Prison Jokes

Contents

Funniest Prison Jokes

Prison may be just one word But to others, it's a whole sentence


Edit: I fell asleep after posting this and woke up seeing it on the front page, thanks guys!

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Funny Prison Jokes
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So my twin brother called me from prison He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"

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My cousin who stutters was sentenced to 6 months in prison That was two years ago, but he still hasn’t finished his sentence

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After my wife died, I haven't been able to look at other women for 10 years... But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it.

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A man just released from prison was walking down the street shouting, "I'm free! I'm free!"... A little boy yelled back at him, "that's nothing, I'm four!"

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Stuttering man released from prison early.. He could not finish his sentence

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After my wife died I couldn’t look at a woman for twenty years. But when I got out of prison it was totally worth it.

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Two women in a shared cell were in the prison for 15yrs. When they were freed... ...they spent another 2hrs talking outside.

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What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common? They both turn “o” into an “O”.

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My friend went to prison for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.

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Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end You'll go to prison for a very long time.

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There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence.... ...... as he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending.

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What do prison and the shift key have in common they both turn your "o" into an "O"

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Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That’s right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

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To Hillary supporters, don't give up hope! Nelson Mandela served 27 years in prison before becoming President.

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I got a prison tattoo of mitochondria Now I truly am the powerhouse of the cell

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prison may be just one word to you but to others, it's a whole sentence

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If a person who stutters goes to prison Do they finish their sentence?

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The first night in prison and not sleeping next to my wife, I wrestled uncontrollably with a large and throbbing erection. I just wish it had been mine.

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I didn’t lose my virginity til I was 23... other than that, prison wasn’t too bad.

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I just drove past a prison and noticed a short fella escaping by sliding down a rope hung from the prison wall... I thought, that’s a little condescending.

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Your dad is in prison and he's got a stutter. He's never going to finish his sentence.

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Came up with this joke this morning in the shower. I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons.

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I saw a midget escaping prison and climbing over the wall It was a little condescending

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Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway, Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

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What do you call a prison full of kangaroos? Australia

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What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common? They both turn "o" into an "O".

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Why do prison guards use Proactive? To prevent further breakouts.

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I keep on taking kitchen utensils from my parents My friends say I'll be in prison if I'm caught, but it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

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I just got a new job at a prison library. It has its prose and cons.

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R. Kelly has asked to be released from prison after being concerned about catching COVID-19. I bet if it was COVID-13 he wouldn't mind catching it at all.

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Just found out that my old 3rd grade teacher is now doing time in prison for sexually assaulting a student. I gotta say, he always rubbed me the wrong way.

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I was walking past a prison the other day, and I saw a dwarf in an orange jumpsuit shimmying down the side of the building.

I thought to myself, “now that’s a little con descending.”

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I was shocked to find out that 35% of America's prison population is white. Surely we don't need that many guards.

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The difference between high school and prison Is that no one wanted me during high school

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What's the difference between a South African prison and Leonardo Dicaprio? A South African prison has an Oscar

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Today I saw a midget prisoner climbing down the prison wall... He turned and sneered at me, I thought: 'that's a little condescending'.

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One time I saw a midget climbing down a prison wall... I thought to myself that’s a little condescending!

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A male prison guard asks a woman on death row what she would like for her last meal. She replies, "I don't know, what do you want to eat?"

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I passed by the prison today and they were playing soccer on the field I shouted "Pass the ball, I'm free!!"

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New Prison Jokes

You are allowed to send e-mails to people in prison As long as you don't attach a file

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TIL - While visiting China, Johnny Cash almost went to prison for cooking cocaine. His original version of "I Wok The Line" was a very different song.

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She said she likes men in uniform. So i went to prison

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A prisoner in North Korea goes to the prison library to borrow a book of an author activist The librarian says, "We don't have his book, but we have him."

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A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

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Last night my girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed… Please help, I've been given life in prison without bail.

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A prison guard is trying to catch someone escaping The prisoner was a little person who climbed the fence and as he was going down the other side he laughed at the guard. The guard watched in disbelief thinking, "Now that is a little con-decending."

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Someone said "you think you're funny, try and make prison rape funny." I replied "well, I've been sent to jail a few times and each time I've been raped. I don't hold it against him, my brother just takes monopoly very seriously."

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A cement mixer collided with a prison van Be sure to look out for 10 hardened criminals.

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What's the difference between a prison and a police department? One is full of ruthless, degenerate scum with no respect for the law. The other is full of people they arrested.

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Why did the Sith Lord go to prison He was exposed to be a tax eVADER

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Did you hear about the prison that grouped its inmates based on if they were dominant or submissive? They had the place sorted top to bottom.

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My first car I finally got my own car after many years. I'm just hoping the neighbors don't wake up. I hate to go to prison again.

