Filthy Jokes

Funny Filthy Jokes
Score: 212

A joke so absolutely filthy I can't put it in the title Rio Olympics

Score: 210

Why did Gollum leave the room every time Sam and Frodo lit their pipes? He couldn't stand being around such filthy habitses.

Score: 189

Abortion clinics should be banned Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.

Score: 154

I'm halfway towards my goal of becoming filthy rich. Now I just have to have to figure out the rich part.

Score: 128

Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry? She had a filthy habit

Score: 113

How many dubstep fans does it take to clean a shower? 100.

1 to actually clean the shower, and 99 to stand around and talk about how filthy it is.

Score: 41

The 2 Golden Rules of Religion 1) Be kind to other people.

2) KILL THE FILTHY INFIDELS!!!!

Score: 25

Two nuns are sitting on a park bench Sister Carol lights a cigarette and Sister Beatrice declares:
‘That’s a filthy habit’

Sister Carol replies: ‘blame Sister Mary, she washes the bloody things’.

Score: 20

After 12 years in prison ..... After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”

Score: 13

After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!

Score: 12

The doctor told me that my friend is in stable condition. The room is filthy and there's horseshit everywhere.

Score: 9

What do you call a filthy memer? Banned from Askreddit

Score: 6

What's the difference between a huge-titted lobster and a filthy bus stop? One's a busty crustacean the other's a crusty bus station

Score: 6

What's the difference is between a lobster with breast implants and a filthy bus depot? One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus-station!
*edited because I screwed up my original punchline...

Score: 6

Have you heard of the nun who never washed her clothes? It was a filthy habit

Score: 5

What's Donald Trump's favorite Pink Floyd Album? The Dark Side of the Moon... What a filthy casual.

Score: 5

If I ever become a filthy millionaire, I'm gonna string 50 smartwatches together and create a batman belt of gadgets out of them I know it's a waist of time, but it'll be worth it.

Score: 3

I will stop showering and then change my name into Richard. That way I will become filthy rich.

Score: 3

Why does my son Richard like playing in the mud? Because he then becomes filthy Rich.

Score: 3

I gotta stop the filthy double entendre jokes But it's so, so hard

Score: 3

How can you be filthy rich and piss-poor at same time? Dehydration.

Score: 3

What goes in dry and comes out wet? The longer its in the stronger it gets? What am i? A tea bag you filthy animals....

Score: 3

So, there were two nuns... ...and one of them says to the other 'sister, I've got a filthy *habit*'

'Why? Have you not washed it in a while?'

'No,' she replied. 'I'm a crack addict.'

Score: 3

Man in prison After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”

Score: 2

What does Gollum think about Gandalf's smoking addiction? Stupid, filthy habitses!

Score: 2

A Mick and Wop walk into a sub shop One orders the Italian, the other orders a filthy stinking drunk.

Score: 2

Find a penny, pick it up, And all day long you'll have good luck...




And good, cos you're really going to need a bit of luck now! You just picked up a filthy pavement penny during a pandemic and shoved it in your pocket!

Score: 2

Wife and Husband in a luxury hotel on a dinner While they were eating, Wife drops some sauce on her dress...
Wife: oh look at me, I am all like a filthy animal!
Husband: yeah, plus you got that stain on your dress now, smh.

Score: 2

I currently work as a kitchen hand.. So when someone asks me what type of job I have, I can tell them I have a filthy one

Score: 1

Forever Late After 12 years in prison, a man 
finally breaks out. When he 
gets home, filthy and exhausted, 
his wife says, “Where have 
you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”

Score: 1

YSK: Coins and banknotes are filthy and covered in germs, and their use during this pandemic should stopped, as they can further spread disease. Alternatively you could start cleaning all your money, but money laundering is illegal.

Score: 1

What the difference between a filthy bus station and a crab with implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean ......

Score: 1

Why do nuns always wear such clean clothes? Because their mother superiors don't tolerate any filthy habits.

Score: 1

There are two types of people in the world... Those that pee in the shower, and those that are filthy liars.

Score: 1

Popular Topics