Text Jokes

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Funniest Text Jokes

My girlfriend just text me, 'thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative' Anybody know what 'ternative' means?

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Funny Text Jokes
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Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home I guess he's homeless.

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Told a girl to text me when she got home. She must be homeless.

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What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

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What did the Irishman text his Wife? "Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

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My girlfriend told me I was one in a million My girlfriend told me I was one in a million. When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.

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Just told my friend his gf is a cheater I sent him a text saying the y in “your girlfriend” is silent

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Sad to report that the inventor of predictive text has passed away His funfair will be held next Monkey

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I told a girl to text me when she got home She must be homeless, poor thing

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My girlfriend told me I was one in a million... When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right

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I text my wife tonight, "Honey, I'm going to stay in the bar another hour with my friends for another pint..." "...if I'm not back in an hour then read this message again."

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Things I do to piss off my wife Sext her out of nowhere and then text back right away “sorry wrong person”

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I hate when I'm driving and I see people text and drive. It makes me want to throw my beer can at them.

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My bank has a new feature where they'll text you your bank balance. I think it's pretty cool. I just don't think they should end the text with "LOL", though.

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The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day. Wife: “Windows frozen.”
Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.”
Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.”

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The creator of predictive text died today His funfair is next monkey

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I've just heard that the bloke who invented predictive text has pissed away. His funfair is next monkey.

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The inventor of predictive text has died. His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

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A programmer is heading to the store A programmer is heading to the store and gets a text from his wife:

While you are out, buy some eggs

He never returned.

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Are the readers of this subreddit mostly men? Who else would consider a couple inches of text to be long?

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What is it with people who text and drive? I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

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The guy who invented predictive text died last night... his funfair is next monkey

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I told a girl to text me when she got home... She must be homeless.

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Auto-correct is so crazy now a days... My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'

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I asked a girl to text me when she got home She must be homeless

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Don't know if this is a scam but I just received a text saying I'd won $250 cash or 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute night. It says press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.

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I recently bought a copy of Monty Python's Big Red Book, but was later dismayed to find that I'd purchased the Spanish language version... Nobody expects the Spanish text edition.

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Did you hear that the guy who invented predictive text has died. His funfair is next sundial.

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My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today. She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert

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I gave my number to a really hot girl at the bar and told her to text me when she got home. She must have been homeless.

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My Wife My wife sent me a text that said, "Your great!"

So, naturally, I wrote back, "No, Your're great!"

She has been walking around all day happy and smiling.

Should I tell her I was just correcting her grammar or just leave it?

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Mixing up the title and text fields. What's the worst way to ruin a joke?

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A Web Designer decided to use right aligned text His boss yelled at him for it, because it wasn't justified.

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Did you hear the guy who invented predictive text has died? His funfair will be held on a sundial.

Funfair*

Funfair*

For ducks sake...

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My ex sent me a text saying, "I wish you were here". I replied, "Where are you?"

She said, "At the cemetery."

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A salesman approaches you Thanks, but I'm not interested in microscopes right now.

Salesman: That's okay, take my business card anyway.

This text is tiny, I can't read it.

Salesman: Boy, do I have the product for you

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Help, I think the girl I had my first date with is homeless. I told her to send me a text message when she got home, but it's been days.

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Broken phone, need your help. I got a text from my partner the other day saying "heybabymyspacebarisbrokenonmyphoneineedanalternative". - Any idea what a 'ternative' is?

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A If this ‘A’ gets to the front page, I’ll delete this text and it’ll make people go crazy wondering how an A got to the front page.
Post mysterious comments like “So true!” And don’t talk about how it’s an inside joke.

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My math text book got recalled We were told it had too many problems

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New Text Jokes

Why do people spend so much time and effort into writing detailed text messages? Time is money, you know. But sometimes, it's not about the money. It's about sending a message.

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in the UK when you turn 100 you get a letter from the queen and when you’re 13 you get a text from prince Andrew

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Ever since I joined this app I've recived hundreds of calls and text from people that want to meet up... They normally say "hi sir, this is _ from grab food..."

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My parents are really mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and right Bottom Text because you can't post title only jokes

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What did the Herpetologist text to his new girlfriend? Send Newts.

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I used to date a girl whose could text unbelievably fast. Her fingers moved like lightning! But then she ran away and stole my old Jaguar I wish you could have seen my X Type

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BREAKING NEWS The inventor of predictive text was injured in a traffic accident.

He's been bacon by ambience to the horse piddle.

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Repost Malone Optional text Malone

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Post malone Optional text malone

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R.I.P. The bloke who invented predictive text died last week. His funfair is next monkey and may he rust in piss.

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You get a letter from the Queen for your 100th birthday, what do you get for your 16th? A text message from Prince Andrew.

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Why you don't have a girlfriend? It's either expensive, illegal or won't text you back.

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A man named Ranger A man named Ranger was going out to a bar to have a few drinks. His roommates told him not to drive if he got too drunk. Ranger asked his roommates how he was supposed to get home.

“Walk or text us Ranger.”

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I received a nude from my sister ...followed by a text that said “Sorry, that was for dad.”

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Ooops my bad My buddy just had a baby with this hoe we knew from highschool. I went to text him congrats and I saw my last message I sent to him 9 months ago "what's the worst that could happen" so I just texted him ooops

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My wife just sent me a text saying...”Your great.!” So naturally I write back “no you’re great.!”

