Soccer Jokes

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Funniest Soccer Jokes

What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Score: 951

“Grandpa, grandpa! I’m watching a soccer game!” “Who’s playing?”
“Austria-Hungary”
“Against who?”

Score: 590

Why do italians love soccer? Because halfway through they get to switch sides

Score: 438
Funny Soccer Jokes
Score: 287

I don't watch soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I would take my friends to the bar.

Score: 173

My son played soccer in the mud all day. He was a little Messi.

Score: 139

I don't watch Soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd take my friends out to the bar.

Score: 139

Did you hear the score of the England vs Ethiopia soccer game? England 8. Ethiopia didn't

Score: 137

Why can't Cinderella play soccer? Because she keeps running away from the ball

Score: 130

I watched a soccer game that ended in a 1-1 draw... No 1-1

Score: 129

Why is women’s soccer so rare? It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.

Score: 116

England soccer team have got a new captain today His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..

Score: 98

Why wont Demi Lovato play soccer? She cant seem to kick anything

Score: 93

Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!" He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."

Score: 79

Why has soccer suddenly become so popular in America? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I’d bring my friends to the bar.

Score: 78

I passed by the prison today and they were playing soccer on the field I shouted "Pass the ball, I'm free!!"

Score: 64

I think I want to take up acting... Does anyone know of a local soccer league I could join?

Score: 64

I'm watching TV My grandfather walks by: What's on?
Me: Soccer
Grandfather: Who's playing?
Me: Austria-Hungary
Grandfather:And Against who?

Score: 61

What's the difference between Snow White and the Brazil soccer team? Snow White had the excuse of being asleep when she let seven in.

Score: 49

What do a pro soccer player and a great wife have in common? They both know how to lay down and fake it.

Score: 46

I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at soccer. Nobody expects the Spanish in position.

Score: 45

A buddy of mine started dating this girl that plays soccer. I like her a lot. She's a keeper.

Score: 41

Britons vs. Americans Americans:
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby

Britons:
It's School not Shooting Range.

Score: 36

Who holds the record for longest time trapped in a cave with a soccer team? It's a Thai

Score: 35

My mom told me never date a soccer player, Because there is only a 9% chance they are a keeper.

Score: 33

Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults. Every kid gets atrophy.

Score: 31

Three generations apart, watching a soccer game "Hey great grandpa, watch this soccer game!"

"Sure, which two countries are playing?"

"Austria - Hungary."

"Against who?"

Score: 30

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? She kept running away from the ball!

Score: 28

Why can't Pakistanis play soccer? Whenever they get a corner they set up a convenience store

Score: 28

As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship... Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.

Score: 26

You would think with an entire soccer team stuck in a cave.... One of them would have known how to dive

Score: 22

The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today "It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans

Score: 19

Why didn't Cinderella makes the Soccer Team? She kept running away from the ball

Score: 13

What's the difference between the English National Football Team and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer
^^^^football=soccer

Score: 11

Why did the politically correct soccer team never win any matches? Because no offense.

Score: 10

My GF plays soccer I think she's a keeper

Score: 7

What's the difference between a WWE wrestler and a soccer player? A WWE wrestler will get up after faking an injury.

Score: 6

Stoner goes to the doctor A stoner goes to the doctor complaining he sees cats playing soccer every night when he falls asleep. The doctor recommends he stays up for a night. Stoner says ok but he can't miss the final tonight.

Score: 6

What's is the outcome of a soccer game between Ethiopia and Jamaica? Half of the grass gets eaten and the other half gets smoked

Score: 4

What do you call a soccer team everyone hates? Pepsi United

Score: 4

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New Soccer Jokes

How do I watch the Mexican soccer match? ESPN Deported

Score: 0

What did Ancient Israelite Soccer Moms make for their families? Bamanna bread!

Score: 1

What's the difference between soccer players and NFL players? Soccer players pretend to be hurt

NFL players pretend to be innocent in court

Score: 2

An iconic soccer ball have black and white and is made somewhere in Asia. They did it boys racism is no more...

Score: 2

Why doesn't Thailand have a womans soccer team You know why

Score: 1

What position did the writer play in soccer? Foreword

Score: 1

Neymar told me he was quitting soccer I asked him what he is doing next, he said "Olympics"

I asked him what event he was doing.

He replied "The high dive"

Score: 1

Soccer made easy for everyone Why Harry Kane scores with great efficiency and reliability ?

Because he is a hurricane for the enemy defence .

Score: 1

What is soccer fans' favorite soap? Olay! Olay Olay Olay!

Score: 2

I asked a flat earther to play soccer the other day... He brought a frisbee.

Score: 1

What’s an aggressive soccer mom? Tupperwarior.

Score: 1

Why couldn't the English Soccer player have a drink after the game? No cup.

Score: 3

What’s the pigs favourite soccer team West ham

Score: 1

It’s good to see Thailand hasn’t changed since I was last there With entire soccer teams in deep holes, and way too many traps.

Score: 1

Why couldn't the Thai soccer team kids have SCUBA'ed their way out of the flooded cave complex earlier? Unfortunately, they're not professional soccer players and aren't proficient in the art of diving.

Score: 2

If a Brazilian soccer team was stuck in a cave they would be out by now... Because they are good at diving

Score: 2

Thai soccer team and their coach gets stuck in underground cave for 15 days... ...still better divers than Neymar JR.

Score: 1

I was watching a movie where the acting was so bad that it turned into a football (soccer to us yanks) game.

My apologies to Rodney Dangerfield.

Score: 2

What’s the difference between a football (soccer) referee and a politician? When the referee gets bribed at least someone wins.

Score: 4

What‘s the difference between a bankrobber and a soccer player? The bankrobber will say „Give me the money or I will shoot!“ and the soccer player will say „Give me the money or I won‘t shoot.“

Score: 0

Went to my daughter's soccer finals the other day... What a semi!

Score: 1

What's the end result of a soccer game between Jamaica and Ethiopia? Half the grass is smoked and the other half is eaten.

Score: 4

You hear about the Egypt vs. Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt ate, Ethiopia didn't.

Score: 2

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