Women Jokes


Funniest Women Jokes

I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.

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Funny Women Jokes
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A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!' 'Mmm?'

'Not that many!'

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I like my women like I like my slaves Educated and free.

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When wearing a bikini, women reveals 96% of their body. But the men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.

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My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"

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My boss said, “Why are all the women in your office crying?” I said, “You told me to bang some heads together.”

He said, “Talk about taking things too literally!”

So I went away and gave a two hour lecture on taking things too literally.

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"If women ruled the world," said my wife, "there'd be no wars." "That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."

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To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing" Have you ever considered being more interesting?

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My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting. She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific so I said

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

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The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.

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Why do Jews get Circumcised? Because Jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn't at least 10% off

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My wife told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up.

Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

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A lot of women actually turn into good drivers So if you’re a good driver watch out.

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Why are all Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off

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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking and molesting women." The drunk says "Great! Let's get started."

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I like my women like i like my computer Turned on
On my lap
Virus free

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I was shopping with my wife and I couldn't find her, until I saw a beautiful women. I ask her: I have lost my wife, can I talk to you?

She replies: Why?

I say: You will see in 20 seconds.

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A women called me ugly until she found how much money I make. Now she’s calling me ugly and poor.

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Why are women and children evacuated first? So we can think about a solution in silence.

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I like my women like I like my mathematical constants. Round and irrational.

Happy Pi Day everyone!

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When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I'm so polite... ...I only look at the covered parts.

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Why are women and children always the first ones to get evacuated on a emergency situation ? So men may think on a solution in silence

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Women and not being attractive If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

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When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts

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Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often

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I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap.
Turned on.
Virus free.

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A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining And says "ladies, is anything ok?"

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If men call short women "petite", what do women call short men? "friends"

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Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster? So we can think about a solution in silence.

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A man and a woman are lying in bed late night... ...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."

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About 14 women asked me out today I was in the wrong toilet

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What is College Feminism? What is college feminism?
10.000 women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren't enough female engineers

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Did you hear about the RPG fan who keeps making female characters and re-doing their stats? He respecs women.

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What's the opposite of women's studies? History.

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they asked a 100year old grandpa why were all the women still crazy about him? grandpa said nothing! just gently licked his eyebrow

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What do they call beautiful women in England? Tourists

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The murder rate among trans women of color is so high You'd think they were black guys.

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I like my women like I like my phones Thin, smart, imported from Japan, and in my pocket all the time.

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I can't believe all of those women voted yes to pass Kavanaugh out of the Judiciary committee. Well, I mean they voted no, but to Republicans that means yes.

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New Women Jokes

The Female Parking Misconception Men should stop giving out about women parking far too close to the kerb. This wouldn't have happened if they hadn't constantly lied to women about how long 8 inches look like.

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Why is it difficult to maintain an erection with bigger women? Because there's too much riding on it.

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According to women, men dont have feelings But that's just not true at all, we sometimes feel hungry and thirsty.

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I don't understand why people are disgusted by domestic violence against pregnant women. At the end of the day, it's 2 against 1.

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What do you call armour made for women? She-mail.

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I'm a bit like a mouse - women who see me are often repulsed. They also find me secretly living in their home.

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I like my women like I like my tools Locked in my shed

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There's been a recent surge in the number of male crossdressers in the Amish community. Be careful. Women you might see during the day, may actually be mennonite.

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I came out of Asda this morning and found a women crying her eyes out. She had lost all her money. I felt so sorrt for her I gave her $50. I usually don't do that thing but I'd just found $2000 in the carpark

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Historians believe circumcision likely ensured the survival of the Jewish people. Its been found Jewish women can't resist anything that's 10% off.

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Can we stop posting jokes about women’s menstruation, this category of humor is NOT FUNNY. Period,

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I like my women how I like my snow Excited to see them but glad it's temporary

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What do you call a STD passed only between women? A Ladybug.

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I like my coffee how I like my women Dark, delicate, and shipped to me in a box straight from Colombia

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Three old women are sitting on a bench A flasher runs up and opens his coat.

The first woman immediately had a stroke.

The second had one only a moment later.

