Hilarious Bone Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Bone Jokes

Did you know that a piranha can devour a child down to the bone in less than 45 seconds? Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

If you boil a funny bone It becomes a laughing stock

Did you know a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds? Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath? A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Did you know that a piranha can devour a small child down to the bone in less than 30 seconds? Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today...

The Egyptian man became a bone doctor... They called him a Cairopractor

I wish my wife looked at me the way my dog does. You know, waist-high with a bone in her mouth.

What do you call a monk who walks everywhere in bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath? A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Did you know that a piranha can eat a child done to the bone in less than 30 seconds? Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today

What did the French skeleton say before he ate? Bone apetit

I asked my boss I asked my new boss why she wasn't wearing any green today. She told me she didn't feel right celebrating St. Paddy's day since she didn't have an Irish bone in her body. I asked her if she wanted one.

Know anyone hiring?

I boiled a funny bone once... It turned into a laughing stock.

What Do Women And KFC Boxes Have in Common? Once you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put the bone in.

What do women and KFC have in common? Once your done with the legs and thighs you have a greasy box to stick your bone in.

Give a dog a bone and you feed him for a day Teach a dog to bone and you go to jail for animal cruelty

How much does 2,000lbs of bone weigh a skeleton

A boiled a funny bone once. It turned into a laughing stock. It was humorous.

Two teenagers snuck into a crypt at night. One tripped over a small bone and the other unashamedly laughed. Can't blame him though, it was a little humerus.

What do you call a thigh bone that takes the lords name in vein? A Blasfemur.

It's true I misunderstood what you meant by "take me to the bone zone" but you must admit this is a very nice graveyard.

When you boil a funny bone You get laughing stock.

What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? When you're done with the breast and thighs, the only thing left is a greasy box to put your bone in

I was trying to come up with a funny bone joke... But I couldn't think of anything humorous.

You know what my favorite bone is? The ulna. I'm sorry if you thought this joke would be humerus.

What do a good woman and KFC have in common? After nibbling the breast and thighs there's a greasy box to put your bone in.

The price of smartphones are getting way too ridiculous If I fall and hear something crack, I'm hoping it's a bone

How is a woman like Kentucky Fried Chicken? When you are finished with the breast and the thigh, you have a greasy box to stick your bone in.

Q: What do a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Best amputation jokes? Friend has bone cancer, may be getting an arm amputated. We have run "I'd give my left arm" and "Single-handedly" puns into the ground, and we need more amputation jokes.

My friend brought his wife into the pub and he asked me if i thought she was beautiful. I said 'She's lovely, a great match for you. Got cracking legs matey'

he said: 'Thanks, that's her brittle bone syndrome'

Why is a woman like a KFC? Because once you get past the juicy breast and tender thigh, all you have left is a greasy bucket to put your bone in...

What's the similarity between women and KFC Once you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you're left with a greasy box to pop your bone in.

My teacher said, because I was acting up in class, I have to do a book report on the largest bone in the arm. Isn't that humorous?

How much does a bone weigh? A skele-tonne.

I made a joke about the bone of my upper arm It was humerus

What do woman and KFC have in common After the breast and the thigh there is nothing left but a greasy box to stick your bone in.

What is a skeleton's weapon of choice? A bone and marrow.

I have a few bone jokes for you... ...but tibia honest, you probably won't find it all that humerus

What did the skeleton say before dinner? BONE appetit. His whole family found that HUMERUS.

New Bone Jokes

What's the definition of a misogynist? A man who hates every bone in a woman's body except his.

As told by my son. The student has become the dad joke master. While eating porkchops out back.

Me: Hey, you want a bone to chew on?
Son: Gnaw bro.

What do you call a bone that tells lies? A blasfemer

What did the skeleton say after meeting his arch nemesis? “I’ve got a bone to pick with you!”

What do women and KFC have in common? After your done with the breast and thighs you have a greasy box to stick your bone in.

f you boil a funny bone It becomes a laughing stock.

Now that's humerus!

