Daddy Jokes

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Funniest Daddy Jokes

Instead of "who's your daddy" I accidentally said "how's your daddy" and we put our clothes back on and started discussing her dad's cholesterol.

Score: 6968

Courtesy of my four year old Q: What do baby corns call their daddy?

A: Popcorn

Score: 6965

Why are catholic priests called father? Because "daddy" would be too suspicious

Score: 6488

Why do we refer to priests as "father"? Because it would be too suspicious to call them "daddy".

Score: 2387

"Daddy, how do stars die?" "Drugs, normally."

Score: 2328

"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"

Score: 1667

I saw a 4 year old girl crying, all alone "Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?"

"No" she sobbed

I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage

Score: 1528

"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that or daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."

"That's not going to work."

"Why not?"

"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Score: 1434

My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered... "Swarm."

Score: 1069

Daddy, what are clouds made of? Linux servers, mostly.

Score: 873

Dad: Say daddy! Baby: Mommy!

Dad: Come on, say daddy!

Baby: Mommy!

Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!

Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!

Mom: Honey, I'm home!

Baby: F*ck you!

Mom: Who taught you that?

Baby: Daddy!

Dad: Son of a b*tch.

Score: 329

My daughter always said she wanted to see her name up in lights... You should've seen the smile on her face when she turned to look at me and say:

"Daddy, what's an 'Amber Alert'?"

Score: 326

Why are Catholic priests always referred to as "father"? Because "daddy" would make it too obvious...

Score: 270

Before going to bed, a little child asks his dad a question. "Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time'"?

The dad responds, saying "No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If elected, I promise...'"

Score: 239

Why are Catholic priests called "Father"? Because "Daddy" would be a bit too suspicous.

Score: 238

What is the gender-neutral term for "sugar daddy?" Glucose guardian.

Score: 208

A Chinese kid approaches his father and asks him: "Daddy, why do they say we all look alike?" The man replies: "Actually your father is the one over there"

Score: 186

A little girl says to her mother "mommy, I hate daddy's guts!" Her mother replies "shut up and keep eating."

Sorry if this has been posted already, a teacher of mine told my class this and i had to share!

Score: 180

A Little Black Jewish Boy says to his father, "daddy, am I more black or more Jewish?" Why do you ask? Says the dad.
The boy says, "well a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I should haggle him down to $75 or just steal it"

Score: 178
Funny Daddy Jokes
Score: 177

She said "choke me daddy!" So I gave her two Popeye's biscuits and no drink.

Score: 140

Little girl: "Grandma, make a noise like a frog." Grandma: "Why?" Little girl: "Cause daddy says we'll make a lot of money when you croak."

Score: 102

A boy asks his mom, “When I grow up will I have two penises like daddy?” Mom: Daddy doesn’t have two penises son

Son: Sure he does! He has the little one he uses to pee and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter’s teeth!

Score: 102

"Your dad cant hold a candle to what my daddy can do." "Oh Ya, what does he do?"
"Makes gun powder."

Score: 98

"Daddy what is a transvestite?" "Ask Mommy, he knows."

Score: 98

Why are catholic priests adressed as "father"? "Daddy" would be too obvious.

Score: 92

Why are priests called father? Because 'daddy' would be too obvious

Score: 74

Mum when I was on the bus with Dad Son: 'Mum when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'

Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'

Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

Score: 73

"Daddy, am I adopted?" Not yet.

Score: 71

A little girl asked her father, “Daddy, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’?” He replied, “No, a whole series of fairy tales begins with ‘If elected, I promise . . .’”

Score: 71

Why do priests have you call them Father.. Because 'Daddy' was too obvious

Score: 34

My 3 year old told me a joke on our way home from pre-school. From her car seat yells up to me, "Knock knock, Daddy!"

Who's there?

Little old lady.

Little old lady who?

I didn't know you could yodel!!

Score: 19

I saw a 4 year girl crying, all alone. “Are you ok?” I asked her. “Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?”

“No” she sobbed.

I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage.

Score: 13

Why do you refer to a priest as "Father"? He stopped wanting you to call him daddy after you turned 10.

Score: 12

Little kid ask His dad: daddy what is MACHO? Dad:
its a person who is in charge, makes desicions, gives orders and everyone around obeys those orders.
Kid:
When I grow up I want to be a real macho just like Mom.

Score: 10

What does your baby daddy have in common with an unlucky gambler? Neither of them pulled out in time.

Score: 9

What do you blow to make your wishes come true? A sugar daddy

Score: 8

A kid and his father enters a restaurant The kid says to the waiter: Hey daddy!

The waiter laughes it off and leaves.

The father says to the son: Hey, i’m your daddy.

Then the kid says: But mom always screams Yes daddy! When he is in her room!

Score: 7

If we're dating and you call me bae, boo or daddy... I'm walking out on you like, well, your daddy.

Score: 5

A dad was playing with his kids one day And he said: "You're so adorable I could eat you kids all up!"

One of the children ask: "Daddy, what do we taste like?"

And the dad replies: "When you're older, ask your mother."

Score: 5

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New Daddy Jokes

Did you hear about the new facility that opened in Indiana specialing in paternity tests? It's called "Hoosier Daddy?"

Score: 1

I was having breakfast with my girlfriend and her father When she says ,” Could you pass the salt ,daddy.”
How was I supposed to know she wasn’t talking to me?

Score: 0

I can't wait to become a Catholic priest For the first time a girl can call me her daddy

Score: 0

I don't want to say video games cause violence... ...but after a month of playing Pong, I beat Rafael Nadal in a best of five match and might be Venus Williams' new baby daddy.

Score: 1

What do you call your tall husband? A daddy long legs

Score: 2

What's the opposite of Sugar Daddy? U-mami

Score: 3

Why do you refer to a priest as "father"? Because "daddy" is considered childish.

Score: 3

A woman walks in confession and says “Daddy, I’ve been reallyyy bad” The priest replies: “For the last time, it’s Father, for I have sinned”

Score: 0

What does the Daddy tree say to the kid tree? Don't be knotty

Score: 3

What do you call a spider with 9 legs? Hung daddy long legs.

Score: 2

Mommy, why am I asian when daddy is black and you are white? With how that night went just be thankful you are not barking

Score: 1

A mother notices her toddler typing on the keyboard She tells her older child, “Hey look at your little brother type on the keyboard just like daddy!”

Her daughter replies, “No mommy, he types like you. Daddy uses one hand.”

Score: 4

Tonight I'm gonna watch some movies... I'll start with Big Daddy,
Then watch 50 First Dates,
And end the night with Billy Madison.
I call it - the Adam Sampler.

Score: 1

Two hillbilly sisters are fighting about who is better They ask their dad.
"Daddy who's your favorite daughter?"
The father looks at both of them, "Your mother."

Score: 1

Why are black girls tame in bed? Because they have no daddy issues.

Score: 1

Gift before the Prom "I'm ready for my first prom daddy"

"Here, take this box son... And don't make the mistake I made"

"Whats in the box dad"

"...Condoms"

Score: 5

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