Turkey Jokes

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Funniest Turkey Jokes

Funny Turkey Jokes
Score: 1974

When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days... I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.

Score: 1502

I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers I had to quit cold turkey

Score: 434

What do Americans and Putin have in common? They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

Score: 205

Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken.

Score: 169

If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear... Would Greece help?

Score: 167

I finally got a microwave to heat up my leftovers So I was able to quit cold turkey

Score: 137

A turkey was about to cross the road... when a chicken appeared and said "dont do that that, you will never hear the end of it"

Score: 111

I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers But then I quit cold turkey

Score: 107

My daughter told me she wanted a puppy for Christmas... I told her "you're eating turkey like everyone else".

Score: 106

Europe is like a fridge You have the freezing cold part at the top


Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection


Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease

Score: 98

What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving? Beef with turkey

Score: 74

If Turkey was attacked from the rear Would Greece help?

Score: 62

Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving? Because they don't like Turkey

Score: 58

What’s the hardest food to stop eating? Cold turkey

Score: 54

What's the difference between Turkey and Duck? Duck doesn't deny the Armenian Genocide.

Score: 50

So, If ISIS was to attack turkey from the rear ... would greece help?

Score: 48

I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums. He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.

Score: 46

I was Hungary... so Iran to Turkey

Score: 41

My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong... It was just last week since I quit smoking cold turkey

Score: 41

The fastest way to quit being vegan is... Cold turkey

Score: 40

If Russia were to invade Turkey from behind... Do you think Greece would help?

Score: 40

Shot my first turkey today. Scared everyone in the frozen meat department.

Score: 40

There is no Turkey in the coop. But there's a coup in Turkey.

Score: 37

What is the difference between a turkey and my wife? I stuff the turkey before eating it.

Score: 37

Tasty Tattoo My girl just got a tattoo of a turkey on one thigh and Santa Claus on the other.

She wants to show that there *is* something good to eat in between
Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Score: 36

What do you call a turkey with no arms? a turkey

Score: 29

I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving ... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me

Score: 29

Why was Austria-Hungary? Turkey wasn't around yet.

Score: 27

Why don't you take a turkey to church? Because they have fowl language

Score: 27

How do you end world hunger? Put Turkey in Greece to cook it, then cut it up and put it into Chile. Then put it on China and give it to Hungary.

Score: 26

What's the difference between a turkey and Def Leppard? A turkey has two drumsticks

Score: 25

I quit smoking cold turkey And started putting it on my sandwiches instead.

Score: 25

My kids say they want a cat for Christmas Normally I do turkey but hey, if it wil make them happy.

Score: 23

I recently heard that you can get salmonella from eating raw meats Guess I gotta quit cold turkey

Score: 22

I’ve decided to quit smoking cold turkey I only smoke cigarettes now

Score: 20

I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving... Way too close to Syria.

Score: 20

So Turkey wants to invade Syria from the rear, Do you think Greece will help?

Score: 20

What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

Score: 18

If Russia attacked Turkey from the rear... Would Greece Help?

Score: 15

Why can't you have Christmas dinner in the EU? Because there is no Turkey

Score: 14

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New Turkey Jokes

What do you do if you grew up In Hungary? Move to Turkey

Score: 5

Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn't a chicken!

Score: 4

What do you call a turkey that shows too much cleavage? A fowl temptress.

Score: 7

What's a bowlers favorite meal? A turkey with a side of asparagus.

Score: 1

What did the turkey that hated Spiderman say? goblin goblin

Score: 2

What did the turkey say to the worn-out shoe? Cobble cobble cobble

Score: 3

What's the best way to quit being vegan? Going cold turkey

Score: 7

Why did the foreign ministers of the Eastern Mediterranean meet? They wanted to talk Turkey

Score: 1

What's the difference between NATO and the bottom of my fridge? NATO has more than just Turkey and Greece

Score: 3

Turkey can now finally join the EU Why? Well because now that the UK has left, there's 1 GB of free space

Score: 13

Turkey can use Wikipedia now. The joke is that the site was blocked in Turkey for almost 3 years.

Score: 1

I always like to go bowling on Thanksgiving. Because I am guaranteed to get a turkey that day.

Score: 3

Why did they ask the turkey to join the band? Because He had the drum sticks.

Score: 5

What do Thanksgiving and the Kurds have in common? ..

​

America loves them and Turkey would prefer they didn't exist.

Score: 11

What’s the difference between a turkey and Turkey? A turkey wouldn’t commit genocide against innocent people

Score: 1

What does Turkey and Miss Muffet have in common? Khurds in way

Score: 3

A lot of talk about Turkey this week which got me thinking... ...how does OJ Simpson like his white meat cut?

