Contents
Funniest Jokes
New Jokes
Funniest Army Jokes
A boy and his dad are talking.
"Hey Dad."
"Yes son?"
"Did you ever get shot in the army?"
He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies;
"No, but I was shot in the leggy."
Why is the army so strict about their uniforms? To minimize casual tees...
King: How many volunteers do we have for my evil army?
Squire: 384 my liege
king: Ok, round them up
Squire: 400 my liege
In the army, you have to pay $85 if you lose your rifle. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
What cheat code do you use to get into the Army? Left, left, left, right, left
A boy asks his dad about his past.
"Hey Dad."
"Yes son?"
"Did you ever get shot in the army?"
He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies:
"No, but I was shot in the leggy."
Why does the French Army install Rear-view mirrors in their Tanks? So that they can see the battle.
Why did the Mexican Army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo? They only had 2 vans
"How many volunteers do we have for the army?"
"384 sir"
"okay round them up"
"400 sir"
What do you call an army of babies? Infantry
When I was in the army, I broke my rifle and had to pay 600$. I guess that’s why the captain always goes down with the ship.
Why did the Mexican army attack the Alamo with only 2000 soldiers? they only had one pickup
When I lost my pistol, the Army charged me $125. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
When I was in the army, I lost my rifle and had to pay $865 for a new one Now I’m starting to understand why navy captains always go down with their ship
What do you call an army of babies? An infantry.
If you ask my son why he joined the Army he will proudly tell you he joined to military to kill people. He's a terrible doctor.
Why is the army so strict on uniforms? To minimize casual tees
What do you call 1000 soldiers with no legs? An army.
A king is building an army
King: how many volunteers do we have for the army?
Squire: 384 my liege
King: ok, round them up
Squire: 400 my liege
I saw the army of Lichtenstein the other day. He was a really nice guy.
Why doesn't the army have anyone named Will? They were all fired at.
What's the best way to serve Turkey? Join the Turkish Army.
When I got depressed, I joined the Army. I didn't have any experience or motivation, I just wanted a soldier to cry on.
Why does no one like the swiss army? Because they are all a bunch of tools.
What's the difference between an Iraqi school and an Iraqi Army base?
One poses a significant potential threat to ISIS and its continued existence.
The other is an Iraqi Army base.
I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.
What do you call a army of disabled people? Special forces
A Bitter Army Veteran storms into a classroom and shouts "If it weren't for me you'd all be speaking German!" "That's right" replies the German teacher.
There was a father and son..
The father is a war veteran. He also has a prosthetic leg. One day, his son asks..
"Dad, did you ever get shot in the army?"
The father responds, "No, I got shot in the leggy"
Why did the army sergeant only accept fat recruits into his squad? He wanted to say he had large privates.
So the French army has recently installed rearview mirrors to their tanks. That way, they can watch the fighting!
After I left my farm to join the army, I learned that my wife bought a new tractor to replace my labor. She wrote me a "John Deere" letter.
There is a sale on antique French army rifles. The slogan is "Never fired. Only dropped once."
Who's the most musical snake in the army? Major scales.
My cousin, who's a karate expert, joined the Army. First time he saluted he nearly killed himself.
Where do the senior army officials buy stuff? A: The General store Why are the young recruits sexually active? A: They have Private parts
What do you call a pair of ex-army sibling beggars? Brothers in alms.
In America, the army has read lots of news... In Soviet Russia, the news has lots of Red Army.
Trump just announced that Trans-Genders can't serve in the Army.... ...That's what the Marines are for