Moon Jokes

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Funniest Moon Jokes

Two blondes are walking and one asks, “ which is closer, the moon or Florida?” And the other responds, “duh... ... can you see Florida?”

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white... ...so now it looks like France landed there.

The moon landing was staged The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.

TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

Funny Moon Jokes

How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.

Conspiracy theories are like moon landings. They're all fake

TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.

The man who invented auto-correct has died. His funfair is on sundial at moon

First woman on the moon W: Houston, we have a problem

H: What is it?

W: Nevermind its nothing

H: What is the problem?

W: Nothing...

H: Tell us what the problem is!

W: NO!

I'm not sure what the first church on the moon will look like... But I'm sure the mass will be the same.

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day. I'm sorry.

Edit: FFS guys it's a ruddy joke. It doesn't have to be scientifically accurate

The first woman on the Moon contacted Houston. "Houston, we have a problem."

*"What is it?"*

"Never mind."

*"What's the problem?"*

"It's nothing."

*"Please tell us."*

"I'm fine."

Kanye West shows up at Neil Armstrong's memorial service... and says "Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME"

The moon landings were faked… But the director was such a perfectionist that he demanded they be filmed on location.

The Sun and the Moon walk into a bar... Sun: Ahhh damn it! I forgot my wallet.
Moon: Hey no worries, I'll cover ya.

Of Course the Moon Landings Were Staged I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon.

How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.

Ha.

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon They'll think it was France

Do you ever put an orange in your beer? Once in a Blue Moon

How can you tell what kind of eel you're looking at? Well, if the moon hits it's eye like a big pizza pie, it's a moray.

Apparantly all flags on the moon have faded to white by now. Now the French can claim to have been there.

The US flag on the moon lost its color and is now completely white It's now the French flag.

Did you hear about the Mexican space program? They’re sending chickens to the moon for the first time ever, they’re calling it A-pollo 11

The moon landing was obviously fake. Like the moon is still up there, it didn’t land anywhere.

TIL that the radiation of the sun has caused the American Flag on the moon to be completely white So now it looks like France visited first

The first woman on the moon The first woman on the moon:

- Houston, we have a problem

- What is it?

- It doesn't matter, it's nothing

- What is the problem?

- Nothing!

- Please, state your problem.

- You know too damn well, what the problem is!"

Know your eclipses. Earth between sun and moon: Lunar eclipse.
Moon between sun and Earth: Solar eclipse.
Sun between moon and Earth: Apoceclypse.

If the moon landing was indeed fake NASA would owe us a huge Apollo-gy.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon Good food but bad atmosphere

I was tired of watching the moon rotate for 24 hours So I decided to call it a day

Why did the restaurant on the moon fail? The food was decent but it had no atmosphere.

I couldn't see the eclipse of the sun today! ? Friggin' moon was in the way! ?

Why does moon rock taste better than earth rock? It's a little meteor.

I don't always put an orange wedge in my beer Except maybe once in a Blue Moon

How did Luke Skywalker get around the forest moon of Endor? Ewoked.

Astronomers got tired after watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours So they called it a day

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New Moon Jokes

Ladies. If your man is giving you both the moon and stars You should be willing to sacrifice uranus

Ever wonder how the moon got craters? 3 words: Chuck Norris Golf.

When somebody says that the moon landing was faked Always reply “pfffft, you believe in the moon”

What do cowboys call midnight High Moon

I hear that the Government hired Stanley Kubrick to help film The Fake Moon Landing But since Kubrick was such a perfectionist he forced the Government to film on location.

The moon landing was staged The rocket they used had multiple stages

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore When you suddenly squeal cuz you stepped on an eel that’s a moray!

What do you call a smurf with his pants down? A blue moon

How does the man on the moon get a haircut... ...eclipse it

Did you know that on the way to the Moon the Apollo 11 crew heard rock music coming from outside? Mission Control confirmed they were passing through the Van Halen belts.

Why are moon parties so damn boring? Cuz there is no atmosphere!

Why are moon parties always so dull and boring? Because they have no atmosphere

Do you know who had the second step on the moon ? It was NEIL ARMSTRONG

He had two legs.

