Contents
Contents
A banker, a worker and an immigrant An immigrant, a worker and a banker are sitting at the table with 10 cookies. The banker takes 9 and then tells the worker "watch out, the immigrant is going to steal your cookie".
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
How do you make a gingerbread man’s bed?
With a cookie sheet.
Direct from the lips of my 4yo daughter. I almost died laughing. I was expecting something ridiculous.
After having Chinese food, my cookie was missing the piece of paper on the inside! It was unfortunate.
Why did the Oreo cookie go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling.
Why was 5 a good lover?
Because he waited 4 3 2 come 1st.
_____
Follow up:
Q: "Funny. But really, how good was the 6 4 5?"
A: "Just average, but the 6 was only a 5 4 3 2."
______
^^^\( ^^^I ^^^made ^^^this ^^^up ^^^give ^^^me ^^^a ^^^cookie. ^^^)
Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance Long story short, my girlfriend said no.
What do you call a cardboard belt?
A waist of paper.
--
^(Credit: Shadow Warrior fortune cookie)
I ate too much cookie dough and got sick It was an overdoughse.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? He was feeling crummy
I'd love to give the man who invented Incognito mode a cookie. Sadly it was erased.
What's Cookie Monsters favourite band? Oreo Speedwagon.
What is cookie monsters favorite war? Vietnom nom nom nom
Why did the cookie need to see a doctor? Well, he was feeling kind of crummy.
Why was the baby cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer so long
A man on his death bed A man on his death bed smells cookies, gets up and walks into his kitchen. He asks his wife if he can have a cookie. The wife tells him to get out of here, those are for the wake
I just open a fortune cookie that had no paper inside... ...it was unfortunate.
Today I had a fortune cookie that had no fortune inside... ...it was very unfortunate.
Why was the cookie so sad? Because his mother was a wafer so long.
Fortune cookie: "Every exit can be an entry"
Long story short:
My girlfriens said no...
What is a cannibals favorite type of cookie? Lady fingers.
Why was the cookie crying? Because his dad was a wafer so long
If you give a developer a cookie... they'll tell you why it's really better to use local storage.
What's the smartest cookie? Academia nut
I got an empty fortune cookie the other day. It was unfortunate.
What does a Japanese bakery thief say? "I Tokyo cookie."
Why was the cookie crying? Because it's mom was a wafer so long.
I found some good cookie recipes with weed the other day. Then I was like, "That's a weird place to keep cookie recipes".
I was in class today and asked a friend if I could have a bite of her cookie...
She took the napkin it was on, folded it over to gather all the crumbs, counted out 8 crumbs, handed them over and said,
"no, but you can have 8 bits."
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
The real joke is that this is what my fortune cookie said.
What happens if you mix sesame street and Star Wars?
Cookie Wookies.
X-post /r/showerthoughts
I once received a fortune cookie of which the fortune was immediately fulfilled... "You will have a weak dessert"
A businessman, a worker, and a mexican are sitting around a table with 3 cookies on it The businessman takes 2 and says to the worker, "Watch out, that mexican is gonna steal your cookie."
The other day I got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it, you know what I call that? I call that unfortunate.
how did Cookie Monster decide who'd win the oscars? he went through all the nom-nom-nominations.
What are Wolverine's favorite type of cookie? SNIKT-doodles
Why was the cookie afraid of getting drug tested? Because it was so baked
My fortune cookie was spot on. It said, You will soon let go of a small piece of paper.
If Cookie Monster was going to eat a country, what country would he eat? Viet-nom-nom-nom-nom
Why did the cookie get fired from his job? He came to work baked.
Did you hear about mrs. fortune cookies divorce? Now shes misfortune cookie.
What's an African with a white belt? An Oreo cookie.
What happens when you bang a cookie on a table? It chips.
I tried making a small triangle out of paper...
It looked more like a fortune cookie
That was unfortunate.
I got fired from the morgue. They caught me with my cookie in the hand jar.
Why can cookie dough never keep a job? It's always getting baked
If you give a mouse a cookie... You don't understand computers.
What do you call a cookie in a wheel chair. Limp biscuit
I was trying to bake the world’s fluffiest cookie... But it didn’t rise to the occasion.
Why did the Snickerdoodle go to the psychiatric hospital? Because it was a little cookie.
What is the most expensive cookie you can buy? A fortune cookie
What do pirates say when they see a cookie? Chips Ahoy!
My Grandfather is always complaining about the cost of things: " $5 for a cup of coffee, $7 for a cookie?"
I said " Look Grandad, you just showed up: I didn't invite you..."
Milton Jones
My Grandfather's one of those people who's constantly complaining about the cost of everything: " $4 for a cup of coffee; $5 for one lousy cookie?"
I said "Look Grandad, you just showed up at the door: I didn't invite you..."
Milton Jones
What do you call a funny fortune cookie? An inside joke
A 70S COOKIE BAND
Q: What do you call a 70s cookie band?
A: OREO Speedwagon.
What is the only Dessert allowed in North Korea? Smart Cookie.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? He felt crumby.
What kind of cookie is awkward and unprofessional to bring to a business meeting? A snickerdoodle
This Girl Scout Cookie diet is really paying off... ...now I've got that "Samoan" figure
What does a gingerbread man sleep with at night? A cookie sheet
I just had dessert after my Chinese food, but there was no paper in my cookie. That's unfortunate.
What's a single Scottish man's favourite kind of cookie? Mo' lasses
Elliot Ness, Cookie Monster, and John Locke start a law firm. Locke Ness Monster.
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