Blonde Jokes


Funniest Blonde Jokes

Online classified ad Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.

Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....


Score: 11686

I went on a date with a blonde woman last night. "Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."

Score: 10431
Funny Blonde Jokes
Score: 9465

Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield? She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.

Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

Score: 6474

How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit suicide? There are bullet holes in the mirror.

Score: 2674

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18.

Score: 2246

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence

*edit: I kinda thought it was funny, and* poof *it has 3000 upvotes. Thanks for the motivation*

Score: 1675

There were 3 blondes walking on a trail... The first blonde said "Those look like deer tracks!"

The second blonde said "No those are totally moose tracks... "

The third blonde said "Nope, they are goat tracks!"

Then a train hit them

Score: 1471

From my dad: What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette? Your camera.

Score: 1057

What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked? “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”

Score: 718

Blonde walks into a... A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

Score: 629

Why can't a blonde dial 911? Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.

Score: 626

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!" The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

Score: 605

A blonde is putting together a puzzle. She is very frustrated and asks her husband for help. "It's supposed to be a tiger!" she cries.

"Honey," says her husband wearily, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Score: 597

Doctor: "I'm just waiting for your X-Ray." Blonde: "I've never dated anyone by that name."

Score: 571

Why did the Blonde feel so proud of herself for finishing a jigsaw puzzle in only six months? It said 2-4 years on the box.

Score: 538

Blonde Joke of the day Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D

Score: 471

What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden? The average intelligence of both countries goes up.

Score: 447

Why did the blonde snort splenda? She thought it was diet coke.

Score: 372

A blonde and a brunette got stuck in an elevator.. Blonde starts shouting: "HELP! HELP!"

Brunette turns to her and says: "We should shout together."


Score: 366

An amnesiac walks into a bar He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

Score: 361

Two blondes are locked out of their car... The first blonde is trying to unlock the car using a coat hanger. The second says to the first "hurry up! It looks like it's going to rain and the top's down!"

Score: 342

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day? When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.

Score: 339

[Blonde] What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.

Score: 336

Three blondes found some tracks... The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"

The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"

And that was when the train hit them.

Score: 332

A blonde is pulled over by a police officer... "May I see your License Ma'am?"

"You know you cops really need to get your act together... One day your buddy takes my license away, and the next you ask for it"

Score: 289

Two blondes get stuck in elevator One of them starts yelling: HELP, HEEEELP

The other one then suggests: Maybe we should start yelling together

The first blonde starts yelling again: TOGETHER, TOGETHEEEEER

Score: 278

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in 5th grade. Which one is hotter? The blonde..because she’s 18.

Score: 274

Another blonde joke A professor told his class:

"Fame will come to you only after you succeed!"

A blonde asked, "Who is 'Seed'?"

Score: 268

A man sees a blonde across the river. Man: How do I get to the other side?

Blonde: You are on the other side.

Score: 260

Two blonde girls are celebrating at a table... The waiter comes by and asks "What are you celebrating?"

They say "We finished this puzzle in only 6 months! And the box says from 2 to 4 years!"

Score: 232

A blonde is walking by a river She sees an another blonde on the other side of the river.

-Hey! - she yells.
-Yes? - the other one responds.
-How can I get to the other side? - she asks.
-Fool! You are already on the other side!

Score: 119

A blonde dies her hair brown... what do you call it? Artificial intelligence

Score: 69

A blonde goes up to a priest and asks,"Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?" He replied,"Do you mean a choir?"

She snaps back,"Ok,acquire a church singing group."

Score: 57

My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today. She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert

Score: 47

Blonde and the Airlines A blonde rings up an airline and asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"

The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."

The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

Score: 44

A blonde and a brunette is sitting on a bench. Out of nowhere, the brunette says: Look! A dead bird!

The blonde gazes up into the air says where?

Score: 36

What do you call a blonde who colors her hair another color? Artificial Intelligence

Score: 31

What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brown? Artificial intelligence.

Score: 27

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in a 9th grade math class, which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.

