I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
Years ago, I viciously beat up my high school bully with a baseball bat. Both of his arms were broken. Come to think of it, that's probably why I felt brave enough to beat him up.
Apparently Michael Jackson was also a gifted baseball player. He was big in the minors.
What was the score of the Ethiopian baseball game? Eight-nothing
My wife told me she wanted to see a huge diamond for her birthday So I took her to a baseball game
A rough, hard drinking baseball umpire
was upset because he couldn't get his little boy to sit on his lap and talk to him.
After all, the son never sits on the brutish umpire.
Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now? It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.
Why don't baseball players get much action? Because they have foul balls.
Ever wondered why China doesn't have a baseball team? Because they ate all their bats.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger... And then it hit me.
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
China really got the best baseball team. Them people took out half of the world with one bat.
Why was the baseball team hot? It didn't have any fans!
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game? √4 the home team
A small boy got lost at a baseball game...
He went up to a police officer and said: "I've lost my dad."
"What's he like?" asked the police officer sympathetically.
The boy replied, "Beer and women."
Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team? They were truly ruthless.
3 old ladies go to a baseball game with a bottle of liquor. They finish the bottle...what inning is it and what are the circumstances on the field? Bottom of the fifth and all the bags are loaded.
Why should China have a baseball team? Because they can take out the whole world with just one bat!
You'd be surprised how easy it is to pick up girls All it takes is a respectful attitude, a low key vibe, a breezy sense of humour, a nice beard, duct tape, and a baseball bat.
What's an alcoholic's least favorite part of a baseball game? The bottom of the fifth.
AND NOW: For the funniest pun ever stolen from another website... I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A baseball walks into Wimbledon. The announcer yells "Hey, we don't serve your kind"
Why hasn’t baseball returned from covid shutdown? They are unable to test all the bats
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
Why did the horny duck go to the baseball game? She was trying to catch some fowl balls.
I like my women like I like my non sequiturs... Baseball is fun.
What’s brown and very bad for your dental health? A baseball bat.
Took my girlfriend to a baseball game this last season
We made a deal in the beginning.
I kiss her on every strike and she kisses me on the balls.
Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn't even bat an eye.
China should have a baseball team. They can take out the whole world with one bat.
My rock band got a gig at the baseball game. I played first bass.
Why did Cinderella get fired from the baseball team? She kept running away from the ball.
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger and then it hit me.
Why do baseball players shout? BECAUSE THEY ARE IN ALL CAPS!!
At the baseball game, I was wondering why the ball was looking bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
I couldn't figure out why the baseball was getting bigger... then it hit me!
One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."
"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!”
Why couldn’t T-Rex get to second base? Baseball wasn’t invented back then.
What's Donald Trump's favourite baseball team? The Dodgers.
What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team.
What do you call an impotent baseball player? Two balls and a strike.
When Dr. Who was in college He was the first baseman on the baseball team.
What do baseball scouts look for when they go to a Mexican restaurant? Fajitas
What do cakes and baseball teams have in common? They both need a good batter.
China would have an amazing baseball team. They took out half the world with just one bat
What is Anakin Skywalker's favorite baseball team? The Padres!
I was at a baseball game wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What was Ghandi’s favorite part of a baseball game? The seventh inning stretch.
Did you hear about the police officer baseball team? They are hitting .400
Why is baseball the most unrealistic sport ever? No man can walk with 4 balls.
Have you heard of the baseball player whose full name was babe? He was ruthless
I was at a baseball game and I saw something unfamiliar in the sky. It kept getting bigger, and bigger.... Then it hit me
Why should china have a baseball team? They could take the whole world out with a single bat
Owing to the TP shortage, I've been using a picher and water to clean my butt... .... baseball players will do anything for money now that the season is postponed.
I miss baseball so much...
I miss baseball so much that I've been substituting things I see out of my front window.
Today there's two old ladies drinking on the corner:
It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded...
What award was given to the worst baseball player on the team?
The Out-Standing in their Field Award
The top player just got the run-around
What is a baseball batter’s favorite cake? A Bundt cake
Why isn't Baseball a great sport in China? \-they keep on eating the bats
Did you hear all the Major League Baseball teams shut down? Apparently you can get COVID-19 from bats.
China should be a baseball team They can take out the world with one bat
What did the baseball player say to their partner when they started foreplay? Ready! Set! Play ball!
Due to COVID concerns, short-lived games of Major League Baseball spring training were cancelled... right off the bat.
Told my daughter basketball season was postponed because of the virus... She said "they should ban baseball instead". Asked her why and she goes "wasn't this all caused by bats?"
An uncircumcised man tried out for a baseball team. He didn’t make the cut.
Have you heard about the disease named after a baseball skill? It's catching.
Did you know baseball was played in the Old Testament? In the big inning, Adam took one, Eve took one, and the Lord threw them both out.
I once brought a rusty nail to a baseball tournament. They turned me down for using a tetanus racket.
What do a baseball bat and a box of chocolates have in common? They can both kill a dog.
Trump's favorite baseball team is the Yankees Except during the draft, then it's the Dodgers.
Why are fat baseball pitchers superior? They have the best curves.
Balls of Age People who play basketball are 20. People who play baseball are 30. People who play golf are 60. Notice how when u grow older, your balls get smaller?
How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Imagine being so hated that on the day you announce that the leader of ISIS has been killed on your orders, a stadium full of baseball fans still boos you.
What did the baseball glove say to the player? "Nooooooooooooo!!!!!"
I was wondering why the baseball was getting closer and closer to me And then it hit me
Why was Chewbacca so happy after his son's first baseball season? He got Wookie of the year.
What do you call a fixer-upper with a baseball hat? Handy-capped.
I was wondering why the baseball kept on getting bigger... Then it hit me
2 men exploring find a bat in a cave... Decide to go back and play baseball
I was wondering why the baseball kept growing bigger and bigger... And then it hit me.
Why doesn't Bane play baseball anymore? Because the last time he tried, he broke the Bat
What do Kevin Hart and a baseball team have in common?
One short stop.
...a little too soon?
Dark humor (orphan version) Orphans can’t play baseball because they will never find home
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger... I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
Why did O.j Simpson fail as a baseball catcher Because none of the teams gloves could fit
What's the difference between Daniel Morcombe and a baseball team? Baseball team makes it home
What did the baseball glove say to the baseball? Nothing, baseball gloves can't talk.
Why is baseball not a proper sport? Because it's not invariant under base change.
Do you know how big the galaxy is? It’s sooo big you can fit every single baseball stadium inside of it AND their parking lots.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter
I was at a baseball game yesterday, front row seats. Suddenly the ball started getting bigger, and I wondered why. Then it hit me.
When I said I wanted to be intellectually challenged... I didn't mean I wanted you to smash me over the head with a baseball bat.
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger Then it hit me
Softball is just like baseball Except the tactics seem more underhanded.
What do Baseball Players and spectators have in common? They both just wanna get home.
So apparently the wave at baseball games have now been banned. Pollock drowned.
I couldn't figure out why the baseball was getting larger. Then it hit me.
Donald Trump grabs and tosses Melania onto the pitcher's mound before a baseball game. An aide runs over, frantic, and whispers into the President's ear. "Sir you were supposed to throw the first *pitch*!"
I didn't know why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger. Than it hit me.
Striker, listen, and you listen close:
flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle,
just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
Rex Kramer / Airplane!
I COULD’NT FIGURE OUT WHY THE BASEBALL KEPT GETTING LARGER Then it hit me