Crazy Jokes


Funniest Crazy Jokes

Funny Crazy Jokes
Score: 9950

Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate They'll kill your dog

Score: 3194

Crazy girlfriends are like a box of chocolates... They'll kill your dog.

Score: 1490

I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns. It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

Score: 527

That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Score: 490

Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who’s speeding down the highway in the wrong direction. She replied: “I know! There’s like hundreds of them!”

Score: 485

Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train thief? He had loco motives.

Score: 463

My therapist said I could book 10 sessions in advance for £6000 She must think I'm crazy!!

Score: 362

I’m going to freeze myself at a temperature of -273.15 degrees celsius. My friend thinks I’m crazy, but I’ll be 0K.

Score: 355

It's crazy how sexist the postal service is. I guess that's natural with such a mail dominated industry.

Score: 345

Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates.... They'll kill your dog.

Score: 308

is it crazy how saying sentences backwards . . . . . .create backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

Score: 228

I've decided to freeze myself down to -273.15 degrees Celsius. My friends all think I'm crazy, but I'll be 0K.

Score: 197

I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!

Score: 195

It's crazy how everyone sleeps differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back, and my ex sleeps with everyone.

Score: 187

Adolf Hitler and my wife have the same birthday. It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people... Shares the same birthday as Adolf Hitler.

Score: 168

There's something crazy I really want to try in bed.. Getting 8 hours of sleep

Score: 165

They say that coconut water is good for hair. Now, I understand why my pubes are growing like crazy recently.

Score: 152

What kind of trails does a crazy person travel? Psychopaths. (I hate myself)

Score: 148

How does a crazy person walk through the forest? He takes the psychopath.

Score: 142

Mickey Mouse gets a call from his lawyer. The lawyer tells him "Mickey I'm sorry, but you can't divorce Minnie just because she's crazy"

Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f**king Goofy"

Score: 137

Crazy exes are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog

Score: 130

Did you hear about the party thief? I mean I've seen some crazy people at parties, but this guy definitely takes the cake.

Score: 124

Crazy ex's are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog

Score: 123

Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts That’s as crazy as the discounts at Dave’s furniture Emporium.

Score: 116

Crazy ex-gilrfriends are like a box of chocolates. They’ll kill your dog.

Score: 112

Why did the crazy mexican crash a train? He had loco motives...

I'll show myself out

Score: 95

I tickled my little brothers foot this morning. And my mom went crazy about it. Something about "Waiting until he's born".

Score: 73

Now that Donald Trump will be President, I really hope he builds the wall. We need to keep all those crazy Americans contained.

Score: 73

Some people say I am crazy Lucky for me, only I can hear them

Score: 72

A ship is sailing through the sea... passing by a small island and watches a man screaming and shouting.

A passenger asks the captain:

- Who is he?

- We don't know, he gets crazy every year we pass here.

Score: 67

I met a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray. Crazy conversations, he was definitely a seasoned veteran.

Score: 66

When my girlfriend says, "Unlock your phone. I need to check something." I just look at her crazy. I don't even let my wife do that.

Score: 58

they asked a 100year old grandpa why were all the women still crazy about him? grandpa said nothing! just gently licked his eyebrow

Score: 57

A man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing saran wrap pants. Man: Doctor, I think I'm crazy.

Psychiatrist: Well I can clearly see your nuts.

Score: 52

I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy". I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, ‘Okay, you're ugly too!"

Score: 46

Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards... ...creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

Score: 42

My wife said it was "crazy and impossible" when I told her I wanted to make a car out of spaghetti... You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

Score: 39

Crazy ex-girlfriends are like chocolate. They kill your dog.

Score: 32

Two ways of driving someone crazy; One is stopping in mid-sentence and

Score: 32

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New Crazy Jokes

How crazy is the coronavirus pandemic? Batshit crazy.

Score: 6

My friends always say not to touch crazy girls with a ten foot pole. Well that’s okay because mine is only like 4.5 inches.

Score: 4

I kept hearing some crazy stuff was happening in Hong Kong so I looked it up. According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

Score: 5

Einstein famously said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result... ... so unless I'm crazy, I should probably stop getting out of bed in the morning.

Score: 8

Husband and wife are driving on a highway... “Honey be careful!” There’s been news of a crazy lunatic driving in the wrong direction on the highway!”

“There’s not just one, there are hundreds!”

Score: 6

A lot of crazy things happened during my camping trip It was in tents.

Score: 3

If you think your wife is crazy now... Wait until you divorce her.

Score: 6

I recently got harassed by some crazy men They tried to lure me into their weird pyramid scheme by calling me son. Turns out they were clergymen

Score: 3

K: Mom, mom, mooooom! M: 'Sigh' What's the matter honey?

K: Mom, at school, they are saying I'm crazy...

M: What? Why? Just who is telling you that!?

K: The squirrels mom! Those damned squirrels!

Score: 3

My Town Is So Small that our crazy cat lady only has one cat.

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Schizophrenics aren't crazy Well, that's what the voices tell me

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So...if a redhead goes crazy... Is it called a ginger snap?

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Did you hear about the CRAZY paved trail?... It's a "Cycle-Path"

Score: 3

I don't know who this Tas is but people are crazy over him.. I mean, they built the whole state of Tasmania.

Score: 2

A guy visits his psychiatrist "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replies, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

Score: 13

Does anyone have a Rastafarian wig? We have crazy hair day at work tomorrow and I'm dreading it.

Score: 6

While driving on the highway, my wife called and to warn me about a crazy person driving on the wrong side of the road... I responded to her, saying, ”One crazy person?! Every single driver on this highway is crazy!”

Score: 3

When Redheads go crazy... Is it called a ginger snap?

Score: 2

Why is Kim Jong Un so crazy? His father was mentally Il.

Score: 22

TIL that they're all crazy in France. There H20 ain't water!!! For them H2O is Eau.

Score: 2

Next time I hit the club, I'm coloring myself head to toe with a permanent marker, and that's all I'll wear. Because every girl's crazy 'bout a Sharpie-dressed man.

Score: 4

How did the crazy person find their way through the woods? They took the psycho path.


Score: 5

My nephew was driving me crazy with his juvenile comebacks to everything I said, so I pushed him into the campfire. Roasted!

Score: 2

My psychiatrist told me I am crazy. I said I wanted a second opinion.
"Okay", he said, "You're also ugly."

Score: 3

What do you call a crazy person in a British supermarket? InSanesBury. Yes, I am a yank.

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You can't call people crazy Because we all came from nuts

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What do you call trails where crazy people walk? Psychopaths

Score: 4

There are two ways to drive others crazy The first one is to suddenly stop while talking, and second one is

Score: 4

I saw two movies this weekend. One was about a crazy person who fought crime in their underwear, and the other was Captain Underpants.

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My boss was talking to himself "I'm employed by a crazy person" I said to myself.

Score: 3

People say I'm crazy, but I regularly see my therapist... It's a shame that she died years ago.

Score: 20

How can you tell if you going crazy? Because puns about mathematics are usually the first sine of madness

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Where Did The Crazy Distance Runner Go To Run? The Psycho-Path.

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Trump calls Comey "a crazy, nut job" Reports Pot-Kettle magazine

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News: Trump would be “honoured” to meet North Korean dictator. “He’s my kind of guy — crazy, overweight and has a ridiculous haircut.” Said North Korea’s dictator.

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Why did the rabbit act crazy? He was hopped up on something

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A psychoanalyst says he thinks he is going crazy Another psychoanalyst thinks to himself "Im aFreud he is going to commit suicide. He is too Jung to die"

Score: 5

When he told his friends he wanted to make the World Wide Web, they all said he was one crazy spider.

Score: 2

What caused the fisherman to go crazy? Pier pressure.

Score: 11

I've been secretly tossing pears at my neighbor for a couple weeks now I can hear him talking to his wife about government drones trying to drive him crazy, but he's just pear annoyed.

Score: 3

What is 4 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women crazy when they see it? An empty toilet paper roll.

Score: 12

A man is driving on the freeway His wife calls him
Wife: Be careful honey, there was a news report about a crazy driver on the same freeway you're on
Man: I think all of them are crazy. Everyone's going backwards! (My friends told me this joke at school)

Score: 3

What do you call a crazy bug on the moon? A lunar tick.

Score: 7

How long are conversations with yourself allowed to be before you are considered crazy? I have been arguing about this all day long but I just cannot figure it out for myself.

Score: 10

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, hey doc, my brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Then the doc says, why don't you turn him in? Then the guy says, I would but I need the eggs.

Score: 2

It's crazy. One minute you're getting drunk as a skunk, then next thing you know, you're in the back of an ambulance. I really shouldn't be a paramedic.

Score: 20

I had a crazy camping trip this weekend It was in tents

Score: 5

My wife thought I was crazy when I suggested a car made out of spaghetti You should've seen her face when I was driving pasta!

Score: 7

Women go crazy only once a month for 30 days.

Score: 3

My wife is on a tropical food diet and the house if full of the stuff... It's enough to make a mango crazy.

Score: 9

Friend took me along to see some pole dancing the other day Those people are crazy. I could never learn the mazurka or the krakowiak.

Score: 2

You know they say 25% of women are medicated for being "crazy".. That means the other 75% is running around un-medicated.

Score: 3

I don’t mind that my wife thinks I’m crazy. I mind that I have to hear it from our dog.

Score: 11

Where does almond and cashew milk come from? Crazy cows. They have to be nuts.

Score: 24

Crazy girls are like a street vendor's kebab Hot, jucy, and dangerous.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the guy who had ADD and schizophrenia? He heard voices, but could never pay attention long enough to them to do anything crazy.

Score: 9

How did the crazy man get across the forrest? He took the psycho path. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Score: 10

When a red head goes crazy... Its a ginger snap.

Score: 2

How do you steal something from a crazy person? You straight jack it.

Score: 8

Mickey Mouse goes to divorce court to divorce Minnie... The Judge says "so you want to Divorce your wife because she's crazy?"
Mickey replies "No, what I said was She's F&#@ing Goofy."

Score: 3

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