The stork is the bird that helps deliver babies. What bird helps prevent pregnancy? The swallow.
A mummy calls a restauraunt.
- Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
- Could you spell it out, please?
- Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.
If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies? A swallow
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies? A Swallow.
What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights? A chicken
What’s the difference between swine flu and bird flu? Swine Flu requires oinkment and Bird Flu requires Tweetment
A Norweigan robot analyzed a bird. It scandinavian.
If the stork is the bird of birth, what's the bird of birth control? A swallow.
If a stork brings a white baby and a crow brings a black baby; what bird brings no baby? a swallow
What's the national bird of Syria A US drone
What's got two eyes, but can't see, two wings, but can't fly, and two legs, but can't walk? A dead bird.
What kind of bird doesn't have babies A swallow
If a white bird makes white babies and a black bird makes black babies, what bird makes no babies? A swallow
If I had a drop of beer for every time I made a bird pun.. I'd have toucans.
A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken. It’s the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
What's the difference between the USA and a bird? On a bird, the left wing and the right wing work together to benefit the whole bird.
What is the national bird of Pakistan? An American drone.
If a Norwegian robot... If a Norwegian robot analyzes a bird, it Scandinavian.
A bear climbs a tree....
a bird sitting in the tree asks "Hey, Bear, why are you up in this tree?"
the bear says "I came up here to eat apples."
the bird says "But Bear, this isn't an apple tree. there are no apples up here."
the bear says "That's ok, I brought my own."
What do you call a bird who never remembers song lyrics? A hummingbird
What is the national bird of Afghanistan? US Drone
2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!" The other looked up.
What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?
Unlawful = Against the law
Illegal = A sick bird
What's Afghanistan's National Bird? An American drone.
What's the National Bird of Pakistan? An American Drone.
My friend told me a stupid bird pun. I replied, "Toucan play at this game."
One bird can't make a pun. But toucan.
What kind of bird does not make babies? A swallow
What happens when a Norwegian robot scans a bird? It Scandanavian
Sick Lemon and Sick Bird
What do you give a sick bird?
What do you give a sick lemon?
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have Bird Flu, you need tweetment. If you have Swine Flu, you need oink-ment.
I was arrested the other day for keeping a sick bird of prey. Turns out it was ill eagle
It's hard for a solitary bird to make a pun. But toucan.
A single bird can't destroy capitalism on his own But toucan
What kind of bird is not allowed to get sick? An ill eagle
A blonde and a brunette are walking in a park,
the brunette says awwww look a dead bird poor thing.
The blonde looks up and says where?
What do you call a bird with no limbs? A chicken nugget
What do you get when you cross a bowling ball with a bird? A bowled eagle!
If the swan is the symbol of happiness, then what bird symbolizes true love?
What do you call a bird that you follow up a mountain? A Chirpa
What is the national bird of the middle earth? The bald smeagol.
What bird might be a member of the finch family, has a six-foot wingspan, and makes your pee smell funny?
Ready to groan?
How do you call a deaf German bird? A Taube.
What kind of Bird is the best batter? A Game Bird.
I'm making an extremely addictive mobile game about the new Harley Quinn movie. I'm gonna name it "Floppy Bird".
What song do dogs request at concerts? Flea Bird
What do you call that thing that's a bird in a bird in a bird? Kinky.
There was once a superhero called "The Crocodile" She was flying around the city, when a man yelled. "Is that a bird?" He said. "Is that a plane?" Asked a woman. "No- it's the poor people's heroine!"
I got a knitted chair for my pet bird! It's a crow chez.
What do you call a bird that sits atop a tall metal tower A crane
How do you know which bird will always go all-in on a hand in poker? An owl. Because it's owl nothing.
So a black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder, "What a beautiful parrot," said the bartender, "where'd you get it?" "Africa," said the bird This is sorta racist but I mean its funny.
During WWI, whenever they captured a carrier bird they labeled them POWs Pigeon of war
What is an alcoholic's favourite book?
Tequila Mocking Bird
(credit to my sister)
I understand that the dove is the "bird of peace" and the bald eagle is "strength and freedom", but I honestly can't get "true love" The swallow :(
A Bird commited homicide It was a foul Murder.
A bird flew into my math classroom today. It must've wanted to learn geome-tree.
What do you call an eagle in church? ...bird of prey
Did you ever hear the one about the greatest bird-pharoh of Egypt? His name was Toucan-khamun!
Where does a socialist bird lay it’s eggs? In a communest.
Did you hear about the large bird that tried to join a small bird club? Unfortunately, he was Ostrich sized :(
Why do hacker types sleep in till late in the morning? Because the early bird gets the worm.
They ran out crying 'Bird Flu !!!' I looked up and couldn't see any, I'm sure they were lying.
What was the Soviet Union's favourite bird? Josef Starling.
Two roosters are working out in a gym
One of the roosters stops and starts to stare at something.
The other rooster asks "What you looking at?"
To which he replies with "Just chicken out that fit bird."
Why was the bird not aloud to fly? Because it was grounded?
Giant bird goes to a psychiatrist..
''I feel like I'm ignored all the time.''
''Maybe it's because you're ostrich sized''