Rock Jokes


Funniest Rock Jokes

Funny Rock Jokes
Score: 10754

If I spank Dwayne Johnson... does that mean I hit Rock bottom?

Score: 2319

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.

Score: 1489

What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician? A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people

Score: 1178

If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who. If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.

Score: 1127

What is the name of a rock group that has four members yet none of them sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 1015

What's the difference between a jazz guitarist and a rock guitarist? A rock guitarist plays 10 chords for 50,000 people, and a jazz guitarist plays 50,000 chords for 10 people.

Score: 914

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed The label says the expiry date is June 2018.

I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

Score: 780

Which rock group has 4 men that can't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 457

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length… Must be some kind of milestone…

Score: 362

My friend and I were hiking Me: "That's a huge rock over there!"

Him: "Boulder."

Me: **"That's a huge rock over there."**

EDIT: Thank you guys for the most upvoted post I've made!


A Newbie

Score: 334

The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said "I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?" No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it.

Score: 273

Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth? Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.

Score: 245

what is a 4 person rock group that doesn't play music mount rushmore

Score: 234

What's the difference between rock and jazz? Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.

Score: 230

Medusa was the hottest woman ever. Every man who looked at her got rock hard.

Score: 230

That's a nice shamrock you've got there. It would be a shame if someone replaced the -rock with an e.

Score: 193

Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa? Because you made me rock hard

Score: 190

What rock group have four men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore.

Score: 188

I went hiking today Me: That's a huge rock.

Friend: Boulder.

Me: **That's a huge rock.**

Score: 179

How does a rock pee? He Dwaynes his Johnson

Score: 176

What rock group has 4 members that can't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 162

What rock group has 4 men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 154

What rock group has 4 dudes that don't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 152

I saw a rock the other day that has been painted on.. The words: Turn me Over ----->

I turn the rock over then it says:

"You just took orders from a rock

Are you stoned?"

Score: 147

What does Kevin Hart have in common with Paul Walker? Being friends with the rock!

Wait, what did you think I was going to say?

Score: 142

What's a rock group that has four men and none of them sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 139

I like metal bands with female lead singers... Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.

Score: 116

The difference between a rock band and a jazz group The rock band will play 3 chords in front of 1000 people.

The jazz group will play 1000 chords in front of 3 people.

Score: 114

I got a new job at a quarry today, and the foreman was showing me around when I saw this huge rock. I told him, "Wow! That's a really big rock!"
"Boulder." He says.
**"WOW!!!! THATS A REALLY MASSIVE ROCK,"** I say while puffing my chest out.

Score: 112

My pet rock was crippled in an accident It's been hard on all of us

Score: 9

So I heard wind turbines enjoy listening to rock music.. Apparently they’re big heavy metal fans.

Score: 7

My pet rock just isn’t feeling well today. I think it’s stoned.

Score: 6

I’ve been working on a new trick for my magic act where I get rock hard without the audience realizing it. It’s called missed erection

Score: 6

A pair of twins were in a cake shop... They were looking for a birthday cake but just couldn’t decide on a topping.

Twin 1: “I want chocolate”

Twin 2: “I want skittles”

Twin 1: “How about we do Rock Paper Scissors?”

Twin 2: “Why would I want that on my cake?”

Score: 6

Whenever I get high with friends, my anxiety kicks in I hate rock climbing

Score: 5

I entered a Twisted Sister lookalike contest and came in last place I won a rock

Score: 4

What is the favourite game of ancient roman people? Rock Papers CAAAEEEESSSSAAAAAARRRS.

Score: 4

I quit drugs to concentrate on rock climbing "nice... what’s the highest you've been?"

I tried to kiss a goldfish.

Score: 4

Why couldn't the geologist part with her rock collection? It was sedimental.

Score: 3

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New Rock Jokes

What do you call the sound of tumbling stone? Rock and roll.

Score: 2

Unsure if I should be proud of my wife for her mishap while bungie-jumping She hit rock bottom but at least she bounced right back

Score: 0

An asteriod might hit the Earth , and I figured out why everyone is collecting toilet paper? Because paper beats rock.

Score: 0

GameStop recently claimed that it’s actually pronounced GamesTop I think it’s ironic since their company is already rock bottom

Score: 0

If rock bands were our military Foo Fighters would be protecting us from foo’s on the ground while the Stone Temple Pilots are protecting the skies

Score: 0

What did the stoner say to the boulder? Rock on.

Score: 0

For a Rock album to be truly great, it has to have at least one track without words. It is instrumental.

Score: 0

How do you make a Rock dance? Add ing to it

Score: 0

Who was the most famous rock artist in Italy? Michaelangelo!

Score: 0

Tyrion and Jamie Lannister just started their own band They play Casterly Rock

Score: 0

Arab's are Queen fans Homesexuality : \*exists\*
Arab countries: we will we will ROCK you....

Score: 1

How does the Rock take a pee? Dwayne his Johnson

Score: 2

I’m going to open a night club for senior citizens. The Soft Rock Cafe

Score: 1

My construction worker friend says he has stopped getting morning wood. He says he has a rock tile dysfunction.

Score: 2

TIL: Rock band Saliva wrote a tribute song in memory of Kurt Cobain Click Click Boom

Score: 1

What kind of chair did Elvis Presley sit in? A rock-king chair

Score: 2

I left my girlfriend because I hated her rock climbing habit I wonder what she’s up to now

Score: 3

There was this rock trowing competition, it was the hardest one in town.

Score: 1

Why did Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson quit wwe for hollywood? Because at wwe, he was hitting Rock Bottom.

Score: 0

Unfunny people don’t know they’re unfunny, dumb people don’t know they’re dumb and rocks don’t know they Rock.

Score: 0

A classic nuts joke, with a twist. What do you get when you put nuts on a wall?


What do you get when you put nuts on your chest?


What do you get when you smoke a crack rock, and put nuts on somebodys window?

An errection.

Score: 2

Why can’t cows go rock climbing? Because they lactose.

Score: 2

I just started a rock and roll band, we're called 999 Megabytes. We haven't got a gig yet.

Score: 0

Adam Sandler’s movies have really been going downhill lately In his most recent one he rubbed up against Rock’s bottom.

Score: 3

What type of AIDS do Rock Stars get? BAND AIDS!

Score: 1

You gotta be careful around anyone these days... I was walking down the street at 7:30 yesterday and a guy pulled out a SCISSORS. Luckily I was agile enough to reach into my pocket and pull out a rock. Coz if I had pulled out paper, man I would have lost.

Score: 1

What do rock stars do when their clothes catch fire? They stop, rock and roll

Score: 1

I'm a geologist that specializes in the resonating frequencies of different minerals. I'm staging a rock concert later if you want to come.

Score: 3

Scientists have discovered a new species of invertebrate living in Washington DC. It was already named, so all they had to do was write down *Republicanus paulryan*.

They then released it back to the rock it was found living under.

Score: 1

Did you hear about the local islamic state rock band? They tried going global

but they blew up.

Score: 2

What happened to density's child was really sad... They really hit rock bottom when buoyancy went solo.

Score: 2

I say Sherlock, What kind of rock is that? It's sedimentary my dear Watson.

Score: 2

Green day is playing on the only two alternative rock stations in my neighborhood... There is no alternative.

Score: 1

What's Sisyphus' least favourite type of music? Rock and Roll.

Score: 1

What did the geologist say about his rock collection? Isn't it gneiss?

Score: 2

What was the geologists' favorite Musical genere? rock

Score: 0

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