Contents
Contents
What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for? Plastic Explosives.
Apple really is the most futuristic company out there They have already adjusted their prices for the next 50 years of inflation!
The oldest computer...
The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve.
Yes, it was an Apple.
But with an extremely limited memory.
Just one byte.
Then everything crashed.
My 18 carat gold butt plug business was sued by Apple Apparently they have a patent on expensive stuff for arseholes
1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados. And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.
I want to buy Apple’s new monitor but I only have $4,000... I can’t stand it!
A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."
The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple.
But with extremely limited memory - just one byte.
Everything crashed.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store? For the watch
How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery.
If you watch an Apple store get robbed, Does that make you an iWitness?
I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me. It's not my fault they don't have Windows.
How do you milk a sheep? Put an apple logo on your product.
A slice of apple pie in Jamaica is $2.00. It is $2.50 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for? Plastic explosives.
A man using Apple maps walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.
Some say Steve Jobs died too young. Others say it was simply an homage to Apple's attitude towards battery life.
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device? He adjusts the volume.
How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.
An Apple store near where I live got robbed $25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.
We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the... Minneapolis
If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year
Would it release nine eleven next year
Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all
You know Apple is run by men... when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it’s only 5.5 inches.
I bought the president of Brazil an Apple TV for the holiday. And all he got me was an Amazon fire.
If you see an Apple store getting robbed.... Does that make you an iWitness?
There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve.. It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.
How do you milk a sheep? Put an apple logo on it.
Adam & Eve The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.
Why do doctors recommend apple juice? Cause OJ will kill you.
How do you confuse an Apple user? Give them options.
I watched two guys rob an Apple Store today. The police caught them. I'm going to be an iWitness at the trial
If adam and eve were Chinese Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.
What do you call an Apple update you don't see coming? An iPatch... I'm sorry...
Eve gets an apple
Eve: I got an Apple.
Adam: ...
Eve: ...
Adam: ...
Eve: What?
Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android.
Eve: The serpent said this was better.
Yesterday I farted in a Apple Store and everyone got mad at me It's not my fault they don't have Windows
Jokes are like Apple The best stuff has already been been done better by someone else.
My wife is a lot like Apple Always finding new and innovative ways to be annoying.
A slice of apple pie in Jamaica costs 2.50. The same pie costs 3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
A slice of Apple pie is $3 in Jamaica and $2.50 in The Bahamas... Those are the Pie rates of the Caribbean!
Current Year Edge vs Old School Edge
Old School Edge: what's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? The Holocaust.
Current Year Edge: what's worse than the Holocaust? Biting into an apple and finding a worm in it.
An apple pie costs $7,95 in Jamaica,
In Cuba you will have to pay $9,90,
Whereas in Barbados you will only spend $4,50
These are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.
My friend asked "what rhymes with apple?" I replied "no it doesn't"
Why did Apple's new plane crash? Because it didn't have windows.
What’s worse then finding a worm in your apple The holocaust.
Did you hear about the pirate themed phone Apple have been designing? They’re gonna call it the ayePhone
Why did Eve eating the forbidden fruit cause a lump in Adams throat? Because she was eating Adam's apple.
Today I pitched a new web software to Apple to replace Safari... it raised a few iBrowse :(
What do Apple and the NFL have in common? The chargers suck
What do Apple products and the NFL have in common? The Chargers suck
The Apple iPhone 8, Samsung Galaxy S8, Snapchat Spectacles, and the Amazon Echo Show all came out in 2017. Who won the year? The NSA
Seen on a sign outside a church Adam and Eve were the first people to not read the Apple conditions
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Cutting your toe off with an axe
Apple is running out of ideas They're looking for other Jobs.
I worked at Apple. Today... iQuit.
I heard the employee healthcare plan for Apple is awful It only covers iDoctors
What's worse than biting into an apple and seeing a worm? The holocaust.
I don't understand Christianity's problem with LGBTQ people. Transgender women made me believe in Adam's apple.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Genocide.
If Eve doomed the entire human race for an apple... What would she do for a Klondike Bar?
I just ate a frozen apple. It was hard core.
When was the first computer? Adam and Eve's time. It was an apple. It only had one byte, then everything went downhill.
Earlier today I really needed a drink to quench my thirst and apple juice wasn't really doing it for me but OJ did it
I farted in the Apple store and now everyone hates me. Not my fault that they don't have windows.
A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.
A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.
The female cashier says: "You must be single."
The man replied: " Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
What's worse than a worm in your apple? Not protecting net neutrality.
The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree
Son: "Dad where did I come from?"
Dad: "One day your mother and I were walking through an apple orchard..."
Son *rolls eyes*: "And you grabbed an apple not far from a tr..."
Dad: "I slipped in cider."
I had a frozen apple for breakfast today. Hardcore.
Apple came up with a tablet computer with touch screen, geared toward children. They cancelled the product when they realized nobody wants to buy something called iTouch Kids.
I want my tombstone to read.. When I said I wanted to be buried under an apple tree, I meant AFTER I was dead!
An apple a day keeps the doctors away... ... but apparently not my orthrodontist.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.
Surprise! Surprise! It was an Apple.
But with extremely limited memory.
Just 1 byte.
Then everything crashed.
I asked my kids, "Why isn't an iPhone charger...?" "...called Apple Juice?!"
Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender? She wanted apple juice.
Apple wanted to introduce a line of phones specifically for children.
But they scrapped it, 'ITouch Kids' just didn't seem right.
Heard this somewhere a while back. Don't think it was here. Thought you guys might like it.
I farted in Apple and they kicked me out It's not my fault they don't have windows
I used to weep over my poor apple harvest. Then I grew a pear.
Why do farts linger on in the Apple store? They can't open windows.
Local Apple grower was sent to federal prison this week... In cider trading.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away but... It's only true if you throw it at them.
"An apple a day...... ...will keep most ANYONE away, so long as you throw hard enough!"
The Red iPhone is here... It took them 10 years to finally be like an apple
What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? The August 1945 atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products
Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*
Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*
What got the apple into skydiving? Pear pressure.
If Adam and Eve were chinese they would have stayed in paradise Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple.
Apple is always 4 years behind Android phones... ... so I guess 2020 will be explosive!
Why did Steve Jobs die too soon? Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
A man is buying an apple, a banana, and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."
The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
I'd make an Apple joke... But they'd probably remove it.
Me: Hey, can I have an Iphone 7 please?
Apple guy: Possibly... What's your name?
Me: Jack
Apple guy: Sorry, no jacks.
I once farted in an Apple store... It's not my fault they don't have windows.
Apple is going to release the first smart vacuum cleaner this year
The first Apple product that doesn't suck
(not hating on apple or anything but i got this joke somewhere)
Someone farted in an Apple Store. Too bad they don't have Windows.
What do you call a booth babe at Apple's events? ICandy
Yesterday I farted in an apple store and everyone got mad at me Not my fault that they don't have windows.
What's worse than finding out there's a worm in your apple? Finding only half of it.
An Apple store in the town centre was robbed last night The police have sent out an appeal for iWitnesses
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