If a man and a woman get married in Tennessee then move to Texas and get divorced… Are they still brother and sister?
Everyone in Texas thinks Texas is great... But on a scale from awful to great Texas is just below OK.
A Texas sheriff found a black man who was shot 12 times. He said it was the worst case of suicide he'd ever seen.
BREAKING NEWS: Texas A&M Library burns to ground...
Both books were completely destroyed.
The worst part is, one of them wasn't even colored in yet.
Only 4 percent of Texas residents think there is an immigration problem... The other 96% said "que dijo?"
My favorite drawings at the Muhammad cartoon festival in Texas were the two chalk outlines out front. Credit Evan Sayet.
At some point I really want to manage a Wal-mart in Texas. I want to be a Texas Chain Store Manager.
You know what the best part of being in the middle of Texas is? Any direction you go, you're leaving Texas.
Why shouldn't people from Texas be allowed to drive? Because they're always Texan and driving
It's sad really, Texas has two professional football teams,
But Oklahoma doesn't have any.
I vote we move the Redskins there.
What did the Texas sheriff say about the black guy who was shot 15 times? "Worse case of suicide I ever saw."
Just saw an article about brain eating amoebas becoming a potential problem in Texas (true). I remember this happened about 10 years ago in Alabama and the outcome was terrible. Poor amoebas nearly starved to death!
Marriage ceremonies are a lot shorter in Texas Because the wife doesn't have to change her surname.
What do a Texas tornado and an Oklahoma divorce have in common? Either way someone's losing a trailer.
The waitress brought me the wrong order at Texas Road House, and I told her it was a Miss Steak. She shook her head, sighed, and told me, "Steak jokes are a rare medium well done."
Two men from Texas are having a conversation... The first man asks the second man "Imagine being in the same room with all of the people you've slept with." The second man responds with "I don't have to imagine, I do that every thanksgiving."
A film is to be made about the shootings last month in the El Paso Walmart The Texas Chain Store Massacre
A guide was showing Niagara-Falls to a man from Texas and said; I’ll bet you don’t have anything like this in Texas.
The Texan said; nope, but in Texas we have plumbers who can fix it.
Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects. I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.
Why was Batman in Texas trying to stop the Hurricane? Because it kept leaving Harvey Dents everywhere
Why can't women in Texas legally get tattoos? It is the code of the west... never draw on a woman.
Yesterday a girl I had a crush on for 3 years told me she sees me like a brother... Luckily she’s from Texas
Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Begging These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.
What's the difference between a pigeon and a Texas oilman? The pigeon can still put a deposit on a new Mercedes.
What do a texas twister and a texas divorce have in common???????????????
Either way the trailer gets split in half.
How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Texas?????
because if it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush
How much was Texas Instruments fined when they were caught offering free breast augmentation procedures to employees? $5,318,008
Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can water for flood victims in Oklahoma and Texas They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light
Did you hear that Texas realtors are removing the term "Master Bedroom" from listings because it's now insensitive? Pretty exciting. In fact, I'm so excited, I think I'll probably head to my regular bedroom now, and Equalhumanbate!
I started a new job I started a new job ready to teach dealers black jack and Texas hold'em, but all i saw was diapers and detergent. I guess i went to the wrong Procter and Gamble.
Ranger Jimmy was not actually black (on walker texas ranger) He was just in Chuck Norris's shadow
2 Blondes siting in a backyard in Florida at night One says to the other What do you think is closer the moon or Texas... the other says the moon so the other asks how do you know and she replies duh can you see Texas
What do calculators and country music have in common? Both are produced by Texas instruments.
Texas A&M got into a battle with the Longhorns and started throwing grenades. So the Longhorns took the pins out and threw them back.
I just bought an art piece featuring several Pikachus playing Texas Hold'em. It's called Pokermon.
How much was Texas Instruments fined when they were caught offering free breast augmentation procedures to employees? $8,008,135
Chuck Norris once skipped a pebble from Texas to Florida. Once it landed that pebble became The Rock.
I was talking to a girl the other day in Texas about this cool show I'm watching. She's real business like, so I tried to give her a compliment. Then she slapped me all of a sudden when I told her she'd be a good pawnstar!
I found a baby locked in a hot car at a Texas grocery store so I tried to throw a rock through the window.
Turns out, the window was down.
I ruined that baby's whole week.
Sorry Did you hear about the shooting in Texas El Paso? It’s sad to think about those who El Paso’ed away ?
Death penalty in Texas has a ticket line
The teller calls out for number 6. The inmate nervously steps up to the counter. The teller says, "It isn't your turn. You have number 9," and the inmate sighs with relief.
He thought his number was up.
A bathtub full of preserved human brains found in an abandoned Texas Asylum. This is what happens when you put the world's greatest minds together. It's a think tank for brainwashing.
I met a Texas Aggie the other day that had ridden a stick horse all the way up to Indiana.
"That must've been a long journey, " I said to him.
"You're telling me," he answered, "it feels like I walked all the way."
What's the difference between a murderer in Texas and Microsoft Word? Nothing. They're both executable.
Me: Can you fix your crooked hat please? Texas A&M Friend: Fix? We're at Texas A&M. We're supposed to be right of center.
I was locked up in a Texas prison.... I was locked up in a Texas prison with a midget. He was a short timer
Did you hear about when North Texas wanted to succeed from the rest of the state? They went though a rough patch, and it was pretty scary for a while, but they're OK now.
I asked my friend in Texas if he wanted to go to the shooting range with me. He says, "Nah fam, High School was a long time ago"
If people from Texas are called Texans and people from New York are called Yankees, What are people from Alabama called?
(First original joke, how’d I do?)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was NOT an accurate depiction of what really happened. They used different chainsaws.
Trying out new Arm-the-Teachers laws, a Texas teacher recently shot a student in the eye. In the teacher's defense, it was a bad pupil.
A black man found shot nine times in the head in a small town in Texas The sheriff said it was the worst case of suicide he had ever seen.