Prison Jokes


Funniest Prison Jokes

Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison? Cause you know he is actually guilty.

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After my wife died I couldn’t look at women for 20 years But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it

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My brother who has a stutter is in prison. It’s just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.

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Prison may be just one word But to others, it's a whole sentence

Edit: I fell asleep after posting this and woke up seeing it on the front page, thanks guys!

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Funny Prison Jokes
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So my twin brother called me from prison He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"

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Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

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If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.

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Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison? You know he's guilty.

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After my wife died, I haven't been able to look at other women for 10 years... But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it.

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What's the scariest thing about a white guy in a prison? You know he actually did it.

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There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.

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A man just released from prison was walking down the street shouting, "I'm free! I'm free!"... A little boy yelled back at him, "that's nothing, I'm four!"

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I just got a new job teaching English at a maximum security prison. It's going to be tough but like any other job out there..... It'll have its prose and cons.

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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison... ...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

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Stuttering man released from prison early.. He could not finish his sentence

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After my wife died I couldn’t look at a woman for twenty years. But when I got out of prison it was totally worth it.

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Two women in a shared cell were in the prison for 15yrs. When they were freed... ...they spent another 2hrs talking outside.

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What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common? They both turn “o” into an “O”.

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My friend went to prison for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.

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why should you be afraid of a white man in prison? because you know he's guilty.

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Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end You'll go to prison for a very long time.

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There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence.... ...... as he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending.

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What do prison and the shift key have in common they both turn your "o" into an "O"

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Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That’s right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....


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To Hillary supporters, don't give up hope! Nelson Mandela served 27 years in prison before becoming President.

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I got a prison tattoo of mitochondria Now I truly am the powerhouse of the cell

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I work in a prison, and when people ask me if I enjoy my job... ...I tell them that it has it's pros and cons.

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So, my twin brother just called me from prison. He said, "So you know how we tend to finish each others' sentences?"

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prison may be just one word to you but to others, it's a whole sentence

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Your dad is in prison and he's got a stutter. He's never going to finish his sentence.

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What do you call a midget psychic that escapes prison? A small medium at large.

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I'm starting a club that discusses the good and bad parts of poetry in prison. It's called "Prose and Cons"

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I hope I don't go to prison after what I did today. When I was in the shower I dropped the soap like ten times.

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Why did the lead guitarist get sent to prison? for fingering a minor

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What do you call a phone in prison? A cell phone

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Had a friend with a stutter land himself in prison. I wonder if he'll ever finish his sentence...

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What's the difference between an IRS audit and prison rape? In prison, you have a chance at getting a reach around

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I was driving by the prison today, and I saw a dwarf climbing down the prison wall. So I thought to myself, “that’s a little condescending.”

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My brother who has stutter is in prison right now.... So sad he will not be able to complete his sentence

Taken from u/gagga_hei

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New Prison Jokes

What is the prison that saying it's name causes you to get banned? Azkaban.

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What do you call a psychic dwarf who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large!

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If being handsome was a crime, I'd be in prison for a lifetime Because there are 8 bodies in my freezer

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What does a prison and a teenager have in common. Neither of them want a break out.

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Pedophiles have lighter prison sentences than drug dealers. Their addiction is a minor one.

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A chloride molecule was sent to prison for charges of terrorism... One day during a riot he made an escape attempt but in the heated situation he was forced to leave half of himself behind.

But hey, at least he was a free radical.

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Did you hear about the midget psychic who broke out of prison? He's a small medium at large.

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Why is the white guy in prison the scariest guy there? Cuz he’s the warden

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What do you call a midget clairvoyant recently escaped from prison? Small medium at large.

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What do you call a midget escaping out of a prison window? A little con-descending!

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What does Kevin Hart’s car have in common with Epstein’s prison sentence? They were both stopped short

Ok that’s enough Hart jokes I’m sorry

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Today I saw a dwarf sneaking out of a prison window on a rope of bedsheets and I said to myself... Well, that’s just a little condescending.

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Today I saw a midget climbing down a prison wall... I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.

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Never try to high five a prison guard They will leave you hanging

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Why did the guy who never uses punctuation go to prison for a long time? Because he had a long sentence.

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Aaron Hernandez's lawyers had him looking forward to prison. The told him it would be just like playing football again and that he would still have a lot of large men opening holes for him.

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Did you know you're not allowed to bring McDonalds when you visit someone in prison? After 10 minutes the fries can be used as shanks.

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A man with a stutter just died in prison Before he could finish his sentence

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A police officer gets thee years in prison for Just kidding, police officers never get a full sentence.

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What do you call a White man in a prison? a Guardian

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So I noticed a pretty popular costume yesterday. It was a bit large, orange... Wait! Now I remember. It was Kevin Spacey's prison jumpsuit

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Did you hear Aaron Hernandez killed himself in prison? I guess he couldn't Handle going from a tight end to a wide receiver after all...

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What did the guitarist go to prison for? Fingering a minor.

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Did you here about the guy that went to prison for writing? I'm sorry, that was completely out of con-text.

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why did abe lincoln get released from prison? because he's in a cent

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What is Jared Fogle's favorite item on the prison food menu? Cheese pizza

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I just read Jared Fogle was assaulted in prison He was also a-peppered and covered in lettuce. Don't know if the story has any meat to it.

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Did you hear about the prison escape? Those guys found the convenience of Home Depot delivery really shaves time off a project.

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Why should you be scared of a white person in prison? Because they are most certainly guilty.

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Aaron Hernandez will be just fine They're always drafting tight ends in prison.

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Hey beautiful, is your Dad in prison? Because if I was your Father I would be..

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