Donald Trump Jokes


Funniest Donald Trump Jokes

"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."

Score: 27597

Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for He said 'Genius'

Score: 22252

Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

Score: 20797

Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But its a silly comparison really, its like comparing apples to oranges.

Score: 20194

What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

Score: 17462

How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb? You tell him Barack Obama installed it.

Score: 17308
Funny Donald Trump Jokes
Score: 14486

Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

Score: 13827

What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common? They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

Score: 13448

How much is Donald Trump's life insurance? Just one pence.

Score: 13007

If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico. Not by choice though.

Score: 12706

Donald Trump was asked what the J stood for in Donald J Trump He said "Genius"

Score: 12354

Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

Score: 9911

Hitler died in 1945, Donald Trump was born in 1946... Coincidence? No.

Mystery? Maybe.

Hotel? Trivago.

Score: 9808

Donald Trump just turned 73 which makes him the first President whose age surpassed his IQ.

Score: 9586

Donald Trump is the next President but... The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.

Score: 7534

So Donald Trump walks into a bar... and lowers it

Score: 6815

Why did Donald Trump take Xanax For Hispanic attacks

Score: 6566

Why can't Donald Trump be hung for treason? Fake Noose

Score: 6088

Why did Donald Trump marry an immigrant? Once again, immigrants are doing the jobs no American want to do.

Score: 4261

Donald Trump is not a rapist. He's an "alternative romantic."

Score: 4244

Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.

Score: 3895

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump? Found in your cell, unresponsive.

Score: 3270

Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election? Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

Score: 2766

If Donald Trump and Mike Pence were on a stranded island, who would survive? The United States of America

Score: 2747

If Donald Trump wants to destroy North Korea... Perhaps he should move there and become their leader.

Score: 2688

Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks.

Score: 2117

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? America.

Score: 2049

A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame... ...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.

Score: 2020

America is going to suffer if Donald Trump becomes president. You could say they are going toupée for it.

Score: 1882

Donald Trump is going to be president in 4 days. That..that's it...

Score: 1609

What do me and Donald Trump have in common? We'd both date his daughter if she wasn't his daughter.

Edit: Okay, this made it to the front page of the sub. I didn't expect this to be my top post of all time, thanks a lot /r/jokes

Score: 1418

Why does Donald trump use twitter instead of Facebook? Because he has followers, not friends.

Score: 1173

Where does Donald Trump Jr. buy his groceries? Traitor Joe's

Score: 1149

Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease. Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

Score: 1126

Why did Donald Trump rush to Macy's? He heard they had Ivanka's clothes half off

Score: 1062

What do Donald Trump and the iPhone 7 have in common? They both think de-porting is the answer when there’s no more Jobs.

Score: 918

Steve Jobs would have been a much better president than Donald Trump But its a silly comparison really, like comparing apples to oranges.

Score: 882

Why don't you want to play Uno with Donald Trump? He takes away all the green cards.

Score: 724

Why did Donald Trump drain the swamp? So he could hire what was on the bottom.

Score: 462

Popular Topics

New Donald Trump Jokes

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a vacuum? A vacuum has a filter

Score: 74

Why can't Donald Trump tell the time? Because he has two little hands.

Score: 23

Why would Donald Trump have trouble killing himself? Fake noose.

Score: 28

Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."

Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion."

Score: 215

Donald Trump finally revealed his plans to defeat North Korea He's buying it and turning it into a Trump brand business

Score: 72

Why did Donald Trump divorce his first wife? Fake Nudes

Score: 63

Kanye West, Donald Trump, Justin Bieber and Martin Skreli are put in a coliseum, given gladiator weapons and made to fight to the death. Who wins? Society.

Score: 86

What's the difference between Donald Trump and my passport? The passport has more foreign policy experience.

Score: 43

What did Donald Trump say after his attempt to hang himself failed? "Fake Noose!"

Score: 218

What can Donald Trump and I both agree on? That if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I would date her.

Score: 350

If Donald Trump was a Sith Lord... His name would be Taxi Vader

Score: 251

What's Donald Trump's least favorite band? Foreigner

Score: 22

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Donald Trump's is short, and Madonna doesn't have one. What is it? A last name

Score: 26

How can Donald Trump stop embarrassing leaks? Depends.

Score: 44

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, “I want to be President one day.” Trump says, “Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?” The kid replies, “You know what, I’ve changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.”

Score: 26

President Donald Trump is great at reading female body language Too bad he reads it in braille.

