Furry Jokes

Contents

Funniest Furry Jokes

Who’s the happiest person at a furry convention? The one with the flamethrower.

My gf broke up with be because I came out as a furry Big woof

See You Next Tuesday What's furry on the outside..

Wet on the inside..

Starts with a C...

Ends with a T...

And has U & N in-between?

A coconut!

Funny Furry Jokes

How do you spread the Furry disease? By using pathOwOgens.

I have green skin, a nose three times the size of the horn on my head, four brown teeth and my neck is covered in furry scales... what am I? Ugly.

Definition of a spider, to someone who is afraid of spiders. Spiders are just furry eight-leggedy things, think of them as two kittens taped together and you’ll be fine.

I dated an older furry once... She was a cougar

What do you call a furry hip hop group? The Uwu-Tang Clan

What do you call a furry who doesn’t bathe? A furry

What do you call a furry that likes to be on the bottom in bed? A subwoofer

So I read on a website to "treat your furry friend once a week." So I bought him two tickets to Zootopia.

What do you call a furry that sometimes cosplays as star wars characters? Ani-Kin

I dated a furry once The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah

Pacman must be a furry Because he keeps going UWU~UWU~UWU~UWU

Why are there so many furry flat earthers? Because they don't have Occam's Razor.

I got fired from my job at the toy factory I was sewing two furry balls on tickle-me-elmo

When the boss asked why, I told him he'd emailed me telling me to do it.

"Please give the Elmo's two test tickles before shipping"

What kind of car does a furry drive? A Murrcedes.

Im currently at a furry convention in Pittsburgh and I'm having a nice conversation with a furry. Edit: Turns out it was just a squirrel

Who’s the happiest person at a furry convention? Whoever has the flamethrower!

Once, I looked out my window and saw a wolf entering a house. Soon following a woman screaming, Turns out it was a man revealing he was a furry to his wife.

What do you call an all panda furry orgy? Panda-moan-ium

What is written on the furry Declaration of Independence. Life, liberty, and the fur suit of happiness.

Furry jokes? I'd rather knot

What's weird, hairy, and on fire? A furry

Why did the furry cross the road Cause his dic was in the chicken

“Going down the rabbit hole” is an expression meaning to enter into a strange or complicated situation, And also to a person exploring their new furry kink.

What do a anime fan and a furry have in common? They both like dragon balls

What did Beethoven say to his hairy piano playing dog, Lise? "Come here, furry Lise."

What do you call a furry frog? A ribbit.

What did the large furry mammal say when the salamander who kept asking for favors went too far? I can't bear it! You axolotl of me this time!

What do you get when you ask a furry to build a computer? LenOWO, with WinRAWR pre-installed.

What do you call a furry that got laid off and laid at the same time. A furloughed fur load.

What's green and furry and smells like pig? Kermit the Frog's finger

What do you call a furry that was blended into ice cream? A McFlurry.

A furry walked into a bar And said OwO

What do you call a furry when you're about to take their virginity? A guinea pig

I've recently been experimenting with the furry lifestyle. I think it really *suits* me.

Did you hear about the Furry Convention in King’s Landing this year? It drag-on, and on, and on.

What's furry and filled with red lights? Hamsterdam

Popular Topics

New Furry Jokes

What type of car does a pirate furry drive? A Fur-ARR-y.

My girlfriend woke me up early this morning because she needed help finding her other furry boot. Ugg...

What do you call a furry ending their life? sUwUcide

What does a furry thats had a stroke look like Uwu

What do you call a semiaquatic, furry little animal than never amounted to anything in it's life? An *otter* failure (I'll see myself out)

Popular Topics

Long Furry Jokes

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everybody knows that a fox will always win over a rabbit."

"Not really, not according to my research. If you like, you can come into my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you can go ahead and have me for lunch."

"You really are crazy!" But since the fox was curious and had nothing to lose, it went with the rabbit. The fox never came out.

A few days later the rabbit was again taking a break from writing and sure enough, a wolf came out of the bushes and was ready to set upon her.

