Filthy Jokes

A wife walks in on her husband playing on his PlayStation. "The house is still filthy! I thought I asked you to sweep the house!" she says.

"I did" replied the husband, "I found no hostiles"

Score: 411
Funny Filthy Jokes
Score: 212

A joke so absolutely filthy I can't put it in the title Rio Olympics

Score: 210

Why did Gollum leave the room every time Sam and Frodo lit their pipes? He couldn't stand being around such filthy habitses.

Score: 189

Abortion clinics should be banned Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.

Score: 154

I'm halfway towards my goal of becoming filthy rich. Now I just have to have to figure out the rich part.

Score: 128

Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry? She had a filthy habit

Score: 113

How many dubstep fans does it take to clean a shower? 100.

1 to actually clean the shower, and 99 to stand around and talk about how filthy it is.

Score: 41

The 2 Golden Rules of Religion 1) Be kind to other people.


Score: 25

After 12 years in prison ..... After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”

Score: 13

After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!

Score: 12

"David, why don't you go and play with... ...with Jimmy?" asks the mother.

"Oh mum, you wouldn't want to play with a filthy, obscene, thieving, lying boy, would you?"

"Of course not." says the mother, as she hugs her son.

"Well, Jimmy wouldn't either..."

Score: 11

How rich are garbage men? Filthy.

Score: 10

Wife threatened to leave me My wife threatened to leave me because of my “filthy and disgusting habits.”

I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.

Score: 10

Why was Tigger always filthy? Because he was playing with Pooh.

Score: 9

The doctor told me that my friend is in stable condition. The room is filthy and there's horseshit everywhere.

Score: 9

What's the difference is between a lobster with breast implants and a filthy bus depot? One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus-station!
*edited because I screwed up my original punchline...

Score: 6

What do you call a filthy memer? Banned from Askreddit

Score: 6

What's the difference between a huge-titted lobster and a filthy bus stop? One's a busty crustacean the other's a crusty bus station

Score: 6

My wife threatened to leave me Because of my ‘filthy and disgusting habits’. I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.

Score: 6

What's Donald Trump's favorite Pink Floyd Album? The Dark Side of the Moon... What a filthy casual.

Score: 5

Have you heard of the nun who never washed her clothes? It was a filthy habit

Score: 5

wanna know how rich garbage men are? filthy

Score: 4

I gotta stop the filthy double entendre jokes But it's so, so hard

Score: 3

If I ever become a filthy millionaire, I'm gonna string 50 smartwatches together and create a batman belt of gadgets out of them I know it's a waist of time, but it'll be worth it.

Score: 3

Why does my son Richard like playing in the mud? Because he then becomes filthy Rich.

Score: 3

A woman walks in on the janitor using the women's washroom... "What are you doing in here?"

"The men's room is filthy"

Score: 3

I will stop showering and then change my name into Richard. That way I will become filthy rich.

Score: 3

So, there were two nuns... ...and one of them says to the other 'sister, I've got a filthy *habit*'

'Why? Have you not washed it in a while?'

'No,' she replied. 'I'm a crack addict.'

Score: 3

We need a wall on our southern border to keep out the filthy, raping, murdering savages Keep the Yankees out of our glorious country!

We might be small and weak but at least we are actually a democracy!

Score: 3

I currently work as a kitchen hand.. So when someone asks me what type of job I have, I can tell them I have a filthy one

Score: 1

What goes in dry and comes out wet? The longer its in the stronger it gets? What am i? A tea bag you filthy animals....

Score: 0

A cop went to sleep and closed his eeyes but all he saw was black. "Filthy frank shooting himself with shotgun"

Score: 0

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