Pumpkin Jokes

Contents

Funniest Pumpkin Jokes

What do you get if you divide a pumpkins circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin π

Sorry.

Funny Pumpkin Jokes

What do you get when you divide 355 jack o'lanterns by 113 jack o'lanterns? Pumpkin Pi.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi

How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch

Why is Cinderella so bad at football? A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach

B. Because she keeps running away from the ball

What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka? A sorority.

Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter, and what do you get? Pumpkin pi.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? pumpkin pi

How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch!

How do you fix a pumpkin With a pumpkin patch...

I'm so sorry.

What do you get when you take the circumference of a jack'olantern? Pumpkin pie!

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by it's diameter? Pumpkin Pi.

What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common? They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out after October.

What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin pi!

What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's diameter by it's circumference? Pumpkin Pi.

You have a pumpkin. You measure around it. All the way around.

Then you cut the pumpkin in half so the top is separate from the bottom.

Measure across the cut pumpkin.

Divide the circumference by the diameter.

What do you have now?

Pumpkin Pi

Why doesn’t cinderella play sports? Because she has a pumpkin for a coach, and runs away from the ball.

What's the difference between Trump and a Halloween pumpkin? The pumpkin is bright.

A pumpkin says to a jack-o'-lantern "All we ever do is sit around on the stoop. Don't you want to mix it up, try something different?" The jack-o'-lantern says "I don't have the guts."

What do you call death by a massive pumpkin falling on your head? gourd to death

I saw a beautiful pumpkin today... It was gourdeous.

How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction? Apply the pumpkin patch.

How do you fix a pumpkin with a hole in it? with a pumpkin patch.

How do you fix a pumpkin with a hole in it? ...you give it a pumpkin patch.

Overheard at Starbucks: Man: Would you like to try a pumpkin spice latte?

Woman: No. Since Trump came on the scene I am boycotting everything orange.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o’-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin pi

Yo momma's so fat If she were a spice girl, she would be pumpkin spice.

Did you know that most coffee flavorings have a low pH? Except pumpkin spice because it's so basic

What did one Pumpkin say to the other? Happy Hollowing!

Why was Cinderella so bad at tennis? Because her coach was a pumpkin

Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.

I think my mirror is broken I said pumpkin spice latte 3 times in front of it and no white girl in yoga pants appeared.

What do you get if you divide a pumpkin's circumference by it's diameter ? Pumpkin Pi

A pumpkin and her husband go out for a special dinner date. They meet each other after work at a table within the restaurant.

Wife: “How do I look?”

Husband: “Gourdgeous as ever dear.”

Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes? To make them even more basic.

We got our Seasonal bulk in at work today and got Pumpkin Spice Motor Oil. It's for Autumnmobiles

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin π


I'm sorry, I'll see myself out.

The girl I'm dating loves pumpkin spice lattes and uggs, but she's honestly pretty odd She literally can't even

I just came up with Trump's inauguration drink I call it, "Make America Smashed Again"
It's a White Russian with pumpkin spice.

Popular Topics

New Pumpkin Jokes

Who makes the best pumpkin pie? Gourden Ramsay

What do you get when you divide pumpkin circumference by pumpkin diameter? You get pumpkin pi.

Did you hear about the sailor that was turned into a pumpkin pie? He's now a squashbuckling pirate

What instrument does a pumpkin play? An a-gourd-ian.

(I’m so sorry I had to get it out of my head)

What kind of pumpkin is a royalty? A Pumpking

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? A. Pumpkin pi.

Why was the pumpkin afraid of cows He was afraid of getting gourd

Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll : Step 1. Get a pumpkin.

Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill.

Step 3. Give it a little push.

Step 4. Enjoy.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by it's diameter? Pumpkin π

Pumpkin math joke. What do you get when you divide a pumpkins diameter by its circumference?

Pumpkin pi.

I carved a pumpkin with my girlfriend last night And my finger

What do rednecks do on Halloween? They pumpkin

The car dealership near me is having a fall deal: “You heard it here folks, it’s back, free pumpkin spiced oil changes with every tire change!”

I have seasonal allergies. I’m allergic to pumpkin spice.

What does a pumpkin's circumference and it diameter have in common? Pumpkin pie.

What is Alabama's favorite flavor? Pumpkin Spice

IPAs are just pumpkin spiced lattes for white men That is all

How do you measure a jack-o-lantern? You use pumpkin pi.