Score: 1

As of 2019, Trump is the best Thanksgiving president. He let the biggest Turkey off scot free.

A month earlier.

Score: 4

Trump must have never eaten a thanksgiving poutine... Anyone who has could tell you curds and turkey don’t get along.

Score: 4

An ode to the Canadian Thanksgiving: How do you keep a turkey in suspense? I will tell you tomorrow.

Score: 4

How do you keep a turkey in suspense? I'll post an update tomorrow.

Score: 3

The country of Turkey is a lot like Little Miss Moffett... They both have Kurds in their way.

Score: 4

Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving. Baste on a true story.

Score: 3

What food pairing does Trump care least about? Cheese Kurds and Turkey

Score: 1

We should start a middle eastern war over Thanksgiving. That way we can slaughter a Turkey twice.

Score: 3

what do you call it when butcher suddenly quits his job? going cold turkey

Score: 5

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede? Drumsticks for everyone!

Score: 3

Why did the turkey cross the road..... Because it’s not a chicken

Score: 3

I tried to give up refrigerated poultry, but decided against it. I'm quitting quitting cold turkey cold turkey cold turkey

Score: 1

i decided to be vegan i quit cold turkey

Score: 6

No dog meat please Daddy, daddy, can we have a dog for Christmas? No, I think we'll have turkey as usual.

Score: 3

A butcher answers a phone call. The caller asks:

- Do you have chicken legs?

- Yes.

- Do you have a pig head?

- Yes.

- Do you have cow ears?

- Yes.

- Do you have turkey wings?

- Yes.

The caller finally says:

- Damn, dude, you must look really crazy!

Score: 4

I sat down to eat my turkey sandwich and my wife yells, "Enjoying your meat, you murderer?" I only wish one day goes by without her mentioning the time I killed her mother

Score: 14

There’s a strange new trend in my office. People are naming food in the office refrigerator.

Today I had a turkey sandwich called Betty!

Score: 10

Christmas!! Son : Mom, Can't we have grandma for Christmas?
Mom : No, we are gonna have turkey like everyone else.

Score: 3

What do you call a man who lives in Turkey who was not born there. Turkish

Score: 14

Russia invades! If Russia invades Turkey from the rear, would Greece help?

Score: 1

Why did the turkey NOT cross the road? To prove that he wasn't chicken.

Score: 6

I got in a fight with a guy over turkey legs It was a fair fight

Score: 2

Why did she spit out the turkey soup? She said it had a fowl taste.

Score: 3

What sound does an injured turkey make? Hobblehobblehobblehobble

Score: 3

I was addicted to thanksgiving leftovers but I quit cold turkey

Score: 8

I'm no longer going to eat Thanksgiving leftovers. I'm trying to quit cold turkey

Score: 3

Armenia sent a secret message over diplomatic cables to Syria: "If we attacked Turkey from the rear... ...do you think Greece would help?"

Score: 1

Did you hear about the turkey that loved attention? He gobbled it right up.

Score: 1

You can't have a Turkey Without some Greece

Score: 3

My father has a serious problem with Thanksgiving leftovers, he won't stop till they're gone So he quit cold turkey

Score: 1

What is the difference between smoking and over-eating? I can't stop eating cold turkey

Score: 6

After only a week of dating my girlfriend broke up with me because she doesn't like my comparisons... I feel worst than a turkey sandwich on a yacht.

Score: 5

WW3 breaks out and Russia tries to take Turkey from the rear Does Greece help them get in?

Score: 2

A smoker quit cold turkey It wasn't hard, no one likes cold turkey anyway.

Score: 4

Why does Trump have the most expensive Thanksgiving day? Because he’ll impose tariff on Turkey

Score: 3

Midway on a flight from Turkey to America... A man at the stood up and shouted to the back, ‘HIJACK!’

At the back, Jack stood up and waved to the first man and said, ‘Hey Ali, haven’t seen you in a long time, how’ve you been doing?’

Score: 1

I have a serious addiction to frozen poultry... ... I'm trying to quit cold turkey

Score: 3

What's fowl and swine, but people can't resist shoving down their throat? A turkey and ham sandwich.

I'll see myself out.

Score: 3

While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they’re dead."

Score: 5

A man went to rehab for being addicted to deli meats He stopped cold turkey

Score: 5

What did the Turkey say to Erdogan? No idea but last i heard he was arrested for being a Gulenist.

Score: 1

Do you know what uncle Putin said at the xmas table? Looks like I'm having turkey for dinner.

Score: 2

Why did the turkey stick his leg in front of the football enthusiast? Turkeys are full of trip da fan.

Score: 1

"Mum, can I have a dog for Christmas?" "No, you can have turkey like everyone else"

Score: 12

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