"Wait!" yelled the rabbit, "you can't eat me right now."

"And why might that be, my furry appetizer?"

"I am almost finished writing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

The wolf laughed so hard that it almost lost its grip on the rabbit.

"Maybe I shouldn't eat you; you really are sick ... in the head. You might have something contagious."

"Come and read it for yourself; you can eat me afterward if you disagree with my conclusions." So the wolf went down into the rabbit's hole ... and never came out.

The rabbit finished her thesis and was out celebrating in the local lettuce patch. Another rabbit came along and asked, "What's up? You seem very happy."

"Yup, I just finished my thesis."

"Congratulations. What's it about?"

"'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right."

"Oh yes. Come and read it for yourself."

So together they went down into the rabbit's hole. As they entered, the friend saw the typical graduate abode, albeit a rather messy one after writing a thesis. The computer with the controversial work was in one corner.

And to the right there was a pile of fox bones, on the left a pile of wolf bones.

And in the middle was a large, well-fed lion.

The moral of the story: The title of your thesis doesn't matter. The subject doesn't matter. The research doesn't matter.

All that matters is who your advisor is

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frolicked at outcroppings on the shore. These creatures looked like seals in the water, but they shed their hides on land to reveal beautiful human forms underneath. The Norse chieftain Valbrand saw the prettiest female selkie, whose name was Eyfridh, and decided he wanted her for himself.

As Eyfridh slept on the beach at the edge of the forest, Valbrand snatched her sealskin and bundled it into a hidden bag. When she awoke, she saw that she couldn't return to the water, and she had no choice but to go home with the powerful chieftain before her.

They got married and had a son, who they named Asgeir. This son grew into a strapping young lad, but he noticed that his mother was never happy. She would sit on a rock at the beach and gaze longingly toward the horizon. Asgeir wondered why she was so forlorn, not realizing that she pined for her old home.

During her captivity, Eyfridh's only friend was a woman named Ginna, who regularly came down from the forest to keep Eyfridh company on the beach. Ginna was another of the island's mystical beings. From the front, she was every bit as lovely as Eyfridh. But when Ginna turned around to return to the woods, Eyfridh saw a furry tail swishing behind her and a back as hollow as a dead tree. Eyfridh decided to ask about this, and Ginna explained that she was a type of *vættir* called a huldra.

During this conversation, Eyfridh let slip that she herself wasn't human, and that Valbrand had captured her from the sea. Ginna was horrified at this. The next day, while the chieftain was leading a raid on a nearby island, Ginna slipped into his longhouse and observed the exact nook where Valbrand had hidden the sealskin. She reported this to Eyfridh, who vanished that night and was never seen again. The boy Asgeir missed his mother from then on, but he hoped she was somewhere that she could be happier.

Years later, when Asgeir was a man, he ventured through the forest and met Ginna. As a supernatural creature of the wild, the huldra had not aged a day, and she noted that Asgeir looked remarkably similar to her old friend Eyfridh. He explained that that was his mother, and asked if Ginna had any idea where Eyfridh had gone. Ginna explained that Eyfridh was a selkie who Valbrand had kidnapped and who had run away to return to her old home. Asgeir was shocked that his father would do something so cruel, but now he had context for why his mother had always been so sad. He took further comfort in knowing that she was indeed happier now.

Upon returning home, Asgeir realised that he'd taken a liking to the ethereally beautiful being he'd met. But he was concerned about wooing her because he didn't want to wrench her from her home like Valbrand had done to Eyfridh. Asgeir decided to go about courting Ginna more respectfully. He brought lunch to a clearing in the woods and called Ginna over to dine with him. That date went well, so they continued their courtship every day at noon. Eventually, they'd grown comfortable enough with each other that Asgeir invited Ginna to spend the night at the chieftain's longhouse. At supper, it took all of Ginna's self-control not to throttle the ageing chieftain Valbrand for what he'd done to her friend, but she stayed her hand because killing him would give Asgeir and the other mortals too much trouble.

