Hilarious Pirate Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pirate Jokes

A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh." The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."

Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"

Score: 19025

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Edit: I'm a pirate, so it works in first-person

Score: 11171

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea? Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

Score: 10245

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!



*Courtesy of a 7 year old in my class.*

Score: 9138

What's a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir,

We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

Score: 3188

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Customer,

Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.

-Sincerely, your ISP.

Score: 2886

What's a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir/Madam,

We are writing this letter to inform you that your account has been suspended for illegal downloading of copyrighted material

Score: 2522

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

Score: 2167

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally.... So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.

Score: 2004

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, Comcast.

Score: 1874

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear customer,

We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.

Score: 1650

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir, we are writing to inform you that you have violated the copyright agreement..

Score: 1383

Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate? A small chest with no booty.

Score: 1314

What a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

Score: 1152

What is a pirate's worst nightmare? A sunken chest and no booty.

Score: 1083

Score: 978

What's a pirate's LEAST favorite letter? Dear Customer,

Your internet service has been terminated due to copyright infringement.

Score: 896

What's a pirate's favorite letter? Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C.

Score: 645

What' is a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir,
We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

Score: 411

What do you call a communist pirate ship? The USS-ARRR

Score: 321

How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced? A buccaneer :D

Score: 319

What's a pirate's greatest fear on the first date? A sunken chest with no booty.

Score: 314

What's a pirate's favorite letter? You would think it be R, but tis' the C they love.

Score: 312

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Ay matey.

Score: 303

What's a pirate's favorite explosive? M80

Score: 299

A pirate goes to the doctor A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

Score: 271

Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was always lost at C!

[ I'm^so^sorry ]

Score: 230

A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing The pirate thinks and replies, "my spine!"

"Why?" says his wife, a little surprised

"Because it's holding me back!"

Score: 222

What's a pirate's favorite letter? **ARRRR**

*NO!* His first love be the C.

Score: 204

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye Matey.
(Saying it out loud might help)

Score: 180

Did you hear about the boxing pirate? He had a mean left hook.

Score: 34

What do you call a kid with one eye and a pirate's leg? Names

Score: 33

I convinced my fellow pirate to try heroin. Now he's hooked.

Score: 20

My ex girlfriend was like a pirate's quest... ...she had a sunken chest and always kept me searching for the booty.

Score: 13

What is a pirate's favorite part of music theory? Arrrr-peggios!

Score: 10

Have you heard of the famous pirate who peed on underage girls? His name was Arr Kelly

Score: 7

A man was walking alone on a beach when he came across a pirate. The pirate asked him “where are your buccaneers matey?”. So the man replied: “Under my buccan hat”

Score: 7

A blond, a rabbi, a schoolkid, a lawyer, a prostitute, the pope, a pirate and George Bush walk into a bar... The bartender says:

Is this a joke?

Score: 5

What does a baby pirate wear? A diap-arrrrrrrr.

*Courtesy of my 4year old*

Score: 5

A pirate is having lunch with Guns n Roses guitarist Slash Slash tells a story that the pirate obviously knows is fake and the pirate says “Arrr Slash, quit your bullshit”

Score: 4

New Pirate Jokes

Did you hear about the angry movie thief complaining about their local bakery? It was an irate pirate pie rate

Score: 1

What do you get when you cross a feline, a pirate and a middle eastern country? Qatar

Score: 0

Where does a pirate bury his captured treasure? A booty hole

Score: 0

What military branch does a pirate join? The Arrrrrrrrmy

Score: 0

A pirate walks into a bar whith a steering wheel in his zipper, The bartender says, "hey, you know you have a steering wheel in your zipper right?"
The pirate says, "Arrgh, its driving me nuts,"

Score: 0

What did the pirate say to the werewolf to make it go away? Ag ag ag ag!

Score: 2

How much I should a pirate pay to piece his ears? A buccaneer

Score: 0

Why did the pirate fall in love with the stable girl? He has a fetish for barn-ankles.

Score: 2

What's the difference between Trump and pirate? Pirates are always grabbing booty

Score: 2

Now that Game of Thrones is ending, you know who my dad thinks should write pirate books? George "Arrre Arrre" Martin

I'm sorry.

Score: 2

What did the pirate say when he noticed his welding gas was missing? Aaar gone!

Score: 2

Where did the pirate do his gardening In the yarrrrrrrrrrrrd

Score: 1

A pirate walks into a psychiatrists office... With a ships wheel hanging out of his pants zipper. The doctor says, "do you know you have a ships wheel there?"

The pirate replies, "Ayy and it's driving me nuts!"

Score: 2

Where would a pirate work in a corperation? The H' Arrrr department!

Score: 2

Where does a pirate love to eat fast food? ARRRRBys

(I work at arbys and every single time I say it customers ALWAYS laugh C: )

Score: 2

What do. A trumpet and a pirate have in common? They both commit murder on the high C(sea)

Score: 1

A pirate captain and his mates take a trip to Las Vegas As they approach the city, the Captain yells "Thaarr she blows!"

A woman yells from the distance "No, my shift doesn't start for another hour!"

Score: 1

What do you call a pirate cartoon? An animatee!

Score: 2

I saw a pirate finally purchase Adobe Photoshop. He handed the cashier a hook and a peg.

Score: 3

Why did the pirate have a fat girlfriend? Real women have (s)curv(y)

...yeah it's a bit of a stretch

Score: 1

The best pirate joke(in your best pirate voice): What is a pirates favorite letter? Every body says its the "R" but it is actually the "C."

Score: 1

How do you pirate in French? *Poirot*

Score: 0