Tall Jokes

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Funniest Tall Jokes

Guy runs into a bar, yells "Quick! How tall is a penguin?" Bartender says "Three feet tall."

Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"

Funny Tall Jokes

How did Kevin Spacey find the little boy in all the Tall grass? Satisfying.

A physicist sees a person on the top of a very tall building. "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Men call short women "petite". What do women call short men? Um, yeh, they don't call.

Source: I'm not a tall man.

How tall is the world smallest grandmother? One Nanameter.

A tall guy walks into a bar that's what he gets for being tall

I asked a tall guy "how's the weather up there" He spat on me and told me it's raining

Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.

How did the priest find the little boy in the tall grass? Delightful

How did the hillbilly find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying

A physicist notices a man about to jump of a really tall building, he yells: DONT JUMP YOU HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL

I went to school with a very tall guy named Jimmy Glasscock. You could always see him coming.

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

I just purchased a new iPhone 7 Plus, and my son dropped it, So i’m giving it away. He’s 8 years old, tall and quite thin. Good with pets.

A physicist is walking along a road when she looks up at a tall building... She sees a man on the roof getting ready to jump and shouts out to him, "Don't do it, you have so much potential!"

I heard a knock at the door this morning, and when I answered it, a 6ft tall cockroach-looking thing was standing there, clearly very angry. He called me a prick and then punched me right in the face! Apparently theres a nasty bug going around

The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl. It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.

Why did Dave Grohl buy such a tall house? He wanted to make sure he was getting the best, the best, the best, the best-a view.

A man is standing on the top of a tall building about to commit suicide... ...when a physicist at the bottom shouts up, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

What's six feet tall and has an enormous dong? The liberty bell.

Being tall is an enormous responsibility Short people look up to you.

Did you know the Hover Dam was supposed to be twice as tall as it is now? After some re-evaluation, they thought it would be 2 dam high.


I’ll see myself out...

How did the Scotsman find the sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

How did the redneck find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying.

A man is standing on a tall ledge. A physicist yells from the street, "Don't jump! You have too much potential!"

I'm 12 feet taller than my grandparents. I'm 6 feet tall and they're 6 feet under.

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying.

Retweaked joke:
How does a (insert nationality here) find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very (insert extremely lustful emotion here)!

I asked a tall dude “how’s the weather up there?” He spat on me and told me it’s raining

How did the redneck find the goat in the tall grass? Satisfying.

How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass? Attractive

A 3 foot tall psychic escapes prison, then he gets a look at the newspaper "Small medium at large"

How does a Scotsman find his sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying

Tall people don't need to be inspirational Everyone already looks up to them.

A short person walks into a bar. And his tall friend trips over it.

You know what the worst part about being tall and funny is? My jokes go right over most people's head.

Chernobyl is like Disneyland Except the 5 foot tall mouse is real there

Did you hear what happened to the really offensive joke about tall grass? [re mowed]

A bad joke 2 tall guys and a midget walk into a bar.
The 2 tall guys say "ow" and the midget laughs in victory.

Sorry for the bad joke it is my cake day and I don't have anything interesting to post.

It's so sad... that trees look at telephone poles, and think that being tall and skinny is the only way to get people talking.

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New Tall Jokes

I think the 6" tall currant bushes I bought today were mislabeled. They're really more "future bushes," when you think about it.

Why should you never let Rick Astley take you to the top of a tall building? He's never gonna let you down.

I once knew a girl who only dated tall guys I guess you could say she had a ft fetish

What’s the deal with short films? I’m so tall that I have to squint to see them!

I know a joke about an abusive dwarf and his tall wife. A little offensive. But a real knee slapper.

My dad just got a tall new grill and I’m worried he’ll get hurt trying to use it. The steaks have never been higher.

You can never trust tall people... They always think they’re above everyone else.

A four-foot tall fortune teller escaped from prison. He was a small medium at large.

I asked my wife what size freezer we should buy. She responded, "How tall are you?"

Boys and girls, my daughter cracked my MacBook's screen: I'm doing a giveaway She's 11, 5ft tall and quite fun when she doesn't break stuff
DM me your address if you want her

What kind of trees are telephone poles made from? Tall ones

Overheard from an old man at McDonald's

Personal ad Wanted: tall fit woman with good

sense of humor, can cook frogs'

legs, who will enjoy a good fuc-

hsia garden, traveling, and tal-

king without getting too serious.

​

Please read only lines 1, 3 and 5.

I prefer tall women But sometimes they can be a little over my head

How tall is a German with a cold? Gesundheit!

How tall is the average diabetic person? About as tall as the average person, minus two feet.

How do Scots find sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

heh I'm really tall and a kid said hows "the weather up there" and I said "its raining" and the I spat on him

A tall guy rushed in front of an elderly woman on the train to take the last seat. The woman shouted, “What a mean guy!” But he was clearly above average

You know what’s cool about tall people? There always people you can look up to.

