Blonde Jokes


Funniest Blonde Jokes

Online classified ad Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.

Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....


Score: 11686

I went on a date with a blonde woman last night. "Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."

Score: 10431
Funny Blonde Jokes
Score: 9465

Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield? She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.

Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

Score: 6474

How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit suicide? There are bullet holes in the mirror.

Score: 2674

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18.

Score: 2246

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence

*edit: I kinda thought it was funny, and* poof *it has 3000 upvotes. Thanks for the motivation*

Score: 1675

There were 3 blondes walking on a trail... The first blonde said "Those look like deer tracks!"

The second blonde said "No those are totally moose tracks... "

The third blonde said "Nope, they are goat tracks!"

Then a train hit them

Score: 1471

From my dad: What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette? Your camera.

Score: 1057

What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked? “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”

Score: 718

Blonde walks into a... A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

Score: 629

Why can't a blonde dial 911? Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.

Score: 626

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!" The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

Score: 605

A blonde is putting together a puzzle. She is very frustrated and asks her husband for help. "It's supposed to be a tiger!" she cries.

"Honey," says her husband wearily, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Score: 597

Doctor: "I'm just waiting for your X-Ray." Blonde: "I've never dated anyone by that name."

Score: 571

Why did the Blonde feel so proud of herself for finishing a jigsaw puzzle in only six months? It said 2-4 years on the box.

Score: 538

Blonde Joke of the day Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D

Score: 471

What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden? The average intelligence of both countries goes up.

Score: 447

Why did the blonde snort splenda? She thought it was diet coke.

Score: 372

A blonde and a brunette got stuck in an elevator.. Blonde starts shouting: "HELP! HELP!"

Brunette turns to her and says: "We should shout together."


Score: 366

An amnesiac walks into a bar He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

Score: 361

Two blondes are locked out of their car... The first blonde is trying to unlock the car using a coat hanger. The second says to the first "hurry up! It looks like it's going to rain and the top's down!"

Score: 342

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day? When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.

Score: 339

[Blonde] What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.

Score: 336

Three blondes found some tracks... The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"

The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"

And that was when the train hit them.

Score: 332

A blonde is pulled over by a police officer... "May I see your License Ma'am?"

"You know you cops really need to get your act together... One day your buddy takes my license away, and the next you ask for it"

Score: 289

Two blondes get stuck in elevator One of them starts yelling: HELP, HEEEELP

The other one then suggests: Maybe we should start yelling together

The first blonde starts yelling again: TOGETHER, TOGETHEEEEER

Score: 278

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in 5th grade. Which one is hotter? The blonde..because she’s 18.

Score: 274

Another blonde joke A professor told his class:

"Fame will come to you only after you succeed!"

A blonde asked, "Who is 'Seed'?"

Score: 268

A man sees a blonde across the river. Man: How do I get to the other side?

Blonde: You are on the other side.

Score: 260

My blonde girlfriend froze In the middle of love making so I gave her an interrogative facial expression. " oh..I saw this on youporn" she said," they call it bufferring".

Score: 255

Two blonde girls are celebrating at a table... The waiter comes by and asks "What are you celebrating?"

They say "We finished this puzzle in only 6 months! And the box says from 2 to 4 years!"

Score: 232

My buddy has big news... He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm banging twins."

"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"

"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."

Score: 71

A blonde dies her hair brown... what do you call it? Artificial intelligence

Score: 69

My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today. She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert

Score: 47

Blonde and the Airlines A blonde rings up an airline and asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"

The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."

The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

Score: 44

What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brown... Artifical intelligence.

Score: 40

A Blonde on her way to Disneyland... ...saw a sign that said "Disneyland, Left", so she turned around and went home.

Score: 40

A blonde and a brunette is sitting on a bench. Out of nowhere, the brunette says: Look! A dead bird!

The blonde gazes up into the air says where?

Score: 36

A genie appears to a blonde woman A genie appears to a blonde woman and offers her one wish. The blonde says "You know, I've slept with more men than I can count. I wish I knew exactly how many it was."

