Hilarious Winter Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Winter Jokes

Why do bees stay in the hive in the winter? Swarm

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Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then *gently* tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

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Give a man a jacket He'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket he won't leave the house.

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On a cold winter's morning Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:

"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back:

"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:

"Computer is really screwed up now.”

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My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered... "Swarm."

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Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics? It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for

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Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: Windows frozen, won't open. Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap the edges with a hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

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Animals: Winter is here, we need a plan to survive. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?

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Why does it suck to work for the NSA during the winter? Because if it snows, you can't call and say you're snowed in.

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Told my boss he needs winter tires Got fired. Apparently that's something offensive to say to people in wheelchairs.

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We've had a horrible winter this year. It was so cold, lawyers were walking around with their hand is their *own* pockets.

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Why does the NSA hate the winter? They got snowed in.

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Give a man a jacket Give a man a jacket and he can leave the house during Winter.

Teach a man to jack it and he'll never leave the house.

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Wife texts husband on cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Score: 119

I’m from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.

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How did the trees feel when winter was finally over Releafed

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What's white, cold, falling in winter and ending with "bass" ? The snow, dumbass.

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How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter? They’re both flying information.

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Finally my winter fat is gone... Now I have spring rolls.

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Give a man a jacket And he'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket and he'll never leave the house.

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Winter is like the Justin Bieber of seasons... It was kind of cute and exciting when it first started out, now its a bit obnoxious and should probably just stay in Canada.

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The Winter Olympics. Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.

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Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning... 'Windows frozen; won't open'

Husband texts back, 'Pour warm water over it and *gently* tap edges with hammer'

5 minutes later wife texts back, 'Computer really messed up now.'

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Why do black people get hit by cars more during winter time? Because they're easier to spot

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Give a man a jacket, and he'll be warm for all winter Teach a man to jack it, and he won't need to go outside!

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Trump is trying to solve global warming That's why he's trying to create a nuclear winter

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My favorite winter Olympic sport is women’s curling... Because it’s the one time every four years I can yell, “sweep harder” at a woman, and no one thinks it’s because I’m a sexist pig.

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On a frosty winter's morning Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back:
"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."
wife writings back 5 minutes after the fact:

"PC is truly spoiled at this point.”

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Give a man a jacket He will be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket, he will never leave the house.

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Did you hear Donald Trump's plan for combatting global warming? Nuclear winter

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2040's won't get this Winter

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Winter is like Justin Bieber It was cute and fun at first, but now it's obnoxious and should probably stay in Canada.

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Q: Why don't women wear dresses in the winter? A: They could get chapped lips!

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If Russia is so good at defeating it's enemies in the Winter Then how come they lost the Cold War?

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Yo mama is so fat She stays really warm in the cold. So she usually lends me her jackets in the winter.
What a nice person :)

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What is a reason illegal immigrants hate the winter? ICE

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Give a man a jacket and he'll stay warm all winter Teach a man to jacket and he'll stay warm his whole life

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Why is Humpty Dumpty so optimistic about the upcoming Winter? Because he had a great Fall!

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How do you find Will Smith in the winter? You look for The Fresh Prince.

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New Winter Jokes

Why do bees stay in their hives during winter ? Swarm.

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Polish talks to Russian I heard that it is -60 degrees here in winter. No, only -30. Then why do they say it's -60? Maybe outside.

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Winter is upon is, the poor will have to choose between food, heating Or getting a new tattoo.

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Why do illegal immagrants hate winter? ICE

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You know what's cooler than going to the beach on a summer day? Going to the beach on a winter day.

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What are the four main problems with Soviet agriculture? Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter









yeh this Reagan's joke, doesn't mean it isn't funny

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Why do black folks get runover more often in the winter? You can see them easyer

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Bees like to stay huddled up in their hive during the winter Swarm

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There's a Frog in Alaska that freezes during the winter. While entering this state, it stops breathing, its heart stops beating, it's palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit on its sweater already.

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I had a first date in the winter and we were standing by a frozen pool. I said, 'Let's walk across that pool together.' I like to test the waters before committing to someone.

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Justin Bieber is like winter. Kind of cute and exciting in the beginning, but after its all said and done you wish he would have stayed in Canada.

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The winter sales have started everywhere But you know, clothes are 100% off at my place.

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-Son, remember that in many ways, life is like a display of fireworks on a clear winter night. -Beautiful?

-Nope. A pure loss, but fun none the less!

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Roy Moore is like winter He's often dipping into the teens

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There should be a holiday episode of Man vs Wild with Christopher Walken It would be called Walken in a winter wonderland!

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Why don’t women wear skirts in the winter? To avoid chapped lips.

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What do you call an entitled white guy that goes outside with no pants in the winter? White Shrivelage

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Let me tell you all a joke about a cow during winter. It was Friesian.

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I decided to stop going to Istanbul in winter I quit cold Turkey.

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Why do Mexicans have noses? Gives them something to pick in the winter.

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It was a cold winter night... ...so I sat in the corner. It's 90^o there, so I warmed right back up.

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Why did the bird fly south for winter? It was too far to walk

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Never mess with the HVAC man in winter Because he'll probably be packing heat

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One foggy winter night Jason walks into a bar Then a tree, and then into a manhole

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It is said that during Hitler's reign of Germany, the country was in a never-ending state of winter because it was constantly heiling.

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What is trump's plan against global warming? Nuclear winter

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What is Donald Trump's plan for combating global warming? Nuclear winter

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Winter is like the Justin Bieber of seasons It's cute and exciting when it first starts out but then it gets obnoxious and should stay in Canada.

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Why did a pair of blondes freeze to death outside the movie theater? Because they wanted to watch "Closed for Winter".

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Everyone else has 4 seasons to look forward to: Sping, Summer, Fall, & Winter We Seniors have only 1 season: Fall

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Which actress stays consistent, especially in the winter time? Eva Green

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Why did the Winter War only last 3 months? The fighters were Russian to Finnish

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What do you call a body building winter snow creature? an abdominal snowman

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Winter is finally coming to an end It's putting a little spring in my step

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2 fortune tellers are talking about the weather. The first one says it's going to be a hot winter. The second one replies "Yes, reminds me of the summer of 2093."

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Why is one side of the V always longer than the other when geese are flying south for the winter ? It's because there are more geese on that side.

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This winter, ice crystals will stick together and fall from the sky Snow joke

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Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk

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Two blondes are found frozen to death at a drive-in theater. They were watching "Closed for the Winter."

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Winter- Pros: Chestnuts roasting. Cons: Deez nuts freezing.

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Did you hear about the new winter resort that caters exclusively to men with erectile disfunction? It's called Lake Flaccid.

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