Pharmacy Jokes

At the pharmacy I asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around, looked them straight in the eyes and said, "Make that 52."

Score: 1754

A man using Apple maps walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

Score: 833

A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy.


"I can't serve you that"


"There you go".

Score: 456

A man goes to the pharmacy to buy condoms. The pharmacist asks: Do you need a bag?

He answers: She isn't that ugly!

Score: 163

The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy. I need to quit making rash decisions.

Score: 51
Funny Pharmacy Jokes
Score: 47

A guy enters the pharmacy... Guy: 5 packs of condoms please.

Cashier: Do you need a bag with those?

Guy: Don't worry she's pretty.

Score: 28

Russian pharmacy Doctor: This medicine is from insomnia, this one is from nervous break-down, and also take this one from depression.

Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?

Score: 27

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the Pharmacist, "Excuse me, do you have cotton balls?" The pharmacist replies, " Ma'am, if I did, my kids would be stuffed animals."

Score: 23

A guy stops in at the local pharmacy to buy condoms. That will be twelve fifty with tax.
Tax he exclaims!!! don't these things stay on by themselves???

Score: 18

I just got a job at a pharmacy. The pay isn't great... But the percs are amazing!

Score: 17

I went to the pharmacy this morning and asked for 50 condoms. The girl winked at me and said, "Oh, someone has a busy weekend ahead of them!"

"I know," I said. "I'm making a raincoat for my pet snake."

Score: 12

So I went to the pharmacy the other day I went in and bought a box of condoms.
The cahsier asked me whether I wanted a bag?
I said no thanks, she's not that ugly.

Score: 11

A Duck walks into a pharmacy. He tells the pharmacist “I’d like to buy a box of Chapstick.”.
The pharmacist replies, “OK, how would you like to pay for this?”
The duck says “Put it on my bill.”.

Score: 11

So a duck walks into a pharmacy... and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any chapstick?" When the pharmacist hands it to him, the duck replies "Thanks, just put it on my bill!"

Score: 10

If marijuana starts getting sold in a grocery store... Would it be in the pharmacy or the baking aisle?

Score: 10

Pharmacy A man walks into a pharmacy - "Id like 3 packs of condoms please".

The pharmacist - "Here you go sir, would you like a bag".

Man: "No thanks, the girl is good looking".

Score: 8

A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier asks him if he wants a bag. He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."

Score: 8

One evening, a dad joke came home late from the office. He and your mom joke got a little drunk after dinner and since the pharmacy was closed, well, lewd story short, that's how they ended up with a pun in the oven.

Score: 7

My doctor prescribed me a new medication. It’s called Fukitol. Unfortunately, the pharmacy had none left to give.

Score: 6

I went to the pharmacy to get 50 condoms, behind me were two girls giggling... Then I looked at the pharmacist and told him "52".

Score: 5

An old lady walks into a pharmacy \- I would like to buy a pack of acetylsalicylic acid.

\- Do you mean aspirin?

\- Oh yes! I couldn't remember the name!

Score: 5

My pharmacy is having a liquidation sale. Laxatives are 50% off.

Score: 5

Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test. She clearly isn’t a fan of protection

Score: 5

Old Texas cowboy in a pharmacy Cowboy: "Give me three packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah. She ain't that ugly.

Score: 4

The husband asks the wife... The husband asks the wife:
-Babe which do you like the best, strawberry or banana?
The wife asks him:
-Why are you at the Supermarket?
The husband replys:
No I'm at the pharmacy...

Score: 4

(Nerd joke warning) What do you call a pharmacy that *may* exist? An hypothecary

Score: 4

Police were chasing two robbers ...who ran into a pharmacy jumped on to a scale and got a weigh.

Score: 4

Today, I went to a pharmacy and asked for a box of condoms. The girl serving me asked me if I wanted a bag with it but I said, "No, thanks. She's actually quite pretty."

Score: 4

Amazon just launched their new pharmacy service! They were going to call it Jeff's Benzos, but that name got axed pretty quickly.

Score: 4

Where do farm animals get their groceries? The pharmacy.

Score: 3

Why are there no pharmacy stores in Africa? Because you’re not supposed to take medicine on an empty stomach.

Score: 3

I was at the mattress shop today, until I remembered I was supposed to be at the pharmacy. I was supposed to be picking up my dementia medication.

Score: 2

An odd look... Came to the counter of the pharmacy with a box if condoms... Person ringing me up gave me a quick odd look.... I caught it and said "oh, it's not what you think... I'm a drug mule"

Score: 2

Guy walks into a pharmacy And says to the clerk "14 packs of condoms please"

The clerk replies "Do you need a bag"

"No she's pretty"

Score: 2

My local IKEA store has opened up a pharmacy in it... I bought some suppositories from it but had to put them up myself.

Score: 0

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