Rock Jokes


Funniest Rock Jokes

Funny Rock Jokes
Score: 10754

If I spank Dwayne Johnson... does that mean I hit Rock bottom?

Score: 2319

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.

Score: 1489

What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician? A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people

Score: 1178

If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who. If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.

Score: 1127

What is the name of a rock group that has four members yet none of them sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 1015

What's the difference between a jazz guitarist and a rock guitarist? A rock guitarist plays 10 chords for 50,000 people, and a jazz guitarist plays 50,000 chords for 10 people.

Score: 914

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed The label says the expiry date is June 2018.

I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

Score: 780

Which rock group has 4 men that can't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 457

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length… Must be some kind of milestone…

Score: 362

My friend and I were hiking Me: "That's a huge rock over there!"

Him: "Boulder."

Me: **"That's a huge rock over there."**

EDIT: Thank you guys for the most upvoted post I've made!


A Newbie

Score: 334

The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said "I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?" No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it.

Score: 273

Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth? Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.

Score: 245

what is a 4 person rock group that doesn't play music mount rushmore

Score: 234

What's the difference between rock and jazz? Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.

Score: 230

Medusa was the hottest woman ever. Every man who looked at her got rock hard.

Score: 230

That's a nice shamrock you've got there. It would be a shame if someone replaced the -rock with an e.

Score: 193

Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa? Because you made me rock hard

Score: 190

What rock group have four men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore.

Score: 188

I went hiking today Me: That's a huge rock.

Friend: Boulder.

Me: **That's a huge rock.**

Score: 179

How does a rock pee? He Dwaynes his Johnson

Score: 176

What rock group has 4 members that can't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 162

What rock group has 4 men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 154

What rock group has 4 dudes that don't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 152

I saw a rock the other day that has been painted on.. The words: Turn me Over ----->

I turn the rock over then it says:

"You just took orders from a rock

Are you stoned?"

Score: 147

What does Kevin Hart have in common with Paul Walker? Being friends with the rock!

Wait, what did you think I was going to say?

Score: 142

What's a rock group that has four men and none of them sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 139

I like metal bands with female lead singers... Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.

Score: 116

The difference between a rock band and a jazz group The rock band will play 3 chords in front of 1000 people.

The jazz group will play 1000 chords in front of 3 people.

Score: 114

I got a new job at a quarry today, and the foreman was showing me around when I saw this huge rock. I told him, "Wow! That's a really big rock!"
"Boulder." He says.
**"WOW!!!! THATS A REALLY MASSIVE ROCK,"** I say while puffing my chest out.

Score: 112

Life is hard in a band Me and the guys started a rock band, we call it 1023MB. But no matter how hard we look we cant find a gig.

Score: 109

A Rock Band Plays 3 Chords for a 3000 Person Crowd Where as a jazz player will play 3000 chords for a 3 person crowd.

Score: 92

Casting Dwayne Johnson in a movie is a bold decision... Casting The Rock is a boulder decision.

Score: 74

Who is Donald Trump's least favourite rock band? Foreigner.

Score: 73

When I'm feeling shy, I like to think about my pet rock... It always inspires me to be a little boulder.

Score: 42

What's Sherlock's favourite type of rock? Sedimentary my dear Watson...

Score: 38

What did Tyrion call the passage he built to smuggle whores into Casterly Rock? Hoe-door.

Score: 24

What was the anthem of Saudi Arabia's first LGBT pride parade? We Will Rock You.

Score: 20

When you have a pet rock Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Training my pet rock

Friend: That's dumb

Pet Rock: *leaps from my hand & hits him in the face*

Me: No Rocky, No!

Score: 19

I must be a geologist I keep finding a new rock bottom.

Score: 17

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New Rock Jokes

I’ve been working on a new trick for my magic act where I get rock hard without the audience realizing it. It’s called missed erection

Score: 6

My pet rock just isn’t feeling well today. I think it’s stoned.

Score: 6

What kind of rock isn't really a rock? A shamrock.

Score: 12

A pair of twins were in a cake shop... They were looking for a birthday cake but just couldn’t decide on a topping.

Twin 1: “I want chocolate”

Twin 2: “I want skittles”

Twin 1: “How about we do Rock Paper Scissors?”

Twin 2: “Why would I want that on my cake?”

Score: 6

I entered a Twisted Sister lookalike contest and came in last place I won a rock

Score: 4

You have to take these modern homeopathic health fads with a pinch of salt. Preferably Himalayan pink rock salt, due to its high mineral content and detoxifying effects.

Score: 5

I left my girlfriend because I hated her rock climbing habit I wonder what she’s up to now

Score: 3

Somebody help me practice rock paper scissors, I suck. Ill go first. ROCK.

Score: 5

Adam Sandler’s movies have really been going downhill lately In his most recent one he rubbed up against Rock’s bottom.

Score: 3

So I heard wind turbines enjoy listening to rock music.. Apparently they’re big heavy metal fans.

Score: 7

A rock walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender says, Sorry we don't serve rocks here.


Score: 4

What do you call a cat that’s been listening to too much rock and roll? Def Leppard.

