How can you tell the difference between an Indian and African elephant? One of them is an elephant
A joke my 4 year old came up with today...
Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"
Me: "I dunno, what?"
Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? Steve. Just because he's irrelephant doesn't mean we don't use his name.
I gave my friend an elephant for his room.
He told me "thank you."
I said "don't mention it."
I have the memory of an elephant. I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
I gave my friend an elephant to put in his room. He said "thanks". I said "don't mention it".
If there is an elephant in the room and nobody notices is it irrelephant?
I bought my friend an elephant for his room... He said, "Thanks". I said, "Don't mention it".
How do you turn a Fox into an Elephant? Marry her.
What's the difference between an African and an Indian Elephant One of them is an elephant
What's my dog's favourite part of the tree?
What's my bank's favourite part of the tree?
What's my elephant's favourite part of the tree?
What's my father's favourite part of the tree?
The leaves :(
Why do you never see an elephant hiding on top of a tree? Because they're good at it.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room
He said: "Thank you."
I said: "Don't mention it."
What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant? One is an elephant.
Me: How do you get an elephant into a SafeWay bag?
Friend: I don't know how do you.
Me: You take the S out of safe and the f out of way.
Friend: Wait, there's no f in way.
Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.
Why does an elephant have four feet? Because six inches isn't going to satisfy a female elephant.
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs? An elephant with diarrhea...
What do you get when you cross a Kangaroo and an Elephant? A letter from the Scientific Ethics Committee and a withdrawl of your grant money.
What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant? Who cares? It's a relephant.
A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit…
“Why are you doing that?” asked the keeper.
“The sign says it’s okay,” replied the visitor.
“No, it doesn’t.”
“Yes, it does. It says, ‘Do not feed. $10 fine.’”
Never call a woman fat An elephant never forgets.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish? swimming trunks! :D
How do you turn a fox into a elephant? You marry her!
What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant? One of them isn't an elephant.
I took a job at a zoo performing elephant circumcisions The benefits aren't great, but the tips are huge.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breath through something so small?"
Why do elephants wear green shoes?
So they can sneak across pool tables.
Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?
Works, doesn't it?
I'm getting a tattoo of an elephant on my ear... The only reason I'm doing this is so when people ask me "Why do you have a tattoo of an elephant on your ear?" I can say "Don't worry about it. It's ear elephant."
What's the best way to tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant? One of them is an elephant.
I got my friend an elephant to put in his room. He thanked me. I said "don't mention it."
My friend gave me an elephant for my room
Friend: Don't mention it.
A girl was into bestality. One day her parents walked in on her, they all fell silent. But someone had to address the elephant in the room!
I've got the memory of an elephant. I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other, “I really don’t get how he could feed himself with that thing.”
What do you call the cross between an elephant and a rhino? 'Ell if I know.
This is my biggest pet peeve He's an elephant, all my pets are named peeve
How do you fit an elephant into a subway?
You take the S out of Sub and the F out of Way.
"There's no F in Way"
Did you hear about the hunter who got squashed by the dying elephant? He finally understood the gravity of his actions.
What do you call an elephant that no one talks about anymore? An irrelevant elephant.
How come no one cares about Dumbo? Because he is ear elephant
I always make jokes about everything, but I won't make a joke about fat people... ...because an elephant never forgets.
What do you do when you're on Safari and all of a sudden come across an Elephant?
Wipe it off
Why didn't the elephant make a fat joke about the hippopotamus Because it would be hippo-critical.
What did the anxious elephant say when it saw poachers? "Ivory"
Why was everyone so reluctant to talk about the elephant in the room? Because it was irrelephant.
My friend bought me an elephant... ...for my room. I said thanks. He said "don't mention it "
I saw an elephant crossing the road I named him a Chicken
What would you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? Wipe it off and say sorry
Two elephants see a naked man One elephant says to the other: “I don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing.”
What kind of elephant just doesn't matter at all? The answer is irrelephant...