What part of your body makes you use your phone Your caller bone

Why was the paleontologist angry? He still had a bone to pick.

why did the skeleton download grindr? because he wanted to bone

Did you know that a piranha can devour a child to the bone in 45 seconds? In other words, I lost my job at the aquarium the other day

Why are Donald Trump's letters so poorly written? He can't do drafts because of bone spurs.

What's the hardest kind of bone for a dog to eat?? A trombone ;D!

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? I've got a bone to pick with you.

A bone has a feast "I'm hungry so Bon Appetit!"

My friend thinks fractures are funny. I asked him which bone he broke. He said it's humerus.

After a while of being annoyed by a kid with leukemia, I turned to him and said, “What is it kid? Do you have a bone to pick?”

Ever heard of the orthopedic surgeon who got arrested for voyeurism? He just wanted to see his patient's bone

I had a hip replacement, but the hospital won't let me keep the bone as a souvenir. They've got joint custody.

What do you call a bone of the body that defies church teaching? A blasFEMUR

Bones The funny bone never is funny, but another bone is, it's ALWAYS humerus.

If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.

It's true when Trump insists he "Doesn't have a Racist Bone in his body" It's just his heart, brain and tongue

Let me tell you why you shouldn't fear those rats They don't got no back bone

Skeleton jokes I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

A man goes to the doctor and says "My arm hurts when I move it like this!" The doctor tells him, "You have bone cancer."

I met a French person today and they have a weird bone fetish IDK why but they were mentioning bone jaw and bone apple teeth again and again

Adam never really needed that extra rib anyway... but he did need something to bone

First day on the job.. Patient: how bad is it?

Me: *forgetting the word for spine* you broke your bone rope.

I had a bone to pick with my friend... I picked his femur, although it was a close call between that and the tibia.

I broke my funny bone last week It still hasn’t healed

I broke my funny bone last weak... It still hasn’t healed

Why did the successful comedian lose his job after a car accident? It caused amputation of both his arms and lost his funny bone

What did the puppy say to the skeleton Cmon, throw a dog a bone

I recently had a falling out with my lobotomy team I had a bone to pick with them

I just ran into that paleontologist who owed me money. Boy did I have a bone to pick with him.

What do you call a dating app for skeletons? The bone zone.

Hey, are you a paleontologist? Because I’ve got a massive bone in my pants for you to study.

What did the skeleton mafia boss say to the snitch? “I got a bone to pick with you!”

Recently my friend broke a bone in his wrist... He was in the car with his dad and his friends dad, and his dad brought up he broke his radius, and the other dad proceded to say

At least he didn’t break his diameter.

What do you call a fork made from the bone of a killer whale? Forca

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?

Boy: Pockets.

Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.

Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

Boy: Bubble gum.

Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent.

The principal was looking restless.

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: Wedding ring.

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: OH MY GOD.

Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you have to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: Ohooo!

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh!

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

Redneck First Aid

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the country. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Well these two hillbillies in the next booth notice she is choking so they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over and the second hillbilly starts licking his butt. The women watches these two go at it and is grossed out. She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. The hillbilly pulls his overalls back up and says to the other, "You're right Leroy, that hind-lick maneuver works like a charm."

[long] a female class teacher was having problems with a kid in her class

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3.
The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Primary 4.
I am smarter than my sister and she's in Primary 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Primary 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

Principal: 5x9.

Boy: 45.

The boy got all the questions right.
The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Primary 4 immediately.
The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?

Boy: Pockets.

Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.

Madam: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky?

*The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge*

Boy: Bubble gum.

Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent.

*The principal was looking restless*

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: Wedding ring.

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: O MY GOD.

Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: damnit!!.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh!!.. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher ,

"Send this BLOODY kid to the university...
Even I myself got all the answers wrong!"

A child prodigy

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in 3rd grade. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in 4th grade. I am smarter than my sister and she's in grade 4".

The teacher had heard enough and took the boy to the principal's office. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?
Boy: 6.
Principal: 6+6.
Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right.
The principal told the teacher to send the boy to the 4th grade immediately. The teacher decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Teacher: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
Boy: Legs.

Teacher: What is in your trousers that I don't have?
Boy: Pockets.

