This just in: Due to panic buying, Walmart has decided to open up a 2nd register. Dire times indeed.
When checking out at Walmart I always pick the sexiest cashier... I always end up at self checkout.
My dad gave me a Walmart gift card for my birthday Then he said "Don't spend it in one place."
My good deed for the day
In the line at Walmart there was a little old lady in front of me, $73 of shopping but her card was declined!
I was feeling generous especially at this time of year and you’ve got to help out so I helped her put it all back.
Saw a sketchy looking man outside Walmart begging for money so he could buy the new life size Wonder Woman doll. I swear, these heroine addicts looking worse every year.
Did you see that Walmart will be closing about 500 stores by the end of the year...? It's going to put about 12 cashiers out of work.
What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common? They both have little boys' jeans half off.
A film is to be made about the shootings last month in the El Paso Walmart The Texas Chain Store Massacre
I was in Walmart yesterday and this elderly lady was in front of me & her total came up to $300 but her card was declined.. So y'all already know what I did. God gonna bless me one day. It was a lot of groceries but I helped her put it all back
Did you hear about what happened at the Walmart in El Paso, Texas? The Walmart that got turned into a Target.
What is the difference between a Walmart employee and a large pepperoni pizza? The pizza can feed a family of four.
My German friend and I like to rate women at Walmart on their looks... I hate to say the guy has low standards, but I saw a lot of twos and three. He just kept yelling NINE, NINE, NINE, NINE.
I went into walmart to buy the album "Get Rich or Die Trying" but I had to dispute the price when it rang up for ten dollars... ... because it clearly says 50 Cent on it.
Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies
Saw a woman in Walmart who had March Madness teeth this morning She was down to her final 4!!!
If the NRA had its way, there would be no more Walmart stores... ...but there’d be Targets everywhere.
what do kevin spacey and walmart have in common? They both have small boys pants at half off!
I bought a thesaurus from Walmart and the pages were blank.. I have no words to describe how angry I am
You know how stores move stuff around? Target and Kroger do it for strategy but Walmart does it to keep you in there.
Someone at Walmart asked if I wanted to donate a dollar to fight hunger But I was already buying pizza rolls!
What is the difference between a Walmart and a hooker? At Walmart, more plastic always makes it cheaper.
The worst part about spanking a kid in Walmart.... The worst part about spanking a kid in Walmart is not knowing who’s kid it is.
I heard Walmart stores were so busy on Friday that they opened a second register! Sounds like a picnic compared to O'hare Airport yesterday!
So I was at Walmart today and got one pack of toilet paper Then someone pulled their car up beside me and said, “you got gold right there!”
Today I was smoking a cig in front of my local Walmart when the guard came yelling at me...
Guard : "Excuse me sir! We have no smoking rules around here!"
Me : "Great! Most stores have a ton of them!"
walmart marriage chapel Walmart was going to put in a marriage chapel. After thinking about it they decided not to because they already had a problem with returns
I just realized today is my four year work anniversary with my company. I’ve finally met the experience requirements for an entry level position as a Walmart greeter.
George Washington led an army on Christmas to ensure U.S. Independence and as a History major, I'm proud that I too will work this Christmas.....at walmart selling batteries
I asked my friends to set me up with a guy in uniform Garry from Walmart wasn't quite what I had in mind...
I tried telling higher value jokes in Walmart but nobody was laughing. I guess it wasn't my Target Audience.
I love whale-whatching but it has gotten a little more difficult now that the nearest WalMart closed down
Walmart ran out of tops and sandals so they put a sign on the front entrance. "No shirts, no shoes, no service."
Robbery Yesterday, a Walmart manager was robbed outside of a gas station. Robbers took $19.95 of his money
Why did the redneck take his cat to Walmart after running over it's tail with the lawn mower? Because they're the largest re-tail-er
I went to a self defence class last night and the instructor told me to "take him by surprise and attack him". So when I saw him in Walmart the next day I threw a can of beans at his head.
What do you do if you're smoking weed in the walmart parking lot and you see a spaceman Park in it bruh
My ex-wife got a job in Huston giving back-rubs in Walmart She's the Texas Chain Store Massager
the horse meat scandal during the recent horse meat scandal in the UK they discovered that the Welsh lamb in Asda ( Walmart ) had 2% human dna.