Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate They'll kill your dog
Crazy girlfriends are like a box of chocolates... They'll kill your dog.
I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns. It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.
That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who’s speeding down the highway in the wrong direction. She replied: “I know! There’s like hundreds of them!”
Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train thief? He had loco motives.
My therapist said I could book 10 sessions in advance for £6000 She must think I'm crazy!!
I’m going to freeze myself at a temperature of -273.15 degrees celsius. My friend thinks I’m crazy, but I’ll be 0K.
It's crazy how sexist the postal service is. I guess that's natural with such a mail dominated industry.
Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates.... They'll kill your dog.
is it crazy how saying sentences backwards . . . . . .create backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?
I've decided to freeze myself down to -273.15 degrees Celsius. My friends all think I'm crazy, but I'll be 0K.
I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!
It's crazy how everyone sleeps differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back, and my ex sleeps with everyone.
Adolf Hitler and my wife have the same birthday. It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people... Shares the same birthday as Adolf Hitler.
There's something crazy I really want to try in bed.. Getting 8 hours of sleep
They say that coconut water is good for hair. Now, I understand why my pubes are growing like crazy recently.
What kind of trails does a crazy person travel? Psychopaths. (I hate myself)
How does a crazy person walk through the forest? He takes the psychopath.
Mickey Mouse gets a call from his lawyer.
The lawyer tells him "Mickey I'm sorry, but you can't divorce Minnie just because she's crazy"
Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f**king Goofy"
Crazy exes are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog
Did you hear about the party thief? I mean I've seen some crazy people at parties, but this guy definitely takes the cake.
Crazy ex's are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog
Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts That’s as crazy as the discounts at Dave’s furniture Emporium.
Crazy ex-gilrfriends are like a box of chocolates. They’ll kill your dog.
Why did the crazy mexican crash a train?
He had loco motives...
I'll show myself out
I tickled my little brothers foot this morning. And my mom went crazy about it. Something about "Waiting until he's born".
Now that Donald Trump will be President, I really hope he builds the wall. We need to keep all those crazy Americans contained.
Some people say I am crazy Lucky for me, only I can hear them
they asked a 100year old grandpa why were all the women still crazy about him? grandpa said nothing! just gently licked his eyebrow
Everyone is going crazy over that Kim and Kanye named their baby "North West" I believe she's going straight to the top... And slightly to the left
I went on a pretty crazy camping trip last weekend. It was in tents.
A guy calls up his wife's doctor...
and asks "Is there any way you can tighten things up down there, cuz she's getting a little loose?"
The doctor says "Have you ever thought of using the other hole?"
The guy says "Are you crazy? I could get her pregnant!"
In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library.
Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library.
-Conan Monologue June 12, 2014
I went to an atom party last night. It was crazy, but in the middle of the party a couple splitted up and the party exploded!
Einstein famously said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result... ... so unless I'm crazy, I should probably stop getting out of bed in the morning.
I'm 31 and my girlfriend is 19. People make bad comments about it all the time and this is crazy Btw we are celebrating our 10th anniversary next week
I kept hearing some crazy stuff was happening in Hong Kong so I looked it up. According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.
I heard something crazy the other day apparently making alcohol in scotland is whiskey business
My therapist said that I was crazy
I said “I want a second opinion!”
He said “ok, you’re ugly too!”
A crazy man was in a mental hospital, received an envelope, opened it and took out a blank piece of paper. He looked at his roommate and said: -"It's my brother, we haven't spoken in 6 months..."
With everything crazy going on I do have to admit. We are facing an outbreak Of Paranoia!!!
After 30 years of marriage I still get excited by the prospect of sleeping with my wife It's crazy that we're still virgins
What do you call it when you contract a sexually-transmitted disease from A hooker after A crazy night drinkingMexican beers. The coronavirus, of course.
You guys hear about this iran stuff? Crazy.. Crazy stuff. I didnt even know Apple made countries.
My 5 year old just told me he wants to be a cop when he grows up It’s crazy. I didn’t even know he was racist.
Oh man... did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
He pasta way...
I mean, the doctors cannoli do so much.
It’s just crazy how you can wake up one day and be gone tomato.
I’ve truly never sausage a tragic thing.
So sad he ran out of thyme... :~(
My Psychatrist said that I'm going crazy. I told him, "if you don't mind, i'd like a second opinion".. So he goes, "alright, and you're ugly too"
What do you call a crazy superhero? _Super Nuts_
Are you a Rabbi practicing in Georgia, U.S.A? 'Cause Jew Macon me crazy
Its already October, so here's an update on all the fun and crazy things I've done so far 1. Work
A random person came up to me and said I look crazy I’m not. I have food allergies. It’s hard to be crazy and allergic to peanuts.
There's 17.2 million of users on this subreddit! Im guessing the number of creative jokes is crazy round here. Round as in like 30 or 40.
The signage at the Area 51 event is pretty crazy. They are out of this world.
Did you know that some people get paid to mention products in their Instagram posts? That's crazy... But not as a crazy as the discounts you'll get at Allen's Furniture Emporium!!
I think my eye doctor is crazy She always asks me if I see things
Sean Connery went crazy and beat up some female bartenders after they served him drinks. The ladies were interviewed after to see if they were okay. They said they were shaken, not stirred.
I went to the psychiatrist and he said I was crazy I said I wanted a second opinion. He replied, 'Ok you are ugly too'
What do you call a crazy song chorus about Chinese food? An Insane lo main refrain
Did I tell you about my crazy camping trip? It was in tents
Did you hear about the husband on the tropical fruit diet? It’s enough to make a mango crazy!
What do you call some one who's crazy about The Secret of Nimh? A Nimh-phomaniac.
A lot of crazy things happened during my camping trip It was in tents.
Wife is calling her husband on the cell phone
W: Honey, please drive carefully. TV news just said some crazy manic is driving on the wrong side of the highway
H: ONE??!!! THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF THEM!!!!!
What do you call a group of crazy Eminem fans from South Asia? A Pakistans
My Favorite Character From Greek Mythology is the Crazy Brother of Hercules...
He was nuts.
The liberal says there are more than 2 genders. The conservative then says "that's crazy--there are only 2 genders". Then the independent walks in and says "that's crazy-- There is only one gender. Women are objects"
Fred doesn't know what apocalypse means..
Fred: I don't know what apocalypse means.
Bob: What! That's crazy!
Fred: So what if I don't know what apocalypse means, it's not the end of the world.
Friend took me along to see some pole dancing the other day Those people are crazy. I could never learn the mazurka or the krakowiak.
What do you call a crazy weapon? A Cruz Missile.
When a red head goes crazy... Its a ginger snap.
Hey Guys! Wouldn't it be crazy if Friday the 13th was on Halloween! I tricked too many people with that...
Mickey Mouse goes to divorce court to divorce Minnie...
The Judge says "so you want to Divorce your wife because she's crazy?"
Mickey replies "No, what I said was She's F&#@ing Goofy."