Texas Jokes

Contents

Funniest Texas Jokes

Funny Texas Jokes

If a man and a woman get married in Tennessee then move to Texas and get divorced… Are they still brother and sister?

Everyone in Texas thinks Texas is great... But on a scale from awful to great Texas is just below OK.

A Texas sheriff found a black man who was shot 12 times. He said it was the worst case of suicide he'd ever seen.

I won't believe corporations are people Until Texas executes one.

BREAKING NEWS: Texas A&M Library burns to ground... Both books were completely destroyed.
The worst part is, one of them wasn't even colored in yet.

Only 4 percent of Texas residents think there is an immigration problem... The other 96% said "que dijo?"

My favorite drawings at the Muhammad cartoon festival in Texas were the two chalk outlines out front. Credit Evan Sayet.

At some point I really want to manage a Wal-mart in Texas. I want to be a Texas Chain Store Manager.

You know what the best part of being in the middle of Texas is? Any direction you go, you're leaving Texas.

Why is Texas a lone star state? "Because it's terrible."

-Yelp review

Why shouldn't people from Texas be allowed to drive? Because they're always Texan and driving

If you're from it, sorry... Q. Why doesn't Texas float away into the gulf?

A. Oklahoma sucks

It's sad really, Texas has two professional football teams, But Oklahoma doesn't have any.

I vote we move the Redskins there.

What did the Texas sheriff say about the black guy who was shot 15 times? "Worse case of suicide I ever saw."

House-hunting in Texas is overwhelming... The market is flooded.

Just saw an article about brain eating amoebas becoming a potential problem in Texas (true). I remember this happened about 10 years ago in Alabama and the outcome was terrible. Poor amoebas nearly starved to death!

Marriage ceremonies are a lot shorter in Texas Because the wife doesn't have to change her surname.

Texas refuses to remove its statues. Hurricane volunteers to help.

What do a Texas tornado and an Oklahoma divorce have in common? Either way someone's losing a trailer.

The waitress brought me the wrong order at Texas Road House, and I told her it was a Miss Steak. She shook her head, sighed, and told me, "Steak jokes are a rare medium well done."

Why is Oklahoma so windy? Because Texas sucks and Kansas blows!

Two men from Texas are having a conversation... The first man asks the second man "Imagine being in the same room with all of the people you've slept with." The second man responds with "I don't have to imagine, I do that every thanksgiving."

TIL: Why Texas is called "The Lone Star State" It's their Yelp rating...

A film is to be made about the shootings last month in the El Paso Walmart The Texas Chain Store Massacre

Niagara Falls A guide was showing Niagara-Falls to a man from Texas and said; I’ll bet you don’t have anything like this in Texas.
The Texan said; nope, but in Texas we have plumbers who can fix it.

Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects. I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.

Why was Batman in Texas trying to stop the Hurricane? Because it kept leaving Harvey Dents everywhere

Why can't women in Texas legally get tattoos? It is the code of the west... never draw on a woman.

Yesterday a girl I had a crush on for 3 years told me she sees me like a brother... Luckily she’s from Texas

Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Begging These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.

What's the difference between a pigeon and a Texas oilman? The pigeon can still put a deposit on a new Mercedes.

What do a texas twister and a texas divorce have in common??????????????? Either way the trailer gets split in half.

How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Texas?????

because if it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush

I'm in Southern Texas ... ... and it's so hot here, the trees are fighting over the dogs.

My friend asked me what I thought about the state North of Texas I told him it's OK

How much was Texas Instruments fined when they were caught offering free breast augmentation procedures to employees? $5,318,008

We’re in Houston, so don’t call us... Just Texas

What do you call the smell of leftover Mexican food in your car? A Texas air freshener.

Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can water for flood victims in Oklahoma and Texas They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light

What do a hurricane in North Florida, a tornado in Oklahoma, and a divorce in East Texas have in common? Someone’s going to lose a mobile home

Popular Topics

New Texas Jokes

What state hates phone calls? TEXAS (Text Us) #kneeslapper

Did you hear that Texas realtors are removing the term "Master Bedroom" from listings because it's now insensitive? Pretty exciting. In fact, I'm so excited, I think I'll probably head to my regular bedroom now, and Equalhumanbate!