Teacher: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut.

Teacher: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky?

*The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge*

Boy: Bubble gum.

Teacher: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent.

*The principal was looking restless*

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
Boy: Wedding ring.

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
Boy: Nose.

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow.

Principal: O MY GOD.

Teacher: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
Boy: Fork.

Teacher: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname.

Principal: oh no!!

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
Boy: Heart.

Principal: Uhhhhhhh.. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send this boy to the university...Even I got all the answers wrong!"

Three men walk up to the pearly gates of heaven

Three men walk up to the pearly gates of heaven, St. peter is there to greet them. He tells the three men that heaven is a bit crowded at the moment and he can only let one of them go through right now. To be fair he tells the guys that “whoever has died the most unusual death can go ahead but the other two will have to wait. And tell them that the first to die can go first.

The first guy walks up and tells St. Peter:
I worked the same job and lived in the same 4oth floor apartment for the past 10 years, I would take lunch at 12pm every day and go home to eat with my wife, today I decided to surprise my wife and come home early for lunch, I walk in the door and she is standing there butt naked with a look of shock on her face. I knew in my heart that she was cheating on me, so I began going through the apartment, looking everywhere for this S.O.B she was sleeping with, as I was looking in the living room I heard someone screaming out on the patio, I open the door and there is a man hanging off the ledge, I was in such a rage I kicked his hands and watched him fall 39 floors to his death. I swear he was still moving so I dragged the refrigerator from the kitchen outside and pushed it over the patio’s railing. It was such a strain on me I had a heart attack and died, and I still don’t know if I killed him.

“okay” said St. Peter “go stand over there, and let the next person who died come up”

The second guy walks up and tells St. Peter:

Well I just moved into my new 41st floor apartment and had today off so I thought I would do some unpacking, I was setting up my patio and not watching what I was doing and back into the railing and fell over, I was lucky enough to grab hold of the rails on the patio below and was screaming for help, when the guy came out, took one look at me and kicked my hands. I fell 39 floors and landed in trees and finally in some bushes. I knew I broke every bone in my body, but was very thankful for not dying. When out of nowhere this freaking refrigerator hits me. And I woke up here.

Now St. Peter looks at the first guy and then at the second and tell him to stand far away from each other and not to talk. By now the third guy walks up and St. Peter tells him “ I don’t think you have a chance of beating either one of the first two.” And with that the third guy puts his arm around St. Peter and said “picture this….I’m Naked in a refrigerator”

Three vampires are bragging to each other...

The first says "Watch this." leaves, and is back in an instant, mouth covered in blood. He points at a villager and says "You see that villager? Sucked him dry."

The second, impressed, but not willing to be outdone, leaves and returns just as fast as the first, blood covering her mouth, neck and cheeks. She points and says "You see that town? Bone dry, no survivors."

The third shrugs and says "That's nothing, watch this." He's barely gone a fraction of a second before he's back with a face completely covered in blood. The first vampire asks "What did you do?" The third vampire replied "You see that pole?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't"

First Aid

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the country.
She orders the chicken and starts to eat.
Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone.
Well these two hillbillies in the next booth notice she is choking,
so they get up and go over to help her.
The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over
and the second hillbilly starts licking his butt.
The woman watches these two go at it and is grossed out.
She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.
The hillbilly pulls his overalls back up and says to the other,
"You're right Leroy, that hind-lick maneuver works like a charm."

Works like a charm

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the country. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone.

Well these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking so they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over and the second country boy starts licking his butt.

The women watches these two go at it and is grossed out. She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.

The country boy pulls his overalls back up and says to the other, "You're right Leroy, that hind-lick maneuver works like a charm."

A request...

So I found out this week that my mom has Leukemia, and is going into the hospital either today or pretty soon there after to start chemo and then hopefully get a bone marrow transplant. I've decided to send her a video of me telling a joke a day to help keep her spirits up, but I know my library of jokes she would appreciate will probably run out within the first week. So please, post your best or favorite relatively clean jokes here! Jokes poking fun at Baptists would be especially appreciated. Thanks guys (and gals!)