Score: 109

How is Donald Trump like a pumpkin? He is orange on the outside, hollow on the inside, and should have been thrown out in early November.

Score: 371

Donald Trump's Thesaurus is so bad... it's also bad.

Score: 177

What is Donald Trump's favorite vegetable? Leeks

Score: 51

Why did Donald Trump marry an Immigrant? Once again, immigrants are doing the jobs no American wants to do

Score: 312

Donald trump is placing a ban on telecommunications from the middle east... It's called the teleban

Score: 66

Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? Hispanic attacks.

Score: 404

Donald Trump's speeches can travel faster than the speed of light Cuz they contain no information

Score: 34

Donald Trump is like Jon Snow He's obsessed with the wall and he knows nothing

Score: 58

I hear they are putting Donald Trump on the penny. It's to help motivate us to phase them out over the next four years.

Score: 333

What's all the fuss about Donald Trump's Russian Ties? I know for a fact that all his Ties are made in China.

Score: 101

Why was Donald Trump's top advisor pulled over on his way to the White House? He was rushin'.

Score: 21

If I had a dollar for every racist thing Donald Trump has said... He'd be cutting my taxes.

Score: 20

What do new iPhones and Donald Trump have in common? Both cost more than they're worth and create the illusion of superiority without ever delivering.

Score: 40

What's Donald Trump's spirit animal? The wall-rus.

Yes, I do hate myself.

Score: 84

A joke for Donald Trump - what do you get when you cross Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles? Killed in a tunnel

Score: 38

Wow, Donald Trump is President. I haven't seen Democrats this mad since.... ...slavery was outlawed and the desegregation of public schools!

Score: 27

Who is Donald Trump's least favourite rock band? Foreigner.

Score: 73

What is Donald Trump's favorite video game? *Papers, Please*

Score: 25

Why does Donald Trump take anti-anxiety pills? To prevent Hispanic attacks

Score: 184

Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed I'm sure they'll soon get over it

Score: 268

Donald Trump is about to watch an episode of his current favorite TV show... Orange is the New Black

Score: 23

What would happen if Donald Trump was about to be assassinated? Secret Service would shout "Donald, Duck!"

Score: 238

What's Donald Trump's favorite album to listen to? The Wall

Score: 22

What do JFK, John Lennon and Donald Trump have in common? Nothing. But a man can dream.

Score: 120

If I had a penny for every Donald Trump joke, I would have a small loan of one million dollars

Score: 49

Did you hear Donald Trump's plan for combatting global warming? Nuclear winter

Score: 32

Donald Trump's presidency is already positively affecting the economy. Alcohol sales have never been higher.

Score: 436

BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump does not accept presidential election... Says he doesn't want to move into an estate which previously had black tenants.

Score: 54

If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton gets in a car crash who will survive? America.

Score: 63

If Donald Trump replaces Obama.... ...Does that mean Orange is the new Black?

Score: 154

If Donald Trump wins I'm going back to Africa For some political stability..

Score: 152

Why does Donald Trump take a Xanax when he goes to Mexico? To prevent His-Panic attacks.

Score: 68

Mexico was pretty livid when Donald Trump announced his plan to build a wall along the southern border of the United States... ...But once it's erected and complete, I'm sure they'll manage to get over it.

Score: 30

If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were in a car accident, who would survive? America.

Score: 37

Why am I against Donald Trump's wall idea? It will make fleeing to Mexico more difficult when he ruins our country.

Score: 96

Did you hear Donald Trump was in a fantasy action movie? He was the White Power ranger

Score: 21

Bounty Towels have declined making a Donald Trump Towel The company explained that it was impossible to make the towel because Donald Trump was already too self-absorbed.

Score: 34

So the American people's choices for President of the United States will most likely be Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton. That's it. That's the joke. There is no punchline.

Score: 168

I believe Donald Trump can make this country what it once was- -an arctic region with zero population

Score: 37

A man, his sister and his wife walk into the voting booth to vote for Donald Trump. They've both given it a lot of thought.

Score: 106

If Donald Trump replaces Barack Obama in the White House Does that mean that orange is the new black?

Score: 70

If Donald trump takes over the presidency after Obama I guess you could say orange really is the new black

Score: 174

Donald Trump Simulator was just released! It's the prequel to the Fallout series.

Score: 28

Donald Trump is not actually a member of the Republican Party He's a *Whig*

Score: 42

Popular Topics