Instead of "who's your daddy" I accidentally said "how's your daddy" and we put our clothes back on and started discussing her dad's cholesterol.
Courtesy of my four year old
Q: What do baby corns call their daddy?
Why are catholic priests called father? Because "daddy" would be too suspicious
Why do we refer to priests as "father"? Because it would be too suspicious to call them "daddy".
"Daddy, how do stars die?" "Drugs, normally."
"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
I saw a 4 year old girl crying, all alone
"Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?"
"No" she sobbed
I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
"I have to do that or daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work."
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered... "Swarm."
Daddy, what are clouds made of? Linux servers, mostly.
Dad: Say daddy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!
Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I'm home!
Baby: F*ck you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Dad: Son of a b*tch.
My daughter always said she wanted to see her name up in lights...
You should've seen the smile on her face when she turned to look at me and say:
"Daddy, what's an 'Amber Alert'?"
Why are Catholic priests always referred to as "father"? Because "daddy" would make it too obvious...
Before going to bed, a little child asks his dad a question.
"Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time'"?
The dad responds, saying "No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If elected, I promise...'"
Why are Catholic priests called "Father"? Because "Daddy" would be a bit too suspicous.
What is the gender-neutral term for "sugar daddy?" Glucose guardian.
A Chinese kid approaches his father and asks him: "Daddy, why do they say we all look alike?" The man replies: "Actually your father is the one over there"
A little girl says to her mother "mommy, I hate daddy's guts!"
Her mother replies "shut up and keep eating."
Sorry if this has been posted already, a teacher of mine told my class this and i had to share!
A Little Black Jewish Boy says to his father, "daddy, am I more black or more Jewish?"
Why do you ask? Says the dad.
The boy says, "well a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I should haggle him down to $75 or just steal it"
She said "choke me daddy!" So I gave her two Popeye's biscuits and no drink.
Little girl: "Grandma, make a noise like a frog." Grandma: "Why?" Little girl: "Cause daddy says we'll make a lot of money when you croak."
A boy asks his mom, “When I grow up will I have two penises like daddy?”
Mom: Daddy doesn’t have two penises son
Son: Sure he does! He has the little one he uses to pee and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter’s teeth!
"Your dad cant hold a candle to what my daddy can do."
"Oh Ya, what does he do?"
"Makes gun powder."
"Daddy what is a transvestite?" "Ask Mommy, he knows."
Why are catholic priests adressed as "father"? "Daddy" would be too obvious.
Why are priests called father? Because 'daddy' would be too obvious
Mum when I was on the bus with Dad
Son: 'Mum when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
"Daddy, am I adopted?" Not yet.
A little girl asked her father, “Daddy, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’?” He replied, “No, a whole series of fairy tales begins with ‘If elected, I promise . . .’”
A black boy asks his white parents "Daddy why are your and mommy's faces so bright if mine is so dark?" says the kid. The dad looks at him and goes: "Jimmy the party was so wild you should be happy you're not barking now".
A man saves up enough money to take his kids to Disneyland...
...when he goes to tell them about it, his son says "Thank you so much, daddy! When are we going?"
"Well, whenever we save up enough to come back."
I saw a 4 year girl crying, all alone.
“Are you ok?” I asked her. “Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?”
“No” she sobbed.
I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage.
Why do you refer to a priest as "Father"? He stopped wanting you to call him daddy after you turned 10.
A dad was playing with his kids one day
And he said: "You're so adorable I could eat you kids all up!"
One of the children ask: "Daddy, what do we taste like?"
And the dad replies: "When you're older, ask your mother."
Gift before the Prom
"I'm ready for my first prom daddy"
"Here, take this box son... And don't make the mistake I made"
"Whats in the box dad"
Jimmy leaves for school today! The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
Jimmy teacher and p*ssy The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!
Why do you refer to a priest as "father"? Because "daddy" is considered childish.
What do you call your tall husband? A daddy long legs
Did you hear about the new facility that opened in Indiana specialing in paternity tests? It's called "Hoosier Daddy?"
I walked to this girl and said " who is your daddy? " She started crying and now I'm banned from visiting orphanage.
I was having breakfast with my girlfriend and her father
When she says ,” Could you pass the salt ,daddy.”
How was I supposed to know she wasn’t talking to me?
I can't wait to become a Catholic priest For the first time a girl can call me her daddy
Why is Invanka's neck so long? So she could peek out of her crib and see when daddy's coming
Recently came across this, entirely possible it’s been on here before.
There was a 5 year old girl crying by herself.
“Are you ok?” I asked her, “do you know where your mommy and daddy are?”
“No,” she responded.
I love volunteering for the orphanage.
A woman walks in confession and says “Daddy, I’ve been reallyyy bad” The priest replies: “For the last time, it’s Father, for I have sinned”
Mommy, why am I asian when daddy is black and you are white? With how that night went just be thankful you are not barking
Tonight I'm gonna watch some movies...
I'll start with Big Daddy,
Then watch 50 First Dates,
And end the night with Billy Madison.
I call it - the Adam Sampler.
How come there's no "Yo Daddy" jokes? Because yo daddy tells them all.
Two hillbilly sisters are fighting about who is better
They ask their dad.
"Daddy who's your favorite daughter?"
The father looks at both of them, "Your mother."
Forest Gump ruined dating for me... He was a war hero, Olympian, and millionaire but the best he could settle down with was a druggie burnout with AIDS and daddy issues
Little Johny in School :D The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"