Hilarious Text Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Text Jokes

My girlfriend just text me, 'thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative' Anybody know what 'ternative' means?

Score: 2342

Me: “Did you invite Dan to the party?” My friend: “Yeah.”

Me: “Cannibal Dan or Dan that can’t spell?”

*notification from my friends phone, it’s a text from Dan.* “I can’t wait to meat your friends tonight.

My friend: “I’m not sure”

Score: 2028

Score: 1563

Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home I guess he's homeless.

Score: 524

Told a girl to text me when she got home. She must be homeless.

Score: 385

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

Score: 313

What did the Irishman text his Wife? "Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

Score: 263

My girlfriend told me I was one in a million My girlfriend told me I was one in a million. When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.

Score: 256

Just told my friend his gf is a cheater I sent him a text saying the y in “your girlfriend” is silent

Score: 243

Sad to report that the inventor of predictive text has passed away His funfair will be held next Monkey

Score: 229

I told a girl to text me when she got home She must be homeless, poor thing

Score: 209

My girlfriend told me I was one in a million... When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right

Score: 196

Next time someone texts you to say "call me"... Call them to say "text me". And just hang up.

Score: 174

I text my wife tonight, "Honey, I'm going to stay in the bar another hour with my friends for another pint..." "...if I'm not back in an hour then read this message again."

Score: 166

I hate when I'm driving and I see people text and drive. It makes me want to throw my beer can at them.

Score: 140

My bank has a new feature where they'll text you your bank balance. I think it's pretty cool. I just don't think they should end the text with "LOL", though.

Score: 130

The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day. Wife: “Windows frozen.”
Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.”
Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.”

Score: 110

The creator of predictive text died today His funfair is next monkey

Score: 107

The inventor of predictive text has died. His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

Score: 86

A programmer is heading to the store A programmer is heading to the store and gets a text from his wife:

While you are out, buy some eggs

He never returned.

Score: 86

Are the readers of this subreddit mostly men? Who else would consider a couple inches of text to be long?

Score: 82

The guy who invented predictive text died last night... his funfair is next monkey

Score: 72

I told a girl to text me when she got home... She must be homeless.

Score: 68

Auto-correct is so crazy now a days... My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'

Score: 67

I asked a girl to text me when she got home She must be homeless

Score: 60

Don't know if this is a scam but I just received a text saying I'd won $250 cash or 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute night. It says press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.

Score: 55

I recently bought a copy of Monty Python's Big Red Book, but was later dismayed to find that I'd purchased the Spanish language version... Nobody expects the Spanish text edition.

Score: 52

Did you hear that the guy who invented predictive text has died. His funfair is next sundial.

Score: 48

My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today. She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert

Score: 47

I gave my number to a really hot girl at the bar and told her to text me when she got home. She must have been homeless.

Score: 41

Mixing up the title and text fields. What's the worst way to ruin a joke?

Score: 33

My ex sent me a text saying, "I wish you were here". I replied, "Where are you?"

She said, "At the cemetery."

Score: 29

What I if told you You read that last text wrong.

Score: 18

I gave my number to a girl at the club She said she'd text me when she got home...

I guess she's homeless.

Score: 11

Text and drive? Oh cell no

Score: 8

A woman gets a new number She sends a text message to her husband.

W - "Hi honey, this is my new number. Can't wait to see you tonight"

M - "Hey babe. I can't tonight. I'm having dinner with my wife"

Score: 7

My dad text me saying, "Don't try to be someone you're not." It hurt when he added, "Oops, forgot the comma after 'someone'."

Score: 6

If you have four tea cups, then give away half, what are you left with? A joke that doesn't translate well to text.

Score: 6

My neighbour showed up at my party last night. Me: My friend Jack is coming as well btw

Them: The cannibal Jack or the Jack that can't spell?

Me \[checks my phone for Jack's text message: I can't wait to meat ur neighbours!\]: Yeah I'm not sure either.

