Prison Jokes

Contents

Funniest Prison Jokes

Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison? Cause you know he is actually guilty.

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After my wife died I couldn’t look at women for 20 years But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it

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My brother who has a stutter is in prison. It’s just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.

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Prison may be just one word But to others, it's a whole sentence


Edit: I fell asleep after posting this and woke up seeing it on the front page, thanks guys!

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Funny Prison Jokes
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So my twin brother called me from prison He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"

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Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

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If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.

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Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison? You know he's guilty.

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After my wife died, I haven't been able to look at other women for 10 years... But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it.

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What's the scariest thing about a white guy in a prison? You know he actually did it.

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There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.

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A man just released from prison was walking down the street shouting, "I'm free! I'm free!"... A little boy yelled back at him, "that's nothing, I'm four!"

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I just got a new job teaching English at a maximum security prison. It's going to be tough but like any other job out there..... It'll have its prose and cons.

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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison... ...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

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Stuttering man released from prison early.. He could not finish his sentence

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After my wife died I couldn’t look at a woman for twenty years. But when I got out of prison it was totally worth it.

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Two women in a shared cell were in the prison for 15yrs. When they were freed... ...they spent another 2hrs talking outside.

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What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common? They both turn “o” into an “O”.

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My friend went to prison for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.

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why should you be afraid of a white man in prison? because you know he's guilty.

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Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end You'll go to prison for a very long time.

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There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence.... ...... as he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending.

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What do prison and the shift key have in common they both turn your "o" into an "O"

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Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That’s right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

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To Hillary supporters, don't give up hope! Nelson Mandela served 27 years in prison before becoming President.

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I got a prison tattoo of mitochondria Now I truly am the powerhouse of the cell

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I work in a prison, and when people ask me if I enjoy my job... ...I tell them that it has it's pros and cons.

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So, my twin brother just called me from prison. He said, "So you know how we tend to finish each others' sentences?"

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prison may be just one word to you but to others, it's a whole sentence

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Today I saw a midget prisoner climbing down the prison wall... He turned and sneered at me, I thought: 'that's a little condescending'.

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What do you call a psychic midget that escapes from prison? A small medium at large.

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Why did the duck go to prison? He got caught selling quack.

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Today I drove by a prison... and saw a midget prisoner climbing down the wall.

As he jumped down, he sneered at me and I thought, well, that's a little condescending.

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I'm starting a club that discusses the good and bad parts of poetry in prison. It's called "Prose and Cons"

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Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New Year's. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from 10.

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What does Pokemon and a prison break have in common? You gotta catch Jamal.

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I hope I don't go to prison after what I did today. When I was in the shower I dropped the soap like ten times.

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What do you call a psychic midget that escapes prison? A small medium at large.

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If I ever get sent to prison I’m changing my name to mitochondria I’ll want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.

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New Prison Jokes

What is the prison that saying it's name causes you to get banned? Azkaban.

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What do you call a psychic dwarf who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large!

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If being handsome was a crime, I'd be in prison for a lifetime Because there are 8 bodies in my freezer

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What does a prison and a teenager have in common. Neither of them want a break out.

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What do you call a midget psychic who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.

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Pedophiles have lighter prison sentences than drug dealers. Their addiction is a minor one.

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A psychic with dwarfism has just escaped from prison! So, now there's a small medium at large!

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My brother who has stutter is in prison right now.... So sad he will not be able to complete his sentence

Taken from u/gagga_hei

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A chloride molecule was sent to prison for charges of terrorism... One day during a riot he made an escape attempt but in the heated situation he was forced to leave half of himself behind.

But hey, at least he was a free radical.

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What did Harvey Dent do after he got out of prison? He became a dentist...

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Did you hear about the midget psychic who broke out of prison? He's a small medium at large.

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Why is the white guy in prison the scariest guy there? Cuz he’s the warden

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What do you call a midget clairvoyant recently escaped from prison? Small medium at large.

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What do you call a midget escaping out of a prison window? A little con-descending!