I started a new job I started a new job ready to teach dealers black jack and Texas hold'em, but all i saw was diapers and detergent. I guess i went to the wrong Procter and Gamble.

Ranger Jimmy was not actually black (on walker texas ranger) He was just in Chuck Norris's shadow

2 Blondes siting in a backyard in Florida at night One says to the other What do you think is closer the moon or Texas... the other says the moon so the other asks how do you know and she replies duh can you see Texas

What do calculators and country music have in common? Both are produced by Texas instruments.

What do you call a fried LM741 op-amp? Texas BBQ

What do a hurricane and a Texas divorce have in common? Someone's gonna lose a trailer!

Texas A&M got into a battle with the Longhorns and started throwing grenades. So the Longhorns took the pins out and threw them back.

I just bought an art piece featuring several Pikachus playing Texas Hold'em. It's called Pokermon.

Texas started out as a great concept But it's all in the execution

How much was Texas Instruments fined when they were caught offering free breast augmentation procedures to employees? $8,008,135

Chuck Norris once skipped a pebble from Texas to Florida. Once it landed that pebble became The Rock.

What does a fish from Texas says when he sees his friend? "Chowdy!"

I was talking to a girl the other day in Texas about this cool show I'm watching. She's real business like, so I tried to give her a compliment. Then she slapped me all of a sudden when I told her she'd be a good pawnstar!

I found a baby locked in a hot car at a Texas grocery store so I tried to throw a rock through the window. Turns out, the window was down.

I ruined that baby's whole week.

In Texas they don't 69, they 70 Cos everything's bigger in Texas!

Sorry Did you hear about the shooting in Texas El Paso? It’s sad to think about those who El Paso’ed away ?

What’s the difference between pornstars and Texas Drivers? Nothing, they both suck.

Death penalty in Texas has a ticket line The teller calls out for number 6. The inmate nervously steps up to the counter. The teller says, "It isn't your turn. You have number 9," and the inmate sighs with relief.

​

He thought his number was up.

A bathtub full of preserved human brains found in an abandoned Texas Asylum. This is what happens when you put the world's greatest minds together. It's a think tank for brainwashing.

What do you call a malted milk ball that fights crime? Whopper texas ranger.

I met a Texas Aggie the other day that had ridden a stick horse all the way up to Indiana. "That must've been a long journey, " I said to him.

"You're telling me," he answered, "it feels like I walked all the way."

What's the difference between a murderer in Texas and Microsoft Word? Nothing. They're both executable.

Me: Can you fix your crooked hat please? Texas A&M Friend: Fix? We're at Texas A&M. We're supposed to be right of center.

My friend is a recovering alcoholic dancer from Texas His nickname was 2 step-12 step.

I was locked up in a Texas prison.... I was locked up in a Texas prison with a midget. He was a short timer

In Texas a 14-Year Old Virgin Falls Pregnant After Flu Shot Does that make her a fluzy?

Why did the dyslexic man get thrown out of the Texas Republican rally? TAXES!!!

Did you hear about when North Texas wanted to succeed from the rest of the state? They went though a rough patch, and it was pretty scary for a while, but they're OK now.

I asked my friend in Texas if he wanted to go to the shooting range with me. He says, "Nah fam, High School was a long time ago"

If people from Texas are called Texans and people from New York are called Yankees, What are people from Alabama called? Inbreds.

(First original joke, how’d I do?)

Why doesn't Texas float into the gulf? Because Oklahoma sucks.

Texas is a lot like India Steaks are rare

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was NOT an accurate depiction of what really happened. They used different chainsaws.

Trying out new Arm-the-Teachers laws, a Texas teacher recently shot a student in the eye. In the teacher's defense, it was a bad pupil.

Why didn't Texas drift into the gulf coast? Because Oklahoma sucks.

