North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media But every American knows that America is the best country in the world
What’s the difference between a computer and an American? An American doesn’t have trouble-shooting.
A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online. But it’s really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.
I'm AMERICAN and I BLEED red, white and blue! I really should see a doctor about it, but I can't afford the copay.
Why did Donald Trump marry an immigrant? Once again, immigrants are doing the jobs no American want to do.
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the whole world, because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media… But every American knows that America is really the best country in the world!
Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white... ...so now it looks like France landed there.
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media. When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon
In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends. Thoughts and prayers.
The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.
They've left those kids a loan.
EDIT: Woke up to find THIS :O
A Muslim guy killed 50 people in a mass shooting… Who says they can't integrate into American culture?
What's the difference between American girls and Middle Eastern girls? American girls get stoned BEFORE they commit adultery.
TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
Who would win if the American President debated the British Prime Minister? After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump? Because orange is the new black.
An African American woman has 5 son's, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone. How do you tell them apart? By their last names.
TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.
The American military should really be worried... Russian technology is a decade ahead of them at the moment.
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media. When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
Canada could have had it all: American industry, British Culture, and French Cuisine. Instead, they got: French Industry, American culture, and British cuisine
I'm American and I hate it when people say that America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
An American tourist in Australia was in an accident.
The next day he woke up in the hospital and asked, "Did you bring me here to die?"
The orderly said, "No, mate, we brought you here yesterday."
When the US went to the moon.... ...they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.
Two of Trump's wives have been immigrants. Which just goes to show you that those people will take jobs that no American wants.
Kim Jong-un of North Korea has said he's going to destroy America So Trump was livid saying "That's MY job, and I'm not going to just stand by and see an Asian snatch away another American job."
Why did Donald Trump marry an Immigrant? Once again, immigrants are doing the jobs no American wants to do
China has been the most important country for American schools. Because they invented both paper and gunpowder.
The German dream The teacher is talking about the American Dream in class and then asks the one German kid if they had a German dream. He responds, "We did, but nobody liked it."
American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey"
Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"
A European tells an American a joke
European: Wanna hear a joke?
European: Free Healthcare
American: I don't get it
European: I know.
So the other day I was arrested for pretending I was an American politician! I was just sitting there doing nothing
An American sergeant is talking to an Australian trooper
The American yells: "Did you come here to die?!"
The Australian replies: "No, I came here yesterday."
If a person can speak two languages they’re bilingual, if they can only speak one... They’re American
What's the difference between anti-vaxx kids, and kids in an American school?
One dies from not getting shots.
The other dies from getting shot.
What’s the best drink to have on the 4th of July? A White Russian. Nothing is more American then a Russian helping you to make poor choices.
North Koreans think they are living in the best country in the world because they are brainwashed into thinking so. When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
A son asks his father: What do we call a person who speaks two languages?
Father: A Bilingual
Son: Then what if a person speaks three languages?
Father: A Trilingual
Son: And what of those who speak only one language?
Father: An American
News just in that American teachers will now be armed with 9mm Glocks. Librarians will be issued silencers.
A Native American tribe are looking for buffalo to hunt.
As they travel along, one member puts his ear to the ground for a moment and then says: “Buffalo come.”
The chief asks “How can you tell?”
The man replies “Sticky ear.”
Due to the non existent atmosphere on the moon, the american flag is by now completely white. Great, now everyone thinks the French were the first...
American teachers are now going to be armed with pistols for protection. Librarians will be issued silencers.
On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...” Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”
It's not surprising that the Japanese have adopted so much of American culture. The first American product they tested blew everyone away.
What's the difference between a computer and an American? An American doesn't have trouble-shooting.
The American dream:
To buy a shovel for 2$, to then sell it for 4$. Then you buy two shovels, and sell those for 8$. Then one of your rich uncles dies and you inherit 1,000,000$
My dad told me this one
America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.
An American walks into an Irish pub
An Irishman yells, "Oi, Yank! Are you Catholic or are you Protestant?"
"Err... I'm atheist," the tourist says awkwardly.
"Ahh, but which one don't you believe in?"
I'm surprised there are so many anti-vax politicians in America Because most American politicians don't seem to care if kids get shot.
So an American walks into a store in the Midwest and says, I'd like to buy that .50 cal sniper riffle with 4,000 rounds of ammunition and a box of penicillin... The store clerk replies: sorry Sir, I'm going to have to see some paperwork for that penicillin.
I once went to a Native American restaurant but was turned away. They told me it was reservation only.
A buffalo hunter and a Native American guide
One day when they were hunting the guide stopped, put his ear to the ground and listened, then said "Buffalo come"
The hunter asked "How can you tell"
The guide replied "Ear sticky"
I was buying a house from a Native American the other day
I asked him if it came with running water,
He said 'get your own damn wife'
TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon They'll think it was France