Boob Jokes

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Funniest Boob Jokes

Funny Boob Jokes

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? We’d better get some support or people will think we’re nuts.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get some support around here, people are gonna think we’re nuts!

Why do they call it boob sweat and not humidititties?

What did one depressed saggy boob say to the other? We better get some support before people think we're nuts!

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts

What did the saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "Man, if we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts."

If there was a saggy boob competition, my wife would beat everyone... In fact, she'd wipe the floor with them...

What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better get some support or people are gunna think we're nuts !

Why is it called boob sweat But not humiditties

[Blonde Joke] A blonde woman is walking around town with her breast exposed A man walks up to her and says "ma'am did you know your boob is out?"

The blonde looks down, seeing her exposed breast screams "OH MY GOD I LEFT MY BABY ON THE BUS"

What did the right boob say to the left boob? If we don't get some support around here, people are going to think we're nuts.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support, people are going to think we're nuts!

The difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job? one is a crusty bus station.

What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better perk up or somebody is going to think were nuts.

"If we win the jackpot I'll get a boob job", the wife said -"If we win the jackpot I'll get new tires for the car", the husband answered

-"What's the point of wasting so much effort on the old car when you can get a new one?"

-"Exactly"

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get support, people will think we're nuts.

What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better get some support over here or people will think we're nuts.

Why is it called Boob Sweat..... and not Humiditties?

What did one saggy boob say to the other? If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? We better get some support soon or people will think we're nuts

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts!"

What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better perk up or people may think were nuts.

How much does a boob weigh? A mammogram

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get support soon people are gonna think we’re nuts”

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support they're going to think we're nuts!

What did one boob say to the other boob? You're my breast friend

What does one saggy boob say to the other? If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

My friend just landed a boob job the perks are great

Why is it called Boob Sweat And not humidititties?

Il let myself out..

Joke from my grandpa I once met a girl who had a boob on her back.

She wasn't much to look at, but she sure was fun to dance with!

What did one nervous boob say to the other nervous boob? “If we don’t get some support people are gonna think we’re nuts.”

Edit: I hope this isn’t a repost, it was always one of my grandpa’s favorites.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"

What did one boob say to the other boob? Hey man, if we don't get some support soon they're gonna think we're nuts!

What did one saggy boob say to the others? We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!

What did one saggy boob say to the other? "If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts!"

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? We better get some support fast or people are gonna think we’re nuts!

What does one saggy boob say to another? “If we don’t get any support soon, people are going to think we’re nuts!!”

What did one 80 year old boob say to the other? If we don’t get it together, people are going to think we’re nuts!

What's the boob of a nun called? Sanctity.

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New Boob Jokes

What do you call a game console with a small boob fetish? A Sega Game Gear.

What did one boob say to the other? We need to get support before they think we're nuts.

(Read it on a diner's chalkboard)

What do you call someone who's clueless about breast implants? Boob noob

Technically it's not boob sweat, it's humidititties

What did one saggy boob say to the other boob? We better get some support before people think we're nuts!

I remember when i saw my first boob Ahh the mammaries

A women goes to a plastic surgeon to get a boob job. Surgeon: I guarantee you'll get a Percocet (perky-set).

What do you call a boob mug? A T cup

Wife is horrible with money After receiving a decent inheritance from her mother, my wife decided to buy a boob job instead of start a 529 for our kids. Her prior titties weren't straight.

Every second on Earth, a boob is being touched somewhere It's the breast feeling in the world

Why is it called boob sweat and not . . . Humidititties?

Credit: El Arroyo Mexican Restaurant Marquee

My girlfriend has multiple personalities and keeps getting boob jobs. She's had a lot of iden-titties

How does a magician perform a boob implant? Breastidigitation

A blond goes to the doctor.... And says "I can't figure out what's wrong with me. When I touch my head it hurts, when I touch my boob it hurts, and when I touch my foot it hurts."

To which the doctor replies "ma'am I think you've broken your finger"

The word Boob is actually a diagram. B (top view) oo (front view) b side view.

There was once a woman who held a funeral for her boob after a mastectomy The tombstone said "Breast In Peace"

What's a boob addict's favourite book? Infinite Chest.

What’s the difference between an old bus station and a crab with a boob job... Ones a crusty bus station, and the other’s a busty crustacean.

What's the difference a bus stop in the ghetto and a crab with a boob job? One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean.

What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better get some support before someone thinks we are nuts.

