Rock Jokes

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Funniest Rock Jokes

Funny Rock Jokes
Score: 10754

If I spank Dwayne Johnson... does that mean I hit Rock bottom?

Score: 2319

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.

Score: 1489

What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician? A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people

Score: 1178

If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who. If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.

Score: 1127

What is the name of a rock group that has four members yet none of them sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 1015

What's the difference between a jazz guitarist and a rock guitarist? A rock guitarist plays 10 chords for 50,000 people, and a jazz guitarist plays 50,000 chords for 10 people.

Score: 914

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed The label says the expiry date is June 2018.

I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

Score: 780

Which rock group has 4 men that can't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 457

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length… Must be some kind of milestone…

Score: 362

My friend and I were hiking Me: "That's a huge rock over there!"

Him: "Boulder."

Me: **"That's a huge rock over there."**

EDIT: Thank you guys for the most upvoted post I've made!

Sincerely,

A Newbie

Score: 334

The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said "I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?" No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it.

Score: 273

Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth? Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.

Score: 245

what is a 4 person rock group that doesn't play music mount rushmore

Score: 234

What's the difference between rock and jazz? Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.

Score: 230

Medusa was the hottest woman ever. Every man who looked at her got rock hard.

Score: 230

That's a nice shamrock you've got there. It would be a shame if someone replaced the -rock with an e.

Score: 193

Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa? Because you made me rock hard

Score: 190

What rock group have four men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore.

Score: 188

I went hiking today Me: That's a huge rock.

Friend: Boulder.

Me: **That's a huge rock.**

Score: 179

How does a rock pee? He Dwaynes his Johnson

Score: 176

What rock group has 4 members that can't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 162

What rock group has 4 men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 154

What rock group has 4 dudes that don't sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 152

I saw a rock the other day that has been painted on.. The words: Turn me Over ----->


I turn the rock over then it says:



"You just took orders from a rock


Are you stoned?"

Score: 147

What does Kevin Hart have in common with Paul Walker? Being friends with the rock!

Wait, what did you think I was going to say?

Score: 142

What's a rock group that has four men and none of them sing? Mount Rushmore

Score: 139

I like metal bands with female lead singers... Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.

Score: 116

The difference between a rock band and a jazz group The rock band will play 3 chords in front of 1000 people.

The jazz group will play 1000 chords in front of 3 people.

Score: 114

I got a new job at a quarry today, and the foreman was showing me around when I saw this huge rock. I told him, "Wow! That's a really big rock!"
"Boulder." He says.
**"WOW!!!! THATS A REALLY MASSIVE ROCK,"** I say while puffing my chest out.

Score: 112

When I'm feeling shy, I like to think about my pet rock... It always inspires me to be a little boulder.

Score: 42

What do you call a rock climbing cow? A high steak situation

Score: 27

Kid Rock announced he won't be running for the Republican Michigan Senate nomination . This come as a great relief to Democratic challenger Kid Scissors.

Score: 10

My pet rock was crippled in an accident It's been hard on all of us

Score: 9

A man was murdered with a frozen rock. The police eventually caught the stone cold killer.

Score: 9

So I heard wind turbines enjoy listening to rock music.. Apparently they’re big heavy metal fans.

Score: 7

My pet rock just isn’t feeling well today. I think it’s stoned.

Score: 6

I’ve been working on a new trick for my magic act where I get rock hard without the audience realizing it. It’s called missed erection

Score: 6

What did the geologist say when he got a rock for his birthday? I appreciate the sediment.

Score: 6

Whenever I get high with friends, my anxiety kicks in I hate rock climbing

Score: 5

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New Rock Jokes

Unsure if I should be proud of my wife for her mishap while bungie-jumping She hit rock bottom but at least she bounced right back

Score: 0

An asteriod might hit the Earth , and I figured out why everyone is collecting toilet paper? Because paper beats rock.

Score: 0

What is it called when someone piggyback rides Dwayne Johnson? Rock climbing.

Score: 0

Did you know all sheep have similar music tastes? They all like music types such as Rock and Dubstep. So basically anything that has a lot of baaaaaaass.

Score: 2

GameStop recently claimed that it’s actually pronounced GamesTop I think it’s ironic since their company is already rock bottom

Score: 0

If rock bands were our military Foo Fighters would be protecting us from foo’s on the ground while the Stone Temple Pilots are protecting the skies

Score: 0

What did the stoner say to the boulder? Rock on.

Score: 0

For a Rock album to be truly great, it has to have at least one track without words. It is instrumental.

Score: 0

How do you make a Rock dance? Add ing to it

Score: 0

Who was the most famous rock artist in Italy? Michaelangelo!

Score: 0

Tyrion and Jamie Lannister just started their own band They play Casterly Rock

Score: 0

Arab's are Queen fans Homesexuality : \*exists\*
Arab countries: we will we will ROCK you....