When neil Armstrong landed on the moon and said "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" What he really said was..." there's no way a cow can jump over this!"

It took a lot of work and thousands of hours from thousands of people, but the human race made sure to get to the moon by ‘69. Nice.

2 Blondes siting in a backyard in Florida at night One says to the other What do you think is closer the moon or Texas... the other says the moon so the other asks how do you know and she replies duh can you see Texas

Why do so many Egyptian crocodiles believe that the moon landings were faked? I think a lot of them are just in denial.

The moon landing never happened... It's still up there in the sky. I saw it last night.

What's the difference between the moon and the female g spot We have videos to prove that men have been to the moon

For me, the biggest problem about colonies on the Moon would be the restaurants there. They would have no atmosphere

On July 20, 1969, humans landed on the moon for the first time We would’ve gone earlier but the moon was full

The USA’s greatest achievement wasn’t putting a man on the moon It was putting a man on the moon and doing all the calculations in imperial units

What do you say to the Moon if it is crying? Stop waning.

What did the USSR have in common with hipsters? They lost interest in going to the moon after someone else had already been there

What did Neil Armstrong say when no one laughed at his moon jokes? “I guess you had to be there”

I’d like to think Stanley Kubrick helped NASA Fake the moon landing... ...but he’s such a perfectionist that he probably filmed the whole thing on location.

My friends believe that a full moon gives supernatural powers but I think they're just lunartics

Why are parties on the moon boring? It had no atmosphere

Astromers got tired of watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours... so they decided to call it a day.

Two blondes are walking and one asks, “which is closer, the moon or Florida?” The other responds, “duh... ...can you see Florida?”

Walking on the moon was a leap but playing jazz on the moon, that'd be some giant steps for mankind.

Why is the dark side of the moon dry? Because the other side has all the moonshine

There was a young vampire named Mabel Whose periods were quite unstable
By the light of the moon
She took out a spoon
And drank herself under the table

Why do Moon Rocks taste better than Earth Rocks? Because they're a little Meteor

The moon landing was fake But the film director demanded they film on site

why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock? it’s just a little meteor!

What did Neil Armstrong say when no one laughed at his moon jokes? I guess you had to be there.

The moon landing was fake I mean it's still up in the sky

When does the moon shine the brightest? When the tides in Alabama are still.

When Trump said "We're going to put a man on the face of the moon" last night, he meant he wants his Space Force to laser-etch his face onto the moon Get ready for Moont Rushmore

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Long Moon Jokes

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project..

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was: "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."

The sky was blue, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I...

The sky was blue, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I.

Her hair was brown, her eyes baby blue, I knew exactly what she wanted to do.

And so, with courage, I did my best and laid my hand upon her breast.

Her face was light, her body fine, I ran my finger down her spine.

I trembled in shock, I felt her heart, slowly she spread her legs apart.

I knew she was ready... but I didn't know how, for this was my first experience at milking a cow.

My first time. [SFW]

The sky was dark, the moon was high. All alone just she and I. Her hair was soft, her eyes were blue, I knew just what she wanted to do. Her skin so soft, Her legs so fine. I ran my fingers down her spine. I didn't know how, but I tried my best I placed my hand upon her breast. I remember my fear, my fast beating heart, but slowly she spread her legs apart. And when I did it I felt no shame. All at once, the white stuff came. At last it's finished; It's all over now. My first time. Milking a cow.

A man sits next to Albert Einstein on a flight

Einstein says to the man, "This will be a long flight, so let's play a game. I will ask you a question and if you cannot answer it you will give me $5. But if you ask me a question that I cannot answer, I will give you $500."

Thinking $100 to $1 is a good deal, the man says "Ok, you go first."

Einstein asks, "How far is the moon from the Earth?"

The man has no idea how far the moon is from the Earth and says, "I do not know the answer, so here is $5," and hands Einstein $5.

"Now it is your turn," Einstein says.

"What goes up the mountain with 3 legs and down the mountain with 4 legs?" asked the man.

Einstein thinks and thinks, but cannot seem to find the answer. Eventually he gives up and says, "I cannot think of the answer, so here is $500" and hands the man $500. "But before I ask my next question, what does go up the mountain with 3 legs and down with 4 legs?"

