Panda Jokes

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Funniest Panda Jokes

What does a South Carolina cop do when a panda runs away from him? Shoots him 8 times in the black.

So a panda walks into a bar... He sits down and orders: I'd like one whiskey.......and a coke please

The bartender brings him his drinks and asks:" Here you go, but why the big pause?"

The panda looks down to his hands and says:" I was born with them"

Funny Panda Jokes

Why should you never let a panda into a chemistry lab? Because it will create pandamonium

A panda walks into a bar He tells the bartender, "I'll have a scotch and....................................................a coke, thank you."

"Sure thing," replied the bartender, "but why the big pause?"

"I was born with them," says the panda raising his paws.

How does a panda make his pancakes in the morning? With a pan...duh

What’s black and white, black and white and black and white? A panda bear rolling down a hill

So a Panda walks into Child Protecive Services... They ask, “Whats wrong?”

The panda says, “my mother gave me two black eyes”

What is a panda afraid of? Bam-boo

What happens when you let a panda eat some NH4+? Pandamonium!

What common enemy do the Hulk and Kung Fu Panda share? >!stairs!<

How does a panda act when you startle it? Bamboozled.

What’s the difference between a panda and a cop in an ethnic restaurant? A panda eats chutes and leaves. The cop eats, shoots and leaves.

What do you get if you cross Human DNA and Panda DNA? Banned from the zoo. Trust me, I found out the hard way.

Sweet jeebus, this panda is hurt! Quick call the bamboolance.

People tend to give teddy bears as gifts for Valentine's Day. The standard teddy or panda bears seem popular this year. I've got my girlfriend a koala bear because she loves them.

Plus, I don't know a better way to tell her that I've got chlymidia.

Did you hear about the Panda at the Philadelphia Zoo who had his meal time changed? He was bamboo-zled.

If a local Panda Express was infected by COVID-19... It would be known as "Pandemic Express"

Today i realised that Kung Fu Panda was actually a very progressive movie Not only is the protagonist such a minority that he is literally an endangered species, he is also portrayed by a Black man

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. After eating, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and leaves.

Next day, the headlines read *Panda eats shoots and leaves!*

A koala, a bear and a panda owned tea shops... But which one was the best?
The Koala's, as it was the most Koala-Tea.

Why don't bisexuals eat at Panda Express? Because they're always telling them to pick a side.

A panda walks into a bar... A panda walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender and says, "Can I get a
.
.
.
.
glass of water?"

The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big paws?"

*ba-dum-tshh*

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

A panda once hid his food in order to get more. The zookeepers were bamboozeled.

A Panda walks into a bar.. and asks the bartender if he can get a scotch...



.....






...and coke.
The bartender replies "Sure thing, but why the big pause?"
The Panda shrugs, lifts up his hands, and says "Was born with them."

What's black, white, red and Asian? The red panda

The giant panda is no longer endangered... It's now extinct

My lover always dresses as a panda when we are in bed Unfortunately, I don't think we'll last; he just eats shoots and leaves.

What doea a panda call a jumpscare? bamBOO

A panda bear with a gun walks into a pub and orders some food. He eats, shoots and leaves

How does a panda do a one night stand? Eats, shoots, and leaves.

Did you hear the one about the panda who cheated people of their money? I heard he bamboozled them

Why is the panda so likely to shoot up a restaurant? He eats shoots and leaves.

What is white, black and Asian A panda

Panda Express fired me for emailing around photos of bad stir fry... I guess I should have labelled them Not Safe for Wok...

A panda is finishing up his meal at a restaurant. When he is handed the bill, he pulls a deagle and nails the waiter in the stomach. He proceeded to walkout of the restaurant. What did you expect, they eat, shoots and leaves.

A panda is the greatest restaurant assassin. It eats shoots and leaves.

What do you call a panda preserve? A soon-to-be Jurassic Park.

What did the customer say about Panda Express's Internet Security? It had nice Authentic Asian.

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New Panda Jokes

Why did the panda bring a bamboo to the fight? Because bamboo shoots.

What does a Panda bear have in common with a robber at a restaurant? Eats shoots and leaves

I'm sorry I haven't got back to you but I've been handcuffed to a panda So bear with me

What do you need if you’re wanting to cook Asian bear meat? A panda

Why did the panda travel to Wall Street? To buy bamboo stalks!

I got fired from my Job at Panda Express for forwarding pictures of bad stir fry. My boss said I should have labeled them Not Safe For Wok

What do we call Po when he's sick? Kung Flu Panda

The panda bears rioted in the streets of Beijing today . . . It was pandamonium!!!

A violent panda walks into a restaurant Eats shoots and leaves.

I know people really like Chinese Bears and jewelry, so I was gonna make a joke about them... But that would be panda ring.

What’s black and white and red all over? A panda that’s been sliced in half.

