Two blondes are walking and one asks, “ which is closer, the moon or Florida?” And the other responds, “duh... ... can you see Florida?”
Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.
Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white... ...so now it looks like France landed there.
The moon landing was staged The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.
TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon
TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.
Conspiracy theories are like moon landings. They're all fake
TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.
So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.
The man who invented auto-correct has died. His funfair is on sundial at moon
First woman on the moon
W: Houston, we have a problem
H: What is it?
W: Nevermind its nothing
H: What is the problem?
H: Tell us what the problem is!
I'm not sure what the first church on the moon will look like... But I'm sure the mass will be the same.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day.
Edit: FFS guys it's a ruddy joke. It doesn't have to be scientifically accurate
The first woman on the Moon contacted Houston.
"Houston, we have a problem."
*"What is it?"*
*"What's the problem?"*
*"Please tell us."*
Kanye West shows up at Neil Armstrong's memorial service... and says "Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME"
The moon landings were faked… But the director was such a perfectionist that he demanded they be filmed on location.
The Sun and the Moon walk into a bar...
Sun: Ahhh damn it! I forgot my wallet.
Moon: Hey no worries, I'll cover ya.
Of Course the Moon Landings Were Staged I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon.
How does the moon cut its hair?
TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon They'll think it was France
Do you ever put an orange in your beer? Once in a Blue Moon
How can you tell what kind of eel you're looking at? Well, if the moon hits it's eye like a big pizza pie, it's a moray.
Apparantly all flags on the moon have faded to white by now. Now the French can claim to have been there.
The US flag on the moon lost its color and is now completely white It's now the French flag.
Did you hear about the Mexican space program? They’re sending chickens to the moon for the first time ever, they’re calling it A-pollo 11
The moon landing was obviously fake. Like the moon is still up there, it didn’t land anywhere.
TIL that the radiation of the sun has caused the American Flag on the moon to be completely white So now it looks like France visited first
The first woman on the moon
The first woman on the moon:
- Houston, we have a problem
- What is it?
- It doesn't matter, it's nothing
- What is the problem?
- Please, state your problem.
- You know too damn well, what the problem is!"
Know your eclipses.
Earth between sun and moon: Lunar eclipse.
Moon between sun and Earth: Solar eclipse.
Sun between moon and Earth: Apoceclypse.
If the moon landing was indeed fake NASA would owe us a huge Apollo-gy.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon Good food but bad atmosphere
I was tired of watching the moon rotate for 24 hours So I decided to call it a day
Why did the restaurant on the moon fail? The food was decent but it had no atmosphere.
I couldn't see the eclipse of the sun today! ? Friggin' moon was in the way! ?
Why does moon rock taste better than earth rock? It's a little meteor.
I don't always put an orange wedge in my beer Except maybe once in a Blue Moon
How did Luke Skywalker get around the forest moon of Endor? Ewoked.
Astronomers got tired after watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours So they called it a day
How does the moon cut his hair?
Thought it was relevant to today's eclipse...
NASA plans to send first woman to the Moon in 2024 Her name is Alice Kramden
In 1959 Nasa were preparing for the Moon Landing
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.
One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.
After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message.
Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was:
"Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."
Ladies. If your man is giving you both the moon and stars You should be willing to sacrifice uranus
Ever wonder how the moon got craters? 3 words: Chuck Norris Golf.
When somebody says that the moon landing was faked Always reply “pfffft, you believe in the moon”
What do cowboys call midnight High Moon
I hear that the Government hired Stanley Kubrick to help film The Fake Moon Landing But since Kubrick was such a perfectionist he forced the Government to film on location.
The moon landing was staged The rocket they used had multiple stages
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore When you suddenly squeal cuz you stepped on an eel that’s a moray!
What do you call a smurf with his pants down? A blue moon
How does the man on the moon get a haircut... ...eclipse it
Did you know that on the way to the Moon the Apollo 11 crew heard rock music coming from outside? Mission Control confirmed they were passing through the Van Halen belts.
Why are moon parties so damn boring? Cuz there is no atmosphere!
Why are moon parties always so dull and boring? Because they have no atmosphere
Do you know who had the second step on the moon ? It was
He had two legs.
