Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today... And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Two blondes are walking and one asks, “ which is closer, the moon or Florida?” And the other responds, “duh... ... can you see Florida?”
My son identifies as a crescent moon. I’m worried, but my wife says it’s just a phase.
Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.
Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white... ...so now it looks like France landed there.
The moon landing was staged The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.
What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon? An Apocaclipse.
TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon
TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
First woman on the Moon:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What's the problem?
Please tell us?
"You know what the problem is."
They say you can’t get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!
Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."
How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.
I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer. He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a Blue Moon."
Conspiracy theories are like moon landings. They're all fake
TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.
So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.
The man who invented auto-correct has died. His funfair is on sundial at moon
First woman on the moon
W: Houston, we have a problem
H: What is it?
W: Nevermind its nothing
H: What is the problem?
H: Tell us what the problem is!
I'm not sure what the first church on the moon will look like... But I'm sure the mass will be the same.
Have you guys heard about the new restaurant on the moon? Early critics say the food is good, but there's no atmosphere.
When the US went to the moon.... ...they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day.
Edit: FFS guys it's a ruddy joke. It doesn't have to be scientifically accurate
The first woman on the Moon contacted Houston.
"Houston, we have a problem."
*"What is it?"*
*"What's the problem?"*
*"Please tell us."*
Kanye West shows up at Neil Armstrong's memorial service... and says "Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME"
The moon landings were faked… But the director was such a perfectionist that he demanded they be filmed on location.
Of Course the Moon Landings Were Staged I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon.
There are two types of countries, Those that use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.
How does the moon cut its hair?
TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon They'll think it was France
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Good food, but no atmosphere.
Buzz Aldrin was the second man to step foot on the moon. Neil before him. Neil.
Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? It has fantastic food but no atmosphere.
Know your eclipses.
Earth between sun and moon: Lunar eclipse.
Moon between sun and Earth: Solar eclipse.
Sun between moon and Earth: Apoceclypse.
If the moon landing was indeed fake NASA would owe us a huge Apollo-gy.
What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon? The cow didn't make it.
I was tired of watching the moon rotate for 24 hours So I decided to call it a day
Why did the restaurant on the moon fail? The food was decent but it had no atmosphere.
I couldn't see the eclipse of the sun today! 😡 Friggin' moon was in the way! 😡
When Trump said "We're going to put a man on the face of the moon" last night, he meant he wants his Space Force to laser-etch his face onto the moon Get ready for Moont Rushmore
Following is the chat between my two friends last night
F1 : Everyone look at the moon to spot Jupiter(yesterday Jupiter was visible for naked eye)
F2 : I would rather look at Jupiter to spot Jupiter
Did you know that Solar Radiation has turned the American Flags on the Moon White? Great... Now people will think France has been there
So I’ve heard the American flags on the moon are white now because of solar radiation. Does this mean the French own it?
What would America do if Russia painted the moon red? Paint Coca Cola over it in white.
How did the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
My 5-year-old son told me he wanted to go to the moon. I said, "I want you to go to the moon too!"
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? The food is amazing but there’s no atmosphere and the prices are out of this world!
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong walked across the moon. Micheal Jackson touches little boys
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon... ... for having no life.
I pointed to the night sky and said, "Look, it's a mo!"
"A mo?" asked my friend. "What's a mo?"
I said, "A half-moon."
How did the hockey match end between the ocean and the moon? It was tide.
What's the backside of the moon called? The front.
I think our sun is highly overrated At least the moon gives off a bit of light at night, the sun only shines in the day when it's already light.
Have you heard of the new restaurant on the moon? It has great food, but no atmosphere..
My Grandma's like the Moon... Nobody's cared about visiting her for 40 years.
What's the difference between science and religion?
Science flies you to the moon
Religion flies you into buildings
I heard the moon's orbit is chabging and is going to affect the tides... I'm not sure people understand the gravity of this situation.
I have a couple shots of tequila maybe once every blue moon. Sorry, I wrote that wrong. I have a couple of Blue Moons for every shot of tequila.
They say there are oceans on the moon... I think that's lunar sea.
I saw a double eclipse today.
Not only did the moon block out the sun, but the clouds did as well.
Did you hear what happened to the dark side of the moon today? It was pretty lit!
So... did the sun just... moon us...?
What does the moon say when it rKOs the sun? Totality
I was looking for the Moon this afternoon. Then it dawned on me.
What does the man on the moon do when he needs a haircut? Eclipse it.
Remember that time that the cow jumped over the moon? That was a high steaks situation.
When does the moon cover the thun? During a solar eclisp
A couple of cosmonauts were heading to the moon when the unexpectedly turned around Turns out the moon was full
It was reported that Roger Daltrey, Pete Townshend, John Entwistle, and Keith Moon just released a number of canines from the local pound It can now be said that The Who let the dogs out
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut you f*cking racist
Why a restaurant on the moon wouldn't work? There would be no atmosphere.
Tonight's Moon is missing its bottom... So it can't moon properly.
Science makes you fly to the moon Religion makes you fly into skyscrapers
What's the similarity between the moon landings and the holocaust? They both use a lot of gas to send people far away
There's a new restaurant on the moon The food is great but the place has no atmosphere.
If I was to ever fulfil my life-long dream and become an astronaut I'd be over the moon!
Why did the cow jump over the International Space Station? The decline in our rocketry capability means it couldn't jump over the Moon.
What kind of tick should you look out for on the full moon? A lunatic
Turkey has the moon on its flag Meanwhile the United States has its flag on the moon.
Whats wrong with the Bar on the Moon? It doesn't have any atmosphere
A perfect woman is like the moon Shows up at night, disappears in the morning.
The moon landings are staged and, in fact, completely created by a film crew and everything. The only thing is that the director was too lazy so he said just to film it on location.
Today I, 1. Woke up. 2. Got rich. 3. Moved to the moon. In this order: 3,2,1
The astronomers got tired of watching the Moon go around the Earth for 24 hours. . So they decided to call it a day.
How often do I put orange slices in my beer? Oh, once in a Blue Moon.
What is the difference between science and religion? Science brought humans to the moon while religion brought planes into the WTC
What is a black man on the moon called? An astronaut you racist
My girlfriend is a physicist and today she told me she loved me to the moon and back She then proceeded to inform me that love is a vector.
What do you call someone who hides from the full moon? A Werewaldo
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance? He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
How did the first Ethiopian get to the moon? He was tinkering with an elastic band.
If The Dark Side Of The Moon had tracks 3 and 5 removed The album would be timeless, but there wouldn't be any money in it.
What do you call a crazy bug on the moon? A lunar tick.
Hey, did you hear about that new restaurant on the moon? The place is great, but it has no atmosphere
What do you call a few Mexicans on the moon? Legal aliens
In 1969 we put a man on the moon... In 2016 we put a man in the ladies restroom.
How does the Moon get its haircut? Eclipse it!
Why haven't we sent a woman to the moon? It doesn't need cleaning
What was the motto of the German rocket program? Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll hit London.