Score: 21

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New Blonde Jokes

A blonde lady is going to the doctor Doctor: Hello miss, what's the issue?

Blonde lady: Oh doc, i swallowed an ice cube

Doctor: Ah okay, anything wrong?

Blonde lady: YES! It didn't come out yet!

Doctor: ...

Score: 5

My pal's dating twins. I asked him if he had any trouble telling them apart. "Noooo..." he said "That's easy. Helen's got blonde hair and Brian's got a beard."

Score: 1

A dumb blonde was asked, "What item would you bring with you if went back in time?" She said, "A calender from 2020, duh."

Score: 0

What insults can I call my brunette friend whom wants to go blonde? I have a friend that wants to dye her hair blonde (she's naturally brunnette), and I'm trying to think of some funny nicknames to call her. Whatdya got???

Score: 0

A blonde asks what time is it. He replies it's 5 before 7 The blonde says: so it's 2?

Source: Joke was told to me in Russian. English it might not read well. Since jokes aren't allowed to be written in other languages here, I wrote an English variant.

Score: 1

Me to my blonde girlfriend: What two languages would you like to be fluent in? Her: English and American.

Score: 3

I asked my blonde girlfriend: "If you inherited or won a million pounds, what’s the very first thing you would do with the money?" She said, "Thank the person I inherited it from."

Score: 2

‘Somebody complimented me on my driving today,’ said one blonde to her friend. ‘Really?’

‘Well actually it was on my parking.’


‘Yes, they left a little note on my windscreen. It said “Parking fine.”

Score: 2

A blonde stood on the streets of new york city with a surf board... She just wanted to catch the highest of the heat waves!

Score: 5

A blonde, a ginger and a bald man walk into a live music bar. The doorman refuses entry to the ginger, because the band is playing soul music.

Score: 4

A blonde prostitute calls the police to report that she'd been raped... "When did it happen?" the cop asks.

"Five days ago," the blonde says.

"Five days!" the cop says. "Why did you wait so long to call us!?"

"Well, I didn't know it was rape until the check bounced!"

Score: 2

My blonde roommate walked into the bathroom with an undercooked steak, camera, and towel. She said "I'm getting some snaps of a rare, meatier shower."

Score: 2

A blonde was watching the news with a friend... The headline read “10 Brazilians injured in explosion.”

The blonde asked their friend, “How many is a Brazilian again?”

Score: 1

A blonde singer on our cruise ship seemed to be skipping one note in every song. She told us she was scared of getting lost at C.

Score: 8

A blonde bursts out the doctor's office, yelling that the doctor flirted with her. The staff rush to see what was going on, they asked her, "What did he do?"

She replied, "He told the nurse he'll check me out!"

Score: 3

What do a fake blonde and a airplane have in common? They both have a black box

Score: 4

What’s the similarity of a tornado and a blonde? They start with sucking and blowing, then they take your house Sorry for formating

Score: 2

Can we please stop the blonde jokes? They’re stupid, offensive and don’t contribute anything of value. Just like blonde people.

Score: 2

A blonde and a brunette stuck in an elevator. The blonde starts to shout: “HELP HELP”. The brunette says: “maybe we should shout together”. The blonde continues to shout: “TOGETHER TOGETHER”. Ps sorry for my grammar. Hope Zoe guys understand it:

Score: 1

A blonde girl met a nice guy at her father's funeral They hit it off immediately. Obviously, she was too grief stricken to make a move then.

A few days later, she asked around but was unable to reach him.

So, a week later, she killed her mom.

Score: 2

How do blonde jokes end? Trick question... they never do.

Score: 1

[Blonde] Why don’t Blondes use vibrators? The always chip their teeth.

Score: 8

A blonde girl is in the woods... She realizes she is lost and tries to make a fire. She fails and lies on the ground in defeat, crying.

But then her husband walks outside and tells her to come back inside.

Score: 2

Where's the only place that blonde girls can have dark hair? Between their teeth.

Score: 3

A Brunette Asking A Blonde Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "The United States."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "My whole body."

