Hilarious Pirate Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pirate Jokes

A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh." The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."

Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"

Score: 19025

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Edit: I'm a pirate, so it works in first-person

Score: 11171

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea? Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

Score: 10245

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!



*Courtesy of a 7 year old in my class.*

Score: 9138

What's a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir,

We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

Score: 3188

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Customer,

Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.

-Sincerely, your ISP.

Score: 2886

What's a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir/Madam,

We are writing this letter to inform you that your account has been suspended for illegal downloading of copyrighted material

Score: 2522

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

Score: 2167

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally.... So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.

Score: 2004

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, Comcast.

Score: 1874

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear customer,

We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.

Score: 1650

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir, we are writing to inform you that you have violated the copyright agreement..

Score: 1383

Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate? A small chest with no booty.

Score: 1314

What a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

Score: 1152

What is a pirate's worst nightmare? A sunken chest and no booty.

Score: 1083

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!

Score: 978

What's a pirate's LEAST favorite letter? Dear Customer,

Your internet service has been terminated due to copyright infringement.

Score: 896

What's a pirate's favorite letter? Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C.

Score: 645

What' is a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir,
We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

Score: 411

What do you call a communist pirate ship? The USS-ARRR

Score: 321

How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced? A buccaneer :D

Score: 319

What's a pirate's greatest fear on the first date? A sunken chest with no booty.

Score: 314

What's a pirate's favorite letter? You would think it be R, but tis' the C they love.

Score: 312

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Ay matey.

Score: 303

What's a pirate's favorite explosive? M80

Score: 299

A pirate goes to the doctor A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

Score: 271

Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was always lost at C!

[ I'm^so^sorry ]

Score: 230

A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing The pirate thinks and replies, "my spine!"

"Why?" says his wife, a little surprised

"Because it's holding me back!"

Score: 222

What's a pirate's favorite letter? **ARRRR**

*NO!* His first love be the C.

Score: 204

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye Matey.
(Saying it out loud might help)

Score: 180

A pirate goes to a doctor worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

Score: 162

How much citrus does it take to kill a pirate? None.

Score: 155

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer.

Score: 130

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it'd be "R", but me heart belongs to the "C".

Score: 123

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of the front of his pants. The bartender looks up and says "Hey Pirate, you've a got a steering wheel coming out of the front of your pants!"

The pirate says "Argh, it's driving me nuts."

Score: 101

A pirate captain asks his first mate "Find out what be the Roman numeral for the two" "Aye aye! " responds the first mate

Score: 97

What kind of music does a pirate like? Arrr'n'B

Score: 85

On Halloween, a little boy dressed as a pirate. He went up to a house and rang the doorbell. A man answered and said, "Well I'll be, a pirate! But where are your buccaneers?
The little boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

Score: 63

Did you hear about the pirate themed phone Apple have been designing? They’re gonna call it the ayePhone

Score: 60

What’s is a Pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? Some believe it’s R but his true love is the C.

Score: 60

New Pirate Jokes

When I was younger I wanted to become a pirate! Now I am a photographer, because every pirate has to own a Canon.

Score: 9

What do you call a philosophical pirate Arrristotle

Score: 10

A man was walking alone on a beach when he came across a pirate. The pirate asked him “where are your buccaneers matey?”. So the man replied: “Under my buccan hat”

Score: 7

I convinced my fellow pirate to try heroin. Now he's hooked.

Score: 20

Where does the Pirate keep his buccaneers? Under his buccan-hat.

Score: 6

What did the proud pirate dad say after seeing his son torch an enemy ship? Arr, son.

Score: 20

A Slovak oligarch, Japanese nationalist, communist and a pirate meet in a parliament... This isn't a joke. It's Czech Republic.

Score: 21

What did the pirate say when he turend 80? Aye Matey.

Score: 30

What do you call a well hung pirate? Dead

Score: 16

Why did the pirate prefer slightly above average students? Because he always preferred the high C's

Score: 29

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey

(This is an old joke I saw. But haven’t seen it here in a while. So I figured some of you might get a small laugh out of this)

Score: 27

A chemist and a pirate were sitting at a bar The chemist asked the pirate what his favorite rare gas was, to which the pirate replied, "Arrrgon".

Score: 8

I just started a pirate themed band with my friends, but we're having trouble writing songs for it All we seem to be able to write are the hooks

Score: 17

How do pirates know they're pirates? They think, therefore they AAAARRR.

My dad just told me that and I laughed. So dumb but it's Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Score: 6

What's the difference between a pirate and a succubus? Where you put the peg!

(Credit to a friend)

Score: 6

What is a pirate's favorite letter? It's not 'R.' A pirates's true love is the 'C.'