Why Cinderella fail her P.E. class? Her coach was a pumpkin

Why was Cinderella so bad at football? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach and kept running away from the ball

How do you fix a flat pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a pumpkin? Both are orange and wrinkled but a pumpkin has thicker skin.

In honor of both Halloween and the release of documents on JFK's assassination I decided to carve a pumpkin that looks like JFK's widow. It's my first Jackie O'Lantern.

Divided the circumference of a Jack-o'-lantern today by its diameter... Ended up with pumpkin pi.

What did the white girl say when she found out pumpkin spice lattes were considered basic? "My whole life is a lye!"

What's the PH of pumpkin spice? Basic.

How do you fix a broken Jack-o-Lantern? With a pumpkin patch, silly!

What does a cancer survivor who just baked a pumpkin pie say? "I made it."

Credit to my wonderful brother.

How do you turn a pumpkin into a different vegetable? You throw it up in the air and it comes down squash!

Which pumpkin is the best cook? Gourdon Ramsay

What do you get when you cut a Jack O' Lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin pi.

Happy Pi Day, y'all!

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pie.

Why did cinderella quit the soccer team? Because her coach was a pumpkin and she couldn't get to the ball

Why couldn't Cinderella play football very well? Her coach was a pumpkin

How do you fix a Jack O Latern? With a pumpkin patch!

Center for Disease Control: overconsumption of beta-carotene linked to dangerous rise in pH of blood In other words, pumpkin spice lattes make you basic.

Why does Cinderella never win the Olympics? She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.

What do you get when you cross astronomy and cosmology with a dyslexic girl at starbucks? Astrology, cosmetology, and a pumpkin space latte

In colllege what was the difference between pumpkin pie and my girlfriend? I shared the girlfriend.

I created a robot that serves me pumpkin spice lattes... Naturally, I coded in BASIC

Popular Topics

Long Pumpkin Jokes

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?

Boy: Pockets.

Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.

Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

Boy: Bubble gum.

Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent.

The principal was looking restless.

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: Wedding ring.

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: OH MY GOD.

Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you have to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: Ohooo!

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh!

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

So Cinderella was crying...

...when her fairy godmother shows up. She asks poor Cinderella, "What's troubling you, my dear?" "My sisters have all gone to the ball, but I can't! I have nothing to wear and no way to go..." cried Cinderella. "Oh fret not. Let me handle this for you," said the fairy godmother. "But first, you have to bring me all the pumpkins you can find."

So Cinderella set off to look for all pumpkins she could find and rolled them back. Then her fairy godmother turned 1 into a beautiful golden
carriage, 2 into majestic stallions, 2 into a beautiful pair of glass slippers and 1 into the most elegant and gorgeous white gown you could ever imagine. But Cinderella kept on crying.

"Why are you still troubled, sweetie? You've got everything you need to go to the ball!"

"But I... I... I'm on my period now. I can't wear that white dress," replied Cinderella.

"Don't worry honey," said her fairy godmother, and she turned to look at the garden, only to find the largest pumpkin left, which she turned into a tampon.

And at midnight, Cinderella died.

[long] a female class teacher was having problems with a kid in her class

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3.
The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Primary 4.
I am smarter than my sister and she's in Primary 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Primary 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

Principal: 5x9.

Boy: 45.

The boy got all the questions right.
The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Primary 4 immediately.
The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?

Boy: Pockets.

Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.

Madam: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky?

*The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge*

Boy: Bubble gum.

Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent.

*The principal was looking restless*

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: Wedding ring.

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: O MY GOD.

Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: damnit!!.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh!!.. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher ,

"Send this BLOODY kid to the university...
Even I myself got all the answers wrong!"

A child prodigy

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in 3rd grade. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in 4th grade. I am smarter than my sister and she's in grade 4".

The teacher had heard enough and took the boy to the principal's office. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?
Boy: 6.
Principal: 6+6.
Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right.
The principal told the teacher to send the boy to the 4th grade immediately. The teacher decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Teacher: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
Boy: Legs.

Teacher: What is in your trousers that I don't have?
Boy: Pockets.

Teacher: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut.

Teacher: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky?

*The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge*

Boy: Bubble gum.

Teacher: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent.

*The principal was looking restless*

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
Boy: Wedding ring.

