Hilarious Pirate Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pirate Jokes

A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh." The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."

Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"

Score: 19025

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!



*Courtesy of a 7 year old in my class.*

Score: 9138

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally.... So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.

Score: 2004

Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate? A small chest with no booty.

Score: 1314

Score: 978

What do you call a communist pirate ship? The USS-ARRR

Score: 321

How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced? A buccaneer :D

Score: 319

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Ay matey.

Score: 303

A pirate goes to the doctor A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

Score: 271

Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was always lost at C!

[ I'm^so^sorry ]

Score: 230

A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing The pirate thinks and replies, "my spine!"

"Why?" says his wife, a little surprised

"Because it's holding me back!"

Score: 222

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye Matey.
(Saying it out loud might help)

Score: 180

How does a pirate greet a sea monster? What's Kraken?

Score: 175

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? "I'm lucky to have lived this long despite my dangerous line of work and the frankly displeasing state of healthcare in the 16th century"

Score: 164

A pirate goes to a doctor worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

Score: 162

A pirate walks into a bar... A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender looks at the steering wheel and asks, "Doesn't that bother you?" The pirate responds, "Yar it's driving me nuts."

Score: 147

A pirate walks into a bar... ...with a ships wheel on his crotch. One of the patrons says "Hey, you knw you got a ships wheel on your crotch, right?" To which the pirate replies "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts!"

Score: 142

So, A Pirate goes to the bar and he has a Steering Wheel sticking out of his Crotch So the Bar tender says “Hey man, whats with the wheel?”

so the Pirate tells him “Arrrr, its Drivin’ me nuts!”

Score: 136

What were the final words of the pirate who died taking a piss? R I P

Score: 134

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants The bartender looks at him and asks, "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"

The pirate looks down and says, "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"

Score: 130

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer.

Score: 130

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, buddy, doesn't that bother you?"

The pirate says, "Yar, it's drivin' me nuts."

Score: 124

My brother did one like that after a long string of pirate jokes. "What's a pirate's favourite crime?"

"Arrrrson," I said, chuckling at my cleverness.

"You idiot," he replied, "it's obviously Piracy."

Score: 118

Pirate :"I have moles on me back, arrrrrgh!" The doctor takes a quick look and responds:"It's okay, they're benign."

Pirate:"Arrrrgh! Count again, I think there be ten!"

Score: 104

what did the pirate do after his parrot bit off his genitals? He got a woodpecker.

Score: 103

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of the front of his pants. The bartender looks up and says "Hey Pirate, you've a got a steering wheel coming out of the front of your pants!"

The pirate says "Argh, it's driving me nuts."

Score: 101

A pirate captain asks his first mate "Find out what be the Roman numeral for the two" "Aye aye! " responds the first mate

Score: 97

What did pirate say when he turned 80? AYE MATEY

Score: 96

How much did it cost the pirate to get his ears pierced? A buckeneer

Score: 96

pirate joke I saw a pirate walking down the street and he had a paper towel on his head so I said "what's with the paper towel." he said "arrgh got a Bounty on me head."

Score: 87

What did the pirate name his pet clam? Michelle

Score: 86

What kind of music does a pirate like? Arrr'n'B

Score: 85

What direction did the pirate go to get his bread?? Yeast!!

Score: 78

Why Couldn't The Teenage Pirate See The Movie? Because he didn’t have VLC Player and the movie he downloaded was .AVI format, a format which Quicktime does not support!

Score: 77

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, sits down and orders a drink. Bartender serves the pirate his drink, and asks about the paper towel.

The pirate smiles and says, "That be the bounty on me head!"

Score: 67

The Pirate and the alphabet Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?

Because they spend years at sea.

Score: 67

Why did the pirate go out of business? He didn’t know how to raise his sales

Score: 66

A pirate walks into a bar... And it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.

Score: 66

So, a pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to his crotch. Bartender: "You know you got a ship's steering wheel attached to your crotch?"

Pirate: "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts!"

Score: 65

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Man, I wish I had paid for all that music...

Score: 65

Did you hear about the pirate themed phone Apple have been designing? They’re gonna call it the ayePhone

Score: 60

New Pirate Jokes

What do you call a pirate with 2 arms, 2 legs and 2 eyes? A beginner

Score: 41

What did the pirate tell his ex-wife when he spotted a lighthouse? Land ho

Score: 5

A pirate walks into a bar... With a steering wheel tied to his crotch.
The bar tender asks “umm, why is steering wheel tied to your crotch?”
The pirate replies “Aarrrr it be driving me nuts!!”

Score: 7

Where does a pirate keep his buccaneers? Under his buccan hat.

Score: 4

The situation I'm in right now is just like a pirate On the one hand, I'm not sure if this is funny.

And other hand... Well... There isn't another hand...

Score: 4

What does a gentleman pirate say to a lady? Chivalry timbers

Score: 4

What does the cook on a pirate ship say? Sizzle me timbers!

Score: 5

What did the cyclops pirate say to his superior Aye captain

Score: 15

Why did it take the pirate so long to learn is ABCs? Because he spent years at C

Score: 5

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? “Aye Matey!”

