Military Jokes


Funniest Military Jokes

Funny Military Jokes
Score: 3480

You hear about the transgender in the military? [removed]

Score: 2785

Why does the military use acid? To neutralize the enemy base

Score: 1953

Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on its ships? So when they return to the harbor they can Scandinavian.

Score: 1175

What does the military use acid for? To neutralize the enemy base.

Score: 1074

I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban... I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

Score: 1073

Why did the military use acid? To neutralize the enemy base!

Score: 1017

Why is the military so strict about their uniforms? To minimize casual tees...

Score: 728

The American military should really be worried... Russian technology is a decade ahead of them at the moment.

Score: 561

How can you tell if someone was in the military? Give them 5 minutes and they'll tell you themselves.

Score: 318

Camouflage training at the military Captain: I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT THE CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING TODAY JOHNSON!!

Johnson: Thank you sir!

Score: 258

Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*

Score: 250

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies? Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

Score: 217

Why does the military stockpile hydrochloric acid? To neutralize their enemy's strongest bases.

Score: 207

If you ask my son why he joined the Army he will proudly tell you he joined to military to kill people. He's a terrible doctor.

Score: 188

I asked my veteran friend what the first ranking is in the military, but I couldn't get a straight answer. He just kept telling me it's private.

Score: 172

So the US Military dropped a 22,000 lb bomb on ISIS today. That moves Amy Shumer's special to the second spot for largest bomb for the year.

Score: 170

I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like! [Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.

Score: 129

Why do all Swedish military ships have bar codes on them? So when the come to port, they can just Scan da navy in!

Score: 128

What's the difference between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School? I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Score: 96

This just in: A white flag factory has burned to the ground in Paris... ... Effectively crippling the French military.

Score: 84

Did you know North Korea's military marches to the left? They have no rights

Score: 81

In Germany, we know of a joke The French military.

Score: 78

What's the most american US military branch? the Air Force. They're USAF.

Score: 70

What's a pirate's favorite school subject? Arrrrrrrrt.

What's a pirate's favorite body part?

The arrrrrm.

What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?

No. The Navy you idiot.

Score: 66

What is the national bird of Pakistan? An american military drone

Score: 64

What do you call kids in the military? Infantry

Score: 58

I was kicked out of the military because I got gonorrhea It was a dishonorable discharge

Score: 51

The US Military today confirmed that two marijuana users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff. Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.

Score: 47

I saw a veteran begging in the street which made me very upset But then I remembered I wasn't required to give the military quarters.

Score: 44

After years in the Military After years in the Military, the soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray and was proud to finally be able to call himself a seasoned veteran.

Score: 42

TIL that all Norwegian military boats have barcodes on them. So when they return to port they can Scandinavian.

Score: 40

What's the difference between a Pakistani school and military base? Don't ask me man, I just fly the drone.

Score: 38

Why Aren't SJW's Allowed In The Military? They are too trigger-happy.

Score: 22

Which branch of the military is the most American? The Air Force, because they are US AF.

Score: 13

Trump may have dodged the draft but he was still given honorary military ranks. Private Tax Return,
Major Embarrassment,
Chief Petty Officer,
General Incompetence.

Score: 10

The military just came to my door saying I was getting drafted, guess what I did Iran

Score: 8

What do the colors in the Italian flag stand for? Red: food

White: architecture

Green: music

Blue: a strong and courageous military

Yellow: competitive Formula 1 teams

Score: 5

I just bought a surplus French military rifle. Only dropped once.

Score: 3

A young man goes to a military recruiting office and takes the required tests. The results aren’t great but the recruiter thinks he has potential to be in the Navy. His scores were suboptimal.

Score: 3

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New Military Jokes

If the U.S. military is called in to keep order, protestors need to switch tactics for distracting them from lasers and road cones to dumping oil everywhere.

Score: 2

What do the military and Catholic priest's have in common? Predator Missiles.

Score: 0

If rock bands were our military Foo Fighters would be protecting us from foo’s on the ground while the Stone Temple Pilots are protecting the skies

Score: 0

What does a series of spaceships named "San" and American Military History have in common? San Juan

Score: 0

How does the French military advertise its surplus WWII rifles? “Brand new, only been thrown onto the ground once.”

Score: 0

What military branch does a pirate join? The Arrrrrrrrmy

Score: 0

The military knocked on my door this morning. Guess what I did? Iran.

Score: 2

My grandkids were wondering how WW3 started and exactly how i served in the military during the war... I simply said "Iran"

Score: 0

What do you call the American version of a Chinatown? A military base

Score: 1

Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup? Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.

Score: 2

[SERIOUS] What classified military equipment would make life easier? We don't know.

Score: 1

While in the military I experienced both mustard gas and pepper spray... I am a seasoned veteran.

Score: 3

Einstein had one autistic brother and one brother in the military. He had a "special relative" and a "general relative".

Score: 2

What do you call the fanatical elite military units of the Belgian armed forces? Waffle SS

Score: 1

Why does Norway have barcodes on the side of their military ships So that when they get into port they can... Scandinavian

Score: 1

Did you hear about the French military selling new rifles? Never used, only dropped once!

Score: 2

It's hard being immature in the military. All these officers keep talking about my doody.

Score: 1

Why did the Norwegian military put barcodes on their ships? So they could Scandinavian

Score: 2

Congress wrote a law that would force people to join the military. It was a rough draft.

Score: 1

What do you call a Bronie in the military? A GIbronie!

Score: 2

The French military suffered a major loss today... Their largest white flag factory burned to the ground.

Score: 2

Did you know that the Coast Guard is the only branch of military with a minimum required height of 6feet? It's so if their boat sinks they can walk to shore.

Score: 1

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