Where do you go if you need your teeth cleaned and a boob job? The dentits

What’s the difference between a crusty bus station and a shrimp with boob implants? Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean

What did the one saggy boob say to the other? We need a bra or people will think we’re nuts.

Corny boob joke Ba dum titss

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get some support soon, people are going to think we’re nuts!

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts!

What did the saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support people will think we’re nuts”

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? We better get some support before people start thinking we're nuts!

There's been a lot of boob jokes on the front page lately This is the breast i've seen this sub in a long time

I got hired to feed babies milk at the local hospital. I guess you could say I got a boob job.

What's the difference between a lobster with a boob job and an old bus stop? One's a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station!

What did one saggy boob say to the other? If we don't find some support, people are going to think we're nuts.

Greyhound Buses and Lobsters What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal that hasn't been cleaned in months and a lobster with a boob job?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

What's the difference between an old bus shelter and a crab that has had a boob job? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean!

What did the saggy boob to the other saggy boob? We better get some support soon or people will think we're nuts

A new word for boob sweat Humidititties

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "Better get some support around here or people are going to think we're nuts"

Why call it boob sweat... When you can call it humidi-titty

What's the difference between an inner city bus stop and an aged lobster with a boob job? One's a crusty old bus station, the other's a busty old crustacean.

Whats the difference between a rusty bus stop and a crab with a boob job? One is a rusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean.

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Long Boob Jokes

"If you win the lottery,

the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job," said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket.







"Well, actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo," I replied.







"Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, you might as well get yourself a new one," she said.







"My point exactly."

Boob itch

A boyfriend walks in on his girlfriend scratching her breast. Delighted that he caught a glimpse of such a rare occurrence, he cries, "Boob itch!"

His girlfriend turns to him, slaps him in the face, and says, "Don't call me that! And you didn't scare me."

Winning the lottery

"If you win the lottery, the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job," said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket.

"Well, actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo," I replied.

"Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, you might as well get yourself a new one," she said.

"My point exactly."

Julie was a typical housewife...

And one day while she was crossing the road, she was hit by a car and died. She went to st. Peter's gate and asked to talk with god. "Why did you kill me?" She asked. " I'm only 42". God apologized immediately and agreed to bring her back to life and let her resume her life. She woke up in the hospital with her family surrounding her, and immediately hugged them. She decided that she may as well get some cosmetic surgery while in the hospital, so she got lypo, a boob job, got botox in her forehead, and a tan. She left the hospital the next day, and immediately she was hit by another car. Yet again, she asked god, 'why did you kill me'. He responded, "sorry, i didn't recognize you"

A young woman goes to get a boob job. The doctor...

Tells her that his ways are quite unconventional. He uses the power of positive persuasion. He says "Just repeat the line Yes, yes, yes I want a bigger chest." She's skeptical but is desperate. For the rest of the day, she repeats the line. When she wakes up the next morning, she finds out she's gone up a cup size. She's estatic. She walks out the door to walk to work repeating the line. Half way to work, she passes a guy who hears her and says " You went to Dr. Wong." She's amazed he knows and wants to know how he figured that out. He hems and haws, and trys ducking the question before saying "Hickory, dickery, dock..."

My wife and I were in the shower together...

Being awfully childish, I started to use her body like an instrument. When I'd tap her left boob, it made a snare noise, and her right boob was my cymbal. Her butt also made beautiful music as I struck it like bongos.

She started to get upset and yelled, "How would you like it if I used you like an instrument?!"

I replied, "Just fine, as long as I can be a flute."

Drunk chick walks into a bar...

and she calls over the bartender, and says, "Beertender! Gimme a martooni!"

The bartender patiently gives her a martini, which she disposes of quickly, then yells at him again. "Beertender! Gimme another martooni!"

He rolls his eyes and serves her another. But not ten minutes later, she's hollering across the bar at him again. "Beertender! Gimme another martooni! And give me some antacid; I have terrible heartburn."

The bartender replied, "Listen, lady. One: It's Bartender, not Beertender. Two: It's a martini, not a martooni. And three: You do not have heartburn; your boob is in the ashtray."

A woman goes to movies with her newborn son.

The kid starts crying and keeps crying for 10-15 minutes.

Frustrated, a man screams :" damnit woman, put a boob in the kid's mouth. "

Angered by the remark, the woman's husband stands up and starts lecturing the guy in the dark about how he is a awful human being and doesn't know how to behave with woman.

The man screams again :" put one in his mouth too. "

A pregnant mother gave birth to twins.

Even though each had one boob for milk, they discovered that they weren't getting enough. And both of them got jealous, blaming each other for the low supply. And so each one bought poisons secretly.