The man hands Einstein $5.

A story about my first time

The sky was dark

The moon was high

All alone just she and I.

Her hair was soft

Her eyes were blue

I knew just what she wanted to do.

Her skin so soft

Her legs so fine

I ran my fingers down her spine.

I didn't know how

But I tried my best

I started by placing my hands on her breast.

I remember my fear my fast beating heart

But slowly she spread her legs apart

And when I did it I felt no shame.

All at once the white stuff came

At last it's finished it's all over now

My first time ever at milking a cow...

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project,

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who only spoke Navajo, asked a question, which the son translated, "What are the guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got really excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin\-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.

Finally, NASA called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said: "Watch out for these guys; they've come to steal your land."

A young first officer asks his Captain

A young first officer asks his Captain,
"Sir, why does not my ability evolve. I don't seem to be getting better at flying?"

And the Captain patiently answers: "Son, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seem like flames?"

"Yes, my sir, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones but without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, sir, I have already witnessed it."

"Then the moon .. when it touches the calm water reflecting all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, sir, I have also observed this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all these stupid things instead of focusing on flying the aircraft."

A message to the moon

About 1966 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo moon mission took the astronauts near Tuba City where the terrain of the Navajo Reservation looks very much like the Lunar surface. Along with all the trucks and large vehicles, there were two large figures dressed in full Lunar spacesuits.

Nearby a Navajo sheep herder and his son were watching the strange creatures walk about, occasionally being tended by personnel. The two Navajo people were noticed and approached by the NASA personnel. Since the man did not know English, his son asked for him what the strange creatures were and the NASA people told them that they are just men that are getting ready to go to the moon.

The man became very excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. The NASA personnel thought this was a great idea so they rustled up a tape recorder. After the man gave them his message, they asked his son to translate. His son would not.

Later, they tried a few more people on the reservation to translate and every person they asked would chuckle and then refuse to translate.

Finally, with cash in hand, someone translated the message, "Watch out for these guys, they come to take your land."

A husband and wife go dancing . . .

A husband takes his wife dancing.

They notice a guy on the dance floor living large, break dancing, moon walking, backflips, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"

This is the only joke I know. Spooktober appropriate.

A cemetery caretaker is feeling ill after a long day's work and decides to head into town to get some medicine before going to bed.

It is still pretty light out and the drug store is only a few miles from his house on the graveyard property, so he decides the walk might do him some good.

Unfortunately, it takes him a while to gather the medicines he thinks he might need and the checkout line is longer than normal. He buys some cold medicine, some pain killers and some cough drops for the next day.

When he is finally done, he heads home. It is now quite dark and a chill has set in so he is not in the best of spirits.

When he makes it back to the graveyard, a cloud passes in front of the moon. Luckily he knows the graveyard well and can navigate it without a problem.

It's quiet and he hears a noise behind him.

thump thump thump

He looks around but can't see anything in the dark. He quickens his pace.

He hears the sound again, but louder.

THUMP THUMP THUMP

He is genuinely frightened now and starts to run.

The sound grows louder still.

###THUMP THUMP THUMP

As he's running, he glances back and the moon emerges from behind the clouds. To his horror, he sees a coffin standing on end bounding towards him.

##THUMP THUMP THUMP

He breaks into a sprint and slams the gate to his yard shut as he passes by. The coffin breaks through the gate, unhindered.

#THUMP THUMP THUMP

He slams the door to his house and frantically locks it. The coffin breaks down the door.

#THUMP THUMP THUMP

He scrambles to the end of the room and knocks a table over to block it's path. The coffin breaks through the table.

#THUMP THUMP THUMP

He cowers against the wall, sure that his fate is sealed. In a last ditch effort, he tosses the cough drops at it.

And the coffin stops.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated.

"What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was: "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."

Husband takes the wife to her high school reunion...

...and after meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.

The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance.

There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy?

Twenty-five years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

"Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"

Two blondes in NY are sitting on a balcony at night

Two blondes are sitting on a balcony at night staring at the stars and moon. One of them asks the other, "what do you think is further, the moon or Florida?" The other responds, "hello?!?! Can you see Florida from here?!?!"

