Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate They'll kill your dog
Crazy girlfriends are like a box of chocolates... They'll kill your dog.
I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns. It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.
That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who’s speeding down the highway in the wrong direction. She replied: “I know! There’s like hundreds of them!”
Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train thief? He had loco motives.
My therapist said I could book 10 sessions in advance for £6000 She must think I'm crazy!!
I’m going to freeze myself at a temperature of -273.15 degrees celsius. My friend thinks I’m crazy, but I’ll be 0K.
It's crazy how sexist the postal service is. I guess that's natural with such a mail dominated industry.
Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates.... They'll kill your dog.
is it crazy how saying sentences backwards . . . . . .create backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?
I've decided to freeze myself down to -273.15 degrees Celsius. My friends all think I'm crazy, but I'll be 0K.
I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!
It's crazy how everyone sleeps differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back, and my ex sleeps with everyone.
Adolf Hitler and my wife have the same birthday. It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people... Shares the same birthday as Adolf Hitler.
There's something crazy I really want to try in bed.. Getting 8 hours of sleep
They say that coconut water is good for hair. Now, I understand why my pubes are growing like crazy recently.
What kind of trails does a crazy person travel? Psychopaths. (I hate myself)
How does a crazy person walk through the forest? He takes the psychopath.
Mickey Mouse gets a call from his lawyer.
The lawyer tells him "Mickey I'm sorry, but you can't divorce Minnie just because she's crazy"
Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f**king Goofy"
Crazy exes are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog
Did you hear about the party thief? I mean I've seen some crazy people at parties, but this guy definitely takes the cake.
Crazy ex's are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog
Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts That’s as crazy as the discounts at Dave’s furniture Emporium.
Crazy ex-gilrfriends are like a box of chocolates. They’ll kill your dog.
Why did the crazy mexican crash a train?
He had loco motives...
I'll show myself out
I tickled my little brothers foot this morning. And my mom went crazy about it. Something about "Waiting until he's born".
Now that Donald Trump will be President, I really hope he builds the wall. We need to keep all those crazy Americans contained.
Some people say I am crazy Lucky for me, only I can hear them
A ship is sailing through the sea...
passing by a small island and watches a man screaming and shouting.
A passenger asks the captain:
- Who is he?
- We don't know, he gets crazy every year we pass here.
I met a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray. Crazy conversations, he was definitely a seasoned veteran.
When my girlfriend says, "Unlock your phone. I need to check something." I just look at her crazy. I don't even let my wife do that.
they asked a 100year old grandpa why were all the women still crazy about him? grandpa said nothing! just gently licked his eyebrow
A man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing saran wrap pants.
Man: Doctor, I think I'm crazy.
Psychiatrist: Well I can clearly see your nuts.
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy". I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, ‘Okay, you're ugly too!"
Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards... ...creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?
My wife said it was "crazy and impossible" when I told her I wanted to make a car out of spaghetti... You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!
Crazy ex-girlfriends are like chocolate. They kill your dog.
Two ways of driving someone crazy; One is stopping in mid-sentence and
How crazy is the coronavirus pandemic? Batshit crazy.
My friends always say not to touch crazy girls with a ten foot pole. Well that’s okay because mine is only like 4.5 inches.
I kept hearing some crazy stuff was happening in Hong Kong so I looked it up. According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.
Einstein famously said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result... ... so unless I'm crazy, I should probably stop getting out of bed in the morning.
Husband and wife are driving on a highway...
“Honey be careful!” There’s been news of a crazy lunatic driving in the wrong direction on the highway!”
“There’s not just one, there are hundreds!”
A lot of crazy things happened during my camping trip It was in tents.
If you think your wife is crazy now... Wait until you divorce her.
I recently got harassed by some crazy men They tried to lure me into their weird pyramid scheme by calling me son. Turns out they were clergymen
K: Mom, mom, mooooom!
M: 'Sigh' What's the matter honey?
K: Mom, at school, they are saying I'm crazy...
M: What? Why? Just who is telling you that!?
K: The squirrels mom! Those damned squirrels!
My Town Is So Small that our crazy cat lady only has one cat.
Schizophrenics aren't crazy Well, that's what the voices tell me
So...if a redhead goes crazy... Is it called a ginger snap?
Did you hear about the CRAZY paved trail?... It's a "Cycle-Path"
I don't know who this Tas is but people are crazy over him.. I mean, they built the whole state of Tasmania.
