Apple Jokes

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Funniest Apple Jokes

What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

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If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for? Plastic Explosives.

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Funny Apple Jokes
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My 18 carat gold butt plug business was sued by Apple Apparently they have a patent on expensive stuff for arseholes

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1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados. And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.

Score: 6744

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

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The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Score: 2135

If you see a robbery in an Apple store, Does that make you an iWitness?

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Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store? For the watch

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How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery.

Score: 1833

If you watch an Apple store get robbed, Does that make you an iWitness?

Score: 1714

I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed at me. Not my fault they don't have Windows.

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I once farted in the Apple Store and everybody got pissed It's not my fault they don't have Windows

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I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me. It's not my fault they don't have Windows.

Score: 1279

How do you milk a sheep? Put an apple logo on your product.

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A slice of apple pie in Jamaica is $2.00. It is $2.50 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Score: 1089

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for? Plastic explosives.

Score: 884

A man using Apple maps walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

Score: 833

Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

Score: 754

What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device? He adjusts the volume.

Score: 700

I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed not my fault they don't have windows

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How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

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An Apple store near where I live got robbed $25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.

Score: 610

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam & Eve. It was an apple with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte & then everything crashed.

Score: 579

We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the... Minneapolis

Score: 561

An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.

Score: 560

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

​

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

Score: 532

If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year Would it release nine eleven next year

Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all

Score: 474

You know Apple is run by men... when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it’s only 5.5 inches.

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I bought the president of Brazil an Apple TV for the holiday. And all he got me was an Amazon fire.

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If you see an Apple store getting robbed.... Does that make you an iWitness?

Score: 452

How do you milk a sheep? Put an apple logo on it.

Score: 363

I farted in an Apple Store today and got thrown out because of it Not my fault they don't have Windows

Score: 342

An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen. Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.

Score: 341

Just saw on the news that Apple is suing Samsung: They claim that the Galaxy S3 has copied concepts used on the iPhone 6.

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I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me... Like it's my fault they don't have Windows...

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It's good that Apple released only 3 phones this year... Another one would have been an XS

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A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single." He got fired.

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Adam & Eve The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

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Why do doctors recommend apple juice? Cause OJ will kill you.

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Why did Steve Jobs die? Because Apple kept the doctors away.

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New Apple Jokes

I saw a robbery at an apple store today. They interviewed me because I was an iWitness.

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If the police are defunded, we can expect a rise in private security forces. Reasonably, Apple would be one of the companies to start such a force, so my question is this:

If you’re arrested by the Apple Police, would you FaceTime?

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An apple falls on Isaac Newton's head He shakes his fist at the sky and says, "There should be a law!"

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Apple just announced their next groundbreaking product The iShovel

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Adam and Eve. First people in history to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

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Why was the apple store dark at day? Because it had no windows.

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Why did the customer drink the apple juice? Although she had ordered orange juice, she noticed that the restaurant was busy, and wasn't Karen about it.

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Apple came out with a new laxative. They're calling it the iBM.

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I was cutting into an apple the other day and the knife broke as it reached the centre. ... that's pretty hard core.

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The Apple Store in my city was looted and thieves took off with $100K worth of products. Police make no arrests and say they were were able to recover both computers.

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An Apple Store in Minneapolis reported losing $200,000 in inventory to riot-related theft. 'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.

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I don’t know where the Big Apple is But now I know where Minneapolis.

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Who are the fastest readers? Apple users, they can read 30 pages of terms and conditions in just one second.

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Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

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If APPLE ever designed a car... ...would it have WINDOWS?

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Apple software doesn't have bugs. It has worms.

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Everyone knows where the Big Apple is... but does anyone now where the Minneapolis?

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A slice of apple pie costs $2.50 in Jamaica. The same slice of pie costs $3 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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Did you know that God uses Android phones? It's because he made the galaxy and the apple is forbidden.

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When Apple created the $700 wheels... Did they expect profits to start rolling in?

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A slice of apple pie is £2 in Jamaica, a slice of apple pie is £2.40 in the Bahamas and a slice of apple pie is £1.70 in Barbados. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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The first computer dates back to Adam & Eve It was an apple with limited memory, just one byte, and everything crashed

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lf Adam & Eve were Chinese we would have been in paradise Because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake

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I farted in an apple store. Not my fault they didn't have Windows.

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I fell asleep at the mall today... I was counting customers leaving the Apple store

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What kind of apple grows on a tree? All of them...


I’m very bored.

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I love my new Apple Watch so much I only take it off when I shower Which means I'm only able to charge it when I shower.

The battery has been dead for 3 weeks now.

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The mind that calls Covid-19 "the Chinese Virus" on live television is the same mind that called the CEO of Apple "Tim Apple" on live television. The punchline: It's not racism, it's stupidity.

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Hey Alexa, Can you check my bank balance and let me know which Apple product I can afford?

Alexa: Apple juice!

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What's it called when someone from Apple gets fired? Apple turnover

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What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !

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What do you call someone who saw an Apple store being robbed? An iWitness...

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I've heard that an apple a day keeps the doctor away so I bought my ex-girlfriend an iPod , she has a PhD.

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If Apple makes a car Will it have windows?

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limerick there was a young lady from clyde

who ate a bad apple & died.

the apple fermented,

inside the lamented,

making cider inside her insides!

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Why didn't the apple and orange get married? Because fruit cantaloupe.

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I once farted in an apple store. They got real mad but it wasn't my fault they didn't have any windows.

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An apple a day can keep anyone away… As long as you throw it hard enough

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An apple a day keeps the bully away If you throw hard enough

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We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the… Minneapolis

Score: 16

An engineer and a doctor fell in love with the same girl. The doctor gave her a rose on her birthday. What did the engineer give her An Apple cause an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

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How do you hide an elephant in an apple tree? Paint his balls red


How did Tarzan die?


Picking apples

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Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit next to him with some apple pie and ice cream. Then both of us are in A La mode.

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What do you call an apple near your foot? Fruit by the Foot

(Coworkers loved this joke. And none had heard it before, so im pretty sure its OC)

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The first people to invest themselves in Apple were Adam and Eve

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Did you hear about the guy who tried to grow an apple orchard without trees? His efforts were fruitless

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Eve eating the apple marked.. .. the first time when Artificial Intelligence got out of its creator's control.

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The cops confiscated all my brownies at a bake sale. Jokes on them, the weed was in the apple pie.

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Why are Americans so obsessed with Apple Products? Because they can't afford health insurance in the US

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A little boy had a crush on his teacher, but she was dating a doctor. So the boy brought his teacher an apple everyday.

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Apple is hiring a bunch of opticians They heard they are the best in the business for iTesting

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What do you call it when an apple user looks you in the eye? iContact.

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Where's the best place to hide from a doctor? An apple orchard.

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Saw an advert on the side of the Apple Store saying 'Apply Inside' Well it's not going to be orangey is it?

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Some people say the Adams apple is how you spot a ladyboy personally I think it's bollocks.

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A slice of apple pie in Jamaica costs 2.50. The same pie costs 3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

Score: 29

Apple just finished designing a smart car. They are having trouble installing Windows

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Broke in at the Apple Store. Police are looking for iWITNESSES.

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Apple is developing a submarine. “Sink different”

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We all know where the big apple is... But does anyone know where Minneapolis?

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We all know where the Big Apple is, but not where Minneapolis.

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