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation...

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who only spoke Navajo, asked a question, which the son translated, "What are the guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got really excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.

Finally, NASA called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said: "Watch out for these guys; they've come to steal your land."

Husband and wife go to a club

They notice a guy on the dance floor giving everyone a show. He's breakdancing, moon walking and even throwing in a few backflips. The wife turns to the husband and says, "see that guy on the dance floor? He proposed to be 25 years ago and I turned him down!"
Husband says "Yeah looks like he's still celebrating!"

In the months leading up to the expedition of Apollo 11...

In the months leading up to the expedition of Apollo 11, the astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. The area is home to several Native American communities. One days, as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American. The man asked them what they were doing there. They replied that they were part of a research expedition that would shortly travel to explore the moon. When the old man heard that, he fell silent for a few moments, and then asked the astronauts if they could do him a favor.

"What do you want?" they asked.

"Well," said the old man, "the people of my tribe believe that holy spirits live on the moon. I was wondering if you could pass an important message to them from my people."

"What's the message?" asked the astronauts.

The man uttered something in his tribal language, and then asked the astronauts to repeat it again and again until they had memorized it correctly.

"What does it mean?" asked the astronauts.

"Oh, I cannot tell you. It's a secret that only our tribe and the moon spirits are allowed to know."

When they returned to their base, the astronauts searched and searched until they found someone who could speak the tribal language, and asked him to translate the secret message. When they repeated what they had memorized, the translator started to laugh uproariously. When he calmed down, the astronauts asked him what it meant. The man explained that the sentence they had memorized so carefully said, "Don't believe a single word these people are telling you. They are here to steal your lands!"

Trump visits NASA...

He called a meeting of all the top scientists and department heads. As a staffer called for quiet, everyone took a seat and Trump stepped up to the lectern and began speaking.

"I'm very happy to be here with the fine people of NASA today. Very happy. As you know, during my campaign I promised the people that I would Make America Great Again. We had a great campaign, didn't we? The best. The very best. Marvelous. Anyway, you folks here at NASA have accomplished some amazing things over the years. The moon landing: great! The Mars robot car thing, just great. But to be honest, that's old news. Old news. I know you're working on projects to go back to the moon and mars, but today I'm here to announce that we're scrapping all that. Let Europe or China do all that. They can have it. It's boring. We need a bold, new vision to show our greatness to the world once again. So, today, I'm directing NASA to begin a new American space project:"

"We're going to the sun!"

The room fell into shocked silence for a moment. Then, one engineer near the front raised his hand. Trump nodded his way.

"Uh, sir?" he said "That is, uh, Mr. President? Um, well sir, the sun is an ongoing nuclear reaction with a surface temperature of nearly 6000 degrees Kelvin..."

The President continued to stare at him.

"...uh, that is to say, it's hot, sir. The sun is very, very hot. Any ship we sent would melt long before it could reach the sun. Sir."

Trump furrowed his brow, and said "Huh. Hadn't thought of that. Let me make a few calls. I know some smart guys. Very smart. Give me an hour and I'll get back to you."

An hour later, Trump re-entered the room, and once again stepped to the lectern.

"Ok, we got it. It was actually Dr. Ben Carson who came up with this. Great guy. Did you know that he's black? The blacks, they just love me. They really do. Anyway, here it is, and to be frank I'm kind of disappointed that you people didn't think of this. I mean you're supposed to be a bunch of geniuses, right? So, here it is."

"We're gonna go...at night."

Cheesy Jokes/ Lame Jokes. They make my day.

How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.

Why did the cookie go to hospital?
Because he was feeling a little crummy.

Why was the mushroom happy?
Because he was a fungi.

How do you organise a party in space?
You planet.

How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with.

Hear about the Italian chef?
He pasta way.

What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing they just waved.

Did you hear about the movie constipated?
It never came out.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but they refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."

Back during the Apollo moon-missions, NASA astronauts left an American flag on the surface of the moon.

Over the years, unfortunately, the sun's harsh cosmic rays have bleached the flag completely white. So, any future visitors to the moon will no longer be able to find any proof that the *US* went to the moon, since the only flag left is the French flag.

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