What has two black eyes and is fat? A panda

A panda had far too much to drink at a party His hangover was unbearable

How does a panda rob a restaurant? Eats chutes and leaves

What does a panda use to make pancakes? A pan...duh!

How do you give a panda a boner? Bamboobies

How did they know the panda robbed the diner? Because a panda eats shoots and leaves

Why the big paws? A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Can I get a ...... Martini?"

The bartender replies: "Why the big paws?"

Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter? Seems it's a story, that bear's repeating.

How did the Panda defend his honor without a weapon? He used his bear hands.

How did they know the panda was the one who robbed the resturant at gun point? Panda’s eat shoots and leaves

A panda walks into a restaurant He orders food, eats it, shoots the waiter, and leaves without paying.

The police question the panda.

They ask why he did it

The panda says to look up 'panda' in the dictionary.

Dictionary:
/Panda/

Eats shoots and leaves.

A panda walks into a bar. Pandas are now endangered again.

Today a panda said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, But I'm sure I've never met herbivore.

How much does a panda weigh? Won ton!

A group dressed in panda masks tried to rob a bank... It was an embarrassment.

What's black & white, black & white and black & white? A panda bear rolling down a hill.

Why did the Doctor think the Panda had a concussion? It kept calling saying its head was fuzzy.

What happens when you drop a religious panda in the middle of a crowded public place? Mass Pandamonium

Why don't you want a panda in your restaurant? Because it eats, shoots, and leaves.

Every province in China has its own, unique foods. Panda Chinese Kitchen comes from the Heatlamp province.

What do you call a Kung Fu Panda President? The PoeTUS

What do a Zebra and a Panda have in common? It's pretty black and white

What do you call a Panda who eats, shoots, and leaves? A Pandit.

(bandit)
OC by BatManBenJamIn

A Recent Discovery in the Scientific Community has Caused an Outrage... Chaos ensued when scientists discovered a new element while studying a panda named Mon. The only thing that caused more insanity was the name of the element.

Panda-Mon-ium.

What does a panda say when it's out of food? Chute

I stole all the panda bears' food. They were bamboozled.

If a red panda is caught stealing, what do you call it? It was caught Red Panded

Why is a panda a lot like Charles Barkley at basketball practice? He eats shoots and leaves

I don't like black and white jewelry. I feel like it's panda ring.

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Long Panda Jokes

A panda walks into a bar...

And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and waits to be served.

The owner is confused by the presence of the panda, but decides to provide service just like he would any other customer. The panda orders a meal, eats the meal quietly, and then asks for the check.

As the owner prepares the bill, the panda suddenly pulls out a gun, fires a few rounds into the air, and starts heading to the door. The owner is shocked, and starts chasing after the panda yelling “what the heck was that all about?” The panda just looks at him funny, then says “I’m a panda, look it up.” Then tosses him an encyclopedia and walks out the door.

The owner flips it the page about pandas and starts reading aloud. “Panda, a large black and white bear, native to Asia, that eats shoots and leaves.”

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich.

He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!" "Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!" The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwellingmammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and whitecoloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

Bad Dad Panda Joke

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"


The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"


The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves."

&#x200B;

(lol i'm sorry for this bad joke but i laugh everytime i think about how hard my father laughed when he told me. Even laughing at himself struggling to tell it to me again many years later RIP Dad)

Panda walks into a restaurant....

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats, shoots, and leaves."

Panda Definition

A Panda Bear walks into a café and orders a
sandwich and a drink. After he is finished eating,
the waiter comes over to bring him the check.
When the waiter arrives at the table, he just
starts to ask 'Would you like any des...' Then the
Panda Bear reaches into his fur, pulls out a gun,
and shoots the waiter dead. The Panda Bear then
wipes off his chin with his napkin, gets up, and
starts to walk out. Just as he is about to go
through the door, the manager grabs him. 'Wait a
minute!' he yells, 'You just killed my best waiter!
Besides that, you didn't even pay for your
sandwich!'

The Panda Bear grasps the manager by the
throat, jacks him up, and growls, 'Hey man! I'm a
PANDA! Do you know what that means? Why
don't you look it up!'

At this the Panda walks out the door and ambles
down the street. The manager, shaken, returns to
his office and consults a dictionary. He reads:
'panda - a large mammal of the Asian mountain
forests related to raccoons and true bears and
characterized by bold black and white markings.
Eats shoots and leaves.'

Source : A joke book I read somewhere

-might be repost... I don't know, I'm new-

Panda

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager and left the restaurant, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

A panda walks into a restaurant

and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter.

As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"

"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!

"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling-mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white-coloring. Eats, shoots and leaves."

A panda walks into a bar. Orders a meal and quietly eats it. When the bartender comes with the check, the panda pulls out a shotgun, shoots the bartender, and prepares to leave the bar. The bartender, on his last breath, screams “Why?!”

The panda pulls out a dictionary, points to the entry on pandas, which reads:
Panda (n.) – Eats shoots and leaves.