A black man found shot nine times in the head in a small town in Texas The sheriff said it was the worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

How are a Texas Tornado and a Tennessee Divorce the same? Someone's going to loose a trailer

I knew a friend that went to Texas and didn't enjoy her stay there. Told me it was Dallas time she ever goes there again.

Popular Topics

Long Texas Jokes

My late Grandfathers favorite joke

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.

John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip”

The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip”.

Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”

With heavy breath, John told him “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”

“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified”

“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls”

An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor...

....if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.

She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.


Edit: well this joke blew up.

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help." He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no. With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick manoeuvre always works."

The secret to a long life

A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.

The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.

He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.

He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.

He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there," as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land! No questions asked! Do you understand?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your BADGE!!"

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100...

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."

Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Chuck said, "OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Chuck now works for Wall Street.

A blonde guy walks into a bar

A hefty, muscular gun toting blond guy from Austin Texas goes to a bar on his Harley Davidson. He parks the bike outside, goes in and orders a drink.

Now the regulars at this bar have a habit of picking on newcomers. So when the blond goes back his bike is missing from its spot. He walks back in.

He shouts out

Which one of ya'll fuckers stole my Harley?

Nobody answers. He caresses his gun and says

Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get another drink and if ma bike ain't back where I left it, I'm gonna do the same thing I did back in Austin. And I don't like what I did back in Austin.

True to his word, he orders a drink and goes back out, to find his Harley back where it was!

As he puts on his helmet, the bar owner asks him

If you don't mind me asking, what did you do back in Austin?

The blond replies

I had to walk back home

Random Drug search

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"

"No Jews Allowed"

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send three well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be excellent dancers, as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies. One last point: No Jews please.'

Sending a written message, the captain replied:

'Madam, thank you for your invitation. In order to present the widest possible knowledge base for polite conversation, I am sending three of my best and most prized officers.

One is a lieutenant commander, and a graduate of Annapolis with an additional Masters degree from MIT in fluid technologies and ship design.

The second is a Lieutenant, one of our helicopter pilots, and a graduate of Northwestern university in Chicago, with a BS in Aeronautical Engineering. His Masters Degree and PhD. In Aeronautical and Mechanical Engineering are from Texas Tech University and he is also an astronaut candidate.

Finally, the third officer, also a lieutenant commander, is our ship's doctor, with an undergraduate degree from the University of Georgia and his medical degree is from the University of North Carolina . We are very proud of him, as he is also a senior fellow in Trauma Surgery at Bethesda .'

Upon receiving this letter, the mother was quite excited and looked forward to Thursday with pleasure. Her daughter would be escorted by three handsome naval officers (and the other women in her social circle would be insanely jealous).

At precisely 8:00 PM on Thursday, Melinda's mother heard a polite rap at the door which she opened to find, in full dress uniform, three very handsome, smiling black officers.

Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered, 'There must be some mistake.'

'No, Madam,' said the first officer, 'Captain Goldberg never makes mistakes.'

A cowboy...

... walks into a bar in Texas and orders three beers. He sits at the bar, drinking a sip out of each glass in turn.

This goes on for a few weeks till the bartender says " You know beer goes flat after pouring - why don't you just buy them one at a time?"

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado . When they left our home we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

One day, he comes in and only orders two beers. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife made me quit drinking but it hasn't affected my brothers though."

Everything's bigger in Texas

A Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink. The barman gives him a drink. The Texan looks at the drink and commenting on how small it is, he says that they are 10 times bigger in Texas. In the interest of good relations, the barman gives him another 9 drinks free of charge. Later the Texan comes up and orders a bag of peanuts. When given the small bag, he again comments on the size of it, and the barman again gives him 9 free. The Texan is pleased with the service he got and notes some positive feedback on a card as he leaves.

A few weeks later, in recognition of his good deeds, the barman is given a special award for his services to local tourism. He is given a monetary prize. With his prizemoney, he books a holiday in Texas. He walks into the hotel bar and orders a drink. To his surprise the barman puts up a huge drink in front of him. He then orders some nuts and is given a huge packet. Looking around at the massive bar and thinking about all he has seen he concludes that his own customer was right and that everything is bigger in Texas. After eventually finishing his drink he staggers up to the bar and asks where the toilets are. The barman points to a door and says that he should go through it and he'll find them near the end of the corridor.

