Donald Trump Jokes


Funniest Donald Trump Jokes

"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."

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Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for He said 'Genius'

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Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

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Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But its a silly comparison really, its like comparing apples to oranges.

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What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

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How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb? You tell him Barack Obama installed it.

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Funny Donald Trump Jokes
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Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

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What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common? They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

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How much is Donald Trump's life insurance? Just one pence.

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If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico. Not by choice though.

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Donald Trump was asked what the J stood for in Donald J Trump He said "Genius"

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Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

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Hitler died in 1945, Donald Trump was born in 1946... Coincidence? No.

Mystery? Maybe.

Hotel? Trivago.

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Donald Trump just turned 73 which makes him the first President whose age surpassed his IQ.

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Donald Trump is the next President but... The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.

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So Donald Trump walks into a bar... and lowers it

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Why did Donald Trump take Xanax For Hispanic attacks

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Why can't Donald Trump be hung for treason? Fake Noose

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Why did Donald Trump marry an immigrant? Once again, immigrants are doing the jobs no American want to do.

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Donald Trump is not a rapist. He's an "alternative romantic."

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Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.

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What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump? Found in your cell, unresponsive.

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Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election? Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

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If Donald Trump and Mike Pence were on a stranded island, who would survive? The United States of America

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If Donald Trump wants to destroy North Korea... Perhaps he should move there and become their leader.

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Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks.

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If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? America.

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A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame... ...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.

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America is going to suffer if Donald Trump becomes president. You could say they are going toupée for it.

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Donald Trump is going to be president in 4 days. That..that's it...

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What do me and Donald Trump have in common? We'd both date his daughter if she wasn't his daughter.

Edit: Okay, this made it to the front page of the sub. I didn't expect this to be my top post of all time, thanks a lot /r/jokes

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What did Donald Trump say after his attempt to hang himself failed? "Fake Noose!"

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Why was Donald Trump watching the Summer Olympics? To see how high the Mexican pole vaulters could go

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If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton gets in a car crash who will survive? America.

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How would Donald Trump have said "grab em by the p***y" if he was a Communist? SEIZE THE MEANS OF REPRODUCTION

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Man, Saturday Night Live has really been going after Donald Trump lately I guess it makes sense though, since Donald is such a sketchy guy

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What's the difference between a Donald Trump and Ellen Pao? Edit: Trump can ruin a business right.

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Why was Donald Trump's top advisor pulled over on his way to the White House? He was rushin'.

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If I had a dollar for every racist thing Donald Trump has said... He'd be cutting my taxes.

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New Donald Trump Jokes

I don't know if I should believe the reports that Donald Trump has tested positive for COVID-19. It might be fake news.

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Melania Trump getting CoronaVirus from Donald Trump is proof that the virus still spreads even when you do your best to avoid all forms of physical contact and stay 6 feet away from the infected at all times

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How do you know if Donald Trump's been in your fridge? Tiny little hand prints in the butter

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What is Donald Trump's favorite Alcoholic drink? A White Russian.

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When I heard Donald Trump say that we needed to protect our southern border I took a fence.

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I'll agree: Donald Trump isn't the same as Hitler... Hitler served in the army

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Mike Pence and Donald Trump are getting coffee. Trump: I will have less sugars.
Pence: Actually boss, it’s fewer.
Trump: I told you not to call me that outside of the bedroom.

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Why does Donald trump watch the olympic games He wants to see how high the mexicans can jump

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Why is Donald Trump always in the comments? Because the real joke is always in the comments.

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The United States Post Office has issued a recall of the official Donald Trump Presidential stamp People were too confused about which side to spit on

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What do Colin Kaepernick and Donald Trump have in common? They both had failing careers before they decided to get into politics.

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What does every one of Donald Trumps books start with? Chapter 11

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With the new announcement of the space force, Donald Trump decided to call this branch... Space Patrol Delta! The catch phrase will be, SPD emergency.

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President Donald Trump is going to launch the "Space Force". Surprising for a guy who hates aliens

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Some say Donald Trump is a terrible joke of a president. Some say that's the reason he won in the first place. So by that logic, there's only one person who can be the next president. The bus driver.

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What is the difference between me and Donald Trump? I don't pull out.

