Prison Jokes

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Funniest Prison Jokes

Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison? Cause you know he is actually guilty.

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After my wife died I couldn’t look at women for 20 years But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it

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My brother who has a stutter is in prison. It’s just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.

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Prison may be just one word But to others, it's a whole sentence


Edit: I fell asleep after posting this and woke up seeing it on the front page, thanks guys!

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Funny Prison Jokes
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So my twin brother called me from prison He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"

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Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

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If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.

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Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison? You know he's guilty.

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After my wife died, I haven't been able to look at other women for 10 years... But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it.

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What's the scariest thing about a white guy in a prison? You know he actually did it.

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There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.

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A man just released from prison was walking down the street shouting, "I'm free! I'm free!"... A little boy yelled back at him, "that's nothing, I'm four!"

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I just got a new job teaching English at a maximum security prison. It's going to be tough but like any other job out there..... It'll have its prose and cons.

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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison... ...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

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Stuttering man released from prison early.. He could not finish his sentence

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After my wife died I couldn’t look at a woman for twenty years. But when I got out of prison it was totally worth it.

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Two women in a shared cell were in the prison for 15yrs. When they were freed... ...they spent another 2hrs talking outside.

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What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common? They both turn “o” into an “O”.

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My friend went to prison for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.

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why should you be afraid of a white man in prison? because you know he's guilty.

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Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end You'll go to prison for a very long time.

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There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence.... ...... as he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending.

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What do prison and the shift key have in common they both turn your "o" into an "O"

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Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That’s right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

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To Hillary supporters, don't give up hope! Nelson Mandela served 27 years in prison before becoming President.

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I got a prison tattoo of mitochondria Now I truly am the powerhouse of the cell

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I work in a prison, and when people ask me if I enjoy my job... ...I tell them that it has it's pros and cons.

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So, my twin brother just called me from prison. He said, "So you know how we tend to finish each others' sentences?"

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prison may be just one word to you but to others, it's a whole sentence

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I was shocked to find out that 35% of America's prison population is white. Surely we don't need that many guards.

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Today I saw a midget prisoner climbing down the prison wall... He turned and sneered at me, I thought: 'that's a little condescending'.

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What do you call a psychic midget that escapes from prison? A small medium at large.

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Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New Year's. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from 10.

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I hope I don't go to prison after what I did today. When I was in the shower I dropped the soap like ten times.

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Did you hear about the NFL player who went to prison? He went in a tight end and came out a wide receiver.

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Why did the lead guitarist get sent to prison? for fingering a minor

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A biologist is sent to prison, The first words he says to his cell mate, "I am the mitochondria."

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As a volunteer, I taught a seminar on how to write persuasive speeches at my local prison. I titled the course: "Prose and Cons".

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Cheer up Hillary Clinton. Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president, until after serving 27 years in prison.

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New Prison Jokes

What is the prison that saying it's name causes you to get banned? Azkaban.

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What do you call a psychic dwarf who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large!

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If being handsome was a crime, I'd be in prison for a lifetime Because there are 8 bodies in my freezer

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What does a prison and a teenager have in common. Neither of them want a break out.

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Pedophiles have lighter prison sentences than drug dealers. Their addiction is a minor one.

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My brother who has stutter is in prison right now.... So sad he will not be able to complete his sentence

Taken from u/gagga_hei

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A chloride molecule was sent to prison for charges of terrorism... One day during a riot he made an escape attempt but in the heated situation he was forced to leave half of himself behind.

But hey, at least he was a free radical.

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Did you hear about the midget psychic who broke out of prison? He's a small medium at large.

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Why is the white guy in prison the scariest guy there? Cuz he’s the warden

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What do you call a midget clairvoyant recently escaped from prison? Small medium at large.

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What do you call a midget escaping out of a prison window? A little con-descending!

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What does Kevin Hart’s car have in common with Epstein’s prison sentence? They were both stopped short


Ok that’s enough Hart jokes I’m sorry

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Today I saw a dwarf sneaking out of a prison window on a rope of bedsheets and I said to myself... Well, that’s just a little condescending.

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Today I saw a midget climbing down a prison wall... I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.

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I was driving by the prison today, and I saw a dwarf climbing down the prison wall. So I thought to myself, “that’s a little condescending.”

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Had a friend with a stutter land himself in prison. I wonder if he'll ever finish his sentence...

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Never try to high five a prison guard They will leave you hanging

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Why did the guy who never uses punctuation go to prison for a long time? Because he had a long sentence.

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I blared "Everlasting Love" on full blast at a prison yard. That's one way to shock a con.

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Aaron Hernandez's lawyers had him looking forward to prison. The told him it would be just like playing football again and that he would still have a lot of large men opening holes for him.

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Did you know you're not allowed to bring McDonalds when you visit someone in prison? After 10 minutes the fries can be used as shanks.

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A man with a stutter just died in prison Before he could finish his sentence

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My friend said hes no longer gonna be cruel to Animals, so hes going to eat only Fruits and Vegetables from now on I asked him to explain, he said instead of getting food from the local prison, hes getting it from the mental hospital instead

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I just read that a local serial killer has been handed 20 consecutive life sentences totalling 500 years in prison. What a joke, in today's justice system he'll probably only do half of that.

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I met a man in prison who said he was a conductor... I found this especially true when I saw him on the electric chair

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What do you call a White man in a prison? a Guardian

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So I noticed a pretty popular costume yesterday. It was a bit large, orange... Wait! Now I remember. It was Kevin Spacey's prison jumpsuit

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What do you call a phone in prison? A cell phone

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Did you hear Aaron Hernandez killed himself in prison? I guess he couldn't Handle going from a tight end to a wide receiver after all...

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What did the guitarist go to prison for? Fingering a minor.

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Did you here about the guy that went to prison for writing? I'm sorry, that was completely out of con-text.

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What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison to go to Death Valley to shoot up? What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison to go to Death Valley to shoot up?

A high low small medium at large.

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Why are black people so fast? Because all the slow ones are in prison

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What did the peadophile say when he was released from prison? I feel like a kid again

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Jared Fogel is teaching a music class in prison Today's lesson is fingering A minor

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Did you hear about the painting that was falsely sent to prison? He was framed.

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During a prison break, I saw a midget climb the fence of the prison yard. As he jumped down, he sneered at me... I thought to myself, "well, that was a little con-descending."

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The strongest person in a prison should be called mitochondria Because they are the powerhouse of the cell.

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How did the nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall.




I'm sorry. This was just too wonderful to resist sharing.

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A psychic midget just escaped from prison The news report said there was a small medium at large.

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Did you see the story about the psychic dwarf escaping prison? The headline was "Small medium at large".

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Did you hear the Apple watch almost went to prison?? The crime was first degree battery.
It got off with no charge.

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Why should you be scared of a white person in prison? Because they are most certainly guilty.

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What's the first thing Aaron Hernandez learned in prison? He's not a tight end anymore ;)

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What do they call me in prison? Mitochondria, cause I'm the powerhouse of the cell

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What's the difference between an IRS audit and prison rape? In prison, you have a chance at getting a reach around

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Hey beautiful, is your Dad in prison? Because if I was your Father I would be..

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Why did the rooster get 20 years in prison? He got caught on the internet, looking up chicks.

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The Energizer bunny was just releases from prison. He was charged with battery.

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