A guy visits his psychiatrist
"Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replies, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
Does anyone have a Rastafarian wig? We have crazy hair day at work tomorrow and I'm dreading it.
While driving on the highway, my wife called and to warn me about a crazy person driving on the wrong side of the road... I responded to her, saying, ”One crazy person?! Every single driver on this highway is crazy!”
When Redheads go crazy... Is it called a ginger snap?
Why is Kim Jong Un so crazy? His father was mentally Il.
TIL that they're all crazy in France. There H20 ain't water!!! For them H2O is Eau.
Next time I hit the club, I'm coloring myself head to toe with a permanent marker, and that's all I'll wear. Because every girl's crazy 'bout a Sharpie-dressed man.
How did the crazy person find their way through the woods?
They took the psycho path.
My nephew was driving me crazy with his juvenile comebacks to everything I said, so I pushed him into the campfire. Roasted!
My psychiatrist told me I am crazy.
I said I wanted a second opinion.
"Okay", he said, "You're also ugly."
What do you call a crazy person in a British supermarket? InSanesBury. Yes, I am a yank.
You can't call people crazy Because we all came from nuts
What do you call trails where crazy people walk? Psychopaths
There are two ways to drive others crazy The first one is to suddenly stop while talking, and second one is
I saw two movies this weekend. One was about a crazy person who fought crime in their underwear, and the other was Captain Underpants.
My boss was talking to himself "I'm employed by a crazy person" I said to myself.
People say I'm crazy, but I regularly see my therapist... It's a shame that she died years ago.
How can you tell if you going crazy? Because puns about mathematics are usually the first sine of madness
Where Did The Crazy Distance Runner Go To Run? The Psycho-Path.
Trump calls Comey "a crazy, nut job" Reports Pot-Kettle magazine
News: Trump would be “honoured” to meet North Korean dictator. “He’s my kind of guy — crazy, overweight and has a ridiculous haircut.” Said North Korea’s dictator.
Why did the rabbit act crazy? He was hopped up on something
A psychoanalyst says he thinks he is going crazy Another psychoanalyst thinks to himself "Im aFreud he is going to commit suicide. He is too Jung to die"
When he told his friends he wanted to make the World Wide Web, they all said he was one crazy spider.
What caused the fisherman to go crazy? Pier pressure.
I've been secretly tossing pears at my neighbor for a couple weeks now I can hear him talking to his wife about government drones trying to drive him crazy, but he's just pear annoyed.
What is 4 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women crazy when they see it? An empty toilet paper roll.
A man is driving on the freeway
His wife calls him
Wife: Be careful honey, there was a news report about a crazy driver on the same freeway you're on
Man: I think all of them are crazy. Everyone's going backwards! (My friends told me this joke at school)
What do you call a crazy bug on the moon? A lunar tick.
How long are conversations with yourself allowed to be before you are considered crazy? I have been arguing about this all day long but I just cannot figure it out for myself.
A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, hey doc, my brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Then the doc says, why don't you turn him in? Then the guy says, I would but I need the eggs.
It's crazy. One minute you're getting drunk as a skunk, then next thing you know, you're in the back of an ambulance. I really shouldn't be a paramedic.
I had a crazy camping trip this weekend It was in tents
My wife thought I was crazy when I suggested a car made out of spaghetti You should've seen her face when I was driving pasta!
Women go crazy only once a month for 30 days.
My wife is on a tropical food diet and the house if full of the stuff... It's enough to make a mango crazy.
Friend took me along to see some pole dancing the other day Those people are crazy. I could never learn the mazurka or the krakowiak.
You know they say 25% of women are medicated for being "crazy".. That means the other 75% is running around un-medicated.
I don’t mind that my wife thinks I’m crazy. I mind that I have to hear it from our dog.
Where does almond and cashew milk come from? Crazy cows. They have to be nuts.
Crazy girls are like a street vendor's kebab Hot, jucy, and dangerous.
Did you hear about the guy who had ADD and schizophrenia? He heard voices, but could never pay attention long enough to them to do anything crazy.
How did the crazy man get across the forrest? He took the psycho path. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
When a red head goes crazy... Its a ginger snap.
How do you steal something from a crazy person? You straight jack it.
Mickey Mouse goes to divorce court to divorce Minnie...
The Judge says "so you want to Divorce your wife because she's crazy?"
Mickey replies "No, what I said was She's F&#@ing Goofy."