Several years later, Asgeir and Ginna married and had a child of their own together, a daughter named Ingileif who strongly resembled her mother. Ingileif's parents never told her about her supernatural heritage. But Valbrand's thralls who cared for the girl passed down legends of the vættir and Aes Sídhe until the old chieftain died and Asgeir freed all his father's thralls. Eventually, once Ingileif had grown and Asgeir himself was beginning to age, he took his daughter to the shore and introduced her to her grandmother Eyfridh.

"Hello again, Mother," Asgeir called out to the sea. "I have grown now!"

A seal swam to the beach and shed its skin to reveal a human form. Looking on in amazement, Ingileif excitedly cried, "It's a selkie! The stories were true!"

Having never met Ingileif before, Eyfridh initially thought she was looking at her old friend Ginna. "How do you not recognise me?...Wait a minute, you *are* Ginna the hollow-backed huldra, right?"

Puzzled, Ingileif turned to her father and declared: "This Sídhe is bananas, I ain't no hollow back girl!"

The Superiority of Rabbits

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather. The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everybody knows that a fox will always win over a rabbit."

"Not really, not according to my research. If you like, you can come into my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you can go ahead and have me for lunch."

"You really are crazy!" But since the fox was curious and had nothing to lose, it went with the rabbit. The fox never came out.


A few days later the rabbit was again taking a break from writing and sure enough, a wolf came out of the bushes and was ready to set upon her.

"Wait!" yelled the rabbit, "you can't eat me right now."

"And why might that be, my furry appetizer?"

"I am almost finished writing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

The wolf laughed so hard that it almost lost its grip on the rabbit.

"Maybe I shouldn't eat you; you really are sick ... in the head. You might have something contagious."

"Come and read it for yourself; you can eat me afterward if you disagree with my conclusions." So the wolf went down into the rabbit's hole ... and never came out.


The rabbit finished her thesis and was out celebrating in the local lettuce patch. Another rabbit came along and asked, "What's up? You seem very happy."

"Yup, I just finished my thesis."

"Congratulations. What's it about?"

"'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right."

"Oh yes. Come and read it for yourself."

So together they went down into the rabbit's hole. As they entered, the friend saw the typical graduate abode, albeit a rather messy one after writing a thesis. The computer with the controversial work was in one corner.

And to the right there was a pile of fox bones, on the left a pile of wolf bones.

And in the middle was a large, well-fed lion.


The moral of the story:
The title of your thesis doesn't matter.
The subject doesn't matter.
The research doesn't matter.

All that matters is who your advisor is.

What's the similarity between a joke and a small, cute, furry mammal?

They both die when dissected

Edit: For those who don't understand, it's funny because small, cute, furry mammals are viewed as animals that deserve to live and killing them especially in such a gross way would be frowned upon heavily, and anyone who went to such disgusting lengths would be cast out of society and made fun of.

Free Kittens

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket of furry animals; in her hand was a sign that read: FREE KITTENS. Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall grinning man. "Hi there little girl, I'm Mitt Romney. What do you have in the basket?"
"Kittens", little Suzy said.
"How old are they asked Romney?"
Suzy replied, "they're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."
"And what kind of kittens are they?"
"Republicans," answered Suzy with a smile.
Romney was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens. Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that the candidate should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens. So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "Free Kitttens," when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from all the major networks. Camera and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Romney got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
"Hello, again", he said. "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away."
"Yes sir", Suzy said. "They're Democrats."
Taken by surprised, the candidate stammered. But...but...yesterday, you told me they were Republicans".
Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know...but today they have their eyes open."

A guy walks into a bar with a dog...

... The bartender looks up and says, "You can't come in here with that mutt!"

The guy says, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! This ain't no ordinary dog. As a matter of fact, you should be paying for my drinks, because this dog is going to draw a crowd. It's a talking dog."

The bartender scoffs, but is curious non-the-less, "Let's hear him."

The guy looks to his canine companion, "Hey Rover, what does sandpaper feel like?" The dog looks back and happily answers, "Ruff! Ruff!"