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!""Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwellingmammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and whitecoloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

Bamboo

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After the meal the waiter comes to the table to give the panda the check. Without a word the panda draws a gun and shoots the waiter dead. He then gets up nonchalantly and heads for the door. Seeing what just transpired the manager confronts the panda at the door.

" Hey, you just shot my waiter!" screams the manager.

The panda replies "I'm a panda, it's what I do. Look it up."

As the panda walks out the door the manager runs to his office and looks up panda in the dictionary:

Panda\- A mammal from the bear family with black and white markings originating from the continent of Asia.

Eats shoots and leaves.

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look
it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

A panda walks into a bar.

He sits down at a table and orders a sandwich. When the waiter brings him his check he pulls out a gun, shoots him and starts walking towards the door.
The bartender shouts over to him "hey, what'd you do that for?"
The panda says "I'm a panda buddy, look it up!"
The bartender quickly looks up the definition and sees:
Panda- Bear from Central and Western China forests with black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.

A panda bear walks into a resturant..

And orders some food, after his meal the server comes out and asks how everything was and the panda bear pulls a gun a shoots him. The manager comes out and says "hey man what's going on?" The panda bear replies "I'm a panda bear Google it.." and leaves. The manager curiously Googled panda bear and was reading "panda bear: black and white bear, eats chutes and leaves."

What's the stupidest joke you know?

Here's mine:

A panda walks into a bar and orders his food and drinks. When he's done, the panda gets up and pulls out a gun, which he then shoots into the ceiling. He promptly leaves.
The next day, the panda goes into the same bar, at which point the bartender says, "Hey! You can't come in here after what you did yesterday, you didn't even pay!"
To which the panda says, "bartender, look up the definition of a panda in the dictionary."
The bartender opens his dictionary to "panda" and reads aloud, "panda - eats shoots and leaves."

A panda walks into a cáfe.

He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and unloads it into the ceiling.

“Why?” Asks the confused waiter, as the panda starts leaving. He tosses a wildlife manual over his shoulder.

“I’m a panda,” he says at the door, “look it up.”

The waiter flips to the page about pandas, and it says, “Panda. Large black and white bear-like animal native to China. Eats, Shoots, and leaves”





Credits: Eats, Shoots, and Leaves

A panda bear walks into a bar...

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich.
The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out. The bartender yells for him to stop.

The panda bear asks, “What do you want?”
The bartender replies, “First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food.”
The panda bear turns around and says, “Hey! I’m a Panda. Look it up!”
The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read:

“Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for it’s stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

A panda walks into a bar...

A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, "I'm a panda. Google me!" Sure enough, panda: "A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

A panda walks into a steakhouse...

*A panda walks into a steakhouse.*

Panda: Can I get some bamboo?

Server: Sorry, we only have steak here.

Panda: I'll have some steak then.

*The panda eats the steak.*

Server: So how was the food?

Panda: It was one of the most delicious meals I've ever had!

Server: Glad you enjoyed, here's your bill.

*The panda takes out a gun and shoots the server. The server is in agony.*

Server: Why?? I thought you said the food was good?

Panda: Don't you know who I am? Look me up in the dictionary.

*The server, with the last of his strength, pulls out the dictionary.*

Server: "*A panda eats chutes and leaves...*"

*The server, in his final moments, watches panda leaves the steakhouse, realizing he got played.*

Moishe the actor

Moishe, a Jewish actor, is so down and out, he's ready to take any acting gig that
he can find. Finally, he gets a lead, a classified ad that says, "Actor Needed To Play
An Ape." "I could do that," says Moishe.
To his surprise, the employer turns out to be the Central Park Zoo in New York.

An ape has just died, and owing to the recent budget cuts and the recession, they
can no longer afford to import an ape to replace the deceased one, so, until they
can get the money, they'll put an actor in an ape suit instead.

Out of desperation, Moishe takes the offer. At first, his conscience keeps nagging
him, that he is being dishonest by fooling the zoo-goers. Moishe also feels
undignified in the ape suit, stared at by the crowds who watch his every move.
But after a few days on the job, he begins to enjoy all the attention and starts to
put on a decent show for all the zoo-goers. Moishe hangs upside down from the
branches by his legs, swinging about on the vines, climbing up the cage walls and
roaring with all his might while beating on his chest. Soon, he's drawing a sizable
crowd.

One day, while Moishe is swinging on the vines to show off to a group of school
kids, his hands slip and he goes flying over the fence into the neighboring cage,
the lion's den. Terrified, Moishe backs up as far from the approaching lion as he
can, covers his eyes and prays at the top of his lungs, "Sh'ma Yisroel, Adonoi
Elaheinu, Adonoi Echud!"

The lion opens his powerful jaws and roars; "Baruch Shem K'vod Malchuso, L'olam
Va'ed! "

From a nearby cage, a panda yells, "Shut up you schmucks, you'll get us all fired!

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