Apple Jokes

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Funniest Apple Jokes

What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

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If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for? Plastic Explosives.

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Funny Apple Jokes
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The oldest computer... The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve.

Yes, it was an Apple.

But with an extremely limited memory.

Just one byte.

Then everything crashed.

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My 18 carat gold butt plug business was sued by Apple Apparently they have a patent on expensive stuff for arseholes

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1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados. And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.

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I want to buy Apple’s new monitor but I only have $4,000... I can’t stand it!

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A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

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The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple.

But with extremely limited memory - just one byte.

Everything crashed.

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The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

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Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store? For the watch

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How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery.

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If you watch an Apple store get robbed, Does that make you an iWitness?

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I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me. It's not my fault they don't have Windows.

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How do you milk a sheep? Put an apple logo on your product.

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A slice of apple pie in Jamaica is $2.00. It is $2.50 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for? Plastic explosives.

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A man using Apple maps walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

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Some say Steve Jobs died too young. Others say it was simply an homage to Apple's attitude towards battery life.

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Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

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What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device? He adjusts the volume.

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How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

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An Apple store near where I live got robbed $25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.

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We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the... Minneapolis

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If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year Would it release nine eleven next year

Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all

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You know Apple is run by men... when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it’s only 5.5 inches.

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I bought the president of Brazil an Apple TV for the holiday. And all he got me was an Amazon fire.

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If you see an Apple store getting robbed.... Does that make you an iWitness?

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There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve.. It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

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How do you milk a sheep? Put an apple logo on it.

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Apple fitness products don't work. I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.

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The first computer can be traced back as far as Adam and Eve It was an Apple with extremely limited memory: just one bite.

Then everything crashed.

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A jew and a mexican are talking... The jew says, "lemme ask you something, are theres jews in mexico?"

The mexican replies "oh yes my friend, plenty of jews...apple jews, orange jews, and tomato jews."

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Why did Steve Jobs die too soon? Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

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What's Osama Bin Laden's favourite dessert? Big Apple Crumble.

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iSpy iSpy, with my little "i" a lawsuit from Apple for trademark infringement.

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If Adam and Eve were chinese they would have stayed in paradise Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple.

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Earlier today I really needed a drink to quench my thirst and apple juice wasn't really doing it for me but OJ did it

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My friend asked "what rhymes with apple?" I replied "no it doesn't"

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China banned their soldiers from using the Apple watch due to security concerns One soldier submitted a formal complaint. "My daughter made this for me!"

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New Apple Jokes

JAMAICA: Peach cobbler - $9.28 Apple - $11.25. Lemon merengue - $10.72 Chocolate cream - $9.82. BAHAMAS: Peach cobbler - $9.78 Apple - $11.99. Lemon merengue - $11.72 Chocolate cream - $10.63. Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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Jamaica: Peach cobbler - $9.28 Apple - $11.25. Lemon merengue - $10.72 Chocolate cream - $9.82. Bahamas Peach cobbler - $9.78 Apple - $11.75. Lemon merengue - $11.72 Chocolate cream - $10.63 Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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What's the number for apple support? My apple's sad today

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What's worst than finding a worm in an apple? :D The holocaust

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Where do best mountain fruits come from? Apple-achia

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You guys hear about this iran stuff? Crazy.. Crazy stuff. I didnt even know Apple made countries.

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When we were at a medical check-up, I asked my 9-year-old nephew why he wanted my phone. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," he said.

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When we were at a medical appointment, I asked why my 9-year-old nephew wants my phone. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," he said.

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Why do all doctors Windows computers? Because they can see that every time they get near an apple it keeps them away.

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Some people say the Adams apple is how you spot a ladyboy personally I think it's bollocks.

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Woman gets sentenced 10 days in jail for stealing bag of apple Judge: you’ll serve one day for each apple in the bag you stole

Husband: *jumps out of his seat* and tells the judge she also stole a bag of rice

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What did Apple name its book of lame jokes? The iRoll.