Score: 1

How does an astronaut put a baby to sleep? They rock it

Score: 4

had a great swim along the beach in Bali perfect visibility and tons of coral. I saw a colorful but scary looking thing attached to a rock and waving in the gentle current. I thought to myself: "is it a friend, or anemone?"

Score: 4

How does the Rock take a pee? Dwayne his Johnson

Score: 2

I’m going to open a night club for senior citizens. The Soft Rock Cafe

Score: 1

My construction worker friend says he has stopped getting morning wood. He says he has a rock tile dysfunction.

Score: 2

I entered a Twisted Sister lookalike contest and came in last place I won a rock

Score: 4

When your friend is scaling a difficult rock face, and you know for certain that they're going to fall, but you agree to hold their rope anyways, you're only belaying the inevitable.

Score: 1

TIL: Rock band Saliva wrote a tribute song in memory of Kurt Cobain Click Click Boom

Score: 1

Why where the cave people mad about their children playing with rocks all the time. They wouldn't stop getting stoned, staring at tablets, and playing rock and roll all day.

Score: 1

What kind of chair did Elvis Presley sit in? A rock-king chair

Score: 2

I left my girlfriend because I hated her rock climbing habit I wonder what she’s up to now

Score: 3

There was this rock trowing competition, it was the hardest one in town.

Score: 1

Why did Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson quit wwe for hollywood? Because at wwe, he was hitting Rock Bottom.

Score: 0

What genre of music does a caveman play? Rock

Score: 3

A classic nuts joke, with a twist. What do you get when you put nuts on a wall?

Wallnuts.

What do you get when you put nuts on your chest?

Chestnuts.

What do you get when you smoke a crack rock, and put nuts on somebodys window?

An errection.

Score: 2

Why can’t cows go rock climbing? Because they lactose.

Score: 2

I just started a rock and roll band, we're called 999 Megabytes. We haven't got a gig yet.

Score: 0

What did the groundhog say to his buddy about to jump off the rock... Just gopher it.

Score: 1

Adam Sandler’s movies have really been going downhill lately In his most recent one he rubbed up against Rock’s bottom.

Score: 3

Who's the most clapped rock star? Eric CLAPton.

Score: 1

Why is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony in New York City, when the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is located in Cleveland? Because the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is located in Cleveland

Score: 1

What is the difference between a jazz musician and a rock star A rock star plays three chords for an audience of thousands: the jazz musician plays thousands of chords for a audience of three.

Score: 1

A lady was accused of slapping the buttocks of Dwayne Johnson She hit rock bottom

Score: 4

What type of AIDS do Rock Stars get? BAND AIDS!

Score: 1

You gotta be careful around anyone these days... I was walking down the street at 7:30 yesterday and a guy pulled out a SCISSORS. Luckily I was agile enough to reach into my pocket and pull out a rock. Coz if I had pulled out paper, man I would have lost.

Score: 1

The Rock is starring in a film adaptation of the video game *Rampage* In related news, Kevin Spacey is in the Paperboy.

Score: 1

I'm a geologist that specializes in the resonating frequencies of different minerals. I'm staging a rock concert later if you want to come.

Score: 3

Scientists have discovered a new species of invertebrate living in Washington DC. It was already named, so all they had to do was write down *Republicanus paulryan*.

They then released it back to the rock it was found living under.

Score: 1

Did you hear about the local islamic state rock band? They tried going global

but they blew up.

Score: 2

Why couldn't the geologist part with her rock collection? It was sedimental.

Score: 3

What do you call a tax on imported rock melodies? A guitariff.

Score: 2

What is the most popular playground equipment in Mexico? A rock climbing wall.

Score: 2

What does Indiana Jones drink to reinforce his courage? A snakebite shot chased by a rolling rock.

Score: 2

Green day is playing on the only two alternative rock stations in my neighborhood... There is no alternative.

Score: 1

I saw a great job advertisement the other day. It was written by a carpenter from Little Rock.

He only wrote one line, under 'special skills':

"Arkansas."

Score: 2

If I was a stripper my name would be medusa Because I'll make you rock hard ;)

Score: 2

I knew my fantasies were getting worse But when I spanked a statue I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

Score: 0

I met a sailor the other day Good mooring i said
good mooring
what ship are you on ?
i boan`t know
You sound a bit wet behind the ears
Well the names totally unpronounceable
you could ask the captain to re-name it
No i don`t want to rock the boat

Score: 1

What did the geologist say about his rock collection? Isn't it gneiss?

Score: 2

Well, the rock star decided to settle down and become a fisherman His new slogan is, "Come down to Bon Jovi's Anchovies!"

Score: 1

What was the geologists' favorite Musical genere? rock

Score: 0

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