Hilarious Pirate Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pirate Jokes

A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh." The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."

Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"

Score: 19025

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Edit: I'm a pirate, so it works in first-person

Score: 11171

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea? Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

Score: 10245

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!



*Courtesy of a 7 year old in my class.*

Score: 9138

What's a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir,

We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

Score: 3188

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Customer,

Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.

-Sincerely, your ISP.

Score: 2886

What's a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir/Madam,

We are writing this letter to inform you that your account has been suspended for illegal downloading of copyrighted material

Score: 2522

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

Score: 2167

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally.... So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.

Score: 2004

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, Comcast.

Score: 1874

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear customer,

We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.

Score: 1650

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir, we are writing to inform you that you have violated the copyright agreement..

Score: 1383

Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate? A small chest with no booty.

Score: 1314

What a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

Score: 1152

What is a pirate's worst nightmare? A sunken chest and no booty.

Score: 1083

Score: 978

What's a pirate's LEAST favorite letter? Dear Customer,

Your internet service has been terminated due to copyright infringement.

Score: 896

What's a pirate's favorite letter? Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C.

Score: 645

What' is a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir,
We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

Score: 411

What do you call a communist pirate ship? The USS-ARRR

Score: 321

How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced? A buccaneer :D

Score: 319

What's a pirate's greatest fear on the first date? A sunken chest with no booty.

Score: 314

What's a pirate's favorite letter? You would think it be R, but tis' the C they love.

Score: 312

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Ay matey.

Score: 303

What's a pirate's favorite explosive? M80

Score: 299

A pirate goes to the doctor A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

Score: 271

Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was always lost at C!

[ I'm^so^sorry ]

Score: 230

A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing The pirate thinks and replies, "my spine!"

"Why?" says his wife, a little surprised

"Because it's holding me back!"

Score: 222

What's a pirate's favorite letter? **ARRRR**

*NO!* His first love be the C.

Score: 204

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye Matey.
(Saying it out loud might help)

Score: 180

Did you hear about the boxing pirate? He had a mean left hook.

Score: 34

What do you call a kid with one eye and a pirate's leg? Names

Score: 33

I convinced my fellow pirate to try heroin. Now he's hooked.

Score: 20

How much would a pirate sell corn for? About a buck an ear.

Score: 10

What is a pirate's favorite part of music theory? Arrrr-peggios!

Score: 10

How does a pirate win boxing matches even when he has no hands? Using only his left and right hooks

Score: 8

Have you heard of the famous pirate who peed on underage girls? His name was Arr Kelly

Score: 7

A man was walking alone on a beach when he came across a pirate. The pirate asked him “where are your buccaneers matey?”. So the man replied: “Under my buccan hat”

Score: 7

Did you hear about the band of roving pirate toddlers? They spend their days sailing the Hi-C

Score: 7

A blond, a rabbi, a schoolkid, a lawyer, a prostitute, the pope, a pirate and George Bush walk into a bar... The bartender says:

Is this a joke?

Score: 5

New Pirate Jokes

What do you get when you cross a feline, a pirate and a middle eastern country? Qatar

Score: 0

Where does a pirate bury his captured treasure? A booty hole

Score: 0

What military branch does a pirate join? The Arrrrrrrrmy

Score: 0

What does a baby pirate wear? A diap-arrrrrrrr.

*Courtesy of my 4year old*

Score: 5

A pirate walks into a bar whith a steering wheel in his zipper, The bartender says, "hey, you know you have a steering wheel in your zipper right?"
The pirate says, "Arrgh, its driving me nuts,"

Score: 0

What did the pirate say to the werewolf to make it go away? Ag ag ag ag!

Score: 2

How much I should a pirate pay to piece his ears? A buccaneer

Score: 0

Why did the pirate fall in love with the stable girl? He has a fetish for barn-ankles.

Score: 2

What's the difference between Trump and pirate? Pirates are always grabbing booty

Score: 2

A pirate is having lunch with Guns n Roses guitarist Slash Slash tells a story that the pirate obviously knows is fake and the pirate says “Arrr Slash, quit your bullshit”

Score: 4

Now that Game of Thrones is ending, you know who my dad thinks should write pirate books? George "Arrre Arrre" Martin

I'm sorry.

Score: 2

What did the pirate say when he noticed his welding gas was missing? Aaar gone!

Score: 2

Where did the pirate do his gardening In the yarrrrrrrrrrrrd

Score: 1

A pirate walks into a psychiatrists office... With a ships wheel hanging out of his pants zipper. The doctor says, "do you know you have a ships wheel there?"

The pirate replies, "Ayy and it's driving me nuts!"

Score: 2

What did the knitting pirate buy with his treasure? YAAAAAARN

Score: 2

Where would a pirate work in a corperation? The H' Arrrr department!

Score: 2

How does a Pirate Pimp say Hello? Yo Ho.

Score: 5

Where does a pirate love to eat fast food? ARRRRBys

(I work at arbys and every single time I say it customers ALWAYS laugh C: )

Score: 2

What do. A trumpet and a pirate have in common? They both commit murder on the high C(sea)

Score: 1

A Pirate tried starting a rap career in Compton, but his songs were not well received. He couldn't get rid of the habit of using the hard arr

Score: 1

A pirate captain and his mates take a trip to Las Vegas As they approach the city, the Captain yells "Thaarr she blows!"

A woman yells from the distance "No, my shift doesn't start for another hour!"

Score: 1

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel stuck to his forehead and orders a drink... The bartender passes the drink and says "So what's up with the paper towel?"

The pirate replies "Yaaaar! There be a Bounty on me head!"

Score: 2

You know your kid's going to be a pirate when he grows up if you hear him say to his friend "I know you Arr! But what am aye?"

Score: 1

Why did the pirate become a tenor? Because he has a lot of experience on the high C.

Score: 2

What did the pirate say to the other pirate? Don't touch my booty

Score: 1

I saw a pirate finally purchase Adobe Photoshop. He handed the cashier a hook and a peg.

Score: 3

I'm opening up a pirate-themed restaurant. It'll serve breakfast food and beer, and it will be run by the guy who plays Scotty in the new Star Trek movies.

It's called Simon Pegg's Eggs, Kegs & Peg Legs.

Score: 2

Why did the pirate have a fat girlfriend? Real women have (s)curv(y)

...yeah it's a bit of a stretch

Score: 1

The best pirate joke(in your best pirate voice): What is a pirates favorite letter? Every body says its the "R" but it is actually the "C."

Score: 1

How do you pirate in French? *Poirot*

Score: 0