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What's the proper term for apple's latest tech rip-off? The grand stand.

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What's worse than biting an apple with a worm in it? The holocaust.

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I met a French person today and they have a weird bone fetish IDK why but they were mentioning bone jaw and bone apple teeth again and again

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What worse than finding a worm inside of your apple? A holocaust

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There was a doctor who liked a girl But her boyfriend kept giving her an apple a day so he couldnt get close to her.

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I hear that apple pie costs $4.50 in the Dominican but in Puerto Rico its only $3.00. Those are the pie rates of the Carribean

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Apple's technology is finally ahead of other companies' for once I mean they've been making foldable phones since like 2014

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Whats worse than finding a worm in an apple that you just bit into? Getting raped

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It's only a matter of time before Apple borrows from trends in the gaming industry... ...by remastering the first iPhone instead of releasing the iPhone 11.

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IHOP and IHOB both sound like Apple products for an active person and a chef.

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I just saw a guy bite straight into a frozen apple! It was so hardcore!

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What is much worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple

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You know what my favorite kinds of jews are? Orange jews, apple jews, tomato jews...

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If only Microsoft had named their newest operating system "X" instead of 10 they could've sued Apple for copyright infringement

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What is the difference between an Apple Mac and a Windows PC? If you own a Windows PC, chances are that you eat ramen often as a meal.

If you own an Apple Mac, you can only afford to eat ramen as a meal.

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What do you call a family of jewish people who grow apples Apple Jews

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BREAKING: It was discovered that computers date all the way back to the time of Adam and Eve. Not surprising, it was an Apple. But it was only limited to one bite. And surprise, surprise, it crashed.

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The next person who asks me for a mixture of apple juice, pineapple juice and lemon juice is gonna get a punch. Ecks dee

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A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"

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Whats the difference between Apple and Bill Cosby? When you get roofied by Cosby you'll probably recover from it.

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The Apple iPhone 8, Samsung Galaxy S8, Snapchat Spectacles, and the Amazon Echo Show all came out in 2017. Who won the year? The NSA

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What do you call someone who always talks about apple products? An android user.

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Adam and Eve must have lived in the soviet union. They had no clothes, no roof over their heads, the only food they had was an apple and the management was constantly telling them they were in paradise.

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Man walks in with broken tooth. Man: Doc!? I was eating my daily apple when suddenly...

Doctor: We're done here.

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Who counts more sheep than mattress companies? Apple Inc.

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What's worse that finding a worm in your apple? Cancer.

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The world's largest info tech company has merged with a mobile accessories company, but refuses to share a name with them. And they're not even sorry about it. Nope, they're not Apple-Logitech.

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What got the apple into skydiving? Pear pressure.

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How did the bug fetishist drink her apple juice? She put a spider in cider.

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Me: Hey, can I have an Iphone 7 please? Apple guy: Possibly... What's your name?
Me: Jack
Apple guy: Sorry, no jacks.

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Did you know they're killing off a main character in my little pony? There's no more apple jack.

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If Apple Saudi Arabia made a Wrestling Game, it would be called... iSlam.

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(Warning: Dark Humor) Worm in the Apple A: Whats's worse than a worm in the apple?



B: The Holocaust.




A: What's worse than the Holocaust?



B: 5 Million Jews.

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How do we know an apple a day dosn't keep the doctor away? The doctors unions haven't banned apples

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What's worse than finding out there's a worm in your apple? Finding only half of it.

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More hipsters started using Apple products after Steve Job's death. Because after that he was underground.

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What kind of phone does The Flash use? Not an iPhone because Apple doesn't support flash

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Expert Archer Detected How do you know if someone's an expert archer?

Put an apple on your head & stand still; he'll Tell you.

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What did the apple say to the grass? Nice catch!

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A guy using Apple Maps walks into a bar... or maybe a hospital... possibly a church.

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Apple scraps a new product... I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented IPod after realizing that "ITouch Kids" is not a good product name.

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