Relationship Jokes

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Funniest Relationship Jokes

My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. I lost Interest in that relationship.

Score: 28868

Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend

Score: 11213

Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend

Score: 10234

My girlfriend borrowed $500 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $500. I lost Interest in that relationship.

Score: 6143

My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing. I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.

Score: 1784

I loaned $200 to my girlfriend 5 years ago. She returned exactly $200 after we separated. I lost interest in that relationship

Score: 1592

My girlfriend of 3 years has never told me a joke. We are in a serious relationship.

Score: 941
Funny Relationship Jokes
Score: 888

I could never cheat in a relationship That would require 2 people to find me attractive

Score: 630

My boyfriend just told me he has an STD... Looks like I'm *gonorrhea*valuate this relationship.

Score: 564

Today I ended a long term relationship. I don't really care though, it wasn't mine.

Score: 542

In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices…. Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…

Score: 489

Apparently 1 out of 3 people cheat in a relationship I just don't know whether it's my wife, or girlfriend.

Score: 423

They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship Not sure if it's my wife or my girlfriend.

Score: 409

I just ended a 5 year relationship today. It's okay. It wasn't my relationship.

Score: 348

My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games. Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.

Score: 337

I just ended a 5 years long relationship I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship.

Score: 320

I could never cheat in a relationship... Because that would require two people to find me attractive.

Score: 306

I would never cheat in a relationship Because that would require two people to find me attractive.

Score: 233

Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship? The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring

Score: 215

They Say 1 out of 3 People Cheat in a Relationship Not sure if it's my wife, or my girlfriend.

Score: 195

My relationship with my girlfriend is quite complex. I'm the real part.

Score: 187

I just ended a 5 year relationship I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship :P

Score: 181

I could never cheat in a relationship Because that would require 2 people to find me attractive

Score: 153

I just ended a 5 year relationship! I am fine though because it wasn't my relationship.

Score: 147

If you're genuinely asking me to choose between my career as a reporter and our relationship Well then I've got some news for you

Score: 139

I just can't take this long distance relationship anymore... I'm moving the fridge to my room.

Score: 132

I just ended a five year relationship....... I'm fine though, it wasn't mine

Score: 127

If you're an astronaut.. and you don't end every relationship with "I need space" then you're just wasting your time

Score: 125

I just ended a 8 year relationship I’m OK though, it wasn’t my relationship

Score: 117

Girl: Our relationship is over. Me: Our relationship is what? Over.

Score: 114

Pooping is kinda like being in a relationship... It's amazing at first but when it's over you feel empty inside.

Score: 76

I've been in an abusive relationship for months now and I can't seem to get out of it. Someone show me what I'm doing wrong. Everytime I hit her, she keeps coming back.

Score: 43

I just ended a 5 year relationship But it is ok, it wasn't my relationship

Score: 40

I wanted to go out for Valentine's day, but my relationship is complex I'm real, she's imaginary.

Score: 28

My girlfriend told me that she doesn't like that I'm keeping scores in our relationship. She got a point

Score: 27

"Jack, you spend too much time on your walkie talkie, this relationship is over!" "This relationship is what? Over."

Score: 26

A relationship is a lot like algebra. You always look at your X and try to figure out Y.

Score: 25

She asked me what I wanted from our relationship. Apparently, "a way out" was not the right *answer* to give.

Score: 21

Never get in a serious relationship with a tennis player. Because love means nothing to them.

Score: 21

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New Relationship Jokes

I had an on-again, off-again relationship with a classical conductor. It didn't work out though, we could never get the timing right.

Score: 2

My relationship is like an iPhone. I don't have an iPhone.

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My probability for being in a relationship The probability of me in World War 3 is higher than the probablity of me in a relationship.

Score: 2

Why didn’t the horse go to the bar on singles night? He was already in a stable relationship.

Score: 6

I realized my relationship with my Japanese girlfriend wasn't working. I told her that we should end it but she didn't seem to get that. So I had to drop the bomb twice before she understood.

Score: 2

I should have known my relationship was doomed when my girlfriend made me watch the Vietnamese Independence Day parade. There were so many red flags.

Score: 2

I'm nervous about this whole "long distance relationship" thing my girlfriend and I are trying. I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.

Score: 20

You and Juan have a pretty spicy relationship He’s always jalapeño business

Score: 2

I asked a friend for relationship advice and he told me to try breaking the ice I don’t think she appreciated it when she fell through it into freezing waters

Score: 2

So, I was dating a Japanese girl... The relationship grew old rather quickly so I decided to break up with her. When I told her, she just stood there in disbelief. It's like you have to drop the bomb twice for them to get the message.

Score: 18

Why did the piece of spaghetti refuse to get on the plate with the rest? Because he had a strained relationship with the rest.

Score: 2

The reason my last relationship didn't work out is because she was a gemini... and I don't believe in bullshit.

Score: 8

I would never cheat in a relationship... That would require two people to find me attractive.

