Boat Jokes

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Funniest Boat Jokes

3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 17320

What do you call a boat full of polite football players? A good sportsman ship



I'm sorry

Score: 11066

I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine. It’s a pretty good µ-boat.

Score: 11054

There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke? they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 10213

[Dad Jokes] 3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 6628

I made a 1:1000 000 scale model german submarine it's a pretty good μ-boat

Score: 6262

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

Score: 2928

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.


Edit:
This got a lot more upvotes than i expected.

Score: 2569

3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with …so they throw one cigarette off the boat to make the boat a cigarette lighter

Score: 2156

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? America.

Score: 2049

Told my wife that I’m really getting into Beyonce. She said ‘whatever floats your boat’. I said ‘no, that’s buoyancy’.

Score: 1354

There are 3 men in a boat and 4 cigarettes, however they don't own a lighter. How do they smoke? They throw one cigarette over board in order to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 1107

I took my finger out of her hole, and in seconds she was going down on me. I thought to myself, Man. I am really gonna miss this boat.

Score: 1029

TIL why scuba divers fall backwards into the water Because if they fall forward, they would land in the boat.

Score: 856
Funny Boat Jokes
Score: 784

Two men are on a boat. They have three cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 531

TIFU by climbing into a German U-Boat Whoops. Wrong sub.

Score: 372

Three men brought four cigarettes onto a boat, but then realized they had no lighters or matches. What do they do? Throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 334

If your boat turns upside down you can wear it on your head It's capsized.

Score: 315

Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over? That makes it cap sized

Score: 299

why do scuba divers go in the water backwards? because if they go forward they would fall inside the boat.

Score: 297

What do you call a boat full of penises and potatoes? A dictatorship

Score: 260

I was nervous about meeting new people on a cruise... ... until I realised, we are all in the same boat.

Score: 250

3 men were on a boat.. And all they had were 4 cigarettes.

Unsure on what to do, one of them throws a cigarette overboard.

Now the boat was a cigarette lighter.

Score: 248

Before surgery, my anaesthetist offered me a couple of different options. He could either knock me out with gas, or he could do it with a large wooden boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

Score: 222

TIL that in 1940 a German U-Boat captain found himself aboard a British vessel. Whoops, wrong sub.

Score: 186

2 men are on a boat sharing a pack of cigarettes when they realise they have no lighter How do they light up?

They toss a cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 178

Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? Because if they fell forwards, they’d still be in the boat.

Score: 176

Before my surgery, my anesthetist offered to knock me out with either gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation

Score: 163

There are three men in a boat in the middle of the ocean with four cigarettes, no lighter or any matches. What do they do? They throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 158

Why do scuba-divers go in backwards? Because if they went forward they'd fall in the boat.

Score: 134

As I slipt my finger slowly inside her hole... ...I could imediatly feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out, but within seconds she was going down on me.

I thought to myself....I really need a new boat

Score: 86

what do you call 4 mexicans in a sinking boat? quatro cinqo

^im sorry

Score: 39

Why do Navy SEALs fall backwards off of their boats? Because if they fell forwards they'd still be on the boat!

Score: 28

Why do scuba divers go backwards off the boat? Because if they fell forward they would fall into the boat

Score: 18

What do you call a dog on a U-boat? A *sub-woofer*.

Score: 17

Why do scuba divers fall backwards from the boat? Because if they fall forward, they'll end up on the boat.

Score: 15

3 men are on a boat. They have 4 cigarettes, but no lighter or matches. How do they managed to light their cigarettes? They throw the 4th cigarette over board so that the boat is now a cigarette lighter.

Score: 9

Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of their boats? Because if they fell forwards they would still be on the boat.

Score: 9

A bunch of sailors on a boat want to have a smoke, but don’t have any matches. So one sailor throws one of his cigarettes overboard, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 9

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New Boat Jokes

How do you get a pickachu , charmander & a squirtle onto a boat? You Pokém-on
-> ->

Score: 2

What did the shark say to the boat captain? "Uber eats?"

Score: 0

2 guys are on a boat with 3 cigarettes and no fire source to lit them So they throw 1 cigarette out the boat and the boat comes a cigarette lighter

Score: 7

Three men are on a boat with cigarettes Three men are on a boat with four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.


