I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
Years ago, I viciously beat up my high school bully with a baseball bat. Both of his arms were broken. Come to think of it, that's probably why I felt brave enough to beat him up.
My wife told me she wanted to see a huge diamond for her birthday So I took her to a baseball game
A rough, hard drinking baseball umpire
was upset because he couldn't get his little boy to sit on his lap and talk to him.
After all, the son never sits on the brutish umpire.
Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now? It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.
China really got the best baseball team. Them people took out half of the world with one bat.
A small boy got lost at a baseball game...
He went up to a police officer and said: "I've lost my dad."
"What's he like?" asked the police officer sympathetically.
The boy replied, "Beer and women."
Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team? They were truly ruthless.
3 old ladies go to a baseball game with a bottle of liquor. They finish the bottle...what inning is it and what are the circumstances on the field? Bottom of the fifth and all the bags are loaded.
Why should China have a baseball team? Because they can take out the whole world with just one bat!
You'd be surprised how easy it is to pick up girls All it takes is a respectful attitude, a low key vibe, a breezy sense of humour, a nice beard, duct tape, and a baseball bat.
AND NOW: For the funniest pun ever stolen from another website... I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Took my girlfriend to a baseball game this last season
We made a deal in the beginning.
I kiss her on every strike and she kisses me on the balls.
Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn't even bat an eye.
At the baseball game, I was wondering why the ball was looking bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."
"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!”
I was at a baseball game and I saw something unfamiliar in the sky. It kept getting bigger, and bigger.... Then it hit me
Owing to the TP shortage, I've been using a picher and water to clean my butt... .... baseball players will do anything for money now that the season is postponed.
I miss baseball so much...
I miss baseball so much that I've been substituting things I see out of my front window.
Today there's two old ladies drinking on the corner:
It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded...
What award was given to the worst baseball player on the team?
The Out-Standing in their Field Award
The top player just got the run-around
Did you hear all the Major League Baseball teams shut down? Apparently you can get COVID-19 from bats.
Due to COVID concerns, short-lived games of Major League Baseball spring training were cancelled... right off the bat.
Told my daughter basketball season was postponed because of the virus... She said "they should ban baseball instead". Asked her why and she goes "wasn't this all caused by bats?"
Did you know baseball was played in the Old Testament? In the big inning, Adam took one, Eve took one, and the Lord threw them both out.
I once brought a rusty nail to a baseball tournament. They turned me down for using a tetanus racket.
Trump's favorite baseball team is the Yankees Except during the draft, then it's the Dodgers.
Balls of Age People who play basketball are 20. People who play baseball are 30. People who play golf are 60. Notice how when u grow older, your balls get smaller?
Imagine being so hated that on the day you announce that the leader of ISIS has been killed on your orders, a stadium full of baseball fans still boos you.
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger... I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
Do you know how big the galaxy is? It’s sooo big you can fit every single baseball stadium inside of it AND their parking lots.