This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable. He’s explaining Facebook to old people.
My grandfather saw the Titanic and he warned everyone that it would sink, but no one listened He told people a few more times and then he was kicked out of the cinema
Why do old people like golf? Just like in their life, the goal is to get the least amount of strokes before you go in the hole
When Amy Schumer was growing up and she told people that she wanted to be a comedian, people laughed at her. No one is laughing now.
Old people love My grandma rubbed butter on granddad's feet when he was ill. He went downhill fast after that.
Died laughing Had my first gig as a stand-up comedian at an old people's home last night. They didn't get any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves.
A couple in an old people’s home we’re having an argument, Margaret found out Egbert had been cheating. Egbert did love a handjob.
Margaret said to Egbert ‘What does Dorothy have that I don’t?
Egbert replied ‘Parkinsons’.
What’s the difference between necrophilia and old people fetish?
A couple of weeks.
(Source: h3h3 comments)
When people ask me what I do for a living I just tell them I'm a senior analyst It sounds better than saying I just stare at old people all day
Old people poke me at weddings and tell me "you're next" So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
The 200m sprint world record for 100+ years old people has been improved today! It is now 163m.
Old people always poke me at weddings and say "You're next" So I started doing the same to them at funerals
I like to play chess with old people in the park. Although I will admit that it is difficult to round up 32 of them and get them to play in costume.
Old people kept poking me at weddings and saying "You are next" So at funerals I do the same to them
What has 100 eyes and 2 teeth?
A bus full of old people..
What has 2 eyes and 100 teeth?
my friend thought of a name for a dating app for old people I've fallen for you and I cant get up
I don't know why old people drive so slowly.. If you're 85 you should be driving 85, you ain't got much time left!
A new Pirates of the Caribbean movie is like old people nudity at the public swimming pool. You don't want to see it but you still end up seeing it anyway.
My grandfather, who served in Vietnam, asked me what sticks to young and old people alike: Apparently napalm wasn’t the answer.
Old people at weddings always poke me and say,"you're next." So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals....
Old People Always Poke Me
Old people at wedding always poke me and say
You Are the Next
So, I Started Doing The Same Thing To Them At Funerals
2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my butt fell asleep the other says yep i heard it snore a couple of times.
Apple slows their old phones and everyone loses their mind God has been doing this to old people for centuries and no one bats an eye...
Old people always poke me at weddings and say: “you’re next” So I started to do the same thing to them at funerals
I dont understand why old people are so afraid of those of us who drive cars. I mean car owner, why us?
Old people are at the greatest risk of coronavirus. shutting down the restaurants they are going to starve to death.
What has 122 teeth and 2 eyes ? A crocodile. What has 122 eyes and 2 teeth ? A bus full of old people.
It’s freezing in Florida, which means iguanas might start falling from trees. All the old people aren’t too worried about this though. They’re used to a reptile dysfunction
When I was a little boy and told people I was going to be a comedian, everyone laughed at me Well, no one's laughing now
There are two types of old people, the ones who have Alzheimer There are two types of old people.
Can we start a national walkout for old people who try to pay for things with the exact amount of coins? I've been waiting for change for too long.
Wedding vs Funeral
Old people at **Weddings** always poke me and say **"You are NEXT"**.
So, I started doing the same thing to them at **Funerals**.
What do old people do with their cars when they are to old to drive them? They tow them behind their motor home.
I hear that everyone loves it when you share your political views, so this is what I stand for... the national anthem, old people on the bus and if someone yells "your chair is on fire"
A teacher asked me why my daughter's name was so weird...
She asked why I had spelled it like E.M.M.A instead of just Emma, and I said that it describes the phrase that I told people when I let them know my SO was pregnant,
"Everyone. Makes. Mistakes. Alright?"
How do old people stay in ouch with their deceased friends?
Through social mediums.
(Read this on Facebook. Take no credit, but I don't remember who said it.)
Old people at weddings always poke me and say your next So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals