Women Jokes

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Funniest Women Jokes

I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.

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Funny Women Jokes
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A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!' 'Mmm?'

'Not that many!'

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I like my women like I like my slaves Educated and free.

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When wearing a bikini, women reveals 96% of their body. But the men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.

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My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"

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My boss said, “Why are all the women in your office crying?” I said, “You told me to bang some heads together.”

He said, “Talk about taking things too literally!”

So I went away and gave a two hour lecture on taking things too literally.

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"If women ruled the world," said my wife, "there'd be no wars." "That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."

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To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing" Have you ever considered being more interesting?

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My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting. She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific so I said

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

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The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.

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Why do Jews get Circumcised? Because Jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn't at least 10% off

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My wife told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up.

Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

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A lot of women actually turn into good drivers So if you’re a good driver watch out.

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Why are all Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off

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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking and molesting women." The drunk says "Great! Let's get started."

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I like my women like i like my computer Turned on
On my lap
Virus free

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I was shopping with my wife and I couldn't find her, until I saw a beautiful women. I ask her: I have lost my wife, can I talk to you?

She replies: Why?

I say: You will see in 20 seconds.

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A women called me ugly until she found how much money I make. Now she’s calling me ugly and poor.

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Why are women and children evacuated first? So we can think about a solution in silence.

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I like my women like I like my mathematical constants. Round and irrational.

Happy Pi Day everyone!

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When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I'm so polite... ...I only look at the covered parts.

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Why are women and children always the first ones to get evacuated on a emergency situation ? So men may think on a solution in silence

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Women and not being attractive If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

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When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts

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Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often

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I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap.
Turned on.
Virus free.

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A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining And says "ladies, is anything ok?"

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If men call short women "petite", what do women call short men? "friends"

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Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster? So we can think about a solution in silence.

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About 14 women asked me out today I was in the wrong toilet

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What is College Feminism? What is college feminism?
10.000 women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren't enough female engineers

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Went to a nude beach today and let me tell you- I had a lot of women’s attention. I could just feel them dressing me with their eyes.

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Did you hear about the RPG fan who keeps making female characters and re-doing their stats? He respecs women.

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Two romans are having a conversation. The one asks: "How many women do you think I have laid with?"

"Mmm..."

"No, not that many."

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I've been dating a homeless women recently and I think it's getting serious... she asked me to move out with her.

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What's the opposite of women's studies? History.

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I like my women like how I like my wine. 10 years old and locked in the cellar.

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they asked a 100year old grandpa why were all the women still crazy about him? grandpa said nothing! just gently licked his eyebrow

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What do they call beautiful women in England? Tourists

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New Women Jokes

What do u call a group of trans women ? Ex men

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The Female Parking Misconception Men should stop giving out about women parking far too close to the kerb. This wouldn't have happened if they hadn't constantly lied to women about how long 8 inches look like.

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Why is it difficult to maintain an erection with bigger women? Because there's too much riding on it.

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I don't understand why people are disgusted by domestic violence against pregnant women. At the end of the day, it's 2 against 1.

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I'm a bit like a mouse - women who see me are often repulsed. They also find me secretly living in their home.

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I like my women like I like my tools Locked in my shed

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What did the incel say, when he had a sudden bout of inspiration to change his outlook on life and start approaching attractive women, in a confident manner? Begone,thought!

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There's been a recent surge in the number of male crossdressers in the Amish community. Be careful. Women you might see during the day, may actually be mennonite.

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What kind of women get the most flowers on March 8? The ones who die on March 7.

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I like my women how I like my snow Excited to see them but glad it's temporary

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What do you call a STD passed only between women? A Ladybug.

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Three Jewish women having lunch in a restaurant... Waiter approaches and asks, "Is anything OK here?"

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3 old women were walking in the park... When a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first woman had a stroke,
the second women had a stroke,
but the third woman's arm was too short to reach.

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You know what I tell my self whenever women reject me. That my wife is waiting for me back home.

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Women are like parking lots, All the best ones are taken so when no ones looking, stick it in the disabled one.

