An angry wife says to her husband " I should've married the devil he would've made a better husband than you!" The husband responds "you would've been arrested because marriage between relatives is illegal in this country"
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end you wish you had a club and spade.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie. First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
I asked my father how many a couple is. He said, “Two or three.” Which might explain why his marriage failed.
I asked my Aunt"How much is a couple?"
"2 or 3" she replied.
Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
When I was a kid... ... I asked my mum what a couple was and she said, 'Oh, two or three'. And she wonders why her marriage didn't work out.
My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.
My marriage was a like a hurricane. At the beginning there was a lot of blowing, but in the end I lost my house.
Marriage is like a deck of cards
At the start all you need is a heart and a diamond.
By the end you just want a club and a spade
Marriage is like a deck of cards. At first it's all hearts and diamonds Then you are in your garage looking for a club and a spade.
My wife and I decided to see a therapist because our marriage was falling apart.
Therapist: So, what seems to be the problem?
Wife: I can't take it anymore. I can't live with him making Star Wars puns all the time.
Me: Divorce is strong with this one.
Every marriage has 3 rings. First is the engagement ring. Second, the wedding ring. Then comes the suffering.
My wife thinks that my obsesion with Youtube is killing our marriage Well do you think that it is? Comment down below! Like and sub to my channel.
A marriage is a lot like a card game In the beginning there's two hearts and a diamond but by the end you're looking for a club and a spade.
My marriage just ended because I didn't open the door for my wife. I swam for the surface instead
My son asked what marriage was like. I said, "It's fine." And gave him the silent treatment for three days.
Therapist: So you're considering ending the marriage?
Wife: I am sick of all the Star Wars puns.
Husband: Divorce is strong with this one.
When I was young I asked my mum what a couple was she said,"oh two or three." And she wonders why her marriage didn't work.
In marriage there are 3 types of rings The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning I said, "Nah, most of the time I just let her sleep"
My marriage has lasted 50 years even though my wife and I only have one thing in common We're both terrible at ending relationships
I took my Wife to a marriage counsellor
She said she was sick of my Star Wars jokes.
I told the counsellor
Divorce is strong with this one.
Marriage is like a deck of cards You start with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing you had a club and a spade.
Punctuation is everything: "Will you marry me" is a marriage proposal "Will, You, Mary, Me" = a Foursome Inquiry
Marriage is like a card game. At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade.
Dad pulled this one out of nowhere while watching a married couple argue on tv last night...
'Ahh marriage - it's like a new deck of cards.
At first, it's all diamonds and hearts.
After a while, you'll be looking for a club and a spade!'
Why is a marriage like a hurricane? At the beginning there's a lot of blowing, and when it's over your house is gone...
Did you hear that OJ Simpson wants to try marriage again? He says he wants to take another stab at it.
My wife said last night "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game" Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance
Therapist: It seems like you have acute marriage phobia. Do you know the symptoms?
Man: Can’t say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
Marriage is like a deck of cards... In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond and by the end you want a club and a spade
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. In the end you wish you had a club and a spade.
Therapist: So why doesn't the marriage work?
Wife: My husband uses to many Star Wars puns
Husband: Divorce is strong in this one
Marriage is like having your favorite meal every day... At first, it's great! But after a week, you're thinking, "Eh, I kinda feel like having Asian tonight."
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale... I gave her some bread crumbs and left her in the forest.
Why is marriage like a three ringed circus ? First you have the engagement ring then you have the wedding ring, finally you have the suffering.
A wife to her husband: “Honey,what are you doing?”,
Husband: “I’m reading our marriage certificate.”
Husband:”I’m looking for the expiry date....”
When you're young and in love,
It's all Hearts and Diamonds...
But in the end, what you're wishing for is a Club,
and a Spade.
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband :Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
A man carefully looking through his marriage certificate
His wife asked: What are you looking for?
Man answered: Searched through this for 3 hours and found no GODDAMN Expiration date!!!
Marriage is... Marriage is knowing you never want your partner to die, but hating them for chewing too loud.
Marriage is like a deck of cards.. ...You start with two hearts and a diamond, but later in the hand you'll be wishing for a club and a spade.
I will always reject marriage proposal from any girl I don't think I can live with someone with such a poor taste
Marriage is like a deck of cards It starts with Hearts and Diamonds and ends with a Club and a Spade
What’s the similarity between a Marriage and a Tornado? There’s a lot of sucking and blowing then someone loses the house.
What's the difference between marriage and a dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
In marriage therapy the husband loudly proclaims: "I am married to my best friend!" The husband than leans over to the Therapist and ads covertly: "My wife doesn't know of course."
Marriage is like a deck of cards In the beginning all you need are hearts and diamonds; in the end all you need is a club and a spade.
Marriage is like a deck of cards It starts with Hearts and Diamonds and finishes with a Club and a Spade.
It was only after the accident, which left the mans feet severely injured that their marriage turned sour. Unbeknownst him he had married someone who was lack-toes intolerant
After five years of marriage I can finally say I know exactly what gets my wife turned on... ...not much, as it turns out.
I asked my mum how much is a couple? "2 or 3 maybe" she replied. Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.!
My wife and I are ill
My ears are clogged and she's lost her voice.
Our marriage has never been stronger.
What does my whiskey and my marriage have in common? Both are on the rocks, because I have a drinking problem
I asked my mom "how many is a couple?" She said, "two or three." That would explain why her marriage collapsed.
What does a marriage and a hurricane have in common? It begins with a lot of sucking and blowing and in the end you still loose your house
my wife after 25 years of marriage asked me to choose my happiest memory, a moment when we were together I said for god’s sake woman, make up your mind, which one do you want?
Why did the orange fleshed melon have to have a traditional marriage ceremony? Obviously because it Cantelope.
We had a marriage to attend at 8 pm. My wife started applying make up at 6pm The previous day
The odds for a successful marriage are horrible. 50% of them end in divorce. The other 50% end in death.