Winter Jokes

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Funniest Winter Jokes

Why do bees stay in the hive in the winter? Swarm

Score: 13528

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then *gently* tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Score: 2395

Give a man a jacket He'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket he won't leave the house.

Score: 2292

On a cold winter's morning Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:

"Windows frozen, won't open."



Husband texts back:

"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."



Wife texts back 5 minutes later:



"Computer is really screwed up now.”

Score: 1861

My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered... "Swarm."

Score: 1069

Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics? It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for

Score: 888

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: Windows frozen, won't open. Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap the edges with a hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Score: 494
Funny Winter Jokes
Score: 297

Animals: Winter is here, we need a plan to survive. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?

Score: 177

Why does it suck to work for the NSA during the winter? Because if it snows, you can't call and say you're snowed in.

Score: 146

Told my boss he needs winter tires Got fired. Apparently that's something offensive to say to people in wheelchairs.

Score: 140

We've had a horrible winter this year. It was so cold, lawyers were walking around with their hand is their *own* pockets.

Score: 137

Why does the NSA hate the winter? They got snowed in.

Score: 130

Give a man a jacket Give a man a jacket and he can leave the house during Winter.

Teach a man to jack it and he'll never leave the house.

Score: 124

Wife texts husband on cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Score: 119

I’m from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.

Score: 106

How did the trees feel when winter was finally over Releafed

Score: 105

What's white, cold, falling in winter and ending with "bass" ? The snow, dumbass.

Score: 89

How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter? They’re both flying information.

Score: 86

Finally my winter fat is gone... Now I have spring rolls.

Score: 85

Give a man a jacket And he'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket and he'll never leave the house.

Score: 72

Winter is like the Justin Bieber of seasons... It was kind of cute and exciting when it first started out, now its a bit obnoxious and should probably just stay in Canada.

Score: 66

The Winter Olympics. Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.

Score: 63

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning... 'Windows frozen; won't open'

Husband texts back, 'Pour warm water over it and *gently* tap edges with hammer'

5 minutes later wife texts back, 'Computer really messed up now.'

Score: 55

Why do black people get hit by cars more during winter time? Because they're easier to spot

Score: 45

Give a man a jacket, and he'll be warm for all winter Teach a man to jack it, and he won't need to go outside!

Score: 45

Trump is trying to solve global warming That's why he's trying to create a nuclear winter

Score: 43

My favorite winter Olympic sport is women’s curling... Because it’s the one time every four years I can yell, “sweep harder” at a woman, and no one thinks it’s because I’m a sexist pig.

Score: 40

On a frosty winter's morning Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back:
"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."
wife writings back 5 minutes after the fact:

"PC is truly spoiled at this point.”

Score: 37

Give a man a jacket He will be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket, he will never leave the house.

Score: 36

What is a reason illegal immigrants hate the winter? ICE

Score: 8

What is trump's plan against global warming? Nuclear winter

Score: 4

-Son, remember that in many ways, life is like a display of fireworks on a clear winter night. -Beautiful?

-Nope. A pure loss, but fun none the less!

Score: 4

You know what's cooler than going to the beach on a summer day? Going to the beach on a winter day.

Score: 4

The winter sales have started everywhere But you know, clothes are 100% off at my place.

Score: 4

It gets cold in Alaska during the winter. Juneau what I mean?

Score: 3

Roy Moore is like winter He's often dipping into the teens

Score: 3

Bees like to stay huddled up in their hive during the winter Swarm

Score: 3

Why do black folks get runover more often in the winter? You can see them easyer

Score: 3

Winter is upon is, the poor will have to choose between food, heating Or getting a new tattoo.

Score: 3

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New Winter Jokes

What do you get in the winter when you bring a knife to The South Sandwich Islands? Cold cuts

Score: 0

Why do illegal immagrants hate winter? ICE

Score: 2

There's a Frog in Alaska that freezes during the winter. While entering this state, it stops breathing, its heart stops beating, it's palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit on its sweater already.

Score: 2

I had a first date in the winter and we were standing by a frozen pool. I said, 'Let's walk across that pool together.' I like to test the waters before committing to someone.

Score: 2

I lost all my winter fat thanks to this seasonal diet. Now I have spring rolls instead.

Score: 2

Everyone else has 4 seasons to look forward to: Sping, Summer, Fall, & Winter We Seniors have only 1 season: Fall

Score: 0

What did Shakespeare say when Black Friday was over? Now is the winter of our discount.

Score: 2

With all the blizzard news here's a winter joke: How do you convert a dish washer into a snow blower? You give her a shovel!

Score: 2

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