Basketball Jokes

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Funniest Basketball Jokes

The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court The game would be cancelled.

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom? Because he was dribbling. ?

Funny Basketball Jokes

*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal... ...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.

The anti-vaxx basketball team lost every game this season Apparently they never take any shots.

The Columbine basketball team hasn't been the same... Since they lost their two best shooters

They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall. They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini golf.

What do Jewish people and basketball games have in common? The tip off.

What do you get when you cryogenically freeze a genetic copy of basketball legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar? An ice Kareem clone

TIL Dennis Rodman once tried to start a topless women’s basketball league The league flopped due to too little support.

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? It heard the referee was blowing fowls

Why did the duck cross the basketball court? He heard the referees were blowing fouls...

-Jim Norton

Ever wondered why there's no Congressional Basketball game? Because Congress can't pass anything.

What's the difference between an archeologists convention and a basketball team? The archeologists convention is a nerdy bunch of diggers.

TIL a blue whale is so big, if you laid it out on a basketball court they would have to cancel the game.

Why did the rooster cross the basketball court? He heard the ref was blowing fowls.

What do you call a girl hanging from a basketball rim? Annette

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball

What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection? LeBronchitis

Blind basketball players... You've got to hand it to them

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ? Because the referee was blowin fowles

I once volunteered to help out at a special needs school I played games with them like football, tennis, basketball etc.
It makes you feel so good inside...


Because you always win.

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the ref was blowing fowls.

Why did the duck go to the basketball game? He heard the ref was blowing fouls!

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the ref was blowing fowls in the corner!

Mexican Basketball I watched my two Hispanic cousins play basketball. It was a game of juan-on-juan.

A man is playing basketball with his son... “Son, if you can make this shot, I’ll get you a new amp for that guitar you play. But if you miss, you have to eat this bag of sand. What’ll it be? &?”

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the referee was blowing fouls.

My girl wants to travel so bad I told her to pick up a basketball and take three step

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? Because he heard the ref was blowing fowls.

what do you call 2 Mexican people playing basketball juan on juan

How do they play basketball in Mexico? Juan on Juan

How did Link win the basketball game? With his hookshot... (Sorry)

My college graduation was held inside the basketball arena and man was it hot Musta been like 5,000 degrees in there

Racist Jokes (Sorry if I offend you) What do you call a white guy surrounded by 12 black guys?

**A Basketball Coach**

What do you call a black guy surrounded by six white guys?

**Police Brutality**

(Again, sorry if I offended you. Just trying to make a joke.)

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the ref was blowing fowl.

What’s the difference between being in prison and playing on a basketball team? On a basketball team, your guards won’t leave you hanging.

So the Devil goes to God and says "We're having a basketball tournament." Then God says "Hold up, give me one second."

Did you hear about the wheelchair basketball team that was banned from the Paralympics? They all tested positive for WD-40!

How do you torture Hellen Keller? Give her a basketball and tell her to read it.

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New Basketball Jokes

What does a Russian basketball player say when he scores Nothing but Nyet

α and β played a 1v1 basketball match β won, because it was Beta.

What does an old man have in common with a basketball player? They both dribble

How do professional basketball players wear swim shorts? Nothing but net.

I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Why did basketball players switch to longer shorts? Because you couldn't see Larry's Bird but you could see Magic's Johnson.

I couldn't figure out why the basketball kept getting larger and larger Then it hit me.

I was playing basketball with some Italians... ...and they told me to get in the calzone.

The portly bald wizard just made a basketball appear out of thin air. He must be a sportscaster.

What do you call a white guy with 5 black guys Basketball Coach.

What do you call a white guy with 10 black guys, football coach

What do you call a white guy with 250 black guys?
Warden

Why would Achilles be a horrible basketball player? He'd always get his ankles broken.

The German National Basketball team just signed an exclusive sponsorship deal with Nike From now on the only sneakers they'll be wearing are Herr Jordan's

Me playing basketball is like me playing pool I only make shots for the wrong team

why are basketball players who suck at dribbling a high risk for covid 19? because they've traveled recently

To be honest,the PE teacher should be the smartest in all teachers He gets paid the same than others,but he can play basketball all day even when working

I heard people say they think I'm going insane due to the quarantine I still can't believe my basketball would say that about me.

Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!

I like my chicken like I like my basketball players. Extra crispy

Told my daughter basketball season was postponed because of the virus... She said "they should ban baseball instead". Asked her why and she goes "wasn't this all caused by bats?"

Why did the basketball player with corona virus got kicked from the team? Because he started to travel too much.

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? They dribble all the time :)

Making Love to a Woman is a Lot Like Playing Basketball Well, they're similar in the sense that I've done neither.

I went to a Syracuse University basketball game. The president showed up. The secret service got confused and started guarding the mascot.

Why should you never play basketball with spiders? They're all 8-footers!

Why'd the chicken cross the basketball court? The ref was calling fowls.