She’s been walking around all happy and smiling all day..

Should I tell her I was just correcting her grammar or just leave it...?

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This Just in! Over $20,000 dollars in college text books stolen! Local Police say they have a lead and hope to recover both books.

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A genie gave me one wish And I said I wanted to have the power to text really fast

And he replied "be careful because with great power comes great response ability"

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Sad news that the man who invented predictive text died yesterday. His funfair is next monkey.

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Ever been so drunk.. ..that you tried to text somebody from a payphone?

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An interesting title Your text post (optional)

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Dad, I drive my lamborghini to school but I'm unhappy Text from dad: What's wrong?

Text from son: All the other students take a train

Text from dad: I'm wiring you $10 million, then you can buy a train too.

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Cop: put you hands in the air! Me: lol
Cop: don't f\*kin laugh
Me: \^but.. that's me with my hands in the air\^
Cop: oh ok
Me: So can you really arrest people by text message?

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My girlfriend broke up with me because of my choice of attire Just got a text saying "It's shawl over!"

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Told a girl to text me when she gets home She must be homeless.

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My wife sent me a text that said, "Your great". So, naturally, I wrote back, "No, you're great".

She's been walking around all happy and smiling. Should I tell her, that I was just correcting her grammar or should I leave it?

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the amount of artists dipping their pen in the company ink is too damn high text (optional)

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How to make $$$$$ easily. 1: Sit in front of your computer and turn it on.

2: Open a new word or text document.

3:Hold down the Shift key.

4: Press the "4" key as many times as you wish.

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Man told a friend that his wife is a terrible driver. Friend: How so?

Man: She keeps hitting the curb every time I text her and she won’t even text me back!

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What is a hackers favorite pop group? The Black IP’s


Note: Siri voice to text is solely responsible for this

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What to French Cats text back when they receive something funny? Lmao

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My neighbour showed up at my party last night. Me: My friend Jack is coming as well btw

Them: The cannibal Jack or the Jack that can't spell?

Me \[checks my phone for Jack's text message: I can't wait to meat ur neighbours!\]: Yeah I'm not sure either.

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A programming engineer gets a text from his wife on his way home. It said "please stop at the shops grab some bread, if they have eggs grab a dozen"

He came home with 12 loaves of bread

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My favourite text to the missus when I'm at the pub: " I'll be there in 5 minutes ....If not.... read this again"

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My wife text me saying “myspacebarisbrokenpleasegivemeanalternative” I replied saying of course but I couldn’t help but think, what does ternative mean?

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Alabama 1000 Guy: Walks into a bar and screams 'I just got a text from my sister, she's pregnant'
Everyone else: 'Congrats dude'
Guy: 'I'm finally going to be a dad!'

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I hate people who quote misspelled text They make me (sic).

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Brexit Bottom text

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Documents that say "This page intentionally left blank" intentionally make the page not blank in order to tell you that the page is blank intentionally [This text post is intentionally left blank]

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Just remember, son When you text a girl, you are also texting at least 5 of her friends.

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Someone broke into my house so I hid in the closet with my phone, but I forgot to set it to silent... Luckily when I got a text I managed to fake cough over it so he wouldn't hear

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I have this weird obsession with old memes... Bottom Text

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What do you call a dyslexic person? Nothing, you text them to piss them off

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My wife told me I was one in a million My wife told me I was one in a million. When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.

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I went on a date with a policewoman but it didn't go well. Afterwards, for my own satisfaction, I sent her a text saying "Lov you"

She replied, "Where's the 'E'?"

So I said, "In my wallet."

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Sad News The guy who invented predictive text has pissed away. His funfair is next washing.

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I asked Siri to tell me a joke She replied "You have no new text messages"

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About a week ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. I will text you when I get home, she said.

I think she is homeless... Haven't heard from her yet.

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Don’t you hate when a joke repeats its first line in the title and in the text area Don’t you hate when a joke repeats its first line in the title and in the text area, but you still get suckered into reading the whole thing over again?

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I felt pretty bad about breaking up with my girlfriend in a text But I felt even worse watching her read it.

In my defense, what kind of woman checks her phone during her sister’s wedding service?

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Just got a text message but I think it's a scam..... It says congratulations you have won £500 or four tickets to an Elvis tribute act.

press one for the money, or two for the show.

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Historians have discovered that human rights activist Malcolm X was actually just called Malcolm He was rather affectionate at the end of his text messages.

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My dad text me saying, "Don't try to be someone you're not." It hurt when he added, "Oops, forgot the comma after 'someone'."

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Can we stop repeating joke title in the text please? Can we stop repeating joke title in the text please? It get's really annoying and I don't like to read same thing twice.

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What is the dumbest text you could ever send? "There is a cop behind me - I hope he doesn't pull me over"

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Proper use of text font *It's-a-me, Mario!*

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Dont know if this is a scam but just got a text saying i won £250 or two tickets to elvis presley tribute act... Says text 1 for the money or 2 for the show

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I got a text from my life coach today. He said I didn't make the team.

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As someone with social anxiety, I must say ... Er, uhm ... Uuuh, I'll send you a text later.

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My Girlfriend's space bar ia broken She sent me a text saying:

"Heymyspacebarisbrokencouldyougivemeanalternative"

Does anyone know what Ternative means??

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My girlfriend sent me a text saying I'm addicted to video games. All I could say was "LoL, Wow"

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