Apple Jokes

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Funniest Apple Jokes

What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

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If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for? Plastic Explosives.

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Funny Apple Jokes
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The oldest computer... The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve.

Yes, it was an Apple.

But with an extremely limited memory.

Just one byte.

Then everything crashed.

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My 18 carat gold butt plug business was sued by Apple Apparently they have a patent on expensive stuff for arseholes

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1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados. And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.

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I want to buy Apple’s new monitor but I only have $4,000... I can’t stand it!

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A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

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The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple.

But with extremely limited memory - just one byte.

Everything crashed.

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The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

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Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store? For the watch

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How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery.

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If you watch an Apple store get robbed, Does that make you an iWitness?

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I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me. It's not my fault they don't have Windows.

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How do you milk a sheep? Put an apple logo on your product.

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A slice of apple pie in Jamaica is $2.00. It is $2.50 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for? Plastic explosives.

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A man using Apple maps walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

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Some say Steve Jobs died too young. Others say it was simply an homage to Apple's attitude towards battery life.

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Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

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What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device? He adjusts the volume.

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How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

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An Apple store near where I live got robbed $25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.

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We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the... Minneapolis

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If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year Would it release nine eleven next year

Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all

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You know Apple is run by men... when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it’s only 5.5 inches.

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I bought the president of Brazil an Apple TV for the holiday. And all he got me was an Amazon fire.

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If you see an Apple store getting robbed.... Does that make you an iWitness?

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There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve.. It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

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How do you milk a sheep? Put an apple logo on it.

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I used to weep over my poor apple harvest. Then I grew a pear.

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If Adam and Eve were chinese they would have stayed in paradise Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple.

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My friend asked "what rhymes with apple?" I replied "no it doesn't"

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What's worse than biting an apple and finding a worm? biting an apple and finding half a worm

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Me: Hey, can I have an Iphone 7 please? Apple guy: Possibly... What's your name?
Me: Jack
Apple guy: Sorry, no jacks.

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What's worse than finding out there's a worm in your apple? Finding only half of it.

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What got the apple into skydiving? Pear pressure.

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Current Year Edge vs Old School Edge Old School Edge: what's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? The Holocaust.

Current Year Edge: what's worse than the Holocaust? Biting into an apple and finding a worm in it.

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What do you call someone who always talks about apple products? An android user.

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Apple's technology is finally ahead of other companies' for once I mean they've been making foldable phones since like 2014

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New Apple Jokes

A slice of apple pie is $3.00 in Jamaica, but only $2.25 in The Bahamas These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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JAMAICA: Peach cobbler - $9.28 Apple - $11.25. Lemon merengue - $10.72 Chocolate cream - $9.82. BAHAMAS: Peach cobbler - $9.78 Apple - $11.99. Lemon merengue - $11.72 Chocolate cream - $10.63. Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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Jamaica: Peach cobbler - $9.28 Apple - $11.25. Lemon merengue - $10.72 Chocolate cream - $9.82. Bahamas Peach cobbler - $9.78 Apple - $11.75. Lemon merengue - $11.72 Chocolate cream - $10.63 Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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What's the number for apple support? My apple's sad today

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What's worst than finding a worm in an apple? :D The holocaust

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Where do best mountain fruits come from? Apple-achia

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You guys hear about this iran stuff? Crazy.. Crazy stuff. I didnt even know Apple made countries.

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When we were at a medical check-up, I asked my 9-year-old nephew why he wanted my phone. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," he said.

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When we were at a medical appointment, I asked why my 9-year-old nephew wants my phone. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," he said.

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Why do all doctors Windows computers? Because they can see that every time they get near an apple it keeps them away.

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Some people say the Adams apple is how you spot a ladyboy personally I think it's bollocks.

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If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we’d all be in Heaven They’d have spared the apple and feasted on the snake.

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Woman gets sentenced 10 days in jail for stealing bag of apple Judge: you’ll serve one day for each apple in the bag you stole

Husband: *jumps out of his seat* and tells the judge she also stole a bag of rice

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What’s worse than a worm in your apple Half of a worm in your apple

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The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was Apple's and had *very* limited memory. Just one bite and everything crashed

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What did Apple name its book of lame jokes? The iRoll.

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What's the proper term for apple's latest tech rip-off? The grand stand.

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Did you guys see the new Apple computer reveal? It’s the most expensive Mac and cheese you can ever get.

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I met a French person today and they have a weird bone fetish IDK why but they were mentioning bone jaw and bone apple teeth again and again

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What worse than finding a worm inside of your apple? A holocaust

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For people saying that apple is behind in the foldabe smartphone technology, they have already released it the previous year It just takes a lot more effort.

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In jamacia a slice of apple pie costs £2.99 In Costa Rica a slice of apple pie costs £3.85

These are the pie rates of the Carribbean

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There was a doctor who liked a girl But her boyfriend kept giving her an apple a day so he couldnt get close to her.

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I hear that apple pie costs $4.50 in the Dominican but in Puerto Rico its only $3.00. Those are the pie rates of the Carribean

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Whats worse than finding a worm in an apple that you just bit into? Getting raped

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What is the most popular Apple product in China? The iOpener

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I just saw a guy bite straight into a frozen apple! It was so hardcore!

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What is much worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple

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You know what my favorite kinds of jews are? Orange jews, apple jews, tomato jews...

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What is the difference between an Apple Mac and a Windows PC? If you own a Windows PC, chances are that you eat ramen often as a meal.

If you own an Apple Mac, you can only afford to eat ramen as a meal.

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What do you call a family of jewish people who grow apples Apple Jews

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BREAKING: It was discovered that computers date all the way back to the time of Adam and Eve. Not surprising, it was an Apple. But it was only limited to one bite. And surprise, surprise, it crashed.

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Whats the difference between Apple and Bill Cosby? When you get roofied by Cosby you'll probably recover from it.

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Adam and Eve must have lived in the soviet union. They had no clothes, no roof over their heads, the only food they had was an apple and the management was constantly telling them they were in paradise.

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You won't believe this, United decided to buy 1,000,000 acres of land to start a farming business. An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

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Man walks in with broken tooth. Man: Doc!? I was eating my daily apple when suddenly...

Doctor: We're done here.

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Who counts more sheep than mattress companies? Apple Inc.

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Apple has created a new product only for the Chinese It's called i-opener

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(Warning: Dark Humor) Worm in the Apple A: Whats's worse than a worm in the apple?



B: The Holocaust.




A: What's worse than the Holocaust?



B: 5 Million Jews.

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How do we know an apple a day dosn't keep the doctor away? The doctors unions haven't banned apples

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Don't ever debate with an absurdist... because you will always chair apple man with hands for eyes.

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It has been reported that tattoos can make the new Apple watch malfunction.. An apple spokesman has said that this is caused by a new anti-theft security feature that shuts down the watch when it detects the wearer has dark skin.

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More hipsters started using Apple products after Steve Job's death. Because after that he was underground.

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What kind of phone does The Flash use? Not an iPhone because Apple doesn't support flash

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Expert Archer Detected How do you know if someone's an expert archer?

Put an apple on your head & stand still; he'll Tell you.

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What did the apple say to the grass? Nice catch!

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