I went to the local basketball park to pay my respects to Kobe. I tried to do a helicopter dunk but I missed my landing and crashed.

I tried out for basketball But I didn't make the team because I'm failing English and the coach says I have terrible Hyundai coordination.

I’d say I’m pretty good at basketball but my best statistic has to be I’ve won every game I’ve started. Which is pretty good for someone who has never played basketball.

Why did the Basketball team hire a Podiatrist? To help them with the agony of da feet!

When basketball stars die they don't pass away ...they cross over

RIP Mamba :(

What basketball team does a lazy high school student hate the most? The Pacers

If you rush a circumcision to be able to watch the start of a basketball game You are quickly taking the tip off not to miss the tip off

They call me the basketball polygamist I have so many missus

What’s the difference between a French woman and a basketball team? A basketball team actually showers after 4 periods.

Why do tech companies have basketball hoops in their parking lots? So they won't have troubleshooting

What did the Devil Worshiping basketball player say? Baal is life

Balls of Age People who play basketball are 20. People who play baseball are 30. People who play golf are 60. Notice how when u grow older, your balls get smaller?

Why are the best basketball players so tall? Because their knee grows.

If a midget dates a basketball player... Is it considered a long-distance relationship?

Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat? Dunkin' Donuts

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Long Basketball Jokes

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, " I am Steph Curry , the best NBA basketball player. The warriors and my millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane

The 2nd passenger , Donald Trump , said , " I am the newly elected US President , and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger , the Pope , said to the 4th passenger , a 10 year old schoolboy , " My son , I am old and don't have many years left , you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , " That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."

An airplane was about to crash..

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, “I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don’t want me to die.” He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, “My son, I am old and don’t have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.”
The little boy said, “That’s okay, Your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for you.
America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.”

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.

​

The 1st passenger said, 'I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die.' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, 'I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die.' He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, 'My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.'

The little boy said, 'That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag.

A Jew, a Catholic, and a Mormon are drinking together.

The Jew boasts about his fertility

"I have 4 sons; one more and I'll have a basketball team!"

"That's nothing," says the Catholic, "I have 10 sons! I almost have a football team!"

The Jew and Catholic looked expectantly at the Mormon. "Well?"

"I have 17 wives. I almost have a golf course!"

3 boys are bragging about their grandfathers

The first boy said: "My grandpa's mansion is worth a million dollars."

While the second said:"Well my grandpa's mansion is worth 5 million, he has a private basketball court and a clubhouse too. "

The last one said:" My grandpa's roof is worth 15 million alone... "

The other two replied:" Wow, where does your grandpa live?"

He replied:"under the overpass of course! "

Take that back Olympics

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back....

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?...:)

Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)

Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is Mormon.

Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."

Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."

David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

An airplane was about to crash.

There were four passengers on board but only three parachutes.

The first passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me and I can't afford to die." So he took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected US president and I am the smartest president in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the second pack and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, the Pope, said to the fourth passenger, a 10-year old school boy, "My son, I am old and don't have many years left. You have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest president took my school bag."

A young boy sees a tall black man

The boy says "wow you must be good at basketball!"

The black man irritably says "That's racist, just because I'm black doesn't mean I'm good at basketball."

The boy replies "I said you must be good at basketball because you are tall. If I judged you for being black, I wouldn't have said you were good at anything."

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting...

The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."

The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."

To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

A Jew, a Catholic, and a Mormon all walk into a bar...

The Jewish man boasts, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team." The Catholic man says, "That's nothing! I have ten sons. One more and I'll have a soccer team!" The Mormon stands up and proclaims, "Big deal! I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"

English, American and Arab guy bragging in a bar about their large family.

The American says: "I have 4 kids. One more, and I can make a basketball team!"

The English says: "I have 10 kids. One more, and I can make a football ("soccer") team!"

The Arab guy says: "I have 17 wifes. One more, and I can make a golf course!"

The wife phoned me and said, "You better come to the hospital. My mother hasn't got long to live!"

I replied, "But it's March Madness! All the basketball games are important!"

She said, "Record it and watch it later."

You should have seen her face when I turned up at the hospital with the camcorder and the tripod…

Space Bar and the Robot

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "Oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity', inter-stellar space travel', the latest medical breakthroughs, etc...

The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A martini please."

Again it was superb.? The robot again asked "What is your IQ sir?"

This time the man answered , "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this week end.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?" This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".

The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,

"A-r-e...
y-o-u-r...
p-e-o-p-l-e...
r-e-a-l-l-y
g-o-i-n-g...
t-o...
n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e...

M-i-c-h-e-l-l-e...B-A-C-H-M-A-N-N
o-r
R-i-c-k...P-E-R-R-Y?"

A guy is in the front row of a basketball game.....