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Today I saw a dwarf sneaking out of a prison window on a rope of bedsheets and I said to myself... Well, that’s just a little condescending.

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Today I saw a midget climbing down a prison wall... I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.

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I was driving by the prison today, and I saw a dwarf climbing down the prison wall. So I thought to myself, “that’s a little condescending.”

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Why did the guy who never uses punctuation go to prison for a long time? Because he had a long sentence.

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A midget psychic escapes from prison. News headlines: SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE!

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Did you know you're not allowed to bring McDonalds when you visit someone in prison? After 10 minutes the fries can be used as shanks.

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Did you hear the one about NFL players and prison inmates? It's about pros and cons.

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Why did the lead guitarist get sent to prison? for fingering a minor

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A midget psychic escapes from prison. Headlines read ”Small medium at large”

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What do the mitochondria and a prison generator have in common? They are both the powerhouse of the cell.

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On Blue's Clues, Steve didn't leave to go to college - he was sent to prison. He realized far too late that he shouldn't have brought Slippery Soap with him.

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A police officer gets thee years in prison for Just kidding, police officers never get a full sentence.

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I just saw a midget escaping from prison by climbing down the wall! Half way down, he turned his head and grimaced at me. I thought: “That’s a little condescending.”

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What do you call a White man in a prison? a Guardian

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So I noticed a pretty popular costume yesterday. It was a bit large, orange... Wait! Now I remember. It was Kevin Spacey's prison jumpsuit

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What happens when a wiener encounters puberty? A 21 month federal prison sentence.

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How do they communcate in prison? Cell phones...

--Batman

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How do they communcate in prison? Cell phones.... Val Kilmer told me this joke once.

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Did you hear Aaron Hernandez killed himself in prison? I guess he couldn't Handle going from a tight end to a wide receiver after all...

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How did Nelson Mandela do laundry while in prison? He used one part water, a part corn starch, and a part Tide.

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What did the guitarist go to prison for? Fingering a minor.

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Did you here about the guy that went to prison for writing? I'm sorry, that was completely out of con-text.

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why did abe lincoln get released from prison? because he's in a cent

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While I was watching the prison wall, a little midget starting climbing over it and smirked at me And I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending".

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Why did the guitarist get life in prison? He fingered a minor.

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Why was the sick eagle in prison? Because she was illegal.

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A man is put on trial for committing mass genocide against the people of Scotland. It looked like he would be in prison for life... ...but he got off Scot-free.

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At a low security prison, members of the mafia have their own version of The Breakfast Club. And their theme song is *Don't You (Fuggedaboutit)*

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I just read Jared Fogle was assaulted in prison He was also a-peppered and covered in lettuce. Don't know if the story has any meat to it.

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Did you hear about the painting that was falsely sent to prison? He was framed.

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Why did the guitarist go to prison? Why did the guitarist go to prison?

Because he fingered A Minor.

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Jared Fogle "the subway guy" was upset to be sentenced to 15 and 1/2 years in Prison today... Funny because 15 1/2 years used to sound pretty good to him.

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Did you hear about the prison escape? Those guys found the convenience of Home Depot delivery really shaves time off a project.

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What's the first thing Aaron Hernandez learned in prison? He's not a tight end anymore ;)

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What's the difference between an IRS audit and prison rape? In prison, you have a chance at getting a reach around

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Hey beautiful, is your Dad in prison? Because if I was your Father I would be..

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Being old is like being in prison... It hurts to bend over.

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A dwarf, that happens to be a mystic, escapes from prison. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

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I was playing a prison simulator when the batteries in my keyboard died. Now I can't escape.

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What is the only way Aaron Hernandez can avoid getting arrested and going to prison? Call Ray Lewis for tips on how to properly get away with murder

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Why did the rooster get 20 years in prison? He got caught on the internet, looking up chicks.

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A psychic midget has escaped from prison Yes, we have a small medium at large.

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The Energizer bunny was just releases from prison. He was charged with battery.

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