Contents
Contents
The stork is the bird that helps deliver babies. What bird helps prevent pregnancy? The swallow.
A mummy calls a restauraunt.
- Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
- Could you spell it out, please?
- Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.
If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies? A swallow
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies? A Swallow.
My daughters favorite joke...
What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.
What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights? A chicken
What’s the difference between swine flu and bird flu? Swine Flu requires oinkment and Bird Flu requires Tweetment
A Norweigan robot analyzed a bird. It scandinavian.
If the stork is the bird of birth, what's the bird of birth control? A swallow.
If a stork brings a white baby and a crow brings a black baby; what bird brings no baby? a swallow
What's the national bird of Syria A US drone
What's got two eyes, but can't see, two wings, but can't fly, and two legs, but can't walk? A dead bird.
What kind of bird doesn't have babies A swallow
If a white bird makes white babies and a black bird makes black babies, what bird makes no babies? A swallow
If I had a drop of beer for every time I made a bird pun.. I'd have toucans.
A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken. It’s the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
What's the difference between the USA and a bird? On a bird, the left wing and the right wing work together to benefit the whole bird.
What is the national bird of Pakistan? An American drone.
If a Norwegian robot... If a Norwegian robot analyzes a bird, it Scandinavian.
A bear climbs a tree....
a bird sitting in the tree asks "Hey, Bear, why are you up in this tree?"
the bear says "I came up here to eat apples."
the bird says "But Bear, this isn't an apple tree. there are no apples up here."
the bear says "That's ok, I brought my own."
What do you call a bird who never remembers song lyrics? A hummingbird
What is the national bird of Afghanistan? US Drone
2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!" The other looked up.
What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?
Unlawful = Against the law
Illegal = A sick bird
What's Afghanistan's National Bird? An American drone.
What's the National Bird of Pakistan? An American Drone.
My friend told me a stupid bird pun. I replied, "Toucan play at this game."
One bird can't make a pun. But toucan.
What kind of bird does not make babies? A swallow
What happens when a Norwegian robot scans a bird? It Scandanavian
If a stork brings white babies, and a crow brings black babies, what kind of bird brings no babies? A swallow.
Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs? In a communest.
If a dove represents peace which bird represents true love? The swallow.
What is the most popular novel in Mexico? Tequila mocking bird
Don't be sad... Don’t be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that dogs can’t fly.
I went to an underground party dressed as a bird. I was raven for hours.
What was two wings, but cannot fly; two eyes, but cannot see; and two legs, but cannot walk? A dead bird.
What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?
One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
Thanks folks, tip your waitresses I'll be here all day!
What do you call a bird that sticks to trees?
Velcrow.
(Thanks and credit to u/HRduffNstuff for rewording my original post :))
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but I soon realised toucan play at that game
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big He was ostrich-sized :/
It's hard for a solitary bird to make a pun. But toucan.
So, What do you call a depressed space bird? A Millennial Falcon
If eagles are the birds of American freedom, then what is the bird of American love? A Swallow
Why couldn't Big Bird hang out with the sesame street gang? Because he was ostrich-sized...
What do you call a bird that can speak 2 languages? Biwingual
If you think your life is bad imagine being an egg You only get laid once, smashed once and the only bird that sits on your face is your Mum
If a stalk brings good babies. A crow brings bad babies. What bird brings no babies? A swallow
If Storks represents birth. Which bird represents birthcontrol? Swallow.
What do you call a bird that’s scared of its own shadow? Chicken
What's smarter than a talking bird? A spelling bee
Name a bird with wings but can't fly?
Teacher: "Name a bird with wings but can't fly."
Student: "A dead bird, sir."
The teacher asked little Johnnie if he had ever seen a humming bird... Little Johnnie said, "No, but one time I saw a spelling bee."
Why are Americans so arrogant? Because our national bird is the ego.
A woodpecker's a bird...
...unless you're a puppet.
