This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing
I like my women like I like my whiskey.
12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.
A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!'
'Not that many!'
When wearing a bikini, women reveals 96% of their body. But the men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.
My boss said, “Why are all the women in your office crying?”
I said, “You told me to bang some heads together.”
He said, “Talk about taking things too literally!”
So I went away and gave a two hour lecture on taking things too literally.
"If women ruled the world," said my wife, "there'd be no wars." "That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."
To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing" Have you ever considered being more interesting?
The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
Why do Jews get Circumcised? Because Jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn't at least 10% off
Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral But not my Sister.
My wife told me women are better at multitasking than men.
So I told her to sit down and shut up.
She couldn't do either!
Why are all Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what... She couldn't do either!
Why are women so bad at parking cars? Because for the last 200 years they’ve been told that three inches are actually six.
A women called me ugly until she found how much money I make. Now she’s calling me ugly and poor.
I like my women like I like my mathematical constants.
Round and irrational.
Happy Pi Day everyone!
My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?" I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I'm so polite... ...I only look at the covered parts.
Why are women and children always the first ones to get evacuated on a emergency situation ? So men may think on a solution in silence
Women and not being attractive If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her... I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
I broke up with my girlfriend because I like my women like I like my coffee Without other people's dicks in it.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster? So we can think about a solution in silence.
A lot of women are turning into good drivers. So, if you're a good driver, watch out for turning women!
Two Romans were in a bar having a conversation..
Roman 1: you won't believe how many women I've slept with
Roman 2: mmm?
Roman 1: don't be ridiculous, not that many
Why do Jews get circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not at least 10% off.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?...
(Not sure if this one translates well to english)
Women are tho only creature to defy the laws of gravity The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up
When wearing a bikini women show 90% of their body. Men are really polite to only look at the covered parts.
As a man, I consider myself a friend and ally to the LGBTQ+ community I, personally, have helped several women realize they were lesbians.
One big difference between men and women is... that if a woman says "smell this" it usually smells nice
Why are married women fatter than single women?
A single woman looks in her fridge, sees nothing appetizing and goes to bed.
A married women looks in her bed, sees nothing appetizing and goes to the fridge.
The wage gap isn’t real Men just go for higher paying jobs like doctor, CEO, lawyer ect. Where as women pick lower paying jobs like female doctor, female lawyer, and female CEO
When women wear bikinis, they expose about 96% of their bodies. But men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.
I asked 20 women in my neighborhood about their preferred shampoo A staggering 100% of them use "Get out of my shower".
After my wife died, I wasn't able to see any women for 25 years. But now that I've been released from prison, I know it was worth it.
Women are like swimming pools. They cost a lot of money to maintain, considering the amount of time you spend inside them.
Two romans are having a conversation.
The one asks: "How many women do you think I have laid with?"
"No, not that many."
A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book
If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, where are all the other genders from? They were pulled out Uranus!
Why do Canadian women use a hockey puck instead of tampons?
Cuz they last for three periods.
(I am truly sorry)
I just found out there is over 1 million battered women in the United States and I’ve been eating them plain the whole time.
What do forklifts and women have in common? If you don’t have one, you have to unload by hand.
We asked our 75 year old grandfather why men die before women do. He looks over at grandma and says “because they want to”.
The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines...
They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
Alabama has decided to force women to carry babies conceived by rape and incest, to term. Because if they didn't, the state's population would die out pretty quickly.
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her I said no thanks, I can't handle high maintenance women
A man walks up to 3 women wearing potato sacks. How does he know which one is the prostitute? The one whose sack reads "Idaho"
Women are actually turning into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, watch out for women turning.
Women love a man brimming with confidence. Because without that, what else is there to destroy?
My wife told me
That women are better in multitasking than men.
I told her to shut up and make me a breakfast.
Obviously she didn't manage.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... i am so polite i only look at the covered parts.
Two women were fighting bitterly for the last seat on a bus...
The conductor tried to intervene but it was no use.
Finally, from up the front, the driver said, “Just let the ugly one have it!”
Both women remained standing for the rest of the trip.
Women are actually turning into good drivers So if you’re a good driver, watch out for women turning
Roman guy: You won't believe how many women I've slept with
Second Roman: mmm?
Roman Guy: don't be ridiculous, not that many
Fact When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their bodies...... Men are so polite that they only look at the covered parts!