What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Grandpa, grandpa! I’m watching a soccer game!”
Why do italians love soccer? Because halfway through they get to switch sides
I don't watch soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I would take my friends to the bar.
My son played soccer in the mud all day. He was a little Messi.
I don't watch Soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd take my friends out to the bar.
Did you hear the score of the England vs Ethiopia soccer game? England 8. Ethiopia didn't
Why can't Cinderella play soccer? Because she keeps running away from the ball
I watched a soccer game that ended in a 1-1 draw... No 1-1
Why is women’s soccer so rare? It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
England soccer team have got a new captain today His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..
Why wont Demi Lovato play soccer? She cant seem to kick anything
Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!" He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."
Why has soccer suddenly become so popular in America? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I’d bring my friends to the bar.
I passed by the prison today and they were playing soccer on the field I shouted "Pass the ball, I'm free!!"
I think I want to take up acting... Does anyone know of a local soccer league I could join?
I'm watching TV
My grandfather walks by: What's on?
Grandfather: Who's playing?
Grandfather:And Against who?
What's the difference between Snow White and the Brazil soccer team? Snow White had the excuse of being asleep when she let seven in.
What do a pro soccer player and a great wife have in common? They both know how to lay down and fake it.
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at soccer. Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
A buddy of mine started dating this girl that plays soccer. I like her a lot. She's a keeper.
Britons vs. Americans
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby
It's School not Shooting Range.
Who holds the record for longest time trapped in a cave with a soccer team? It's a Thai
My mom told me never date a soccer player, Because there is only a 9% chance they are a keeper.
Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults. Every kid gets atrophy.
Three generations apart, watching a soccer game
"Hey great grandpa, watch this soccer game!"
"Sure, which two countries are playing?"
"Austria - Hungary."
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? She kept running away from the ball!
Why can't Pakistanis play soccer? Whenever they get a corner they set up a convenience store
As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship... Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.
The Hunger Games is like Soccer. Everyone runs around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand.
The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today "It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans
What's the difference between the English National Football Team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer
My GF plays soccer I think she's a keeper
What do you call a soccer team everyone hates? Pepsi United
What’s the difference between a football (soccer) referee and a politician? When the referee gets bribed at least someone wins.
You hear about the Egypt vs. Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt ate, Ethiopia didn't.
If a Brazilian soccer team was stuck in a cave they would be out by now... Because they are good at diving
An iconic soccer ball have black and white and is made somewhere in Asia. They did it boys racism is no more...
What's the difference between soccer players and NFL players?
Soccer players pretend to be hurt
NFL players pretend to be innocent in court
How do I watch the Mexican soccer match? ESPN Deported
What did Ancient Israelite Soccer Moms make for their families? Bamanna bread!
Why doesn't Thailand have a womans soccer team You know why
What position did the writer play in soccer? Foreword
Neymar told me he was quitting soccer
I asked him what he is doing next, he said "Olympics"
I asked him what event he was doing.
He replied "The high dive"
Soccer made easy for everyone
Why Harry Kane scores with great efficiency and reliability ?
Because he is a hurricane for the enemy defence .
I asked a flat earther to play soccer the other day... He brought a frisbee.
What’s the pigs favourite soccer team West ham
It’s good to see Thailand hasn’t changed since I was last there With entire soccer teams in deep holes, and way too many traps.
Why couldn't the Thai soccer team kids have SCUBA'ed their way out of the flooded cave complex earlier? Unfortunately, they're not professional soccer players and aren't proficient in the art of diving.
Thai soccer team and their coach gets stuck in underground cave for 15 days... ...still better divers than Neymar JR.
What‘s the difference between a bankrobber and a soccer player? The bankrobber will say „Give me the money or I will shoot!“ and the soccer player will say „Give me the money or I won‘t shoot.“
Went to my daughter's soccer finals the other day... What a semi!
What are the odds of USA beating Brazil in soccer?
Brazilian to one....
(credit to bill burr's monday morning podcast)