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Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.
Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....
I went on a date with a blonde woman last night. "Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."
Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?
She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.
How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit suicide? There are bullet holes in the mirror.
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18.
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette?
*edit: I kinda thought it was funny, and* poof *it has 3000 upvotes. Thanks for the motivation*
There were 3 blondes walking on a trail...
The first blonde said "Those look like deer tracks!"
The second blonde said "No those are totally moose tracks... "
The third blonde said "Nope, they are goat tracks!"
Then a train hit them
From my dad: What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette? Your camera.
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked? “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
Blonde walks into a... A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."
Why can't a blonde dial 911?
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.
A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!" The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."
A blonde is putting together a puzzle. She is very frustrated and asks her husband for help.
"It's supposed to be a tiger!" she cries.
"Honey," says her husband wearily, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."
Doctor: "I'm just waiting for your X-Ray." Blonde: "I've never dated anyone by that name."
Why did the Blonde feel so proud of herself for finishing a jigsaw puzzle in only six months? It said 2-4 years on the box.
Blonde Joke of the day
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"
The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D
What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden? The average intelligence of both countries goes up.
Why did the blonde snort splenda? She thought it was diet coke.
A blonde and a brunette got stuck in an elevator..
Blonde starts shouting: "HELP! HELP!"
Brunette turns to her and says: "We should shout together."
Blonde: "TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"
An amnesiac walks into a bar He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”
Two blondes are locked out of their car... The first blonde is trying to unlock the car using a coat hanger. The second says to the first "hurry up! It looks like it's going to rain and the top's down!"
How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day? When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.
[Blonde] What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.
Three blondes found some tracks...
The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"
And that was when the train hit them.
A blonde is pulled over by a police officer...
"May I see your License Ma'am?"
"You know you cops really need to get your act together... One day your buddy takes my license away, and the next you ask for it"
Two blondes get stuck in elevator
One of them starts yelling: HELP, HEEEELP
The other one then suggests: Maybe we should start yelling together
The first blonde starts yelling again: TOGETHER, TOGETHEEEEER
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in 5th grade. Which one is hotter? The blonde..because she’s 18.
Another blonde joke
A professor told his class:
"Fame will come to you only after you succeed!"
A blonde asked, "Who is 'Seed'?"
A man sees a blonde across the river.
Man: How do I get to the other side?
Blonde: You are on the other side.
My blonde girlfriend froze In the middle of love making so I gave her an interrogative facial expression. " oh..I saw this on youporn" she said," they call it bufferring".
A blonde tried to commit suicide Police found six bullet holes in her mirror.
The blonde jokes on this sub need to stop! I'm blonde and I don't get them.
What do a call a blonde that dyes her hair brown? Artificial Intelligence.
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the ninth grade, which one is the hottest? The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18
A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
She says, "My mom died."
He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"
A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "CAN I GET A BIG MAC FRIES AND A COKE?!!" The librarian says "excuse me miss.....this is a library." The blonde says...."oh im sorry (whispers) can i get a big mac fries and a coke?"
A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river...
The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"
The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"
A blonde stands on the bank of a river
There is no bridge in sight. She sees another blonde across the river and shouts:
How do I get to the other side of the river?!
The other blonde shouts back:
Why? You already are on the other side!
A Blonde Crashes a helicopter A passerby jumps out and rushes up to her and exclaims,"What happened!?". She explains,"It got cold so I turned off the fan".
What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brown... Artifical intelligence.
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a 23 year old blonde girl? I don't have a Ferrari tied up in my garage.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in a 9th grade math class, which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house
A blonde gets pulled over for speeding.
Cop: "You were speeding, can I see your license?"
Blonde: "Of course not!"
Cop: "Why is that?"
Blonde: "You just took it away from me yesterday, and now you expect me to show it to you!"
An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, "So, do I come here often?"
How many??? A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"
I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s.... My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday!
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead
...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
A blonde gets a tattoo...
...On her inner thigh of a conch shell.
Friend: Why did you get a conch shell tattoo on your inner thigh?
Blonde: So that when you put your ear against it you can smell the ocean.
What did the blonde say when the classroom bully stole her pencil? I LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN WRITE NOW
What did the Asian man say to his wife when the hospital nursery tried to send them home with a blonde hair, blue-eye baby? Hmmm... two Wongs don't make a white.
I was just boasting at work about how I'm currently sleeping with a set of twins...
All the lads were very impressed but one asked;
"How do you tell them apart?"
"Easy", I said, "Michelle has long blonde hair and Dave has a moustache."
