened my fortune cookie and...
A neck-bearded incel jumped out.
I re-read the box and realised I'd bought 4Chan cookies...
I found some good cookie recipes with weed the other day. Then I was like, "That's a weird place to keep cookie recipes".
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
The real joke is that this is what my fortune cookie said.
What did the Cookie Monster say after eating all the anesthia at the dentist's office? "NUMB NUM NUMB NUM NUMB NUM"
My manager asked me if I had prepared my report on how to cut costs at our cookie factory...
Thinking quickly, I told him that we could save money by not fully cooking all our cookies.
It was a half-baked idea, but it turned out to save us a lot of dough.
I once received a fortune cookie of which the fortune was immediately fulfilled... "You will have a weak dessert"
The fortune cookie I got with my chinese food today was weird...
It said, ”FREE ME FROM THIS FACTORY
Lucky Numbers 23.5° N, 121.0° E”
My fortune cookie said that something positive would happen to me this week and it finally happened!!! Guys do you know what this coronavirus thing is?
"All your dreams will come true", said my fortune cookie And the next day I realized, I went to work naked and couldn't run when I got chased by that monster
First we discovered TikTok was a Chinese spying app, then we discovered China was putting spyware in the electronics they sell us... And today the fortune cookie in my Chinese food reminded me I needed to buy milk.
how did Cookie Monster decide who'd win the oscars? he went through all the nom-nom-nominations.
Me: Three scoops of Cookie Dough in a tub, please.
Vendor: You wanna spoon?
Me: ... OK, what time do you get off?
The other day I got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it, you know what I call that? I call that unfortunate.
Sometimes I look down at my cleavage and I'm like, "wow!" "That's where the rest of that cookie went!"
Cookie monsters dreams are shattered as an Uber driver.. When he realises everyone lives on the same bloody street!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!!! Lol jkjk it had coronavirus
Double decker cookie cake
At a birthday party today
Me: Oh look, they have a cookie cake....and it’s a double decker.
13 year old daughter: That’s a whole nutha level.
She’s too cool.
If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
A fortune cookie told me I would soon be making a change for the better, It’s amazing how it knew I was suicidal.
Whats thanos's favorite kind of cookie
(Sorry if this is repost I'm just a bad meme)
For weeks now Amazon has been sending me suggestions for random biscuits Finally I logged in and updated my cookie preferences
cookie - biscuit
Q. What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg?
A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit)
(Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet?)
The difference between a cookie and a cracker. Cookies don't care if you pull down a civil war statue.
I found an easy cookie recipe that said to put all the ingredients in one bowl and beat it. I'm not sure what good it did though, when I came back nothing had changed.
My fortune cookie told me today to not worry about money because the best things in life are free... I think the cookie is telling me to rob a bank.
What is hard and dry before it gets in, and comes out soft and dripping? A cookie in your tea, you pervert!
What kind of cookie is awkward and unprofessional to bring to a business meeting? A snickerdoodle