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
Boy: Nose.

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow.

Principal: O MY GOD.

Teacher: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
Boy: Fork.

Teacher: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname.

Principal: oh no!!

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
Boy: Heart.

Principal: Uhhhhhhh.. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send this boy to the university...Even I got all the answers wrong!"

You Might Be An Extreme Redneck If...

You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of HER kids.

The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your junior prom offered day care.

You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

The grade three teacher asks the class to use the word "contagious" in a sentence and little johnny put's up his hand...

"Yes Johnny?"

"Well miss, my dad actually used that word on the weekend. We were driving out in the countryside when we got stuck behind a pumpkin truck full of pumpkins. When my dad tried to pass him he sped up, so when we got to a roadside diner we stopped for lunch.

"Later on, we found the pumpkin truck further up the road on its side with pumpkins all over the road and my dad said:

"It's gonna take that contagious to pick them all up!"

Little Johnny had a bad day.

He stomped home from school to the family farm. Being an annoying little kid, he saw the farm animals and decided to take out a little frustration on them, so he yelled at the pig, chased the chickens around, and kicked in a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch. Finally, he made it to the house. His mom was waiting and furious.

"Johnny, I saw you just did and you're in big trouble! For abusing the poor pig and chickens, you don't get sausage or wings tonight. And no pumpkin pie, either!"

Just then, the two of them saw Johnny's dad came back from a day in the fields. He walked to the porch, where the cat is sleeping peacefully in the sun. He irritably kicked the cat out of the way to make it to the door. Johnny turns to his mom with a big grin and says,

"Shall you tell him, or shall I?"

Cinderella realllyyy wants to go to the ball....

And begs Fairy Godmother to help.

"Alright," Fairy Godmother says, "but only on two conditions. First, that you wear a diaphragm. Secondly, that you're home by midnight. Oh, and if you're not home by midnight, your diaphragm is turning into a pumpkin.'

Cinderella agrees and Fairy Godmother sends her off to the ball.

Fairy Godmother is watching the clock when midnight comes and goes. Around two, three in the morning Cinderella finally stumbles in looking all lovestruck.

"Where have you been?!" Fairy godmother demands. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin hours ago!"

"Oh I met a prince and he took care of everything."

"I know of no prince with this power. I demand to know his name!"

"I can't remember exactly... It was Peter, Peter, something or other..."

Cinderella was crying

Cinderella was crying when her fairy godmother shows up. She asks poor Cinderella, "What's troubling you, my dear?" "My sisters have all gone to the ball, but I can't! I have nothing to wear and no way to go..." cried Cinderella. "Oh fret not. Let me handle this for you," said the fairy godmother. "But first, you have to bring me all the pumpkins you can find."

So Cinderella set off to look for all pumpkins she could find and rolled them back. Then her fairy godmother turned one into a beautiful golden carriage, two into majestic stallions, two into a beautiful pair of glass slippers and one into the most elegant and gorgeous white gown you could ever imagine. But Cinderella kept on crying.

"Why are you still troubled, sweetie? You've got everything you need to go to the ball!"

"But I... I... I'm on my period now. I can't wear that white dress," replied Cinderella.

"Don't worry honey," said her fairy godmother, and she turned to look at the garden, only to find the largest pumpkin left, which she turned into a tampon.

At midnight, Cinderella died.

5 Jokes About Pi

1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi

2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi

3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision

4. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table?
Sir Cumference . but how did he get that way?
eating too much Pi.

5. I hate all these Pi jokes.
They go on forever.

With that last one I'll show myself the door.

A man with a giant pumpkin for a head walks up to his friend...

The friend says, “My God! What happened to your head!?”

“Well,” says the man, “I found a genie in lamp who granted me three wishes.”

“What did you wish for?” says the friend.

“For the first one I wished for a hundred million dollars, and I got it!”

“And the second?”

“For the second wish I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world,” says the man, “and I got her too.”

“The third wish?”

“The third wish is where I really messed up...” says the man.

“What went wrong?!” says the friend.

“Well,” says the man, “I wished for a giant pumpkin head!”

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her…

As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.

"First, you must wear a diaphram."

Cinderella agrees.

"What's the second condition?"

"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later and your diaphram will turn into a pumpkin."

Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.

The appointed hour comes and goes and Cinderella doesn't show up.

Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphram was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"

"I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter, something or other..."