What sound does a blonde white girl make while meditating? "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?"
How did the blonde kill an earthworm? She buried it alive.
Teacher : Why did you only fill in all the odd questions in the exam? Blonde : Because i can't even
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? The blonde doesn't stop sucking after you smack it.
Do you know how the blonde broke her arms? She fell out of the tree while she was raking leaves
When my blonde girlfriend heard the Russians meddled in 2016, she turned to me and said... "Well I hope they got the bronze."
A blonde calls the doctor to cancel her appointment.
"Im going to have to cancel my appointment", says the blonde.
"Why?", asks the doctor.
"I'm not feeling well...", responds the blonde.
What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair black? Artificial intelligence.
Guy goes into a deli
He looks over the menu:
Ham sandwich: $5
Roast beef sandwich: $7.50
He looks at the hot blonde behind the counter and says, "who gives the handjob?"
"I do!" She says with a smile!
"Well, wash your hands and make me a ham sandwich"
Why did the blonde burn to death? She couldn't find the snooze button on the smoke alarm.
An officer pulls over a speeding blonde woman
After she rolls down her window, he asks her to take out her license.
She angrily exclaims "Yesterday you guys took away my license and now you expect me to have it on me?"
A blonde crashes a helicopter... A police officer drives by and exclaims, "What happened!?". She says, "It was getting cold so I turned off the fan".
What did the blonde say after the lesson on electricity? Watt?
Blonde / Brunette
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Blonde and the Airlines
A blonde rings up an airline and asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Someone told her drinks were on the house.
Why does the blonde nurse take a red pen to work? In case she has to draw blood.
What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one? "Between you and me, we could make a lot of money."
A blonde threw a grenade at another
So she pulled the pin and threw it back.
The first then asks, "What should I do with this pin?"
A blonde threw a grenade at me So I pulled the pin and threw it back
What do you call a couple of nuns and a blonde? Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
2 blondes are talking with each other about their previous nights
The first blonde says "It was amazing! I slept with a Brazilian guy!"
The other blonde replies "OMG! How many is a Brazilian?!"
What's the time difference..?
A blonde called a telephone operator.
Blonde: “Could you tell me the time difference between Singapore and London?”
Operator: “Just a minute…”
Blonde : “Thank you” *puts down the phone*
A blonde dies her hair brown... what do you call it? Artificial intelligence
Tell a man a joke and he will laugh for a day Tell a blonde a joke and she will laugh next day
What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? Last year's winner of hide and seek
Why did the blonde girl have a bruise on her belly button? Because blonde guys are dumb too.
Why is the blondes belly button bruised? Her BF is blonde too
Why did the blonde climb the roof of the pub? The drinks were on the house.
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she is the only one that's 18.
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown? AI (Artificial Intelligence)
A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator...
And a short man with dandruff gets on and then comes off on the next floor.
The brunette goes, "Wow, that guy could really use some Head and Shoulders."
The blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"
A Blonde Walks into a Library
A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.
She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"
The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."
What do you call a blue-eyed blonde that doesn't eat meat? A vegetaryan
A blonde gets a tattoo...
On her inner thigh of a conch shell.
Her friend asks "Why a conch shell, and why there of all places?"
"So that when you put your ear against it, you can smell the ocean."
A blonde is driving her car and...
...she runs over 20 people while driving.
The officer pulls her up and says "Miss', do you know you just ran over 20 people back there?"
"I'm sorry officer, what's the limit?"
After a night of drinking, John walks into a metal bar
The music was great and he hooks up with a beautiful blonde.
He awakes at the hospital with a mild concussion.
A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, "I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."
I was driving down the motorway with my blonde girlfriend the other day and she said,
"I think those people in the car next to us are from another country"
"why is that?" I said
"Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says, 'stit rey su wohs'"
Why didn't the blonde dial 911? She couldn't find the eleven.
A genie appears to a blonde woman
A genie appears to a blonde woman and offers her one wish. The blonde says "You know, I've slept with more men than I can count. I wish I knew exactly how many it was."
The Genie replies "Four."
My buddy has big news...
He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm banging twins."
"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"
"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."
A blonde and a brunette is sitting on a bench.
Out of nowhere, the brunette says: Look! A dead bird!
The blonde gazes up into the air says where?
A Blonde on her way to Disneyland... ...saw a sign that said "Disneyland, Left", so she turned around and went home.
What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brown? Artificial intelligence.
What do you call a blonde who colors her hair another color? Artificial Intelligence