Hilarious Soccer Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Soccer Jokes

What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Score: 951

“Grandpa, grandpa! I’m watching a soccer game!” “Who’s playing?”
“Austria-Hungary”
“Against who?”

Score: 590

Why do italians love soccer? Because halfway through they get to switch sides

Score: 438

So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally I think she's a keeper

Score: 287

I don't watch soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I would take my friends to the bar.

Score: 173

My son played soccer in the mud all day. He was a little Messi.

Score: 139

I don't watch Soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd take my friends out to the bar.

Score: 139

Did you hear the score of the England vs Ethiopia soccer game? England 8. Ethiopia didn't

Score: 137

Why can't Cinderella play soccer? Because she keeps running away from the ball

Score: 130

I watched a soccer game that ended in a 1-1 draw... No 1-1

Score: 129

Why is women’s soccer so rare? It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.

Score: 116

England soccer team have got a new captain today His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..

Score: 98

Why wont Demi Lovato play soccer? She cant seem to kick anything

Score: 93

Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!" He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."

Score: 79

Why has soccer suddenly become so popular in America? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I’d bring my friends to the bar.

Score: 78

I passed by the prison today and they were playing soccer on the field I shouted "Pass the ball, I'm free!!"

Score: 64

I think I want to take up acting... Does anyone know of a local soccer league I could join?

Score: 64

I'm watching TV My grandfather walks by: What's on?
Me: Soccer
Grandfather: Who's playing?
Me: Austria-Hungary
Grandfather:And Against who?

Score: 61

What's the difference between Snow White and the Brazil soccer team? Snow White had the excuse of being asleep when she let seven in.

Score: 49

What do a pro soccer player and a great wife have in common? They both know how to lay down and fake it.

Score: 46

I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at soccer. Nobody expects the Spanish in position.

Score: 45

A buddy of mine started dating this girl that plays soccer. I like her a lot. She's a keeper.

Score: 41

Britons vs. Americans Americans:
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby

Britons:
It's School not Shooting Range.

Score: 36

Who holds the record for longest time trapped in a cave with a soccer team? It's a Thai

Score: 35

My mom told me never date a soccer player, Because there is only a 9% chance they are a keeper.

Score: 33

Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults. Every kid gets atrophy.

Score: 31

Three generations apart, watching a soccer game "Hey great grandpa, watch this soccer game!"

"Sure, which two countries are playing?"

"Austria - Hungary."

"Against who?"

Score: 30

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? She kept running away from the ball!

Score: 28

Why can't Pakistanis play soccer? Whenever they get a corner they set up a convenience store

Score: 28

As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship... Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.

Score: 26

A soccer referee picks up his phone during a match. **14 Missed Calls**

Score: 22

Why is Spain so good at football (soccer)? Because no one expects the Spanish in position!

Score: 15

My friend has a weird quirk: he gets explosive diarrhea and just can't contain himself when he sees a certain soccer player... And boy, it's Messi.

Score: 13

Why do you never see any Asian soccer players? Because when they get a corner they build a shop.

Score: 11

What's worse than the US Men's Soccer Team? Nothing. Absolutely Nothing.

Score: 10

Tried to score on my girlfriend in soccer yesterday, but kept failing, Guess she's a keeper.

Score: 7

What's the difference between a WWE wrestler and a soccer player? A WWE wrestler will get up after faking an injury.

Score: 6

Stoner goes to the doctor A stoner goes to the doctor complaining he sees cats playing soccer every night when he falls asleep. The doctor recommends he stays up for a night. Stoner says ok but he can't miss the final tonight.

Score: 6

What do you call a soccer team everyone hates? Pepsi United

Score: 4

What’s the difference between a football (soccer) referee and a politician? When the referee gets bribed at least someone wins.

Score: 4

New Soccer Jokes

What did Ancient Israelite Soccer Moms make for their families? Bamanna bread!

Score: 1

An iconic soccer ball have black and white and is made somewhere in Asia. They did it boys racism is no more...

Score: 2

Why doesn't Thailand have a womans soccer team You know why

Score: 1

What position did the writer play in soccer? Foreword

Score: 1

Neymar told me he was quitting soccer I asked him what he is doing next, he said "Olympics"

I asked him what event he was doing.

He replied "The high dive"

Score: 1

Soccer made easy for everyone Why Harry Kane scores with great efficiency and reliability ?

Because he is a hurricane for the enemy defence .

Score: 1

I asked a flat earther to play soccer the other day... He brought a frisbee.

Score: 1

What’s the pigs favourite soccer team West ham

Score: 1

It’s good to see Thailand hasn’t changed since I was last there With entire soccer teams in deep holes, and way too many traps.

Score: 1

Why couldn't the Thai soccer team kids have SCUBA'ed their way out of the flooded cave complex earlier? Unfortunately, they're not professional soccer players and aren't proficient in the art of diving.

Score: 2

If a Brazilian soccer team was stuck in a cave they would be out by now... Because they are good at diving

Score: 2

Thai soccer team and their coach gets stuck in underground cave for 15 days... ...still better divers than Neymar JR.

Score: 1

I was watching a movie where the acting was so bad that it turned into a football (soccer to us yanks) game.

My apologies to Rodney Dangerfield.

Score: 2

Why can't you send off a dog in soccer? Because they can't tell the difference between a red card and a yellow

Score: 1

What do you call it when Ghengis Khan scores a point in Soccer? A monGOAL!

Score: 2

What's the difference between someone wearing a wristwatch, and the US Soccer team? Nothing. They both have time on their hands.

Score: 2

What illness does a football/soccer player get Hayfifa

Score: 1

I heard a funny soccer joke the other day... ... Thought you guys would get a kick out of it.

Score: 2

Went to my daughter's soccer finals the other day... What a semi!

Score: 1

What are the odds of USA beating Brazil in soccer? Brazilian to one....

(credit to bill burr's monday morning podcast)

Score: 2

Super computers are like soccer players Tons of flops.

Score: 2

What's the end result of a soccer game between Jamaica and Ethiopia? Half the grass is smoked and the other half is eaten.

Score: 4

You hear about the Egypt vs. Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt ate, Ethiopia didn't.

Score: 2

Why soccer players don't play Uno? Because they don't like to get red cards.

Score: 2

Why did Cinderella get kicked out of the soccer team? She always ran away from the ball

Score: 3

What Football (soccer) Cup does Super Mario compete in? Koopa Italia

Score: 1

Did you hear the one about fouls in Soccer? You'll get a kick out of it.

Score: 2

Man! Did anyone else see the result of the Egypt vs Ethopia soccer game? Egypt: 8.

Ethopia: Didn't.

Score: 4

What do you call a ghost that loves soccer? Ghoooooooooooooouuull!

Score: 1

What do you call siblings that play soccer? Umbros

Score: 1