Military Jokes


Funniest Military Jokes

Funny Military Jokes
Score: 3480

You hear about the transgender in the military? [removed]

Score: 2785

Why does the military use acid? To neutralize the enemy base

Score: 1953

Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on its ships? So when they return to the harbor they can Scandinavian.

Score: 1175

What does the military use acid for? To neutralize the enemy base.

Score: 1074

I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban... I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

Score: 1073

Why did the military use acid? To neutralize the enemy base!

Score: 1017

Why is the military so strict about their uniforms? To minimize casual tees...

Score: 728

The American military should really be worried... Russian technology is a decade ahead of them at the moment.

Score: 561

How can you tell if someone was in the military? Give them 5 minutes and they'll tell you themselves.

Score: 318

Camouflage training at the military Captain: I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT THE CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING TODAY JOHNSON!!

Johnson: Thank you sir!

Score: 258

Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*

Score: 250

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies? Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

Score: 217

Why does the military stockpile hydrochloric acid? To neutralize their enemy's strongest bases.

Score: 207

If you ask my son why he joined the Army he will proudly tell you he joined to military to kill people. He's a terrible doctor.

Score: 188

I asked my veteran friend what the first ranking is in the military, but I couldn't get a straight answer. He just kept telling me it's private.

Score: 172

So the US Military dropped a 22,000 lb bomb on ISIS today. That moves Amy Shumer's special to the second spot for largest bomb for the year.

Score: 170

I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like! [Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.

Score: 129

Why do all Swedish military ships have bar codes on them? So when the come to port, they can just Scan da navy in!

Score: 128

What's the difference between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School? I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Score: 96

This just in: A white flag factory has burned to the ground in Paris... ... Effectively crippling the French military.

Score: 84

Did you know North Korea's military marches to the left? They have no rights

Score: 81

In Germany, we know of a joke The French military.

Score: 78

What's the most american US military branch? the Air Force. They're USAF.

Score: 70

What's a pirate's favorite school subject? Arrrrrrrrt.

What's a pirate's favorite body part?

The arrrrrm.

What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?

No. The Navy you idiot.

Score: 66

What is the national bird of Pakistan? An american military drone

Score: 64

What do you call kids in the military? Infantry

Score: 58

I was kicked out of the military because I got gonorrhea It was a dishonorable discharge

Score: 51

The US Military today confirmed that two marijuana users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff. Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.

Score: 47

I saw a veteran begging in the street which made me very upset But then I remembered I wasn't required to give the military quarters.

Score: 44

After years in the Military After years in the Military, the soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray and was proud to finally be able to call himself a seasoned veteran.

Score: 42

TIL that all Norwegian military boats have barcodes on them. So when they return to port they can Scandinavian.

Score: 40

Why do the military use acids? To neutralize enemy bases

Score: 40

What's the difference between a Pakistani school and military base? Don't ask me man, I just fly the drone.

Score: 38

The military man survived mustard gas and pepper spray He's a seasoned veteran

Score: 23

Why Aren't SJW's Allowed In The Military? They are too trigger-happy.

Score: 22

Did you know there is a Hungry Hippo that was a US Military Veteran? Yeah! He fought in VietNOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM

Score: 22

What are the three branches of the government? Military, Corporate, and Hollywood

Score: 21

Why did the military use acid? To neutralise the enemy base.

Score: 20

I was seriously considering stealing a military strategy board game from the store yesterday... ...but i didnt. Im not much of a Risk taker.

Score: 18

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New Military Jokes

Job interviewer: “So I see that it says on your resume here that you have a dishonorable discharge. What branch of the military were you in?” Me: “I wasn’t in the military, I used to work at a strip club”

Score: 4

If the U.S. military is called in to keep order, protestors need to switch tactics for distracting them from lasers and road cones to dumping oil everywhere.

Score: 2

What do the military and Catholic priest's have in common? Predator Missiles.

Score: 0

If rock bands were our military Foo Fighters would be protecting us from foo’s on the ground while the Stone Temple Pilots are protecting the skies

Score: 0

What does a series of spaceships named "San" and American Military History have in common? San Juan

Score: 0

How does the French military advertise its surplus WWII rifles? “Brand new, only been thrown onto the ground once.”

Score: 0

What military branch does a pirate join? The Arrrrrrrrmy

Score: 0

The military just came to my door saying I was getting drafted, guess what I did Iran

Score: 8

The military knocked on my door this morning. Guess what I did? Iran.

