American Jokes

Contents

Funniest American Jokes

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media But every American knows that America is the best country in the world

Score: 19392

What’s the difference between a computer and an American? An American doesn’t have trouble-shooting.

Score: 18972

If I were American, I'd vote Bernie... But I'm Russian, so I'm voting Trump

Score: 11629

A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online. But it’s really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.

Score: 9316

I'm an American, and I'm sick of people saying, “America is the stupidest country in the world.” Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

Score: 9194

A drunk German is urinating on a bush An American walks by, sees what the German is doing and says, "Gross!"

The German says, "Danke!"

Score: 9078
Funny American Jokes
Score: 6495

I'm AMERICAN and I BLEED red, white and blue! I really should see a doctor about it, but I can't afford the copay.

Score: 6175

Why did Donald Trump marry an immigrant? Once again, immigrants are doing the jobs no American want to do.

Score: 4261

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the whole world, because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media… But every American knows that America is really the best country in the world!

Score: 2670

Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white... ...so now it looks like France landed there.

Score: 2284

Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax? To stop hispanic attacks.

Score: 1838

So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

Score: 1777

TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon

Score: 1753

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends. Thoughts and prayers.

Score: 1707

The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd. They've left those kids a loan.

EDIT: Woke up to find THIS :O

Score: 1614

What's the difference between American girls and Middle Eastern girls? American girls get stoned BEFORE they commit adultery.

Score: 1529

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

Score: 1529

The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate. Nobody knows what may happen.

Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.

Score: 1310

Who would win if the American President debated the British Prime Minister? After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump

Score: 1198

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump? Because orange is the new black.

Score: 935

Which of the American forces is the most patriotic? The Air Force, because its US AF.

Score: 802

An African American woman has 5 son's, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone. How do you tell them apart? By their last names.

Score: 722

Give a man a gun, he'll rob a bank Teach a man to run a bank, he'll rob the American people.

Score: 620

TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

Score: 604

The American military should really be worried... Russian technology is a decade ahead of them at the moment.

Score: 561

I'm American, and I'm sick of hearing that America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world...

Score: 548

Why did the Native American sleep in the hotel lobby? He didn't have a reservation.

Score: 519

I'm American, and I'm fed up of people saying that America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world

Score: 507

What is the best way to pick up American girls? With a crane.

Score: 462

So the American people's choices for President of the United States will most likely be Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton. That's it. That's the joke. There is no punchline.

Score: 168

If someone who speaks 3 languages is trilingual, and someone who speaks 2 is bilingual, what do you call someone who speaks only 1? American.

Score: 129

No matter if you are American or European 9/11 is a sad date

Score: 97

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language? **An American.**

Score: 73

Why did an immigrant marry trump ? Because immigrants do the jobs that no American wants to do

Score: 54

A buffalo hunter and a Native American guide One day when they were hunting the guide stopped, put his ear to the ground and listened, then said "Buffalo come"

The hunter asked "How can you tell"

The guide replied "Ear sticky"

Score: 48

A person who knows three or more languages... A person who knows three or more languages is called a "polyglot."

A person who knows two languages is called "bilingual."

What do you call a person who only knows one language?

"American."

Score: 45

Did you hear about the Native American who drank 1000 glasses of tea? He drown in his tea pee.

Score: 33

The American Presidential Campaign is a lot like the new Mac. **There is no escape.**

Score: 28

American public school is a lot like Vietnam... You're forced to go and you might get shot

Score: 24

Popular Topics

New American Jokes

What do you call an American that goes to India to "find themselves" Gora the explorer

(Gora means white/very light skin tones in Hindi)

Score: 3

I'm offended when I'm labled a white supremacist The preferred terminology is European-American supremacist

Score: 2

Would you shut up man! You clown! The summary of the American presidential debate

Score: 2

The Iranian general that was assassinated last night was planning to attack American diplomats The CIA says he was planning on using Iraqi weapons of mass destruction

Score: 3

Colin Kaepernick took a lot of criticism for kneeling on one knee for the American flag. But LeBron James is taking even more criticism for getting on both knees for China.

Score: 6

Nike and Colin Kaepernick got down on one knee for the American flag. But Nike got down on both knees for the Chinese flag.

Score: 4

North Koreans think they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media But every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

Score: 7

Me to my blonde girlfriend: What two languages would you like to be fluent in? Her: English and American.

Score: 3

What's the difference between a vegetable sitting and a thown American? One is a seated yam and the other is a yeeted sam.

Score: 4

I asked my American friend if he had a moment to discuss his healthcare plan. "I can't afford to"

Score: 2

The deadly metric system Be an American Use the imperial system Get shot by a 9mm

Score: 3

Tinder told me there are 50000 hot american singles in my area This vacation in Iran's gonna duck

Score: 2

American Politics: How to win the 2020 election Cut interest rates to such a low level (negative) that the banks start PAYING YOU interest for your mortgage debt, consumer (credit card) debts and student loan debts.

Score: 2

Which branch of the military is the most American? The Air Force, because they are US AF.