The bartender sigh, "Okay, very funny, but get out of my bar."

"Wait, wait," the guy replies. He looks to his furry buddy, "Rover, what's on top of this building?" The dog looks at his master, "Roof! Roof!"

"Alright!" the bartender is now pissed, "Get out or I throw you and your mangy mutt out!" He waves over the bouncer.

"Okay, okay, okay, hold on!" The guy looks back at his dog, "Rover, who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog looks up and without hesitation, "Ruth! Ruth!"

The bartender has had enough, "Throw 'em OUT!" The bouncer immediately tosses the guy and his dog into the street with little concern with how they land.

They lay there, in the road, a little worse for wear. The dog looks up at his master, "Was it DiMaggio?"

A man goes on vacation and leaves his cat with his brother

He's gone for a few days and decides that he misses his furry friend, so he calls his brother up to check on her. His brother answers the phone.

"Hey! I'm just calling to check on how Fluffy's doing without me"

His brother on the other end gets quiet before saying, "I dont know how to tell you this, but yesterday, Fluffy got hit by a car and died"

"Oh my God!" The cat owner yells, "why would you tell me like that?!"

"Like what?"

"Just telling me she died! You ruined my whole vacation. You could have at least eased me into it!"

"..like how?"

"I don't know.. just could have told me she was on the roof or something"

"I'll remember that next time" his brother promises

"It's alright. Just be gentler with the news next time. Anyway, how's mom?"

More silence on the other line before the brother says, "well, she's on the roof"

A Jewish man traveled to a small mountain island

He was greeted at the harbor by a friendly resident who took him on a tour of the town. As they were walking, they heard a squeal and saw a small furry creature falling down the mountain, tumbling past them before rolling to a stop. The Jewish man looked on in astonishment at this exotic creature.

"Good islander, what kind of animal is that?" he asked.

"That's what we here in the village call a Trid," the islander explained.

"What a truly fascinating creature. Do they normally come tumbling into the village like that?"

The islander sighed. "Unfortunately, yes. You see, at the top of this mountain there is a thriving population of Trids. For years they lived peacefully, until a terrible ogre came along. This ogre finds no greater delight than when he sends Trids tumbling down the mountainside."

The Jewish man was shocked. Such cruelty simply could not be tolerated. "I will go to this ogre and speak with him. It's only right that someone should try to help such innocent creatures."

"You can try," the islander said, "but nothing you say will be able to help the Trids."

The Jewish man ignored him and journeyed up the mountain. Three times on his way up, the Jewish man saw helpless Trids being callously tossed over the mountainside and tumbling to the coast below. As he reached the summit, a terrible ogre came lumbered into view. The Trids around the mountaintop scattered, but not quickly enough. The ogre reached down and snatched a Trid from the ground, tossing it into the air before viciously kicking it over the mountain. The Jewish man looked on in disbelief before working up the courage to confront the terrible beast.

"Ogre," he called, "I am a traveler and a leader within my faith. I've come to ask you why you harm these creatures with such vicious acts."

The ogre turned, sneering at the man with a horrible grin of mismatched teeth. "You come to question me, man?" the beast snarled. "I care not for the feelings of these Trids. My only joy is kicking them over the mountain and watching them climb back up."

The Jewish man knew that such a malicious ogre could never be convinced to live peacefully with the Trids. "Very well then. If your only joy is in harming others, then I will offer myself in place of these creatures. Kick me over the mountain and leave the Trids alone."

The ogre threw back its head and let loose horrendous peals of laughter. "I cannot kick you over the mountain, man. You cannot replace these creatures."

The Jewish man knew there was nothing he could do. Despair washed over him and he asked, "Why?"

The ogre turned to him, leaning down until it's terrible visage was mere inches away from his face. It's rancid breath washed over the man as it said,

"Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids."

You think your day was bad? Imagine being miles and miles away from home, hot and sweaty from the 50 pound uniform you’re wearing , people don’t accept you. They think you’re a monster. Thank god there’s other people like me or I wouldn’t be able to handle being here .

