Boat Jokes

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Funniest Boat Jokes

3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 17320

Before the surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle... It was an ether/oar situation.

Score: 14584

What do you call a boat full of polite football players? A good sportsman ship



I'm sorry

Score: 11066

There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke? they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 10213

[Dad Jokes] 3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 6628

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.


Edit:
This got a lot more upvotes than i expected.

Score: 2569

3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with …so they throw one cigarette off the boat to make the boat a cigarette lighter

Score: 2156

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? America.

Score: 2049

There are 3 men in a boat and 4 cigarettes, however they don't own a lighter. How do they smoke? They throw one cigarette over board in order to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 1107
Funny Boat Jokes
Score: 784

Two men are on a boat. They have three cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 531

Three men brought four cigarettes onto a boat, but then realized they had no lighters or matches. What do they do? Throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 334

Donald Trump, Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton are in a boat, and the boat sinks. Who is saved? The United States of America.

Score: 323

If your boat turns upside down you can wear it on your head It's capsized.

Score: 315

Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over? That makes it cap sized

Score: 299

What do you call a boat full of penises and potatoes? A dictatorship

Score: 260

3 men were on a boat.. And all they had were 4 cigarettes.

Unsure on what to do, one of them throws a cigarette overboard.

Now the boat was a cigarette lighter.

Score: 248

2 men are on a boat sharing a pack of cigarettes when they realise they have no lighter How do they light up?

They toss a cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 178

There are three men in a boat in the middle of the ocean with four cigarettes, no lighter or any matches. What do they do? They throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 158

Why do Scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat

Score: 143

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes..... Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.

Score: 136

Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters. What do they do? They throw one cigarette overboard and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

*Stolen from BuzzFeed, but I thought it was hilarious.*

Score: 111

Hitler built a boat in pixelated blocks and named it Mein Kraft

Score: 109

Why do scuba divers fall off the boat backwards? Because is they fell forward they'd land in the boat.

Score: 100

I've started a boat business in my attic. Sails are going through the roof!

Score: 95

3 men were in a boat with 4 cigarettes,but there was no way to light them.What did they do? Threw one cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.

Score: 92

As I slipt my finger slowly inside her hole... ...I could imediatly feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out, but within seconds she was going down on me.

I thought to myself....I really need a new boat

Score: 86

Three men are on a boat with cigarettes Three men are on a boat with four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.


So one man throws one cigarette off and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 84

3 men are stranded in a boat with 4 cigarettes and no way to light them. So they toss the 4th cigarette overboard, which makes the whole boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 83

You know you can fit any boat on your head Just flip it upside down. That makes it capsized

Score: 78

An english boat is sinking near the German coast The english operator contacts the German control. "This is UK120, We are sinking, I repeat, We are sinking".

The germans respond: "What are you sinking about?"

Score: 73

3 guys are on a boat.They have 4 cigarettes but no lighter. What do they do? They throw one cigarette off the boat. Now the whole boat is a cigarette lighter.

Score: 73

It is my sad duty to report the death of my granddad, who was run over by a boat whilst swimming in a canal in Venice... Thank you to those of you who have already sent your gondolences...

Score: 66

I'm sorry to hear that your uncle was killed by a boat in Venice... My gondolences.

Score: 64

What do you call a boat full of dentists? A tooth ferry

Score: 60

What's the difference between a boat and a woman? There's a chance that a boat will go down on me.

Score: 58

A red boat and a blue boat crash into each other in the ocean... All the passengers were marooned.

Score: 57

There were 3 people on a boat and 3 cigarettes, but they didn't have a lighter so how did they light the cigarettes? They threw a cigarette overboard, so the entire boat became a cigarette lighter

Score: 55

I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared. I thought, "Thats the biggest wave I’ve ever seen."

Score: 55

If you turn a boat over you can wear it as a hat It’s capsized

Score: 55

There are three men on a boat with a pack of cigarettes and no matches. How did they manage to smoke? They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter

Score: 52

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New Boat Jokes

I named my boat Relation. Now I can tell people... I have a Relationship.

Score: 14

What do you call a boat filled with dope? A speedboat

Score: 4

I recently became the owner of a house boat dealership The sails went through the roof

Score: 5

What do a dead person and a boat have in common? The wake comes after they pass.

Score: 11

Two penguins are rowing a boat in a vast desert of sand. “Where’s your oar?” Asks one to the other. “Sure do.” The other reply’s.

Score: 1

What does a sailing redditor tie up his boat to ? A mooring repost, of course.

Score: 2

Cleopatra fell out of her boat but wouldn’t admit she was wet. She was in denial.

Score: 4

Two boats were having a casual conversation Boat 1: "well, it was really big. I can't even imagine what must've been lying underneath"

Boat 2: "that's what sea said"

(Bad joke, ik, but they were talking about an iceberg.)

Score: 1

There are 3 guys onboard a boat with 4 cigarettes with no lighter how do they light the cigarettes? They threw the cigarette overboard and made the boat a cigarette lighter

Score: 1

Why did the boat made of dough, covered in mozarella and sauce not sail very well? It was a pizza ship

Score: 2

Do you know the definition of stress? Have a house payment, a boat payment, a wife, and a girlfriend, and all 4 of them are late.

Score: 14

Another “So Oldie It’s Moldy” joke Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Score: 2

What do you call 1,000 lawyers on a sinking boat A good start

Score: 2

What did the shark say to the boat captain? "Uber eats?"

