What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Grandpa, grandpa! I’m watching a soccer game!”
Why is women’s soccer so rare? It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
England soccer team have got a new captain today His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..
After my son’s soccer game, the goalkeeper invited him and I for a party afterwards. It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!" He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."
Why has soccer suddenly become so popular in America? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I’d bring my friends to the bar.
I passed by the prison today and they were playing soccer on the field I shouted "Pass the ball, I'm free!!"
What's the difference between Snow White and the Brazil soccer team? Snow White had the excuse of being asleep when she let seven in.
What do a pro soccer player and a great wife have in common? They both know how to lay down and fake it.
Britons vs. Americans
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby
It's School not Shooting Range.
My mom told me never date a soccer player, Because there is only a 9% chance they are a keeper.
Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults. Every kid gets atrophy.
Three generations apart, watching a soccer game
"Hey great grandpa, watch this soccer game!"
"Sure, which two countries are playing?"
"Austria - Hungary."
As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship... Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.
The American soccer team visited an orphanage today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad faces without hope." said Bill Rogers, age 6.
Twilight's like soccer Twilight's like soccer. They run around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand.
You would think with an entire soccer team stuck in a cave.... One of them would have known how to dive
I'm currently dating a famous soccer player. He's so loving and caring towards me. He's a keeper.
The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today "It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans
After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards. It was the Father, the Son, and the Goalie Host.
My friend has a weird quirk: he gets explosive diarrhea and just can't contain himself when he sees a certain soccer player... And boy, it's Messi.
*Canada's first Professional Soccer team has made it to FIFA* That's to bad eh, they're parents could'nt afford hockey equipment growing up.
Why do you never see any Asian soccer players? Because when they get a corner they build a shop.
Why is India no good at playing soccer ? Every time they get a corner they build a shop on it.
We don't need to cancel the World Cup because of Covid-19 Because soccer players never get within 2 metres of each other anyway.
A group of dyslexic men form a soccer team When they got down to the name of their team they went with "Dyslexia untied"
Why women soccer so rear ?
Son to mom : mom why women soccer is so rare ?
Mom replied : Its quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, their goalkeeper invited both of us to a party to celebrate... It was the father, son and the goalie host...
So I tried to volunteer for my local soccer team, and they asked me “What’s your favourite position?” I’d still like to know how exactly “Doggystyle” wasn’t a valid answer.
I tried to start a soccer club so I put up some posters on a local bulletin board. Just to get the ball rolling.
A trip to Brasil
[ An employee returning from his vacation is talking to his boss ]
So, how was your trip to Rio de Janeiro?
*It sucked. The entire country is just soccer and hookers.*
My wife's from Brasil.
*Oh... What team does she play for?*
Heard someone say they had to play soccer with 2nd graders. They should really invest in a ball...
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life. Little to no goals.
What's the difference between soccer players and NFL players?
Soccer players pretend to be hurt
NFL players pretend to be innocent in court
Which countries did the Netherlands need to beat to get to the womens soccer final? Most notably Spain but that was about 400 years ago.
What does a Dutchman do when he's won the soccer world cup? He turns off the game console and goes to sleep.
An iconic soccer ball have black and white and is made somewhere in Asia. They did it boys racism is no more...
I went to my girlfriend's soccer match for the first time last weekend. She kept grabbing the ball with her hands. She's a keeper!
After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited both of us at his place to celebrate. It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
Neymar told me he was quitting soccer
I asked him what he is doing next, he said "Olympics"
I asked him what event he was doing.
He replied "The high dive"
I told my wife if she cheated on me I would throw fourteen hundred soccer balls at her. She told me I don't have the balls.
I signed up for a soccer team and they asked me my favorite position. I told them missionary style but lately I've had a hard time scoring.
Was playing soccer last week and the referee said I could only take the free kick if the ball was stationery. So I swapped it for a pencil.
Soccer made easy for everyone
Why Harry Kane scores with great efficiency and reliability ?
Because he is a hurricane for the enemy defence .
I got banned from playing soccer for 10 years for a tackle. To be fair it was a bit late. He was getting into his car at the time.