Guess how long it takes to jump off a tall building? The rest of your life

My friend was telling me about his plans to build a second level on his home It sounded like a tall story

A man is approached at a hospital “How tall are you?”

“5’8”, doctor.”

“Oh, I’m very sorry; but I’m not the doctor. I’m the carpenter.”

How does a New Zealander find sheep in tall grass? Delightful

What is the difference between Disneyland Paris and Disneyland Chernobyl The 6ft tall Mouse is real.

What did the Dwarf say when a tall hooker walked by? High hoe, high hoe!

I hate tall people They're always looking down on me

Why do people trust tall people? Because they’re always looking up to them.

A tall friend told me he can't stand sitting on long plane flights. I told him most people can't stand sitting.

Tall fences make good neighbours Bad neighbours make good fertiliser.

How tall is a spider? Eight feet.

How does a Scottsman find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

Yesterday I saw aliens for the first time, they were tall and had blue skin with giant eyes. But what struck me the most is that they came in a green spaceship that had a rounded format Turns out they do come in peas

A young man wakes up in a hospital. He sees an older genteleman, standing by his bed, who asks him "How tall are you, son?"

The man replies " Five foot ten, doctor"

The older man, looking confused, says "Oh, I'm not the doctor, I'm the carpenter"

A tall woman and a short man broke-up They couldn't see eye to eye.

Its easy to spot an American spy, just ask them how tall they are If they answer in feet you have your answer.

I never really understood #notallmen. Don't women usually like tall men?

Why are tall trees so happy? They are high.

Why are tall people so judgmental? They always look down on people.

How tall is Kanye West? Oh, about Ye high

Tall vs. Short **Tall People:** I'm somewhere around 6 feet.

​

**Short People:** I'm 5 feet and 5.756432841 inches.

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Long Tall Jokes

A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $18.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and, without looking, pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the guy and the ostrich come again and the guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the guy reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until one night they enter the restaurant and the waitress asks, "The usual?"

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad", says the guy.

"Me too," says the ostrich.

The waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $42.62."

Once again the guy pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the guy, "several years ago I was cleaning my attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the guy.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The guy sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.


The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have. The first kingdom sends 100 of its finest knights, clad in the best armour and each with their own personal squire. The second kingdom sends 50 knights, with fine leather armour and a few dozen squires of their own. The third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.


The night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and party into the late hours of the night. The knights in the second kingdom aren't as well off, but have their own supply of grog and drink well into the night.


In the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and swings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. He fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.


The next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hungover and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old weary, unable to get up. In place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. The battle lasts long into the night but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.


And it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big starchy chap, took the booze in his stride; while the little pea reached to all the sugar and started to get a touch hyperactive.

At the end of the night, the three friends found themselves leaving a bar at the top of a tall hill, when all of a sudden the pea started bouncing up and down excitedly: "Lads! Lads! I've got a great idea! We’re all vaguely round in shape, let's not get a cab home, let's just roll down the hill!" and before the others could protest he was off - shooting down the hill at a rate of knots.

The lemon lurched after him, but soon started listing violently from side to side as he went, owing to his oval shape, which did nothing for his unsettled stomach. With a sigh, the potato trundled along slowly behind.

By the time the potato had bounced his way to the bottom of the hill, the lemon was spewing lemon juice all over the pavement, but the pea was already jumping up and down again "that was great, that was great, let's do it again!".

The lemon was now chundering up pips with the acid, but the pea didn't seem to care "Come on! let's go again, that was great!".

The potato turned to him and said "Easy peasy, lemon's queasy."

A guy walks into a bar with an Ostrich

A man walks Into a bar with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a beer,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $18.95 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries, and a beer.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

“The usual?” asks the waitress. “No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and a shot of Tequila,” says the man. “Same,” says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $20.” Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

Awesome says the waitress. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it,
the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading,
"WHERE AM I?", and hold it up for the building's occupants to
see.

People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign, and held it in a building window.

Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the
course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how
the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their
position.

The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft
support building, they gave me a technically correct but
entirely useless answer."

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman...

The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"

A man walks into a bar and strolls up to the counter

Without a word he pulls out a miniature piano and a foot tall man from his jacket. The tiny man immediately starts playing a beautiful sonata.

"Thats amazing son. Where in the world did you get him from?", asked the bartender.

The man pulls out a magic lamp and sets it on the counter. "I just rubbed the lamp and made a wish. Wanna try?"

The bartender eagerly nods and rubs the lamp and suddenly the bar is filled with a million ducks.

"Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks" the bartender yelled.

"Ya", the man replied "you really think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"

Retired General meets a younger woman at a party...

and after getting a little flirty, the woman asks him the last time he made love to a woman. The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, surprised, said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"

[Military Time joke]

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading, "WHERE AM I?", and hold it up for the building's occupants to see.

People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.

Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer."

An old blind man walks into an all-girl biker bar by mistake

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls silent. In a deep husky voice the woman next to him says, "before you tell that joke, i think it's only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is a blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No...not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times."