What did elephant say to his girlfriend? "I love you a ton"
What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle? Apologise, wipe it off and back away slowly!
Physics Student Question: A parrot was sitting on an elephant ... So the elephant died. Prove that, how is it possible?
Physics Student's Answer: Think,
The name of the elephant is parrot and parrot
Name 'elephant' [proven]
How do you get down from an elephant? You don't get down from an elephant, you get down from a goose!
I got my friend an elephant for his room.
He said, "Thanks!"
I said, "Don't mention it."
What do you get when an elephant sneezes? Out of the way!
Got a new job as an elephant circumcizer... The pay is pretty bad, but you get big tips.
How does Dumbo fly? He just does. The mechanics of it are ear elephant.
a baby was fed on elephant's milk
A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.
I bought my best friend a plush elephant to keep in his room.
Friend: "Thank's for the elephant!"
Me: "Don't mention it."
Why elephants have red eyes?
So they can hide in the cherry tree.
Have you seen any elephant in a cherry tree?
Probably not. See how good are they at hiding.
Wanna know how you can make an elephant float? One elephant, two scoops of ice cream.
How did the elephant come out of the water? Wet.
I bought my friend an elephant for their room
Him: "Wow thanks!"
Me: "Don't mention it"
How to turn a fox into an elephant... ... You marry it.
If Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, Would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?
The zoo manager asks the vet over the phone
"What can we give to our elephant if it has diarrhea?"
"Space. A lot of space" answered the vet
I've got a friend who got a job circumcising elephants.
The pay sucks, but the tips are huge.
How do you catch an elephant? You dig a pit, fill it with ash, and surround it with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, you sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole.
It bought my friend an elephant for his room since it was his birthday... He just said "thank you." I was like, "Don't mention it."
What do you get if you cross a rhino with an elephant? I don't know but it's not relevant.
An elephant sees a naked man. He says, "How can you eat with that thing?"
How do you capture an elephant? You dig up a hole, put ashes in it and surround the hole with peanuts. Then, you kick him in the ash hole.
What do get if you cross a Kangaroo with an Elephant? A stern letter from the scientific ethics committee.
I shot an elephant in my pyjamas this morning. What he was doing in my pyjamas, I shall never know.
How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't - you get down off a duck.
*(This joke can also serve as a test of English fluency. You're welcome.)*
How do you turn a Fox into and Elephant? You Marry it.
How do you fit an elephant in to a safeway bag? It's easy! Just take the S out of safe and the F out of way.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? A Nobel Prize in biology.
How do you get an elephant out of the water? Wet.
Walking past the funeral directors.
I was walking past the funeral directors the other day, and I looked in, and was shocked to see a large, hairy elephant in a black suit showing a family a head stone.
I thought to myself "That's a mammoth undertaking."
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
To hide in cherry trees.
have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
So it works doesn't it.
What is grey and comes in pints? An elephant!
Two Elephants meet a fully naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other... ...I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!
It's OK to watch an elephant bathe as they usually have their trunks on.
Two Elephants Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
What is large, grey, and comes in pints? An elephant.
Stoned wife wants you to rate her joke
Do you remember the type of animal that has a memory that is the opposite of an elephant's?
What do an elephant and a giraffe have in common? They are both gray except for the giraffe.
Bought an elephant for my friends
So I bought my friends an elephant for their room.
They said "Thank you."
I said "Don't mention it."
An elephant never walks into a bar He only drinks to forget
What can turn a fox into an elephant? A marriage certificate.
How can you tell an elephant is on its period? There's a quarter on your night stand and your mattress pad is missing.
Anyone looking for a job should consider becoming an elephant circumsiser... ... the pay isn't too great, but the tips are enormous!
How is it possible to raise an elephant with only 1 hand?
I don't know, because I've never seen an elephant with
What do you do when an elephant comes into a room? Swim.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? (Say it out) An elephino!
Tell An Elephant Joke--I'll Start
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
Sits on a leaf and waits for Autumn