Score: 7

Why did the blonde take the ladder to the pub She heard the drinks were on the house

Score: 12

What is it called when a blonde has their hair dyed brown? Artificial Intelligence

Score: 4

Why did the blonde girl remove the bathroom door? So that she can't be spied on through a keyhole.

Score: 4

What's the positive thing about being a blonde? You can't get a brain tumor.

Score: 1

How do you tell a blonde from a brunette in the dark? Just call out "can you hear me?" and listen for the reply "no, its too dark in here!"

Score: 5

A blonde encountered a brunette friend of hers and said, “I heard that you had died.” The brunette replied, “Well, you can see, I’m alive.”

To which the blonde said, “But I trust the redhead who told me more than you.”

Score: 1

What is it called when a blonde dyes her hair? Artificial intelligence

Score: 2

Two blonde girl goes to a bar. The bartender asks: 'Are you sisters?'

The two blonde says: 'No, we aren't even catholics.'

Score: 6

Why did the blonde wear a tanktop to school? Because the constitution says you have the right to bear arms.

Score: 7

Blonde girl was staring at a bottle of juice... Because the label said "concentrate."

Score: 6

What do you call a blonde who does a handstand? A brunette with bad breath.

Score: 3

Why did the blonde girl have a bruise on her belly button? Because blonde guys are dumb too.

Score: 19

A Smart Blonde, Big Foot and Santa Claus Jump From A Building. Who reaches the ground first? No one, none of them exists.

Score: 7

Why did the dumb blonde have a bruise near her belly button? Because blonde men are dumb too.

Score: 2

A blonde and a brunette are walking in a park, the brunette says awwww look a dead bird poor thing.

The blonde looks up and says where?

Score: 4

A blonde, a drunk, a liar, and a loser walk into a bar to order a couple drinks... The bartender says: "There's my favorite customer! What will it be this time Ms. Clinton?"

Edit: Hahaha everyone's so butthurt. It's just a joke...

Score: 5

A blonde walked into a bar. Another blonde walked into that same bar. The brunette ducked.

Score: 1

When I get Starbucks in the morning, I always ask for a Norwegian. It's a tall blonde.

Score: 0

A very attractive blonde girl is changing in her room when she notices a man outside her window... **Her** - What are you doing?!?

**Him** - Uhhhh...I came here for a peek at you.

**Her** - OMG WHERE! Pikachu is my favorite!

Score: 2

What do you call it when you see a smart blonde A dream

Score: 1

What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader? Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.

Score: 2

How to sink a submarine with a blonde on board? Just knock. She will open it.

Score: 4

A dumb blonde, smart blonde, and the Easter Bunny are walking down the street. There is a $100 bill on the ground. Who picks it up? The dumb blonde. The other two are imaginary.

Score: 2

A blonde and a brunette are in a room... The blonde ask: "What does idk stand for?"
Brunette: "I don't know."
Blonde: "OMG, no one does!"

Score: 2

What's the difference between your wife and your blonde girlfriend? About a 150 pounds.

Score: 2

I told my girlfriend I was unfaithful My girlfriend found blonde hair on the passenger seat of my car, so I had to say that I was cheating on her.

How embarrassing would it be if she knew I sold corn on the freeway?

Score: 7

Why did the blonde run with her bike? Because it was going to fast for her to get on.

Score: 19

A Presbyterian, a lawyer, a blonde, and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Score: 2

Whats the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? people have seen UFO's.

Score: 11

A blonde, brunette, and a red head walk into a bar Wow, these are great binoculars!

Score: 5

Another Old Blonde Joke A brunette yells to a blonde across a river, "Hey! How do I get to the other side of the river?"

The blonde yells back "You are on the other side!"

Score: 12

What you get when you turn a blonde woman upside down? A brunette with bad breath.

Score: 9

A blonde girl is eating an ice-cream Her friend tells her : "You have ice-cream on your cheek".
The blonde girl starts to rub her left cheek. "No the other way".
She puts a finger in her mouth and rubs. "Hij it gonhe ?"

(sorry, it's more a visual joke)

Score: 9

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