Score: 23

Why couldn't the pirate finish learning the alphabet? He got lost at sea

Score: 9

Did you hear about the band of roving pirate toddlers? They spend their days sailing the Hi-C

Score: 7

Why did the pirate go to a pilates class ? To get some Booty

Score: 6

A pirate walks into a bar..... with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants.

The bartender says, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It''s driving me nuts."

Score: 39

Who do Russians pirate so many movies? Because there's never anything to watch on Nyetflix.

Score: 11

What is a pirate's favourite letter? Dear xxxxxxxxx

Your internet service has not been terminated for copyright infringement due to a lack of evidence.

Sincerely xxxxxxxx

Score: 6

What is a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir,

We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

Score: 6

The Pirates' conversation… Pirate: The cannons be ready, Captain…

Captain: ARE!!!

Score: 52

A pirate walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey pirate, what's with the paper towel on your head?"

The pirate replies, "Arrr, I got a bounty on me head."

Score: 38

What is a pirate's favorite letter? 'Tis the C!

Score: 5

Why couldn't the pirate see the movie?! the uploader forgot to take the lens-cap off after the movie started

Score: 8

What's a Pirate's favorite letter? P, without it he's irate

Score: 6

Hoist the colors high! Something you'd rather hear a pirate say than yelled at a KKK rally.

Score: 5

What did the octogenarian pirate say on his birthday? Aye Matey.

Score: 16

How do you know if you're a pirate? YOU JUST ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Score: 10

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel for a belt buckle Bar tender says "I like the belt buckle"
Pirate replies "Arrgh, it's drivin me nuts"

Score: 10

What did the pirate say to the prostitute? Yo ho.

Score: 24

A blond, a rabbi, a schoolkid, a lawyer, a prostitute, the pope, a pirate and George Bush walk into a bar... The bartender says:

Is this a joke?

Score: 5

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir,

We are writing you because you have violated certain copyright laws...

Score: 47

What's a pirate's favorite letter R? That's what you think, but it's all about the C

Score: 5

What's a pirate's least favourite letter? P. It's like an R, but missing a leg.

Score: 14

A pirate walks into a bar A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender asks "Doesn't that hurt?" The pirate replies, "Yar, it's driving me nuts!"

Score: 5

The Pirates pants A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender says to him "why have you got a steering wheel on your pants isn't that annoying".

The Pirate says "Aye its driving me nuts".

Score: 6

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Ay Matey!

Score: 26

What's the difference between a pirate and a pimp? It's all about how you say "Yo Hoe"

Score: 10

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir/Ma'am,

We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

1. Illegal Downloading

Score: 19

What's a pirate's favorite letter? The P, without it he's irate

Score: 38

I told my sister that if you rearrange the letters in 'vanilla' you get 'pirate' Her: no you don't

Me: yes, 'a villain' with a missing i.

Note: true story

Score: 26

Why did the Asian pilot get arrested at the airport? TSA thought he said he was going to "pirate" the plane.

Score: 46

A pirate walks into a bar.. With a wheel on his crotch. The bar tender says
"Aye, what's with the wheel?"

Pirate says "arrrrrghhhhhh, it be driving me nuts"

Score: 6

What's a pirate's favorite favorite letter? You'd think its R but it's actually the C

Score: 6

My ex girlfriend was like a pirate's quest... ...she had a sunken chest and always kept me searching for the booty.

Score: 13

Why did the pirate put springs on his treasure chest? He wanted to see that booty bounce.

Score: 5

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel hanging from his crotch... The bartender asks, "What's that hangin' off ye?"

The pirate responds, "arrr! I've no idea, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

Score: 8

What did the pirate say when he walked into the brothel? arggg! thar she blows

Score: 13

How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buck 'n ear

Score: 45

What was the pirate boxing champion known for? His left hook.

Score: 19

How much did the pirate's new earrings cost him? A buccaneer

Score: 6

You may think that a pirate's favorite letter is R But they actually love the C.

Score: 6

A pirate walks into a brothel and says... "ARG! THERE SHE BLOWS!"

Edit: Wow 8 views. thanks guys :D

Score: 6

Did you hear about the pirate who got in trouble at work? He was reported to H-arrrrr

Score: 9

What do you call a paedophile pirate? Aaarrrrrrr Kelly!!

Score: 10

A joke my granpda tells to me every time I see him A pirate walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a drink. The bartender gives him the drink and says "sir do you know there's a steering wheel in your pants" the pirate replies "yarr, its driving me nuts"

Score: 45

What are Pirate clothes made of? Yarrrrrn.

Score: 20