The third didn't because she couldn't reach.

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Three Jewish women having lunch in a restaurant... Waiter approaches and asks, "Is anything OK here?"

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3 old women were walking in the park... When a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first woman had a stroke,
the second women had a stroke,
but the third woman's arm was too short to reach.

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You know what I tell my self whenever women reject me. That my wife is waiting for me back home.

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A group of chronic masturbators have recently started an organization to protect women from domestic violence. Their slogan is "We only beat ourselves."

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A women walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre So the bar tender gives it to her.

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What do you call it when two Vietnamese women are fighting over you? A nguyen-nguyen situation.

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Did you hear about that old guy down the street? Apparently he likes his women how he likes his wine. 12 years old and in his basement

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"There'd be no wars." "If women ruled the world," said my wife with confidence. I replied,"That's true, wars require strategy and logic."

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Originally, International Women's Day was celebrated on the 8 of January. However, because they had to get ready, it has since been postponed to 8 March.

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The real reason some women don’t like guys under 6 feet Dead people really struggle to hold a conversation.

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The gender pay gap is mostly caused by the types of professions that men and women go into Men are more likely to be doctors, lawyers, or engineers.

Women are more likely to be female doctors, female lawyers, or female engineers.

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A flasher exposes himself to three old women sitting on a park bench. Two of them have a stroke. The third can't quite reach.

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It’s easier to deter women from eating tide pods, but it’s harder to... Deter-gents

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Parking spaces are just like women If all the good ones are taken, stick it in a disabled one

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Lots of Asian women are turning into good drivers, So if you’re a good driver; watch out for asian women turning!

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I really appreciate all the fan mail you beautiful women have been writing me. Now go ahead and send them.

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Women are like Hurricane Harvey When they come, they're wet and wild. When they leave, they take your car and your house.

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What do you have if you get 14 women from Missouri in a room? A full set of teeth.

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I like my women how I like the borders of my Excel cells With a thick bottom

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Do you know what do women and nail polish have in common? they both undress with the help
of alchocol

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I like my women the way I like Starbucks I just can't afford either

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What's black, has smooth skin, and drives women more and more wild the bigger it is? A wallet

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What do you call a fat women with a rape whistle.... Optimistic

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I told the girl I fancy next door I helped kill a man I was told women love accessories.

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An Oklahoman Rep referred to pregnant women as "hosts." That's so wrong! They're hostesses.

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Once heard someone say "Dress like everyday when you go out in public you might meet the women of your dreams". I try and do this everyday. My wife hates it.

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I like my women as I like my pre-expansion universes So hot and dense that it violates the Pauli exclusion principle and demands a better understanding of the standard model

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I rushed to the clothes store when I heard all women's pants are half off. But I saw no women with their pants down. Dumbass liars.

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How does a black women know if she's pregnant? All the cotton on her tampon has been picked off.

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What do women and the stock market have in common? If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money.

My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.

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How does a black women know if she is pregnant? When she pulls out the tampon , the cotton is already picked.

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Why are hot pickle buns so popular in polish women's prisons? They're made out of dill dough.

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I like my women like my heroin Smuggled in a tiny box from South East Asia

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A man streaked passed two old women in the park... the first one had a stroke; the other missed

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I like my women how I like my Christmas trees. Illegally taken in the forest.

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Why can't women explain feminism to men? Because they need a man to do it for them

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I like my women like I like my programming languages. Visual and basic

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Call a beautiful women, beautiful she will never remember Call a Fat Women Fat and She will never forget, because elephants never forget

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I like my women like I like my Artificial Intelligence: Cold and lifeless.

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I'm not sure how I feel about Pro Choice. I mean, I am all for dead babies, but I don't like giving women choices...

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Turned on a women's volleyball game today, and within the first three minutes a wrist injury occurred But don't worry I'll be fine

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I like my classes like I like my women with curves

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What do all Amish women want? 2 Mennonite.

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When a guy thinks that older women are more into him than they actually are... Is it an example of the Dunning-Cougar effect?

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I like my women like I like my plastic wrap. Clingy, easy to handle, and microwave and freezer tested.

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