He is enjoying the game when suddenly someone yells, ''Steve!'' He looks over his shoulder, looks around but cannot see anyone in the mass of 15,000 fans. He continues to enjoy the game. He again hears ''SteveO,'' Now he gets up and looks around but eventually sits back down. He is taking a drink from his beer, then again ''hey steve'' he becomes increasingly upset stand up and scans the the bleachers but nothing. Near the end of the game, he hears ''Steve'' finally he stands up and yells, ''my name is John, Dammit''

An airplane was about to crash...

An airplane was about to crash. There were four passengers on board, but only three parachutes. The first passenger said, "I am Lebron James, the best basketball player. The Cavaliers and my millions of fans need me, so I can't afford to die." He took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest president in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the second pack and jumped out of the plane as well.

The third passenger, the Pope, said to the fourth passenger, a 10 year-old schoolboy, "My son, I am old and I don't have very many years left, you have plenty of years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little boy replied, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest president took my schoolbag."

So this guy, Rob, is at an interview...

And on his resume, he claims that he is friends with almost everyone in the world. The boss, who's interviewing him, clearly doesn't believe him.

"If you know everyone, then hook me up with Obama."

"Oh yeah! Sure! Obama and I went to middle school together! I'll call him up"

Rob calls and Obama picks up. "Hey Rob! Yeah long time no see! I was in the middle of writing a big speech, but you can come over to the White House and we can chill."

They arrive at the White House, Rob arm in arm with Obama as they talk about the past. The boss is speechless, and the next day, comes up to Rob.

"I still don't quite believe you. If you know everyone, then hook me up with Michael Jordan."

"Oh yeah! Sure! Jordan and I used to be on the same basketball team! I'll call him up"

Rob calls and Michael Jordan picks up. "Hey Rob! Yeah long time no see! I was in the middle of teaching my son some basketball, but you can come over to my mansion and we can chill."

They arrive at the mansion, Rob arm in arm with Michael Jordan as they talk about the past.. Again, the boss is speechless, but still doesn't quite believe Rob. The next day, the boss comes up to Rob.

"Okay, this is the last thing. I still am not 100% with you, but if you show me that you're friends with the Pope, I'll believe you"

"Oh yeah! Sure! The Pope and I used to go to the same church together! I'll call him up"

Rob calls and the Pope picks up. "Hey Rob! Yeah long time no see! I was about to prepare for a big speech for the masses. Hey why don't you join me in my Popemobile and preach to the masses together"

And sure enough, Rob and the Pope sat in the Popemobile, arm in arm, waving to the people while driving across the Vatican. But when the day ends, Rob finds that his boss was sent to the hospital due to a heart attack.

At the hospital, Rob finds his boss, slowly recovering, and says "Hey boss, sorry about your heart attack. Was seeing me with the Pope too much for you?"

"No, it's not that. I admit I was surprised when I saw you next to the Pope, arm in arm, but what gave me a heart attack was when the guy next to me said "Hey, who's that guy next to Rob?""

An airplane was about to Crash.

An airplane was about to Crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the Smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son, am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's Smartest President took my schoolbag."

A man is thinking about joining a gym.

He really just wants to work on his boxing skills. The gym rep gives him the grand tour. "Here are the raquetball courts which get quite busy" the rep says "and over there is the raquetball line". "That's nice" the man says "but I'm mostly interested in the boxing facilities".

The rep continues "Here are the treadmills which are all in use and there is the treadmill line". "Ok, ok" the man rushes "Can we get to the boxing stuff please?"

The rep moves along, "Here is the bench press area which is quite popular and you can see the line to use it. Over here is the basketball courts which are always packed and over there is the basketball line". Continuing, the rep describes "the steamy hot tub and pool which are in high demand and over there is the swimming line".

"OK OK!!" the man exclaims "I just want to punch the bags! Where is the line for that?"

"Oh, but that's no fun", the rep answers.

"Why not?" the man asks.

"There isn't any punch line."

I've known Paul for years

He's always been such a nice guy. In middle school, our teachers would always ask if he finished his homework. Paul would hold up his homework and say yes. During lunch, kids would always ask if they could sit with him, and Paul would say yes. A kid would ask if he's trade his pudding cup for an apple and he'd say yes. I was amazed by how nice and generous he was, not to mention positive.

In high school, Paul was asked to join the basketball team. Her said yes and lead the school all the way to the championships. Some other students asked if he'd tutor them, and he said yes. Then the most popular girl in school asked him to prom. We were all surprised that he didn't ask her first. But he said yes. Then before graduation, he as asked to be valedictorian. And as you may have guessed, he said yes.

He went to college, and got a great job as soon as he got his degree. He worked his way up. Every time he was offered a promotion, he said yes. Paul became a wealthy man. And charitable. When the hospital asked for a donation, he said yes. When the schools asked for a donation, he said yes. When a complete stranger asked him to pay for his surgery, Paul said yes.

Then Paul's girlfriend proposed, and he said it's. Being his oldest and closest friend, I was asked to be his best friend. I said "I'll to it, Paul. But first, I have to ask. Why do you always say yes to everything?"

Paul simply shrugged and said "I don't no."

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