The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
What do you call the argument between two vegans?
A plant-based beef.
P.S. [This is my first joke, pls don't judge too harshly]
Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing... Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.
Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74
Some of us live thousands of miles away from most of our relatives and can't be with them this holiday season... ... Please don't be jealous
James Bond is laid off
James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant
"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "
A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan
A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan.
While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend.
In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him.
So the Marine did what any squared\-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. In all, he got more than 25 pictures of various women \(some with clothes and some without\).
He then mailed them to his now\-former girlfriend with the following note: "I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."