The Genie replies "Four."

Score: 32

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New Blonde Jokes

A blonde lady is going to the doctor Doctor: Hello miss, what's the issue?

Blonde lady: Oh doc, i swallowed an ice cube

Doctor: Ah okay, anything wrong?

Blonde lady: YES! It didn't come out yet!

Doctor: ...

Score: 5

What do you call a male blonde model who lives on the streets of New Jersey? Hoboken

Score: 3

Me to my blonde girlfriend: What two languages would you like to be fluent in? Her: English and American.

Score: 3

‘Somebody complimented me on my driving today,’ said one blonde to her friend. ‘Really?’

‘Well actually it was on my parking.’


‘Yes, they left a little note on my windscreen. It said “Parking fine.”

Score: 2

A blonde stood on the streets of new york city with a surf board... She just wanted to catch the highest of the heat waves!

Score: 5

A blonde, a ginger and a bald man walk into a live music bar. The doorman refuses entry to the ginger, because the band is playing soul music.

Score: 4

My girlfriend got her hair dyed blonde... Then she asked me if it felt like I was with another woman, and I replied... " Only when I go home to my wife."

I'm not really married, but she's a dumb blonde and will believe anything.

Score: 2

What is a blonde's favourite colour? Pineapple.

Score: 3

A blonde woman wanted to commit suicide by jumping from the 10th floor of her building but her building only had 5 floors So she jumped from the 5th floor twice

Score: 2

A blonde prostitute calls the police to report that she'd been raped... "When did it happen?" the cop asks.

"Five days ago," the blonde says.

"Five days!" the cop says. "Why did you wait so long to call us!?"

"Well, I didn't know it was rape until the check bounced!"

Score: 2

My blonde roommate walked into the bathroom with an undercooked steak, camera, and towel. She said "I'm getting some snaps of a rare, meatier shower."

Score: 2

A blonde singer on our cruise ship seemed to be skipping one note in every song. She told us she was scared of getting lost at C.

Score: 8

A blonde bursts out the doctor's office, yelling that the doctor flirted with her. The staff rush to see what was going on, they asked her, "What did he do?"

She replied, "He told the nurse he'll check me out!"

Score: 3

What do a fake blonde and a airplane have in common? They both have a black box

Score: 4

What’s the similarity of a tornado and a blonde? They start with sucking and blowing, then they take your house Sorry for formating

Score: 2

Can we please stop the blonde jokes? They’re stupid, offensive and don’t contribute anything of value. Just like blonde people.

Score: 2

My dog needed a checkup, so I Googled a place nearby. But when I got there, it was just this blonde white guy in army camo covered in swastika tattoos. Stupid Google found me a veteran aryan.

Score: 2

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a 23 year old blonde girl? I don't have a Ferrari tied up in my garage.

Score: 20

A blonde girl met a nice guy at her father's funeral They hit it off immediately. Obviously, she was too grief stricken to make a move then.

A few days later, she asked around but was unable to reach him.

So, a week later, she killed her mom.

Score: 2

[Blonde] Why don’t Blondes use vibrators? The always chip their teeth.

Score: 8

A blonde girl is in the woods... She realizes she is lost and tries to make a fire. She fails and lies on the ground in defeat, crying.

But then her husband walks outside and tells her to come back inside.

Score: 2

Where's the only place that blonde girls can have dark hair? Between their teeth.

Score: 3

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in a 9th grade math class, which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.

Score: 21

A Brunette Asking A Blonde Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "The United States."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "My whole body."

Score: 7

What is it called when a blonde has their hair dyed brown? Artificial Intelligence

Score: 4

Why did the blonde girl remove the bathroom door? So that she can't be spied on through a keyhole.

Score: 4

What did the Asian man say to his wife when the hospital nursery tried to send them home with a blonde hair, blue-eye baby? Hmmm... two Wongs don't make a white.

Score: 14

How do you tell a blonde from a brunette in the dark? Just call out "can you hear me?" and listen for the reply "no, its too dark in here!"