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.

As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.

"First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees.

"What's the second condition?"

"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."

Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.

The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother.

"Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"

"I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter, something or other..."

You're an EXTREME redneck when...

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Seasonal Jokes

Spring
Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!
Summer
Q: What do you call a dog on the beach in the Summer?
A: A hot dog!
Q: Why do bananas use sunscreen?
A: Because they peel.
Fall
Q. How you mend a broken pumpkin?
A. With a pumpkin patch!
Winter
Q: How do Eskimos make their beds?
A: With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
Q: Why don’t mountains get cold in the winter?
A: They wear snowcaps.
Q: What did the snowman say to the customer?
A: Have an ice day!
Q: What do you call a slow skier?
A: A slopepoke!
Q: Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?
A: Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
Q: Where does a polarbear keep its money?
A: In a snow bank!
Q: What do you call a snowman in the desert?
A: A puddle!
Q: How does an Eskimo stick his house together?
A: With igloo!
Q: What is a snowman’s favorite breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snowbody!

Cinderella is late for the ball when her period comes.

To her great relief, her fairy godmother is able to fashion a magic tampon out of a pumpkin. But she warns her, “you MUST be home before midnight, or it will turn right back!”

Midnight comes and goes, and the fairy godmother goes from angry to terribly worried. At 5 am Cinderella shows up, smoking a cigarette and looking rather disheveled, but seemingly unharmed.

“Where have you been!?” yelled the fairy godmother.

“I’m fine, relax! Had a lovely evening. I ended up meeting a man! I don’t remember his name exactly, Peter Peter Pumpkin something.”

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4.
I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

**Principal:** What is 3+3?

**Boy:** 6.

**Principal:** 6+6.

**Boy:** 12.

The boy got all the questions right.
The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately.
The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

**Madam:** What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

**Boy:** Legs.

**Madam:** What is in your trousers that I don't have?

**Boy:** Pockets.

**Madam:** What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

**Boy:** Coconut.

**Madam:** What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

**Boy:** Bubble gum.

**Madam:** You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

**Boy:** Tent.

The principal was looking restless.

**Madam:** A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

**Boy:** Wedding ring.

**Madam:** I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

**Boy:** Nose.

**Madam:** I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

**Boy:** Arrow.

**Principal:** OH MY GOD.

**Madam:** What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you have to use your hand?

**Boy:** Fork.

**Madam:** What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

**Boy:** Surname.

**Principal:** Ohooo!

**Madam:** What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

**Boy:** Heart.

**Principal:** Eeeeeh!

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam,
"Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

Cinderella

So Cinderella is going to go out with Prince Charming. She approaches her Fairy Godmother and asks for some birth control.

"Absolutely not!" says the Fairy Godmother.

"Fine," says Cinderella. "But just remember this when there are all of these little princes running around."

So the Fairy Godmother thinks about it and relents. "Okay," she says, "I've turned this pumpkin into a diaphragm. However, you'd better be back before midnight, because that's when it will turn back into a pumpkin."

So Cinderella goes out, and the Fairy Godmother waiting ... and waiting ... it;s 12:00; then 1:00; then 2:00.

Finally Cinderella comes staggering in at 2:30, a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother

"Out," says Cinderella.

"Didn't that diaphragm turn back into a pumpkin at midnight?"

"Yes."

"Well ... what did you do?" asks the Fairy Godmother.

So Cinderella says, "I met the nicest guy ... named Peter Peter."

Cinderella

So there's a girl named Cinderella and she really wants to go to the ball, but shes menstruating and doesn't have a tampon. So shes out weeping in the garden when her fairy godmother appears, and says "what's wrong Cinderella?" Cinderella says "I really want to go to the ball, but I'm menstruating, and I don't have a tampon". The fairy godmother replies "I'll turn this pumpkin into a tampon so you can go to the ball, but you have to be back by midnight or the tampon will turn back into a pumpkin". So Cinderella goes to the ball. The fairy godmother is waiting at home, and its way past midnight. Finally Cinderella returns home and the fairy godmother says "how was your night?" Cinderella replies "it was great! I met this guy named Peter Peter!"

Canadian Government Global Warming Prevention Plan.

After hearing what will happen with Global Warming, the Canadian goernment had their best engineers design a new Never Melting Ice Capp, comes in pumpkin spice every Fall at your local Tim Hortons.

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