Score: 1

2 guys are on a boat with 3 cigarettes and no fire source to lit them So they throw 1 cigarette out the boat and the boat comes a cigarette lighter

Score: 16

I am going to tow a whale with open mouth behind my boat : Operation : Overkrill

Score: 3

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat into the water? If they feel forward, they’d still be on the boat.

Score: 2

Two guys are rowing a boat through the desert. "Where's the paddle?"

"Sure does"

Score: 1

Last night i had the strangest dream... I sailed away to China,

In a little row boat to find ya.

And you said you had to get your laundry cleaned,

Didn't want no one to hold you,

What does that mean?

And you said:

"IT'S CORONA TIME!"

Score: 1

Why do scuba divers go out of the boat backwards? Because if they went forwards they'd still be in the boat.

Score: 1

A brittish boat is nearby a port in Germany and calls for help on the radio: -WE ARE SINKING! WE ARE SINKING!
The german replies:
-Wat are you sinking about?

Score: 5

There is a pier with two docks. An empty boat pulls up, which dock do the passengers unboard onto? Well that's the thing, it's a paradox

Score: 9

An Australian gets off the boat in 1930's dust bowl USA and wanders around the land a while. The harbor master meets him at the shore and asked him...why are you here now?
Did you come here to die??
Naw mate... I came here yesterdie.

Score: 4

Why do scuba divers fall out of the boat backwards? Well, if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.

Score: 9

Just incase you were thinking of buying a boat I hear they have a sail on

Score: 5

Lighter There are 3 guys on a boat with cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter

Score: 9

two sailors were out in their boat when a hand appeared in the ocean ‘what’s that?’ asked the first sailor, ‘it looks as if someone’s drowning!’

‘nonsense,’ replied the second, ‘it was just a little wave’.

Score: 19

If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head... cuz it is capsized...

Score: 4

my friends wanted me to pull my boat up to the dock... ...but i don't give in to pier pressure.

Score: 8

Two sailors on a boat each wanted to smoke. However, they could not find their lighters.

So, they threw a cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 3

Another one A crew of people were on a boat ride when a storm struck. After the storm, they tried to find land, but they didn't.

One guy said:
"We must Finland."

Score: 2

Before surgery, my anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether oar situation.

Score: 25

Hey guys, Boat safety is no accident. I got that from a joke book

Score: 2

I came up with this joke during my dream last night. How do steam boat captains prepare for sea?

They S.S. (assess) their ship.

Score: 1

I’ve been invited to my local coastguard Christmas Party... I’ve heard they really push the boat out at these things.

Score: 2

I have a friend with a bouyancy fetish Well whatever floats your boat

Score: 8

A sleepy man leaned on a side of a busy boat It was enough to cause it to napsize

Score: 2

Row row row your boat Roll roll roll your joint. Twist it at the end. Take a puff and that's enough. Now pass it to a friend.

Score: 5

What do you call a boat that a UPS driver buys to feel better than a FedEx driver? One Ups Man ship

Score: 2

There are 3 men on a boat with 4 cigarettes and nothing to light them with. One of the men throws a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 3

3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 6

What happens when three French cats get into a boat that was only meant for two? Un deux trois quatre cinq!

Score: 2

Two fisherman sit in a small boat close to the shore Suddenly one of them pulls a mermaid out of the water, shakes his head, unhooks her and throws her back into the water.

The other one is dumbfounded and asks: "Why?"

To which he answers: "How?"

Score: 2

I just got back from the RNLI dinner. They really know how to push the boat out!

Score: 1

Why are there so many Italians named Tony in New York? Because when they boarded the boat to immigrate to America they got their ticket stamped, "To NY"

Score: 2

What kind of boat has candy in the middle? A pinYACHTa

Score: 4

what do you eat on a ship? boat meal

Score: 2

What did the bartender say when the boat ordered a drink? I can't serve you you're already ship-faced.

Score: 2

There was a huge fight at the boat store. Paddles were on clearance for 90% off, and people went crazy trying to get them.

It was quite an oar deal.

Score: 3

Why do scuba divers fall of the boat backwards? Because if they went forwards, they would fall in the boat.

Score: 1

TIL: Why Scuba Divers have to fall backwards out of the boat If they fell forward they'd still be in the boat

Score: 3

What do you call a boat who just got a baby dinghy? A mothership

Score: 4

Why do divers always fall out of the boat backwards? Because if they fell forwards, they would fall into the boat.

Score: 10

Where did the boat go when it got sick? The Doc(k)

Score: 6

Three men are on a boat Three men are on a boat and have cigarettes but nothing to light them with. So one man throws a cigarette off the boat and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 2

I went fishing last weekend and almost caught a huge catfish, but somehow it slipped the hook before I got it on the boat I'm still reeling from the loss.

Score: 1

Why did the Captain ask his first mate to come look at a new boat with him? Because it never hurts to have an extra aye.

Score: 7

If your boat gets sick, I know a great dock. It's pier-reviewed.

Score: 5

Michael Jackson’s boat sank The life guard sent a crew out to rescue him, they were looking for a lifeboat but they found him bobbing up and down on a buoy

Score: 2

How did the boat get pregnant? Seamen

Score: 2

How did one-two-three cat beat un-deux-trois cat in their boat race? Un-deux-trois cat sank

Score: 7

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