He heads towards the door and opens it and walks down the corridor. There are two doors at the end, one to the toilets and one to the hotel swimming pool. In his drunken state, he goes through the wrong door and falls into the swimming pool. He starts to scream. Hearing the commotion, a moment later the hotel barman runs through the door and stands at the edge of the pool. The guest looks up at him in horror and screams "Don't flush! Don't flush!"

A Texan buys a round of drinks for the entire bar, announcing that his wife has just gave birth to their first child "a typical Texas" baby boy weighing 24 pounds…

Congratulations showered him from all around, along with many exclamations of "Wow!"

Two weeks later, the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "18 pounds."

The bartender, puzzled and concerned, asks, "Why? What happened? He already weighed 24 pounds at birth."

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his longneck beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."

A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"

The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"

"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.

"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."

A young woman was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the
horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode off.

"Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "I don't know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

An old married couple were driving through Arizona

They were traveling from Texas to California when an Arizona highway patrolman pulled them over.
"Afternoon sir, license and registration please."
"WHAT'D HE SAY?!", screams the old lady.
"HE NEEDS MY LICENSE!", replies the old man.
The patrolman chuckles and says, "I'll be right back."
"WHAT'D HE SAY?!"
"HE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!"
After a moment, the patrolman returns- "I see you're from Texas. I used to date this obnoxious nag out there till she went batshit crazy!"
"WHAT'D HE SAY?!", screams the old lady.
"HE SAID HE KNOWS YA!!", replies the grinning old man.

How to Sell a Dead Donkey

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, 'Sorry Chuck, but I have some bad news The donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with a dead donkey?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece, less the $100 I gave you and made a profit of $898.00.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

College girl visits the doctor for an exam...

Doctor: "Take off your blouse and bra."

So the girl complies and there is imprint of a T on her chest.

Doctor says: "What caused this?"

Girl: "Well my boyfriend goes to Texas University and likes to wear his jacket when we make love."

Doctor: "Ok your finished, send in the next girl"

Next girl comes in and the doctor says the same

"Take off your blouse and bra"

Sure enough there is an imprint of a G on her chest.

Doctor says "What caused this?"

Girl: "Well my boyfriend goes to the University of Georgia and likes to wear his jacket when we make love"

Doctor: "Sounds about right, ok your done send in the next girl"

Girl comes in and removes her blouse and bra. This time there is an imprint of a M on her chest.

Doctor says: "Let me guess, your boyfriend goes to the University of Montana right?"

Girl: "No doctor, but I have a girlfriend that goes to the University of Wisconsin."

A New Yorker is visiting Texas for the first time on a business trip

The New Yorker walks into the hotel bar and asks the bartender "is everything actually bigger in Texas?"

The bartender chuckles "Partner, *everything* is bigger here. Order a Texas sized beer and a Texas sized steak and you can see for yerself."

Being adventurous, the man agrees. The steak and the beer come and they're enormous. The Texas sized steak was the biggest steak he'd ever laid eyes on, he couldn't even finish half of it. The Texas sized beer had him completely plastered. He was so drunk he could barely sit on the barstool.

Eventually after all that liquid from the Texas sized beer he asks the bartender where the bathroom is.

"Sure thing city slicker, go down that hall and make your first left." The bartender instructs him. But being completely hammered the New Yorker takes his second left and falls into the hotel swimming pool.

The drunken New Yorker thrashes around in the water and comes up to the surface and screams at the top of his lungs "*OH GOD DON'T FLUSH!*"

Robert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic Texas cowboy boots.

So, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "notice anything different about me?"

Margaret, Age 75, looked him over. "Nope."

Frustrated, Robert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "notice anything different now?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Robert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Robert yelled, "and do you know why it's hanging down, Margaret?"

"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

"It's hanging down, because it's looking at my new boots!!!!"

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "should have bought a hat, Robert! Should have bought a hat."

Popular Topics