~ The late great Robin Williams
What is the difference between a fly and a bird? A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird
Early Bird
The early bird gets the worm.
...
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
What did the bird say when the monkey stole its food? "...Toucan play it this game."
If a red bird has red babies and a blue bird has blue babies, what kind of bird has no babies? A swallow
Why did the bird fly south for winter? It was too far to walk
I saw a bird that couldn't decide if he wanted to leave my yard. He was on the fence.
What's Frank Reynolds' favorite bird? Owls, because they are who-ers.
What do you call a bird that beats it very fast? a cummingbird
Grandma and the Bird
I said, "Grandma, how do you like the bird I sent?"
She said, "It was delicious."
I said, "You ate it?! That was a two thousand dollar talking bird!" She said, "Well, he should have said something."
Everytime I leave the house... I keep getting followed by this really tall bird, I think I'm being storked.
A mummy phones a restaurant and asks to reserve a table for the Pharaoh Sakrakhotep I...
The woman at the restaurant says, “Could you spell it out, please?”
The mummy says, “Of course: bird, two triangles, wavy line, bird again, jackal’s head, and a scarab.”
I have a few bird jokes doesn't matter though, they'll fly right over your head
What's the national bird of Iraq? Duck.
Trump is like a bird with Tourettes He can't control his Tweets
What is the national bird of Turkey? The Heron of Troy
I was trying to teach my bird to say peanut today. So far, all that came out was pee.
If a stork delivers white babies, and a blackbird delivers black babies, what bird delivers no babies? A swallow
What do you call it when one bird murders another? Fowl play
What does an energy drink and tropical bird have in common? It takes more than toucans to wake me up.
Wanna hear a bird joke?
Wait.. I forgot the punchline..
Hawkward..
Did you hear about the little bird that took over his clock by force? It was a cuckoo coup.
What do you call a bird with no responsibilities? A millennial falcon
What did the bird and the Scottish guy say to each other? cheap cheap cheap cheap
Joke from my 7yr old son - If a bird that flies over the sea is a seagull, what is...
... a bird that flies over the bay?
A BAGEL!
Ba dum, tsss
I met a bird salesman once... He was the best in his branch
Which bird did Noah regret taking on the ark? The woodpeckers.
Did you hear about the bird that got sick? He's got the flew.
An owl and a squirrel are in a tree watching a farmer go by The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.
I have a bird fetish I can scarcely contain my libido when I look at chicks.
I bought bird seed today. Can anyone tell me how long it takes for the birds to grow once I plant them?
A bird lands in a bush between two others.. He turns to one on his right and asks “Swallow”? The other bird replies angrily “No spit!”. He looks at the bird to his left “Hmm thorny subject”.
Why was the sick bird deported? He was an ill eagle.
Two roosters are working out in a gym
One of the roosters stops and starts to stare at something.
The other rooster asks "What you looking at?"
To which he replies with "Just chicken out that fit bird."
What do you get when you go to a bird doctor? Tweetment
A single bird can't destroy capitalism on his own But toucan
Why did the bird cross the kitchen? To Eat! To Eat! To Eat!
A blonde and a brunette are walking in a park,
the brunette says awwww look a dead bird poor thing.
The blonde looks up and says where?
What is Jamaica's favorite male bird? The mongoose.
What's the difference between you and a baby bird. The bird got laid.
As an ornothologist and a pimp I structure payment based on the old saying: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
I once killed 19 birds with one gunshot, people asked why didn't I round up to 20 Do you really think I would risk getting caught lying just for 1 bird ?
My friend was trying to annoy me with bird puns Well, toucan play at that game
What does Agatha Christie call a group of almost every type of bird? A Murder of Most Fowls!
What do you call a religious bird? A bird of prey.
A blonde and a brunette is sitting on a bench.
Out of nowhere, the brunette says: Look! A dead bird!
The blonde gazes up into the air says where?
Funniest Jokes
New Jokes