So then, both of them decided to apply the poison on the nipple that wasn't for them. Each wanted to kill his competition. Nothing should come between them and their milk!

Both the twins slept happily at night. "Oh he shall be dead by the morning. And all the boobies in the world will be mine to suck!", each thought.

In the morning, as they approached their mother's dead, they discovered their father had been killed by poisoning.

Tender-Bar, Tender-Bar! Get Me A Mar-tony!

There's a small little pub on the other side of town and it's been a slow night. The bartender is tired and, due to slow business, he's thinking about closing up early one night. But this lady stumbles in, and it's apparent that she's already had a few. She sits down at the bar and calls out to the bartender; "Tender-bar! Tender-bar, fix me a mar-tony! I gots heartburn!" The bartender reluctantly fixes her a martini 'cause he figures it can't hurt. He places it in front of her and says "Enjoy" with a nice smile. She slams it back, takes a bite out of the olive and yells out; "Tender-bar! Tender-bar, fix me a mar-tony! I gots heartburn!" The bartender, a little annoyed this time, shakes her up a martini. Again, places it in front of her with a nice "Enjoy." Again, she slams back the martini, hammers the glass on the bar with a thud and once again "Tender-bar! Tender-bar, fix me a mar-tony! I gots heartburn!" The bartender, a little annoyed by this point, retaliates. He says firmly to the lady; "Look lady, I'm a bartender, not a tender-bar. Second off: it's called a martini, not a mar-tony. And finally, you don't have heartburn, your boob is in the ashtray."

Edit: I just learned how to spell bight.

AND GOD CREATED MAN

2 weeks after creating Eve,God returns for a visit. "Hows it going Eve?"
"Great, except for this third boob. It throws off my balance when I walk. I think 2 would be better."
"Very well." God holds out his hand before Eve and her middle boob falls into it. God flings it into the bushes.
2 weeks later,God returns. "How are things going Eve?"
"Great, except I've noticed that all your beautiful creatures have a mate and I don't. "
"How could I have overlooked this. I'll make you a mate from a piece of your body," God says.
He begins looking around and says out loud, "Where did I put that useless boob?"

Spending money on the wife

I spent $5000 on a boob job for the wife, she was delighted.
I spent another $2000 on a nose job for her, she was ecstatic,
I spent $2000 on liposuction for her, she was over the moon,
I spent $50 on a blow job for myself, she goes mental.... WOMEN??

Beertender

A drunk girl calls over the bartender, and says, "Beertender! Gimme a martooni!"

The bartender patiently gives her a martini, which she disposes of quickly, then yells at him again. "Beertender! Gimme another martooni!"

He rolls his eyes and serves her another. But not ten minutes later, she's hollering across the bar at him again. "Beertender! Gimme another martooni! And give me some antacid; I have terrible heartburn."

The bartender replied, "Listen, lady. One: It's Bartender, not Beertender. Two: It's a martini, not a martooni. And three: You do not have heartburn; your boob is in the ashtray."

Two old friends see each other in town

“Fred? Is that you?” Dave exclaims. “I haven’t seen you in years! How are you?”

They have a conversation and soon Fred brings up another friend they haven’t seen in a while.

“I saw Jane the other day,” Fred says.

“Who’s Jane?” Dave asks.

“You know, Plain Jane. Small, thin, quite flat.”

“Oh yes,” Dave responds. “How is she?”

“It’s incredible!” Fred replies. “She’s got... uhh...” He motions with his hands in front of him in a cupping gesture, shaking them awkwardly.

“Woah! She got a boob job?”

“No, she’s got terrible arthritis.”

A drunk blonde woman was sitting at a bar says to the barman,

A drunk blonde woman was sitting at a bar says to the barman, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn." The barman mixes her drink and puts in down in front of her. A few minutes later, she calls him over and says, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn." He rolls his eyes but mixes her drink anyway and sets it down in front of her. A few minutes later, she waves him over again and says, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn." The barman looks her up and down and says, "First off, it's bartender, not barfender. Second off, it's martini, not marhini. And third, you don't have heartburn, your boob is in the ashtray."

Tom_Swifties with flatly

'I like pancakes' said Tom flatly

'My girlfriend needs a boob job' said Tom flatly

'I am not so inclined' said Tom flatly

'I have an apartment in London' said Tom flatly

'Sounds out of tune to me' said Tom flatly

'Just get the jack' said Tom flatly

'Ow, my arches have fallen!' said Tom flatly

Any more ?

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