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What did Donald Trump say to the people that tried unsuccesfully to hang him? Fake noose

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If Donald Trump talks about "fake news" during the State of the Union... Does that make it the State of the Onion

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When Donald Trump gets schooled by Bernie Sanders...'ll be tuition-free

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What's the most likely kind of attack to happen while Donald Trump is President of the United States of America? A heart attack.

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Why did Donald Trump keep adding decorations to the Christmas Tree? Because people kept shouting "moron" at him.

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Whats Donald Trumps favorite Christmas movie? White Christmas.

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Do you know why Eminem is the only person that can roast Donald Trump? Because nothing rhymes with orange.

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CNN reported Donald Trump's suicide today. He didn't really kill himself, it was fake noose.

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You can tell Donald Trump is a real estate developer Because he constantly digs himself into giant holes

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What do people in Vietnam call Donald Trump? Agent orange

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Donald Trump is doing his best to stop global warming He is greatly expanding ICE

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Donald Trump needs to be Putin his place Pun intended

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Why does Donald Trump hate deadpool so much? He keeps breaking the fourth wall.

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Is Donald Trump sleazier than Bill Clinton? Close, but no cigar.

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Donald Trump unveiled the name of his new healthcare plan today. It's called Don T. Care

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So I heard Donald Trump announced Melania will be giving a speech... ... glad to hear Michelle Obama will have writing work after leaving the White House.

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Donald Trump being president is the result of being a good parent and teaching your children that they can be anything if they set their mind to it... And you know,giving them a small loan of 1 Millon dollars

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The controversy surrounding Donald Trump and the Russian hacking of American voting machines is being blown way out of proportion... who cares if Putin voted for him.

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What does Donald Trump and a 12 year old have in common? They know a lot about hacking.

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Russia admitted today to hacking the DNC in an attempt to get Donald Trump elected They went on to say that they decided not to take any action, however, once they saw Hillary Clinton's campaign strategy.

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What Christmas carol will Donald Trump be singing all month? I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

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Donald Trump is writing a children's book about running for President He's going to title it, "Marco's Little Adventure"

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What do you call female Donald Trump supporters? Trumpettes.

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Why did Kanye say he would have voted for Donald Trump? 808s & Taxbreaks

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Mike Pence, Rudy Giuliani, and Donald Trump landed in the Land of Oz... Mike Pence: I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart!

Rudy Giuliani: I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain!

Donald Trump: (looking around the area) Where's Dorothy?

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How will Donald Trump create 25 millions jobs? By having 25 million people move to Canada.

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What do you call a dog owned by Donald Trump? A trumpet.

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I don't think Donald Trump realizes how strong and unified Latinos are... Every Latino is like a brick. When they come together they form a wall.

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Why is Monica Lewinsky voting for Donald Trump? Because a Clinton left a very bad taste in her mouth.

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Donald Trump was just issued a notice by the IRS Ordering him toupee up.

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How does Donald trump kill himself? By jumping from his ego to his IQ

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What do climate change scientists and Donald Trump have in common? Each is desperately hoping the other is a hoax.

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Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Ted Cruz are left on a deserted island, Who survives? America.

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Why are Biblical scholars nervous about Donald Trump's pick for VP? Because according the Book of Revelations, the arrival of the apocalypse will first be signaled by Trump-Pence.

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Did you hear Mexico agreed to help Donald Trump build his wall? They've gotta keep all those Americans out once Donald gets elected.

Sorry, super liberal grandpa told me this one on Father's day. Couldn't help but share.

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How will Donald Trump deport 12 million illegal immigrants? Juan by juan.

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Donald Trump is getting back into the air travel industry... He's launching...Receding Hairlines

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Why is taco salad Donald Trump's favorite Mexican food? It has a wall around it.

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting all the illegal immigrants? Juan by Juan.

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Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are running for Presidency. Who will win? Certainly not the people.

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What bill is supported by Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Ted Cruz, and Bernie Sanders? The dollar bill

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So Donald Trump wants Barack Obama and Bill Gates to talk about shutting down the internet. Shouldn't Al Gore be a part of that conversation?

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Where is Donald Trump gonna put all of the illegal immigrants once he arrests them? Juantanamo

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What is the difference between Donald Trump and Chris Christie? When things go south,Trump burns bridges, Christie just shuts them down.

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