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Did you hear about that old guy down the street? Apparently he likes his women how he likes his wine. 12 years old and in his basement

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"There'd be no wars." "If women ruled the world," said my wife with confidence. I replied,"That's true, wars require strategy and logic."

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Originally, International Women's Day was celebrated on the 8 of January. However, because they had to get ready, it has since been postponed to 8 March.

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The real reason some women don’t like guys under 6 feet Dead people really struggle to hold a conversation.

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The gender pay gap is mostly caused by the types of professions that men and women go into Men are more likely to be doctors, lawyers, or engineers.

Women are more likely to be female doctors, female lawyers, or female engineers.

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It’s easier to deter women from eating tide pods, but it’s harder to... Deter-gents

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Lots of Asian women are turning into good drivers, So if you’re a good driver; watch out for asian women turning!

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I really appreciate all the fan mail you beautiful women have been writing me. Now go ahead and send them.

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Women are like Hurricane Harvey When they come, they're wet and wild. When they leave, they take your car and your house.

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What do you have if you get 14 women from Missouri in a room? A full set of teeth.

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I like my women how I like the borders of my Excel cells With a thick bottom

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Do you know what do women and nail polish have in common? they both undress with the help
of alchocol

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I like my women the way I like Starbucks I just can't afford either

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What's black, has smooth skin, and drives women more and more wild the bigger it is? A wallet

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Would love to find a women who looks good in camo. I've never seen one.

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What do you call a fat women with a rape whistle.... Optimistic

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I told the girl I fancy next door I helped kill a man I was told women love accessories.

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I got arrested for staring at two women kissing on the train. That's the last time I'll be taking my laptop.

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An Oklahoman Rep referred to pregnant women as "hosts." That's so wrong! They're hostesses.

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Why are women attracted to intelligent men? Opposites attract

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Once heard someone say "Dress like everyday when you go out in public you might meet the women of your dreams". I try and do this everyday. My wife hates it.

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I like my women as I like my pre-expansion universes So hot and dense that it violates the Pauli exclusion principle and demands a better understanding of the standard model

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Jokes about women's menstruation aren't funny. Period.

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How does a black women know if she is pregnant? When she pulls out the tampon , the cotton is already picked.

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What do women in the Middle East and Millennials have in common? If they go to college, they'll probably get stoned.

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want a smart girl, a nice girl, a romantic girl. But most importantly, I want these women to never meet.

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I like my women like Hawaii... Warm, wet, and Asian.

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I like my women how I like my Christmas trees. Illegally taken in the forest.

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Which is the month in which women talk the least? February... because it has the least number of days

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Why can't women explain feminism to men? Because they need a man to do it for them

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Why are there no good jokes about men? Because they were written by women.

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40% of women in the world are battered... And I've been eating mine plain this whole time.

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I just read that 25% of women in the United States take medication for mental illness... That's scary! Why do we let 75% of them run around untreated??

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I take my women the same way i take my presidents. Half black and no Bush.

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Turned on a women's volleyball game today, and within the first three minutes a wrist injury occurred But don't worry I'll be fine

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There are two types of people that feminists hate Men. And women.

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What do women and dog poo have in common? The older they are, the easier they get to pick up.

(compliments of BloodHoundGang's "3.14")

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I like my classes like I like my women with curves

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Latest reserch shows, that women with extra weight... Live longer, than the men, that mention it.

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Fat women are like hydrogen single and abundant

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My workplace consists of 80% women and 20% men.. I guess you could say that we are under staffed

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Why should only women Iron? Because a man with an iron is a Fe Male



^^^^Sorry ^^^^for ^^^^the ^^^^Sexism

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I play my women like I play the cello. I don't play the cello.

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3 ladies on a park bench Three old women are sitting on a park bench one afternoon when a man in a trenchcoat walks up and exposes himself to them. The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman's arms weren't long enough.

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I don't know why women have a fascination with Twilight. The reason being, vampires and women are entirely different. One is a blood sucking monster that preys on the helpless and the other are vampires.

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