Score: 4

Kid Rock announced he won't be running for the Republican Michigan Senate nomination . This come as a great relief to Democratic challenger Kid Scissors.

Score: 10

If you think you've hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank... once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket, and they classed it as an "uncharacteristic purchase"

Score: 5

I once met a rock it was nice. Although he kept telling me he was Gneiss

Score: 9

Medusa was so hot Just looking at her made me rock hard

Score: 5

I'm a geologist that specializes in the resonating frequencies of different minerals. I'm staging a rock concert later if you want to come.

Score: 3

People think that Ed Sheeran cameo in Game of Thrones was bad... But I thought Amy Winehouse getting hit in the face with a rock in last nights episode was just in bad taste.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the rapper who was in the mining accident? Now every time he opens his mouth it's nothing but rock.

Score: 3

Did you hear about Dwayne Johnson and the cinnamon bun? They say it's rock and roll.

Score: 4

I live in a house between a crack den and a brothel. I guess you could say i'm between a rock and a hard place.

Score: 4

I heard they are going to remake that movie "127 Hours" and cast Dwayne Johnson as the rock.

Score: 3

How do you win a fight to the death against The Rock? Use paper.

Score: 5

My boyfriend wanted a threesome with Dwayne Johnson. It was fun, but I wish we had gone a little slower with it, because I found myself between a Rock and a hard place pretty quickly.

Score: 3

I like rock bands named after their lead singers Like Marilyn Manson, Alice Cooper, and Tool.

Score: 10

Watson: Sherlock, what kind of rock do you think this is? Sherlock: Sedimentary, my dear Watson

Score: 17

Watson to Sherlock,What kind of rock is that Sherlock? It's sedimentary my dear Watson.

Score: 4

An interviewer asked how I do under pressure. I told him I'm like a rock: given enough time and pressure, I fold.

Score: 4

As the blood from your brain rushes down into your erection Everything in the middle gets stuck between a rock and a hard place

Score: 8

What do you call four rock-hard dudes chilling next to each other? Mount Rushmore

Score: 3

What day is the best for punk and rock music? A green one apparently.

Score: 4

What's the difference between Hulk Hogan and paper? The Rock beat hulk hogan.

Score: 6

I heard that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is thinking in running for President. The only way he's winning if he's going against scissors.

Score: 3

Who was the hottest female in mythology? Medusa, she made everyone who looked at her rock hard

Score: 4

Who decided to call it "Dwayne Johnson's Wrestling Career" instead of... Classic Rock?

Score: 14

I thought my wife would be really happy with the big rock I bought her for our 20 year anniversary... But no such luck... she just stood there and started screaming when I showed her the headstone with her name on it..

Score: 3

What's the difference between a white power arm solute vs a black power fist raise? Paper always beats rock!

Score: 3

Why couldn't the geologist part with her rock collection? It was sedimental.

Score: 3

The death count nears 50 after scaffolding collapses and crushes fans at a rock music festival... Eye-witnesses say there was a lot of heavy metal.

Score: 12

Two cavemen were chiseling on slabs of rock in a cave Suddenly one of the cavemen shouted, "I've did it! I've discovered zero!"

The other caveman asked, "What is it?"

The first caveman replied, "Oh, nothing."

Score: 11

Whenever I get high with friends, my anxiety kicks in I hate rock climbing

Score: 5

I slept like a rock last night. I just laid there. All night. Hard.

Score: 4

Rock is great but.... You shouldn't take it for granite.

Score: 5

What did the owner of the mining rig say to his workers after they blasted the rock and found gold underneath? Wow this really blew up! Thanks for the gold!

Score: 6

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. It must be some kind of milestone.

Score: 4

I was walking around a shady street late at night, and someone pulled a pair of scissors out at me. Fortunately, I pulled a rock. Had I pulled out paper, I would've have lost.

Score: 5

What is the favourite game of ancient roman people? Rock Papers CAAAEEEESSSSAAAAAARRRS.

Score: 4

I'm writing a southern rock song about chicken eggs...'s called "Prebird"

Score: 7

You throw a red rock into the blue ocean, what does it become? Wet. The rock becomes wet.

Score: 5

Why do we live on a giant rock, but ruled by money? Because paper beats rock.

Score: 6

What is Sean Spicer's favorite genre of music? Alternative Rock

Score: 3

Why did the farmer start a punk rock band? He was tired of Haulin' Oats

Score: 4

What do you call the work of a renowned geologist? Rock solid

Score: 3

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are out hunting some rocks Sherlock picks up a rock, admiring it. Watson asks, "What kind of rock is that? Igneous?"

Sherlock replies, "Sedimentary, my dear Watson. Sedimentary."

Score: 4

Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher? His life improved after he met the rock.

Score: 5

I see Freddie Mercury has had an asteroid named after him. His surviving family have said how great it is to finally have Freddie immortalized in rock, and really appreciate the sediment.

Score: 7

What's a rock group with four guys that don't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 4

What do you call a Jewish rock band? I want my nickelback

Score: 11

How to discipline your rock *you hit rock bottom*

Score: 3

What's the difference between a drummer in a rock'n'roll band and an extra large pizza? The extra large pizza can feed a family of four.

Score: 4

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