Contents
Contents
A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh."
The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."
Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"
I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Edit: I'm a pirate, so it works in first-person
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea.
(Courtesy of my 6 year old)
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey!
​
*Courtesy of a 7 year old in my class.*
What's a pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear Sir,
We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...
What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear Customer,
Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.
-Sincerely, your ISP.
What's a pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear Sir/Madam,
We are writing this letter to inform you that your account has been suspended for illegal downloading of copyrighted material
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, your service provider.
Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally.... So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, Comcast.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear customer,
We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir, we are writing to inform you that you have violated the copyright agreement..
Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate? A small chest with no booty.
What a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.
What is a pirate's worst nightmare? A sunken chest and no booty.
What's a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?
Dear Customer,
Your internet service has been terminated due to copyright infringement.
What's a pirate's favorite letter? Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C.
What' is a pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear Sir,
We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...
What do you call a communist pirate ship? The USS-ARRR
How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced? A buccaneer :D
What's a pirate's greatest fear on the first date? A sunken chest with no booty.
What's a pirate's favorite letter? You would think it be R, but tis' the C they love.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Ay matey.
What's a pirate's favorite explosive? M80
A pirate goes to the doctor
A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"
Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?
Because he was always lost at C!
[ I'm^so^sorry ]
A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing
The pirate thinks and replies, "my spine!"
"Why?" says his wife, a little surprised
"Because it's holding me back!"
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
**ARRRR**
*NO!* His first love be the C.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye Matey.
(Saying it out loud might help)
What do you call a kid with one eye and a pirate's leg? Names
I convinced my fellow pirate to try heroin. Now he's hooked.
What are Pirate clothes made of? Yarrrrrn.
My ex girlfriend was like a pirate's quest... ...she had a sunken chest and always kept me searching for the booty.
What do you call a philosophical pirate Arrristotle
When I was younger I wanted to become a pirate! Now I am a photographer, because every pirate has to own a Canon.
A man was walking alone on a beach when he came across a pirate. The pirate asked him “where are your buccaneers matey?”. So the man replied: “Under my buccan hat”
A blond, a rabbi, a schoolkid, a lawyer, a prostitute, the pope, a pirate and George Bush walk into a bar...
The bartender says:
Is this a joke?
What does a baby pirate wear?
A diap-arrrrrrrr.
*Courtesy of my 4year old*
A pirate is having lunch with Guns n Roses guitarist Slash Slash tells a story that the pirate obviously knows is fake and the pirate says “Arrr Slash, quit your bullshit”
Did you hear about the angry movie thief complaining about their local bakery? It was an irate pirate pie rate
What do you get when you cross a feline, a pirate and a middle eastern country? Qatar
Where does a pirate bury his captured treasure? A booty hole
What military branch does a pirate join? The Arrrrrrrrmy
What did the pirate say to the werewolf to make it go away? Ag ag ag ag!
How much I should a pirate pay to piece his ears? A buccaneer
Why did the pirate fall in love with the stable girl? He has a fetish for barn-ankles.
What's the difference between Trump and pirate? Pirates are always grabbing booty
What did the pirate say when he noticed his welding gas was missing? Aaar gone!
Where did the pirate do his gardening In the yarrrrrrrrrrrrd
A pirate walks into a psychiatrists office...
With a ships wheel hanging out of his pants zipper. The doctor says, "do you know you have a ships wheel there?"
The pirate replies, "Ayy and it's driving me nuts!"
Where would a pirate work in a corperation? The H' Arrrr department!
Where does a pirate love to eat fast food?
ARRRRBys
(I work at arbys and every single time I say it customers ALWAYS laugh C: )
What do. A trumpet and a pirate have in common? They both commit murder on the high C(sea)
A pirate captain and his mates take a trip to Las Vegas
As they approach the city, the Captain yells "Thaarr she blows!"
A woman yells from the distance "No, my shift doesn't start for another hour!"
What do you call a pirate cartoon? An animatee!
Why did the pirate have a fat girlfriend?
Real women have (s)curv(y)
...yeah it's a bit of a stretch
How do you pirate in French? *Poirot*