The year is 1804 and a young man enlists on a ship..

..his first voyage is to last 3 years, and even though the work is hard the young man takes to it like a fish in water.

After only a few days he is running the riggin like an old hand, he swabs the decks without complaint and spends his free time in amicable companionship playing cards or telling tall tales.

All in all the young man feels as if he has found his calling.

A few weeks go by like this, the young man loving his new life except on part.. There are no women.

After a couple of months like this, he is starting to feel extremely uncomfortable with the situation and voices his complaints to his shipmates one evening.


"Why don't you just use the barrel?" Asks one of his mates with a surprised look.
It turns out that down in the hold, in a dark corner there is a barrel, with a hole drilled into the side.. Whenever the sailors start to feel their urges rise, they simply go down to the barrel and take care of their business there.


The young man decides, with some scepticism, to try the barrel, and finds to his surprise that it is a wholly pleasant experience, in no way lesser than any he has had with women before.

With this new found release the young man starts to enjoy his work even more. His days continue as before, and his evenings are still spent in pleasant company, but a new addition to his routine is a nightly visit to the barrel.

Another two months pass in this way and all is well, until one night as he gets up from his seat at the card table and announces that he is going to visit the barrel to his mates.
A few chuckles greet this announcement and one of his friends asks "Trying to get the final fun out of it eh?"
"Final fun? Are we getting rid of the barrel?" The young man asks, worry playing over his face.


"Not at all mate, it's just that.. next month is your turn in the barrel."

A man goes into a restaurant with an ostrich

They sit down and order:

'I'd like a hamburger, fries and a Coke,' says the man, then turns towards the ostrich. 'And you?'

'The same', says the ostrich.

A few minutes later, the waitress brings the food and the bill.

'$6.40,' she says.

The man takes out the exact amount from his pocket without even counting the money and hands it to the waitress.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, ask for the same food and the man pays with the exact amount. And the same routine takes place for the next couple of days. On a Friday night, the man and the ostrich turn up again.

'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, today's Friday, I'd like a steak and some crushed potatoes,' says the man, then he turns towards the ostrich. 'And you?'

'The same,' replies the bird.

After a few minutes, the waitress comes back with the order and the bill.

'$32.50'

The man, yet again, takes out the exact amount of money without counting it. The waitress can't help herself at this point and asks:

'Excuse me sir, but please tell me... how come you always have the exact amount?'

'Years ago, I cleaned up my attic and found an old lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared. He promised me two wishes. My first wish was to have the exact amount of money in my pockets whenever I had to pay for something.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Others would've asked for a million dollars, but you'll stay rich till the end of your life.'

'Indeed,' nods the man. 'It doesn't matter whether I want to buy a bottle of beer or a Rolls Royce, the money will always be there when I need it.'

'Can I also ask why this ostrich is always with you?'

'Well, my second wish was to get a very tall chick with nice strong legs who agrees with everything I say...'

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and a salad,' says the man.

'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. It's brilliant!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

So..the wife and I were in town shopping....

..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.

I gently nudged my wife and said "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".

She got really upset with me..in fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman, the general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to their private room. She began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956..." The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"

Three CEO's from different beer companies are sitting at a bar...

And the one from Bud light says, "Alright barkeep, give me a tall glass of bud light!"

And then the second one, from Miller light says, "ok barkeep, serve me a nice bottle of cold miller light!"

And then the CEO of Guinness says, well, "I suppose I'll have a glass of Coca-Cola."

The other two turn to him like he's crazy and say, "what, you aren't going to order Guinness?"

To which he replies, "well if you two aren't going to order beer, neither am I!"

A man walks into a bar...

And see's a man, about 1 foot tall playing the piano. "Damn!" He exclaims, "how is this possible ?" The bartender explains that there is a genie in the back of the bar. Excited, the man goes into the back of the bar and wishes for "1 million bucks!" , suddenly 1 million ducks fly out of the bar. "This genie is hard of hearing! I asked for a million bucks, and I got a million ducks!". The bartender pauses and says... "Yeah, you think I really wished for a 12 inch pianist..."

There's a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular

lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. The second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power too. The third kingdom is struggling and poor and barely has an army.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have. The first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. The second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squire of their own. The third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.

The night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. The knights in the second kingdom aren't as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night. In the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. He fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.

The next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. In place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. The battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.

And it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Two blonde pilots...

On their first commercial flight together two blonde pilots, best friends for years, are finally flying together after years of being co-pilots for more experienced captains. The cockpit was finally *theirs*.

The flight goes very smoothly and they congratulate each other as they are coming into land.

As they approach the runway it is obvious they are going much too fast. The back wheels of the plane barely touch asphalt before they leave then airstrip entirely, the plane barreling through tall grass until they crash directly into the side of the airport.

Clearing debris from her face the pilot says to her co-pilot "Oh my god... Did you see that? That runway was **way too short!**"

"Yeah, but it must've been 2 miles wide!"

A frog goes into a bank...

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $10000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $10000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant.

"I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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