Score: 5

I was just boasting at work about how I'm currently sleeping with a set of twins... All the lads were very impressed but one asked;
"How do you tell them apart?"
"Easy", I said, "Michelle has long blonde hair and Dave has a moustache."

Score: 20

What is it called when a blonde dyes her hair? Artificial intelligence

Score: 2

Two blonde girl goes to a bar. The bartender asks: 'Are you sisters?'

The two blonde says: 'No, we aren't even catholics.'

Score: 6

Why did the blonde wear a tanktop to school? Because the constitution says you have the right to bear arms.

Score: 7

Blonde girl was staring at a bottle of juice... Because the label said "concentrate."

Score: 6

What do you call a blonde who does a handstand? A brunette with bad breath.

Score: 3

Why did the blonde girl have a bruise on her belly button? Because blonde guys are dumb too.

Score: 19

A Smart Blonde, Big Foot and Santa Claus Jump From A Building. Who reaches the ground first? No one, none of them exists.

Score: 7

Why did the dumb blonde have a bruise near her belly button? Because blonde men are dumb too.

Score: 2

A blonde and a brunette are walking in a park, the brunette says awwww look a dead bird poor thing.

The blonde looks up and says where?

Score: 4

A blonde, a drunk, a liar, and a loser walk into a bar to order a couple drinks... The bartender says: "There's my favorite customer! What will it be this time Ms. Clinton?"

Edit: Hahaha everyone's so butthurt. It's just a joke...

Score: 5

A very attractive blonde girl is changing in her room when she notices a man outside her window... **Her** - What are you doing?!?

**Him** - Uhhhh...I came here for a peek at you.

**Her** - OMG WHERE! Pikachu is my favorite!

Score: 2

What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader? Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.

Score: 2

A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, "I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."

Score: 23

How to sink a submarine with a blonde on board? Just knock. She will open it.

Score: 4

A dumb blonde, smart blonde, and the Easter Bunny are walking down the street. There is a $100 bill on the ground. Who picks it up? The dumb blonde. The other two are imaginary.

Score: 2

I was driving down the motorway with my blonde girlfriend the other day and she said, "I think those people in the car next to us are from another country"
"why is that?" I said
"Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says, 'stit rey su wohs'"

Score: 26

A blonde and a brunette are in a room... The blonde ask: "What does idk stand for?"
Brunette: "I don't know."
Blonde: "OMG, no one does!"

Score: 2

A suicide bomber, a member of an ethnic minority, my girlfriend, a priest, and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, /r/Jokes?"

Score: 2

Why didn't the blonde dial 911? She couldn't find the eleven.

Score: 18

What's the difference between your wife and your blonde girlfriend? About a 150 pounds.

Score: 2

I told my girlfriend I was unfaithful My girlfriend found blonde hair on the passenger seat of my car, so I had to say that I was cheating on her.

How embarrassing would it be if she knew I sold corn on the freeway?

Score: 7

A Presbyterian, a lawyer, a blonde, and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Score: 2

A blonde, brunette, and a red head walk into a bar Wow, these are great binoculars!

Score: 5

Everyone enjoys blonde jokes. Except blondes, they don't get it.

Score: 4

Another Old Blonde Joke A brunette yells to a blonde across a river, "Hey! How do I get to the other side of the river?"

The blonde yells back "You are on the other side!"

Score: 12

Blondes and their belly buttons Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?

Blonde boys aren't all that bright either.

Score: 9

What you get when you turn a blonde woman upside down? A brunette with bad breath.

Score: 9

What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brown? Artificial intelligence.

Score: 27

What do you call a blonde who colors her hair another color? Artificial Intelligence

Score: 31

So a Nun, a Rabi, a Lion, a Zombie, a Leprechaun, a goldfish, a Space Alien, a pair of Siamese twins, and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

Score: 9

A blonde girl is eating an ice-cream Her friend tells her : "You have ice-cream on your cheek".
The blonde girl starts to rub her left cheek. "No the other way".
She puts a finger in her mouth and rubs. "Hij it gonhe ?"

(sorry, it's more a visual joke)

Score: 9

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