Walmart Jokes


Funniest Walmart Jokes

When checking out at Walmart I always pick the sexiest cashier... I always end up at self checkout.

Score: 1777

Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart? ...because its not a Target.

Score: 1687
Funny Walmart Jokes
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Why are there no Walmart stores in Afghanistan? Because there's a target on every corner

Score: 274

There are no Walmart stores in Syria Only Targets.

Score: 244

Walmart is giving away dead batteries for the holidays... Free of charge

Score: 153

Was kicked out of Walmart today. When I walked in I saw a "Wet Floor" sign. So I did.

Score: 81

I asked my local Walmart where they kept their Terminator DVDs. "Aisle B, back"

Score: 60

How come there are no Walmart’s in Iraq? Because there’s a Target at every corner!

Edit: A joke from the Bush era I still find funny.

Score: 42

To the lady with all the screaming kids at Walmart who's wondering how the box of condoms got into her cart... You're welcome

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Why did Walmart go out of business in Iraq? Because there are too many targets.

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Why are there no Walmart's in Afghanistan? Because they are all Target's

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Why is there no Walmart in Afghanistan? Because there is a target on every corner.

Score: 33

Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail? Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer.

Thank you. I'll be here all week.

Score: 32

My dad gave me a Walmart gift card for my birthday Then he said "Don't spend it in one place."

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Why are there no Walmart’s in Iraq? Because there all targets

Score: 30

Why did the bishop love Walmart? 'Coz the boys pants are all half off.

Score: 27

My good deed for the day In the line at Walmart there was a little old lady in front of me, $73 of shopping but her card was declined!
I was feeling generous especially at this time of year and you’ve got to help out so I helped her put it all back.

Score: 24

Why did the Priest go to Walmart? Because the little boys pants were half off.

Score: 23

Walmart announced the closing of 175 stores in 2018 Putting 12 cashiers out of work

Score: 21

What do you do if you accidentally cut off your cat's tail? Take him to WalMart. They are the largest retailer in the world.

Score: 20

I heard they don't have any Walmart or K-marts in Syria. Only Targets.

Score: 20

Saw a sketchy looking man outside Walmart begging for money so he could buy the new life size Wonder Woman doll. I swear, these heroine addicts looking worse every year.

Score: 20

How is Kevin Spacey like Walmart? They both have boys pants half off.

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What do R.Kelly and Walmart have in common? They both have kids pants half off.

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What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common? They both have little boys' jeans half off.

Score: 16

Did you see that Walmart will be closing about 500 stores by the end of the year...? It's going to put about 12 cashiers out of work.

Score: 16

People need to calm down about Walmart making wearing a mask mandatory. You can still wear your pajamas.

Score: 16

What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart? 7 tees, 30 eggs

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I'm not sure why these shooters are threatening Walmart. There's usually a Target right down the road.

Score: 12

The local Walmart was giving out batteries They were free of charge

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I went into walmart to buy the album "Get Rich or Die Trying" but I had to dispute the price when it rang up for ten dollars... ... because it clearly says 50 Cent on it.

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what do kevin spacey and walmart have in common? They both have small boys pants at half off!

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What do you call an alien in Walmart? A Walmartian

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You know how stores move stuff around? Target and Kroger do it for strategy but Walmart does it to keep you in there.

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Whats the difference between Walmart and Target customers? About 200 pounds.

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Someone at Walmart asked if I wanted to donate a dollar to fight hunger But I was already buying pizza rolls!

Score: 4

Why do thieves like Walmart? It's their best Target

Score: 3

Why aren't there any Walmart stores in Iraq? Because there's a Target on every corner.

Score: 3

I tried telling higher value jokes in Walmart but nobody was laughing. I guess it wasn't my Target Audience.

Score: 2

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New Walmart Jokes

A blind man walks into Walmart He immediately starts swinging his guide dog over his head. The manager runs up to him and says “Sir. Is there something we can help you with?!?!”

The man says “Nah, just taking a look around”

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What’s the difference between the White House and Walmart? There’s less nut cases in Walmart

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I've completely lost faith in Walmart. Last time I saw her she was in the clothing department trying on a camouflage dress.

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Walmart ran out of tops and sandals so they put a sign on the front entrance. "No shirts, no shoes, no service."

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My neice asked me what it was like being drunk I said you see that tree? when you are drunk you see two or four trees
she said, there is no trees. we are in a parking lot at walmart.

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Robbery Yesterday, a Walmart manager was robbed outside of a gas station. Robbers took $19.95 of his money

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Why did the redneck take his cat to Walmart after running over it's tail with the lawn mower? Because they're the largest re-tail-er

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What's Trumps favourite super market? Walmart.

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