Husband Wife Jokes

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Funniest Husband Wife Jokes

Husband Wife joke Husband: When I get mat at you you never fight back how do you control yourself.

Wife :I clean the toilet.

Husband: how does that help.

Wife : I use your toothbrush to do so.

Husband Wife Jokes Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

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Long Husband Wife Jokes

Husband Wife and Audi A8

Husband: I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn't come back yet.

Inspector: What is her Height?

Husband: I never checked

Inspector: Slim or healthy?

Husband: Not Slim, can be healthy.

Inspector: Color of her eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.

Inspector: What was she wearing?

Husband: Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.

Inspector: was she driving?

Husband: Yes

Inspector: Color of the Car?

Husband: Black Audi A8 with supercharger 3.0 liter V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights and has very thin scratch on the front of the door..... and then the husband started crying.

Inspector: Don't worry Sir, We will find you Car.

Husband Wife joke :)

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

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