Score: 13

An American and a Chinese man are talking politics American: In America we can openly criticize the president, can you do that in China?

Chinese Man: No, but in China we can openly support the president, can you do that in America?

Score: 5

You're an American when you go into the bathroom, and you are an Amwrican when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there? European.

Score: 2

Which American colonists really loved word play? Punsylvanians

Score: 2

Its easy to spot an American spy, just ask them how tall they are If they answer in feet you have your answer.

Score: 3

How do you get an American to switch to the metric system? Tell them to try measuring their bullets in inches

Score: 2

Did you hear about the Native American who drank too much tea? He drowned in his tea pee

Score: 3

I thought American greed was overated, Until they brought a baker's dozen to the women's world cup.

Score: 2

I explained to a girl in my class that I am Indian She responds by saying “wow I’ve never met a Native American before!”....

Score: 3

The Mormon Prophet has banned Tomb Raider games... ...apparently they have fake Native American history in them that doesn't revolve around Native Americans being a lost tribe of Israel.

Score: 2

If you know three or more languages, You are multilingual.
If you know two languages, you are bilingual.
If you know one language, you are American.

Score: 9

Did you know that Solar Radiation has turned the American Flags on the Moon White? Great... Now people will think France has been there

Score: 5

My Dad’s step brother Tom is African American I’m not sure what to call him without offending him

Score: 2

What do you call an elderly native American prostitute? Its an old Indian trick,

Score: 2

An African American guy in College ... Asks a white dude:
- Hey man where’s the color printer?
Dude replies:
- Man, it’s 2018, you can use any printer you want!

Score: 8

What is a Native American's favorite food and travel show? No Reservations

Score: 2

Man I wish I was an American police officer. I would kill for a holiday right now

Score: 7

What do you call the single African American in a group of pot smokers? The toking black guy.

Score: 2

So I’ve heard the American flags on the moon are white now because of solar radiation. Does this mean the French own it?

Score: 4

My Linguistics Professor walked up to me and said… “What do you call a person who speaks three languages?

Tri-lingual.

What do you call a person who speaks two languages?

Bi-lingual.

What do you call a person who speaks one language?

American.”

Score: 4

Why was 9/11 one of the worst episodes in American History? It was the pilot

Score: 7

Did you know that your nationality changes when you go to the bathroom? When you go in there, American (or whatever nationality you are)

When you come out of there, American

But when you are in there, European

Score: 5

American politics is like sand It's coarse and gets everywhere.

Score: 6

American airlines, Delta Air Lines, and United Airlines all had a race... United Airlines beat them all, united airlines beats EVERYBODY.

Score: 4

What do you get when you combine tragedy and comedy? American politics.

Score: 17

Why does the Native American always get the nicest table at a restaurant He was there first

Score: 2

If you call someone who speaks 2 languages bilingual, what do you call someone who speaks one? American

Score: 8

If you know three languages, you're trilingual. If you know two, you're just bilingual. If you know one... ...you're an American.

Score: 5

On 9/11, one of the worst things in American history occured... Condolences from the UK on Trump winning the election.

Score: 4

Why was 9/11 the worst day in American history? Because on the 9th November Donald Trump was elected president

Score: 2

To all my American friends: Happy hunger games... May the odds be ever in your favor.

Score: 2

Why is the American Presidential Election always on a Tuesday? Because Tuesday is choose-day.

Score: 1

A middle eastern man walks into a southeast American bar... and says to the bartender, "Hello, I am Amarrah Kaan."

The bartender says, "No you ain't."

Score: 1

Why could nobody win a dance off at the annual African American ball? Because it was a black tie event

Score: 2

Have you heard of the American Philosophical Association? I'm not sure if it exists or not and neither are they.

Score: 9

This might be a bit rascist: What do you call an African American Houdini? Black Magic

Score: 5

Who lost the American Presidential Debate? America.

Score: 17

In Colorado you're American In Juarez you're a Mexican.
In the bathroom European.

Score: 4

The best American joke of all time Healthcare

Score: 11

Whats the worst joke you can play on an American? Two pies to the face and one somewhere in a field in Pennsylvania.

Score: 2

TIL of an incident during the Cold War when American ships, fearing a Soviet attack, nearly fired on a friendly vessel. Whoops, wrong sub.

Score: 6

A person who knows two languages is called bilingual. Three or more languages; multilingual. What do you call someone who knows one? American.

Score: 15

Did you hear the one about the American military aviation enthusiast who bought himself a French fighter plane? He was arrested for possession of an Assault Rafale.

Score: 10

American history in 7 words: "...otherwise they would have jumped us first".

Score: 1

An American mistakes a Hindu from India as a Muslim from Pakistan Indian guy goes "Excuse me sir, you seem to have mistaken me for a Muslim from Pakistan. I belong to 711 not 911."

I will show myself out.

Score: 3

. I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world."



Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world...

Score: 1

Do you know that in some ancient American Indian language the word "vegetarian".... ...the word "vegetarian" means "a very bad hunter" ?

Score: 10

Popular Topics