Score: 2

My grandkids were wondering how WW3 started and exactly how i served in the military during the war... I simply said "Iran"

Score: 0

What do you call the American version of a Chinatown? A military base

Score: 1

What do the colors in the Italian flag stand for? Red: food

White: architecture

Green: music

Blue: a strong and courageous military

Yellow: competitive Formula 1 teams

Score: 5

Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup? Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.

Score: 2

[SERIOUS] What classified military equipment would make life easier? We don't know.

Score: 1

Which branch of the military is the most American? The Air Force, because they are US AF.

Score: 13

While in the military I experienced both mustard gas and pepper spray... I am a seasoned veteran.

Score: 3

A young man goes to a military recruiting office and takes the required tests. The results aren’t great but the recruiter thinks he has potential to be in the Navy. His scores were suboptimal.

Score: 3

Einstein had one autistic brother and one brother in the military. He had a "special relative" and a "general relative".

Score: 2

What do you call the fanatical elite military units of the Belgian armed forces? Waffle SS

Score: 1

Why does Norway have barcodes on the side of their military ships So that when they get into port they can... Scandinavian

Score: 1

I just bought a surplus French military rifle. Only dropped once.

Score: 3

Did you hear about the French military selling new rifles? Never used, only dropped once!

Score: 2

It's hard being immature in the military. All these officers keep talking about my doody.

Score: 1

Why did the Norwegian military put barcodes on their ships? So they could Scandinavian

Score: 2

What did the pirate call the boy in the military? (OC) Arr, me boy!

Score: 1

Trump may have dodged the draft but he was still given honorary military ranks. Private Tax Return,
Major Embarrassment,
Chief Petty Officer,
General Incompetence.

Score: 10

Caitlyn Jenner has an assignment from the Military I guess you could call it a Transmission

Score: 2

Did you hear about the military drum major who was dishonorably discharged? It was for conduct unbecoming.

Score: 2

Why does the United States Military have so many children? Because they've never pulled out.

Score: 2

Why does the US military use digital camo? They turned down the graphics for better performance

Score: 9

The US military would be really disappointed when it sits down to brainstorm a name for the nuclear bomb to be dropped on Kim Jong-un and realises that Fatman is already taken.

Score: 2

Starting today, the United States military began phasing out traditional opaque arms for transparent weapons. They are beginning preparations for a newclear war.

Score: 2

Did you hear about what the military did whey they found out Chelsea Manning was the leaker? They tore her a new one.

Score: 1

It's really dumb that Trump banned the transgender from the military I mean, who is going to fight the decepticons?

Score: 4

I heard the military is assembling a crack squad made up of all T-Rexes Makes sense - I hear T-Rexes are small arms experts!

Score: 2

TIL that the government is selling military equipment for precious metals. Edit: Tanks for the gold!

Score: 9

Did you hear about the former baseball player who joined the military and went AWOL? He had a terrible on base percentage.

Score: 1

What do you call a military gastroenterologist? GI Joe

* My buddy Julien just made this up

Score: 1

The US Navy is starting to worry about the North Korean military. Since all the missles they launch at Washington end up hitting the ocean, the odds are they will eventually hit a ship.

Score: 5

A Somalian general decides to make a pro military add, the first thing he says is THE ARMY NEEDS SHOES!

Score: 1

Why did the military use acid? To neutralize the enemy base.

So how did that AP Chem test go?

Score: 8

do you know why it's a good idea for Native guys to join the military? cause they almost always get to stay in the reserves.

Score: 2

Pentagon awards new military contract to United Airlines To forcibly remove Assad

Score: 2

Military puns are funny Generally speaking

Score: 16

These days, they expect those who join the military to go up in rank quickly. I think they're just generalizing.

Score: 3

Why did Israel's military refuse to buy the 3D image projector? Because of how much the holo cost.

Score: 3

My dating life is a lot like the military It is just huge intervals of boredom rarely interrupted by dodging some bullets.

Score: 6

What do you call a group of musicians in the military? Marine 5

Score: 3

If the current Russian president is preparing to lead a series of swift military offensives... ...does that mean he's Putin on a blitz?

Score: 7

Congress wrote a law that would force people to join the military. It was a rough draft.

Score: 1

What is the difference between vampires and the US military? [politics] Vampires must be invited onto other people's territory.

Score: 1

Whats the differebce between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School? I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Score: 4

What's the difference between an Afghan Military Base and a Pakistani School? I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Score: 1

Even the best men in the Chinese military Have chinks in their armor

Score: 2

What do you call a Bronie in the military? A GIbronie!

Score: 2

The French military suffered a major loss today... Their largest white flag factory burned to the ground.

Score: 2

Did you know that the Coast Guard is the only branch of military with a minimum required height of 6feet? It's so if their boat sinks they can walk to shore.

Score: 1

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