When neil Armstrong landed on the moon and said "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" What he really said was..." there's no way a cow can jump over this!"
It took a lot of work and thousands of hours from thousands of people, but the human race made sure to get to the moon by ‘69. Nice.
2 Blondes siting in a backyard in Florida at night One says to the other What do you think is closer the moon or Texas... the other says the moon so the other asks how do you know and she replies duh can you see Texas
Why do so many Egyptian crocodiles believe that the moon landings were faked? I think a lot of them are just in denial.
The moon landing never happened... It's still up there in the sky. I saw it last night.
What's the difference between the moon and the female g spot We have videos to prove that men have been to the moon
For me, the biggest problem about colonies on the Moon would be the restaurants there. They would have no atmosphere
On July 20, 1969, humans landed on the moon for the first time We would’ve gone earlier but the moon was full
The USA’s greatest achievement wasn’t putting a man on the moon It was putting a man on the moon and doing all the calculations in imperial units
What do you say to the Moon if it is crying? Stop waning.
What did the USSR have in common with hipsters? They lost interest in going to the moon after someone else had already been there
What did Neil Armstrong say when no one laughed at his moon jokes? “I guess you had to be there”
I’d like to think Stanley Kubrick helped NASA Fake the moon landing... ...but he’s such a perfectionist that he probably filmed the whole thing on location.
My friends believe that a full moon gives supernatural powers but I think they're just lunartics
Why are parties on the moon boring? It had no atmosphere
Astromers got tired of watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours... so they decided to call it a day.
Two blondes are walking and one asks, “which is closer, the moon or Florida?” The other responds, “duh... ...can you see Florida?”
Walking on the moon was a leap but playing jazz on the moon, that'd be some giant steps for mankind.
Why is the dark side of the moon dry? Because the other side has all the moonshine
There was a young vampire named Mabel
Whose periods were quite unstable
By the light of the moon
She took out a spoon
And drank herself under the table
Why do Moon Rocks taste better than Earth Rocks? Because they're a little Meteor
The moon landing was fake But the film director demanded they film on site
why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock? it’s just a little meteor!
What did Neil Armstrong say when no one laughed at his moon jokes? I guess you had to be there.
The moon landing was fake I mean it's still up in the sky
When does the moon shine the brightest? When the tides in Alabama are still.
When Trump said "We're going to put a man on the face of the moon" last night, he meant he wants his Space Force to laser-etch his face onto the moon Get ready for Moont Rushmore
Niel Armstrong is in a room full of people, celebrating the moon landing
"I tell you guys, it was so much fun. It really was great. Or because there were so many craters, I guess you could say it was *crate*"
"Ah, I guess you had to be there"
Meghan Trainor Seduced John Fogerty at a Music Festival When he saw that bad moon rising, he did not see treble on the way
Elon Musk launched a cow to the moon. It landed so hard that a quarter of the moon got annihilated. Moo.
I just made this up and I'm drunk, so by all means, make it better.
A new moon walks into a bar. Says "Bartender, whatever. It's all futile."
Bartender says, "Why the dark mood?"
Moon says, "It's probably just a phase."
What's a vegan's favorite non-terrestrial moon in the solar system? En-salad-us
Found this bar on the moon Great beer, no atmosphere.
What did the teenager moon say to his mother? "This isn't a phase, mom. This is who I am!".
How does the moon cut it’s hair? Eclipse it.
If there's a new moon Then where does the old one go?
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours... So they just called it a day
Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time? Really good acid
Why did the sun rise when the moon died? It was mourning.
NASA did find aliens on the moon but brought none back to earth. They were all lunatics
How do you know the moon is going Broke? Because its down to its last quarter
Someone asked Neil Armstrong what he thought of the Moon Eh’ it had no atmosphere
I told my girlfriend I loved her to the Moon and back. Luckily, I was an Astronaut.
A group of mad scientists believes there are blood sucking insects on the moon They're lunar ticks.
India just lauched a second moon mission. Is... Is someone gonna tell them we only have one moon
We all know the moon landing was fake
It was filmed by Stanley Kubrick.
How ever it cost a lot of money as Kubrick was a perfectionist.
He demanded they filmed on the location.