Thank god for the furry convention.

Cat jokes

#10

 

Why does a tiger tell the truth?

Because he isn't a lion.

 #9 

If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat?

None! They were copy cats!

 #8 

Why did the cat run from the tree?

Because it was afraid of the bark!

 #7 

What is cleverer than a talking cat?

A spelling bee!

 #6 

What is a cat's favorite TV show?

The evening mews!

 #5 

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?

She had mittens!

 #4 

Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide?

Because he's always spotted.

 #3 

What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?

A duck filled fatty puss.

 #2 

What happened when the cat went to the flea circus?

He stole the whole show!

 #1 

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat?

A big, furry creature that purrs while it sits on you

After entering what appeared to be a whole new world I witnessed incredible things - a man-beast union composed of a human top and goat bottom, a queen who wore a gown made of icicles, a huge furry lion who ruled over it all.

Eventually though I decided to go home. I came out of the closet and told my parents of the adventures I'd had. They're very closed minded though - they said it was perverted and sent me to conversion therapy.

A big tomcat was napping on his owner's back porch

When he hears a commotion from next door. A new family was moving in, and with them was the most gorgeous little cat he had ever laid eyes on. Only one thing stood in his way, a barbed wire fence separating the properties.

Over the next few weeks, the family settles in and the tom continues to watch the new cat from afar, growing more and more in love. Finally he spies her on the neighbor's porch and builds up his courage to jump the fence. He squats back, wiggles his furry butt, and soars through the air to land on the other side. Startled, the lady cat jumps up and says, "Oh! You must be the tomcat from next door"

The tom replies, "Well, I used to be. That fence was taller than I thought..."

Punny Easter Bunny

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

“I feel terrible,” he explained, “I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?”

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal. Miraculously the Easter Bunny came back to life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!

The man was astonished. He said to the woman, “What in heaven’s name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?”

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: 
“Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.”

I had been hesitant to get into a relationship let alone sleep with another woman after my divorce. I know as a man I'm not supposed to feel vulnerable. But my wife had made me feel, well, almost irrelevant. Unimportant. Roma was different.

We met downtown at the flea market. She was obviously interested in me as a person. Drawing me into her space. I was flattered she was interested in me. So, when she invited me back to her place I decided to do it. When we got to her house, the shelves of dolls and furry animals on the wall made me feel even better about her. It was so perfect. We ended up sleeping together. And it was wonderful. To have that depth of feeling after the inadequacy with my ex was liberating. Afterward, Roma drew me in close and told me to take any prize off the second shelf.

So there's a truck driver and his wife...

Well, this truck driver, whenever he goes away, his wife, she gets cold and lonely. So when he comes back from a trip he brings her a skunk, a big, furry live skunk, and he tells her that the next time he goes away she should take it to bed with her and when she goes to sleep she should put it between her legs. So she says to him, "What about the smell?" And he says, "He'll get used to it, I did".

I was just reading Sabbath's Theater by Philip Roth when I came across this gem

Walking my dog Fritz thru Texas A&M today when........

I went to the Texas A&M football doin's at the stadium to check it all out, the spectacle was pretty epic, but the funniest part was when we were watching the pre-game cadet parade go by, was the hot lady who had furry ugg boots on, Fritz was sniffing them as if they were dogs and the lady turned around and said "don't let him pee on my boots". I told her: "dogs don't pee on other dogs, they just sniff their butt".

A joke for Canadians, sort of

An American couple is at YVR waiting at the luggage carousel for their suitcases. It happens to be Grey Cup Weekend in Vancouver, and fans from all across the country are arriving for the big game.

Not too far from the American couple are standing are a couple of Roughriders fans, fully face-painted and decked out in the green and white. Green horns, furry hats, cowbells... the whole deal.

The wife is very curious and says to her husband, "What strange people... why don't you go over there and ask them where they're from?"

So the husband goes over there and asks them where they're from.

"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan!" the two proudly answer.

The man goes back to his wife. "What'd they say?", she asks.

"I don't know... they don't speak English".

Popular Topics