A woman comes into the ER...

A true story!

A woman came into the ER with a fish bone caught in her throat.

An orderly put her into a wheelchair, and wheeled her off toward an examination room. They came to the top of a ramp, the orderly stumbled, and accidentally let go.

The lady accelerates down the ramp, hits the doorjamb at the bottom, and goes sprawling. As a result, she coughed up the fish bone.

The orderly, now worried about getting into trouble, thinks quick, and says "You're really lucky lady, usually we have to do that 2 or 3 times!"

Two bricks of salt visit a meat factory...

And while they are looking down at one of the bone grinders, one of the salt brick accidentally falls down into the machine. The other salt brick watches in panic as his friend gets sucked into the blades and gears. After a while, the salt brick comes out from the other side of the grinding machine, all ground into pieces and powder.

"Oh my god! Are you okay Jimmy?" The salt brick on the top asks.

"Oh yeah I'm fine."

A female teacher was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class.

Madam asked: 'Boy, what is your problem?'

The Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first grade - my sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: What is 3 x 3? Boy.: 9.

Principal: What is 6 x 6? Boy.: 36.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know.
The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think the boy can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.

Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'

Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow

Madam: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck

Madam: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' & if you don't get it, you have to use your hand.
Boy.: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?
Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
'Send this Boy to MIT or Oxford. Even I got the last ten questions wrong myself!!!

The old dog, the leopard and the monkey

An old dog got lost in the savanna... Noticing easy prey, a leopard prepared for an ambush behind a tree. However, the dog could also smell the leopard and being quite crafty he took a quick survey of the area and found a bone. With the bone in his mouth he soliloquized "Oh my goodness, this is so tasty! I love leopard meat! I wish I could find another to eat!"The leopard became nervous and decided to run away. A monkey, who was watching the entire scene, ran after the leopard climbing from treetop to treetop. Upon catching up to the leopard the monkey mocked him and told him how the old dog had tricked him. Furious, the leopard ran back to the old dog being followed all the while above the trees by the monkey.But the dog once again caught wind of the leopard and the monkey. Thinking quickly on his feet the old dog said aloud "DAMMIT, where is that pesky monkey? He promised to bring me another leopard and he still hasn't come back!" (Thx u/PhillipCarey for the formatting)

A woman's doctor prescribes her testosterone

...for better bone density, libido, and mood. The woman is a bit dubious, but readily follows the doctor's orders.

A few days later, the doctor gets a call from the woman. "How are you feeling, Mrs. Smith?" he asks.

She replies, "Oh, just wonderful. I am noticing a positive change on these hormones. I *am* suffering from a little extra hair growth, though."

"Oh, a little extra hair is perfectly normal when on a testosterone course," the doctor says reassuringly. "Where is the hair growing?"

The woman replies, "On my balls."

3 Guys all married for 50 years, die at the same time, all go to pearly gates....

Its a long joke, sorry, 3 men all die at the same time, 3 men all have been married for 50 years, 3 men all are at the pearly gates, with St. Peter annoyed doing paperpork.

St.Peter tells them, I already the know the truth, I already know the answers, just tell me the truth when I ask a question.

First guy, how many times in 50 years did you cheat on your wife...the man says , Sir, in 50 years I have never cheated on my wife. St. Peter says for you Mercedes 500 convertible, he drives it through

Second guy, sweating a little, how many times in 50 years have you cheated on your wife, second guy stutters, 14 ,,,,12,,, ummm 14, St. Peter says for you, 1974 Chevy Nova, he drives it through

Third guy, sweat is pouring down, how many times have you cheated on your wife, He says, sir we both know I have cheated on my wife every Saturday night with a different girl, for you 1962, Vespa Scooter. He drives it through.

So the Scooter guy and Nova guy are driving around and they see the Mercedes guy pulled over on the road, sobbing, bone cracking huge sobs, tear stained shirt.

They say, what's wrong, you lived your whole life right, you were a great husband, why are you crying.