Score: 5

Boy sent a text to her girlfriend - Ready for tonight, Babe? You're going to use that mouth so hard. Reply: I am Amy's father, and what is she going to do with her mouth?
Boy: Oh, she didn't tell you?
Father: What?
Boy: It's Karaoke night!

Score: 5

New Text Jokes

Omegle is weird. Everyone keeps asking me if I know American Sing Lenguage Like, we're talking over text, I don't need to know ASL

Score: 0

[Post only viewable by RedditPremium® users] [Text only viewable by RedditPremium® users]

Score: 0

Cop: put you hands in the air! Me: lol
Cop: don't f\*kin laugh
Me: \^but.. that's me with my hands in the air\^
Cop: oh ok
Me: So can you really arrest people by text message?

Score: 3

What to French Cats text back when they receive something funny? Lmao

Score: 2

My favourite text to the missus when I'm at the pub: " I'll be there in 5 minutes ....If not.... read this again"

Score: 1

My wife text me saying “myspacebarisbrokenpleasegivemeanalternative” I replied saying of course but I couldn’t help but think, what does ternative mean?

Score: 3

What is the dumbest text you could ever send? "There is a cop behind me - I hope he doesn't pull me over"

Score: 2

I told my crush to text me when she gets home. She must have been homeless.

Score: 2

I bought a book on becoming a thief But when i opened it there were only pictures, no con-text.

Score: 2

When a girl doesn't reply to my text I feel honored because i made her speechless

Score: 4

What did the depressed Buddhist text his mom? Commiting suicide, BRB

Score: 4

Follow your dreams......... Text them. Text them again. Show up at their job. Find out if their exes are prettier than you.

Score: 3

My mom sent her friend a gif via text message. Said to my mother:"even moms are sending memes now days."
Mother said "its the memeing of life.

Score: 1

Sad news, the guy who invented predictive text just died. His funfair is next monkey

Score: 2

Text from Amazon Going to buy Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?

Score: 2

A guy was just sacked from the local print shop for always aligning their text to the left margin I think it's justified.

Score: 5

What do you call plagiarism of a novel written in prison? A story taken out of con-text!

Score: 2

I go to the Doctor Title:
Doctor: I understand you're experiencing hearing difficulties. Please describe the symptoms.
Text:
Patient: Well, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.

Score: 2

I met a beautiful woman the other day, gave her my number , and told her to text me when she got home She must be homeless

Score: 2

Texting while driving kills Once there was a line written on hoarding, 'Texting while driving kills.' That's okay but there was something written at the bottom too

'For more driving tips text 'SAFETY' to 19800.'

Really WTF

Score: 1

The following text might contain spoilers Making it more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds.

Score: 2

What did the sauce cook text to the hot girl working in his kitchen? Send noodles.

Score: 2

What did Chris Brown's future girlfriend text him that she later regretted? 'Hit me up'

Score: 4

According to my girlfriend I rely too much on my parents. I'll get my mum and dad to text her back later.

Score: 4

Did you here about the guy that went to prison for writing? I'm sorry, that was completely out of con-text.

Score: 0

Shoutout to the people who continue their joke in the text when they write the beginning in the title..... Shoutout to the people who continue their joke in the text when they write the beginning in the title

Score: 2

Niantic's customer support minor text fixes

Edit: The title **is** the joke.

Score: 1

A man is looking at a graffiti text in Hebrew A passing rabbi is curious and asks whether he knows what is written there.
‘Of course, it says SIR, YOU ARE STUPID.’
‘Oh, but you forgot to read it right to left. So it actually says STUPID ARE YOU, SIR.’

Score: 1

A Roman receives a text message.... A Roman receives a text message and looks at it confused. "Why does it end with twenty?" he thinks to himself.

Score: 1

Really wanted the day off, so I text my boss Me: I can't come in today. I'm sick
Boss: How sick are you?

Me: Well I'm currently in bed with my sister......

Score: 2