Score: 9

My ice-sculpting instructor and I had a great relationship until he gave me the cold shoulder.

Score: 3

My relationship with my girlfriend is complex I am real and she is imaginary

Score: 18

He said the spark had gone out of our relationship. So I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up.

Score: 3

Hey girl, are you from Tennessee? Because i can’t have a long distance relationship.

Score: 2

How do you know when you're in an abusive relationship? I don't know, beats me.

Score: 6

The girl that I've just started dating asked me what I look for in a relationship.... Apparently " A way out " was not the right answer.

Score: 7

My girlfriend of two years just left me. Turns out the police didn't exactly approve of our relationship.

Score: 4

I dated a girl in a wheel chair once. it was a tough relationship tho. Have you ever heard the saying "If you love her then let her go, and if she comes back then it was meant to be"?

Well don't let her go on a hill by a lake, cause she don't come back

Score: 15

Why should you never get into a relationship with a tennis player? Because "love" means nothing to them.

Score: 11

I'm in a serious relationship with my WIFI You could say we have a strong connection.

Score: 17

What did the algae say to the fungus about their symbiotic relationship? I'm lichen it

Score: 20

I've been in a relationship with a tree for a while now. She's sappy but I love her.

Score: 7

My sister married a nudist. I know who's wearing the pants in THAT relationship!

Score: 2

My relationship to whiskey has been on the rocks

Score: 4

My girlfriend told me I was too childish. The other day, I bought her a pair of walkie talkies.

She squinted her eyes at me and said, "Our relationship is over."

I squinted my eyes right back and told her, "Our relationship is what? Over."

Score: 14

Never get into a relationship with a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

Score: 2

Honesty is the key to a good relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Score: 8

Relationship Goals I want my relationship to be as long as a CVS receipt

Score: 4

If you had to choose between a long lasting relationship and 10 million dollars What color would your Porsche be ?

Score: 7

My girlfriend said she wanted a Platonic relationship. So I chose to be Socrates. Boy was she mad when i pointed out all her flaws.

Score: 4

I'm in a complex relationship right now she's the imaginary part

Score: 9

My brother works as a part time civil engineer and part time relationship therapist He's an expert at building bridges

Score: 2

Current relationship status: The only date I'm looking forward to is my untimely death

Score: 3

The age gap in my relationship is somewhat questionable. According to the police.

Score: 3

I just ended a 10 year relationship. Don't worry, it's not mine.

Score: 2

I asked Siri: "Why can't I ever get into a relationship?" The front camera on my phone opened up.

Score: 9

Why would a crustatean not be good in an open relationship? They would get too shellfish

Score: 3

Why did the horse have nowhere to sleep? He just got out of a stable relationship.

Score: 3

Did you hear about the car mechanic who was in a brief relationship and then left? There was an article in the newspaper.
MECHANIC NUTS AND BOLTS

Score: 12

Relationship between Employer and Employee They pretend they pay us, we pretend we work.

Score: 3

Just got out of a relationship with ice cream It was a rocky road.

Score: 4

Why isn't Pinocchio in a serious relationship? Because he wants no strings attached.

Score: 4

A Conversation over Walkie-Talkies Her: This relationship is over!
Me: This relationship is what? Over.

Score: 11

I have this love hate relationship with my ex-girlfriend. I love her, she hates me.

Score: 2

Did you hear about the houses that fell in love? They had a lawn-distance relationship.

Score: 2

Realizing the gravity of our relationship, my girlfriend said she needs time and distance, I think she calculates escape velocity.

Score: 3

They say 1 out of 3 people cheat in a relationship I'm still trying to figure out if it's my girlfriend or my wife that's cheating on me

Score: 3

The mantra to a successful relationship find someone who likes the same thermostat setting as you do.

Score: 4

The abusive relationship that I'm in is such a joke I spend everyday waiting for the punchline.

Score: 3

Wife: We're not talking over the radio. This relationship is over. Me: This relationship is what? Over.

Score: 16

The best part for a man who is in an incestuous relationship with his mother ...is that he gets to celebrate mothers day and valentine's day for the same reasons.

Score: 2

I guess Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift couldn't keep their relationship... Loki.

Score: 4

Stacy wanted to keep our relationship professional That's when I knew she was a prostitute.

Score: 7

whats Hitlers relationship status... He's Nazing anybody

Score: 2

My wife and I were talking about our physical relationship. "I wish you were more of a lion," she said.

"A lion? Why?" I asked.

She said, "They are masculine and aggressive."

"I wish you were more of a mule," I said.

"A mule? Why?" she asked.

I said, "They can't reproduce."

Score: 4

After my fourth failed relationship, my friend tells me 'keep your head up, these girls come and go, but you'll find someone for you', but deep down i know... Girls don't just come and go... I do.

Score: 4

I used to be good friends with my bartender But now our relationship is on the rocks

Score: 4

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