Norm Macdonald Jokes

I feel bad for the homeless guy "I feel bad for the homeless guy, but I feel really bad the homeless guy's dog, because he must be thinking 'Man, this is the longest walk ever"

-Norm Macdonald

Score: 35
Funny Norm Macdonald Jokes
Score: 12

When I was a child they told me, "The children are our future." Now that I'm grown, they're saying it's actually these new children.
I know a Ponzi scheme when I see one.

*-Norm Macdonald*

Score: 9

I saw a pig, a cow, and a horse. I told my wife, “Those look like some of your relatives.”

She replied, “Yeah, my in-laws!”

(Source: Norm MacDonald)

Score: 7

The other day I tell my wife, "when I look into the mirror I only see an old fat man, I need you to make me feel better about myself." She says "you have perfect eyesight." - Norm MacDonald

Score: 4

Las Vegas The city of Las Vegas now has a gigantic ferris wheel that is drawing huge crowds.

Also drawing thousands to Las Vegas...whores!

Credit: The great Norm Macdonald

Score: 3

ID is a funny abbreviation. The I stands for I and D strands for dentification.

-Norm Macdonald

Score: 2

The set-up is that this is a Jewish joke: Two gentiles meet on the street.

One says, "How's business?"

The other says, "Great!"

[Told by Jerry Seinfeld on "Norm MacDonald Live"]

Score: 2

I signed up for my company’s 401k. But I don’t think I can run that far.

Edit: All credit goes to Norm Macdonald

Score: 2

When I was a child they told me, "The Children Are Our Future." Then I grew up, and now they're saying it's actually these new children.

I know a Ponzi scheme when I see one.

*-Norm Macdonald*

Score: 2

Before I met my wife, I always felt incomplete Now I'm finished.

*-Norm Macdonald*

Score: 2

When I was a child, they told me that The Children Are Our Future Then I grew up, and now they're saying it's actually these new children.

I know a Ponzi scheme when I see one.

*-Norm Macdonald*

Score: 1

What is the last thing you want to hear after blowing Willie Nelson? 'I'm not Willie Nelson'

Credit: old joke via: Norm Macdonald

Score: 1

Regarding the war on terror Fighting it in the Middle East seems a little crazy. I would've started with our nation's haunted houses.

*credit Norm Macdonald. Or at least one of his interns.

Score: 1

I feel the same way about slaves as I do shirts with flame patterns on them I don't want to be friends with anyone who owns either of them


Norm Macdonald Live!

Score: 1

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