First guy says, "I just saw my wife go by on rollerskates".

hillbilly guy is eating at a buffet...

a large lady at the next table is wolfing down chicken wings, dipping them into a soup bowl of ranch dressing and shoving them in, right hand, left hand...

suddenly she grabs her throat and starts eeking out a panicked sound and starts turning purple...

the hillbilly jumps up, shoves her to the floor on her stomach,
yanks down her sweat pants and runs his tongue right down the middle of her butt crack.

the woman, shocked, hacks and a chicken bone shoots, like a bullet, out of her mouth, flying across the floor and smacking the wall at the other side of the room.

she takes a huge gasp and her color returns to normal.

the guy stands up triumphantly and says,

"ahhh, the ol' hind lick maneuver! works e'ry time"

A carpenter quits his job and becomes a detective

Two other detectives on the force decide to see how far they can go before the new guy cracks and decide to take him to a grisly post-mortem.

The ME pulls the sheet off the corpse to reveal his totally naked body and the ex-carpenter seems slightly shocked, the two detectives grin, this might be easier than they thought.

The ME starts by cutting the man wide open and begins to remove his organs, handing them to the ex-carpenter to bag and label: heart, liver, lungs, stomach, intestines, kidneys, everything. By this point the ex-carpenter is flecked with blood and viscera and looks pale and sickly.

Eventually, the ME comes to the brain. He pulls out a bone-saw the length of his arm and begins unceremoniously hacking away at the man’s skull, chunks of flesh and bone fly wild and by this point the ex-carpenter is covered in blood.

The ME is having real trouble with the skull, he’s been sawing for minutes now and the ex-carpenter is physically shaking, the blood vessels popping in his neck and forehead, his knuckles clenched white.

Finally he lets out a scream and wrestles the saw from the ME’s hands, but before the detectives can congratulate each other the ex-carpenter takes the saw to the man’s skull and bellows:

LET THE SAW DO THE WORK!

The strongman at the fair picked up a giant grapefruit in his giant hand, then squeezed.

The grapefruit was bone dry. The fair barker then began shouting, "If any man can squeeze another drop out of this grapefruit they will win $500!". Now, there were some big gents in the audience and they all decided to try their luck. First came a group of American football players. They all tried and failed. Then came a bunch of burly construction workers. They tried and failed too. Two professional wrestlers suffered the same fate. The barker was about to quit when all of a sudden a skinny gentleman with glasses stepped forward and said, "I'd like to try." The barker and strongman both began to laugh. The crowd also joined in on the laughter, but the skinny man went up to the grapefruit, grabbed it, and squeezed out half a glass of grapefruit juice. The audience, strongman,m and barker were stunned silent. The barker then asked the man, "How can a wimp like you squeeze like that?!" "Simple, the man replied. "I work for the IRS!"

I am too intelligent for class I, please promote me to class III

A teacher, Ms Neelam was having trouble with one of her students studying in class I. The teacher asked, "Boy, what is your problem?"

Boy answered, "I'm too smart and intelligent for the class 1. My sister is in the class III and I'm intelligent than she is . I think I should also be in the class III..

Ms Neelam had enough. She took the boy to the principal's office. While boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he will remain in class I. If he succeeds he will get promoted to class III.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal : "What is 3 x 3?"

Boy : "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Boy.: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a standard III student should know.

The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy should be promoted to class III.

Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy. both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of ?

Boy , after a moment "Legs."

Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

Boy: "Pockets."

Ms Neelam: What starts with a letter C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky ?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Boy.: Shake hands

Ms Neelam : Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.

The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver.
Boy.: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it you have to use your hand.

Boy.: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this boy to any class III, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

A guy went to museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit.

A guy went to museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit. He walks around the galleries and is quite impressed by the reconstruction of these ancient animals--a T-rex, a triceratops and more. He sees a guy who works for the museum standing near one of them and says to him. "They're quite a sight. How old are they anyhow?"

The guy who works for the museum, says, "This one, the T Rex, is 66 million years old and six months."

"Wow, the guy responds that is amazing that they can be that specific. How do you know?"

"Well," the guy responds. "He was 66 millions years old six months ago and that's when I started working here."

Bone Jokes