Score: 10

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his crotch. When the bartender asked him why it was there, the pirate responds, "Yarr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

Score: 15

What did the pirate say to the hot blonde? Argh, I come to plunder your booty!

Score: 4

What makes a pirate a pirate? They just arrr

Score: 25

What did the ghost pirate say to the other ghost pirate? Aghast ye!

Score: 4

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his crotch. The bartender whinces and says "Are you alright? That looks painful!"

The pirate replied "Aar! Its driving me nuts!"

Score: 15

It’s recently been discovered coronavirus spreads fastest on pirate ships It’s because they have a really high R number

Score: 3

A pirate walked into a bar And had the wheel of his ship attached to the front of his pants.

The bartender asked him: “what’s up with the wheel attached to your crotch?”

The pirate replied: “Arrr... it’s driving me nuts”

Score: 7

Octagenarian Pirate What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?
.
.
.
.
Aye matey.

Score: 5

How much does a pirate charge to pierce ears? A-buck-an-ear

Score: 20

A pirate walks into a bar A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel sticking out of the front of his pants.

The bartender says to him "What's with the wheel, isn't that bothering you?"

To which the pirate replied "Yarrr, it's driving me nuts."

Score: 6

I saw someone post their 6yo's pirate joke today. Here's my 6yo's pirate joke... Why can't a pirate say the alphabet?

Because they always get lost at C.

Score: 11

Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?. It gave him the cold shoulder.

Score: 4

How does a pirate sell his possessions? A Yarr Sale

Score: 9

What do you call a pirate with military experience? Army Matey.

Score: 9

What’s a pirate gamers favorite thing? ArrRGB

Score: 5

Angry pirate Me: What makes you angry?

Pirate: When someone steals my P.

Score: 7

I recently started watching pirate based movies and documentaries. Now I’m hooked.

Score: 6

What did the pyromaniac pirate name his son? Arrrrrson

Score: 3

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on the front his pants. Bartender asks him if it’s uncomfortable... Pirate replies “aargh it’s driving me nuts!”

Score: 38

how much did pirate merchants charge for corn? a buck an ear

Score: 4

Pirate Captain: I need a catch phrase ######First Mate [contemplating whether to murder his captain with a knife or his pieces of wood]:
shiv or me timbers...

Score: 9

A pirate walks into a bar and sees a civil rights activist, a communist, and a dog sitting around a table. The pirate says, “It’s my lucky day. X. Marx. The Spot.”

Score: 3

Why couldn’t the 11 year old get into the pirate movie? It was rated ARRR

Score: 6

Arguably the most common pirate joke around: What be a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?

Arrrrr! (R)

Ah, ye think be Arrrr, but it be the Sea! (C)

Score: 3

Why did the pirate love his report card? He got seven C's

Score: 20

Why couldn’t the kids see a pirate movie? Because it was rated argh

Score: 6

How much does is cost a pirate to piece his ears? About a buccaneer.

Score: 8

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? He said “Aye Matey”.

Score: 4

Which subreddit does a pirate use? Arrrghh/pirates

Score: 15

How much did it cost the Pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear

... it was a real Barrrrgain..

Score: 6

What happens if you get a heart attack on a pirate ship ? You Sea Pea Arrrrgh !!

Score: 3

Q: What do you call first aid on a pirate ship? A: Sea pee yarrrrrrrr!

\*Walks away slowly\*

Score: 15

What military branch does a pirate join? The Arrrrrrrrmy

Score: 5

Why did the pirate take so long learning the alphabet Because he spent years at C

Score: 55

What does a baby pirate wear? A diap-arrrrrrrr.

*Courtesy of my 4year old*

Score: 5

WHERE DOES A PIRATE KEEP HIS BUCCANEERS. under his bucking hat

Score: 17

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head... The bartender asks him why.

The pirate replies, "arrr, there be a Bounty on me head!"

Score: 30

A Pirate walks into a Bar Bartender asks "Why do you have a paper towel on your hat?"

Pirate says "Arrgh, there be a Bounty on me head."

^^^^Thanks ^^^^Alexa

Score: 15

What does a pirate do after a long days work? What does a pirate do after a long days work?
He has some Arr & Arr!

Score: 7

What's pirate favorite part of the body? Their Booty

Score: 3

How much should a pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer

Score: 32

How much did the pirate pay for the corn on the cob? A buccaneer

Score: 3

What snack did the pirate bring to the Super Bowl party? Chips Ahoy

Score: 4

What makes a Pirate really angry? When you take away his P.

Score: 28

What does a pirate call a 'lady of the night'? Land Ho!

Score: 3

A pirate awkwardly stumbles into a bar. Bartender: What's wrong?

Pirate: Aye, a scallywag shoved me boat's steering wheel down me pants and it's stuck there in me crotch!

Bartender: That sounds painful.

Pirate: Aye, it's a driving me nuts.

Score: 11

What did the pirate say when he saw two of his shipmates pegging each other? What are you doing to my leg??

Score: 3

What did the pirate say to his wife after he got back from the Honda dealer? We have an Accord.

Score: 3

What do you call a pirate without an eyepatch? Eye Eye Captain

Score: 3

Why did the pirate not like the old video game with a liberal-leaning political message? It was hard to port

Score: 4

How did the pirate get the wenches attention? Yo ho!

Score: 6