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How do you feel about the prison library? It has its prose and cons.

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What do you call a dwarf escaping prison down a rope? A little condescending

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What do you call a prison guard who is very particular about his food? Warden Ramsay

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Less time in prison than he deserved why did the convict get? Because the sentence got mixed up.

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A psychic who has dwarfism escaped from prison yesterday. He's a small medium at large.

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While working as a prison guard in Prague, part of my job included a lot of walking up and down the prison corridors. I used to pass bad Czechs.

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There is a huge debate about letting NFL teams play against prison inmates as part of their rehabilitation program. Understandable, it has a big list of pros and cons.

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Just found out my stuttering cousin died in the prison Damn... She couldn't even finish her sentence!

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Why do people in prison never get married? They’re incels

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(Deadpool 2) What does Russel secretly call his prison shank? Hep-E-pen

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Today, a friend told me a prison joke. It took some time, but then I got it.

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My girlfriend used to work at an American prison in Cuba. She’s my Guantanamo Bae.

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Because of the lockdown, the people from the morgue didn’t come to prison today So the death row inmates were left hanging.

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You know who the real victims of this virus are? Ex cons, just made it out of prison to be put in solitary confinement.

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What is the prison that saying it's name causes you to get banned? Azkaban.

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Self isolation is like a Norwegian prison it's nice but you're not allowed to leave the building.

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My cousin who stutters was sentenced to 3 months in prison 5 years ago He's yet to finish his sentence

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My uncle went to prison for stealing a board game He got life.

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A mumble rapper gets out of prison Everyone starts praising them for finally finishing a sentence.

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Did you hear about the guy who went to prison for smoking herbs? He's doing time for doing thyme.

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If being handsome was a crime, I'd be in prison for a lifetime Because there are 8 bodies in my freezer

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In the sentence "the thief stole a television" where is the subject? In prison

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"Remember the time when we used to finish each other sentences?" I told my twin brother over the phone from prison

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If you eat too much prison chili You give up your right to remain silent.

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Two idiots want to escape prison One says "Go to the wall, if it's shot enough we'll jump over it. If it's too tall, we'll dig a tunnel.

The other one goes outside to check.

When he returns, he says "Dude, we can't escape."

"What!? Why?"

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"There's no wall"

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I went to prison for something I didn’t do I couldn’t run fast enough

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People in prison fear dropping the soap... ...you on the other hand drop powdered soap on purpose. (Because it takes longer to pick up.)

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What does a prison and a teenager have in common. Neither of them want a break out.

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Why was Six afraid of Seven? 7️⃣ Because Seven had two priors and extended probation and got his nickname in prison for how many minutes it took. "Took what?" You ask? You don't wanna know.

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The best prison nickname would be mitochondria... That way everyone would know you're the powerhouse of the cell.

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My brother who has a stutter got life in prison It’s just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence

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Why did the prison lights go dark when the greatest con Dria and his cuz Myto escaped? Cuz Myto Con Dria is the powerhouse of the cell.

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Death Row Prison Guard: “What do you want for your last meal ma’am?” Prisoner: “I don’t know, what do you want?”

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I got a new job working in a cafeteria. I asked the guy I was serving if he wanted to eat in or takeaway and he told me to f*ck off! I love working in the prison canteen!

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Epstein: "I'm afraid I don't know how things work here in prison." Prison guard: "Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it."

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My cousin cut goggles out of cardboard and asked me to try his "amazing" actual reality headset. He promised me it's better than VR. Now I'm stuck in prison for trespassing and voyeurism.

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What do you call a vertically challenged man who escaped from prison and can commune with ghosts? A small medium at large.

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To discourage slacking all retro games have been removed from jails Officers were upset to find Contra banned in the prison

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Who is a prison executioner’s favorite singer? Chaka Khan

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What do you call a headcount of the prison population? A consensus.

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A measuring cup got sent to prison He was found guilty in the quart of law for litering

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My brother who has stutter is in prison right now.... So sad he will not be able to complete his sentence

Taken from u/gagga_hei

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What did the prison guard say when Epstein cried for help? "I'll be right there, just hang on for a minute."

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Today, I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall. I thought to myself, “That’s a little condescending”

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So I’m In Prison And I Don’t Even Know Why All I did was board a plane and I saw my old friend Jack so I yelled “ Hi, Jack!”

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A man walked into a bar and yelled, "shots for everyone!" He is now in prison for 28 counts of murder.

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Donate one kidney then your hailed a hero Donate five then your going to prison


Sorry

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A chloride molecule was sent to prison for charges of terrorism... One day during a riot he made an escape attempt but in the heated situation he was forced to leave half of himself behind.

But hey, at least he was a free radical.

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