So one man throws one cigarette off and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 0

What’s the difference between a bowl of cereal and a Truth Tquatics dive boat? One has a captain that will meet you for breakfast.

Score: 0

TIL: Why Scuba Divers have to fall backwards out of the boat If they fell forward they'd still be in the boat

Score: 3

Durung WWII a platoon of british marines accidentally entered a u-boat. Oops wrong sub.

Score: 0

Why do scuba divers dive backwards of boats? Because if they dove forward they would face plant on the boat.

Score: 1

A Democrat, a Republican, and a centrist are riding a boat when an iceberg appears in front of them. The Democrat said, "We should turn left!"

The Republican said, "We should turn right!"

The centrist said, "Let's compromise and go straight!"

Score: 2

During basic training, I was teased horribly for wanting to join the Navy. That all changed when I was enlisted. There’s no point teasing each other when you’re all in the same boat.

Score: 5

Three men were on a boat with four cigarettes but no lighter. So they tossed one overboard and the whole boat became a cigarette lighter

Score: 4

Why do scuba divers fall out of the boat backwards? Because, if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat

Score: 4

Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of their boat? Because if they fall forwards, they’ll still be in the boat.

Score: 4

I saw a boat load of illegal immigrants drowning off the coast today, so I did the right thing and notified the coast guard. I hope the coast guard found them otherwise I just wasted a stamp.

Score: 1

My mother inlaw says the darndest things Today she asked “what is those boat things id love to go on? A conola? “
My wife “a gondola ?”
Mother in law “ a gonorrhea”

We been dying laughing

She just found out why and joined us

Score: 1

I asked a man if his boat was for sale He said it’s knot

Score: 2

On a US Navy vessel is written: “USS.” What does that stand for? -United States Ship.

And on a British vessel it says: “HMS”?

-Her Majesty’s Ship

And on an Italian one it says: “AMB”?

-Aaatsah Meh Boat

Score: 4

What do you call a jellyfish on a racing boat? A stringy thingy in a dinghy.

Score: 1

Why do scuba divers fall backwards into water? Because if they fell forward they'd fall in the boat.

Score: 4

What was the real reason the Titanic broke in two as it sunk into the ocean? TO SHOW YOU THE POWER OF FLEX SEAL, I SAWED THIS BOAT IN HALF!!!

Score: 4

What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish boat? Hello ladies

Score: 1

Why do scuba divers jump into the water backwards out of the boat? Because if they jumped forwards they’d land in the boat.

Score: 1

My sister thought of this one during the twenty sixteen election. Hillary and Trump are stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean. Who wins? America.

Score: 2

I lost 130 pounds this year And my boat, my house, and 50% of everything I’ll make til the kids are 18. My divorce attorney sucks.

Score: 6

4 people are on a boat with 5 cigarettes and no way to burn them. How do they all smoke? Take a cigarette and throw it of the boat so the boat becomes

...



A cigarette lighter

Score: 5

Three guys are sitting on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light the cigarettes with. How do they light them? They throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 6

3 nicotine addicts are out fishing in a boat. They have 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw one cig overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 5

Fishermen who bring their catch into the boat all the same way... ...practice net neutrality.

Score: 1

What was the name of Hitler's boat? Knot Sea

Score: 4

Why do Scuba divers fall backwards off the boat? Because if they fell forwards they'd still be on the boat

Score: 4

TIFU telling my history teacher that the Russians sunk the Lusitania with a U-Boat Whoops, wrong sub.

Score: 1

Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off of a boat? If they fell forwards they would still be in the boat

Score: 3

When a man falls off a boat you yell "man over board!" What do you yell when a woman falls of a boat? Full speed ahead

Score: 3

What do you call someone with no arms and no legs being towed behind your boat? Skip.

Score: 2

We all know you say "man overboard!" when a man falls off a boat, but what do you say when a woman falls off the boat? "FULL SPEED AHEAD!"

Score: 0

Did you know that the Coast Guard is the only branch of military with a minimum required height of 6feet? It's so if their boat sinks they can walk to shore.

Score: 1

Michael Jackson Joke #4543762 Michael Jackson tried killing himself Sunday morning
by jumping off his boat.

The coast guard found him last night, bobbing up and down
on a small buoy.

Score: 3

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