Hilarious Turkey Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Turkey Jokes

Score: 1974

When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days... I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.

Score: 1502

I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers I had to quit cold turkey

Score: 434

Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner? Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.

Score: 392

The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons... I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.

Score: 247

What do Americans and Putin have in common? They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

Score: 205

Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken.

Score: 169

If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear... Would Greece help?

Score: 167

I finally got a microwave to heat up my leftovers So I was able to quit cold turkey

Score: 137

I feel bad for eating all the Thanksgiving leftovers that were in the fridge... but it's hard to quit cold turkey.

Score: 131

A turkey was about to cross the road... when a chicken appeared and said "dont do that that, you will never hear the end of it"

Score: 111

It seems like every year I wind up eating leftovers from Thanksgiving until weeks afterwards. Not this year though, I'm quitting cold turkey.

Score: 110

I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers But then I quit cold turkey

Score: 107

My daughter told me she wanted a puppy for Christmas... I told her "you're eating turkey like everyone else".

Score: 106

What's the best way to serve Turkey? Join the Turkish Army.

Score: 95

What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving? Beef with turkey

Score: 74

1915-17 may have been the worst years in human history for food poisoning. 1.5 million Armenians died from bad turkey.

Score: 69

It's Thanksgiving, who doesn't like Turkey? Russia

Score: 66

If Turkey was attacked from the rear Would Greece help?

Score: 62

Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving? Because they don't like Turkey

Score: 58

My family is getting worried about my consumption of deli meats, and I'm not sure what to do... They're trying to pressure me into quitting cold turkey!

Score: 56

What’s the hardest food to stop eating? Cold turkey

Score: 54

I no longer eat club sandwiches I quit cold turkey.

Score: 53

What's the difference between Turkey and Duck? Duck doesn't deny the Armenian Genocide.

Score: 50

So, If ISIS was to attack turkey from the rear ... would greece help?

Score: 48

I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums. He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.

Score: 46

What do ISIS want for Christmas? Turkey, apparently.

Score: 45

My five-year-old said he wanted a kitten for Christmas. Usually we have turkey, but why not?

Score: 44

I was Hungary... so Iran to Turkey

Score: 41

If Russia were to invade Turkey from behind... Do you think Greece would help?

Score: 40

So this guy checks into rehab the day after Thanksgiving. He couldn't quit cold turkey.

Score: 38

What's the difference between a turkey and Def Leppard? A turkey has two drumsticks

Score: 25

If you want to break your addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers... you need to quit cold turkey.

Score: 24

I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving... Way too close to Syria.

Score: 20

My family told me to stop eating the leftover Thanksgiving food from the fridge. But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.

Score: 17

I accidentally ordered a ham and cheddar instead of a turkey and swiss... Whoops, wrong sub

Score: 14

What's the hardest part of going vegetarian? Giving up cold turkey

Score: 14

What international disaster occurred after someone dropped the Christmas dinner? The downfall of Turkey, the overthrow of Greece and the destruction of China.

Score: 12

What do you call a turkey with Parkinson's Disease? Turkey Jerky

Score: 10

What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and an EA game? The turkey is stuffed with content and you only have to pay for it once.

Score: 10

New Turkey Jokes

Why did the foreign ministers of the Eastern Mediterranean meet? They wanted to talk Turkey

Score: 0

What's a dyslexic turkey's favorite word game? Gobble

Score: 1

What does Turkey and Miss Muffet have in common? Khurds in way

Score: 3

My kid is a Geography nerd, he's 3.... He says, "when I'm Hungary, I eat Turkey!" I can never out dad-joke this fella.

Score: 3

My father has a serious problem with Thanksgiving leftovers, he won't stop till they're gone So he quit cold turkey

Score: 1

Why does Trump have the most expensive Thanksgiving day? Because he’ll impose tariff on Turkey

Score: 3

How do they call dog cakes in Turkey? Barklava.

Score: 6

Fat persons three favorite countries!?? Turkey, Hungary, & Greece :D

Score: 3

Shoutout to all the people that got rid of their addictions to cold turkey I just think not enough people talk about this epidemy that affects thousands of Americans

Score: 2

If Russia invaded Turkey from behind I'm sure Greece would help.

Score: 2

What does an anti-Semitic turkey say? Goebbel goebbel.

Score: 7

I decided to stop going to Istanbul in winter I quit cold Turkey.

Score: 4

I was addicted to poultry until after thanksgiving. It was a terrible cold turkey.

Score: 4

A turkey and his friend are walking down a street... When a ghost pops out and screams "Boo!". The friend screams in terror while the turkey has no reaction. A while later, the friend asked why the Turkey wasn't afraid. He responded "I'm not chicken".

Score: 6

Why did the turkey cross the road? Because he wasnt a chicken.

Score: 1

A man is getting some deli meat... And he asks the clerk: "How long does turkey last?"
The clerk replies: "oh about 5 days or so."
Man:"Really?! That doesn't sound right, I think it's closer to 2 weeks!
Clerk:"Oh no that's a bunch of bologna"

Score: 2

Ten years ago i quit cold turkey Now I eat cold chicken

Score: 1

My friend asked me how I was doing with my cold turkey withdrawal from chocolate bars I replied, No kinder bueno.

Score: 1

Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chickens day off.

Score: 4

As a pack a day smoker, instead of quitting cold turkey, I decided I'd only smoke when I drank So I became an alcoholic

Score: 5

What is the national bird of Turkey? The Heron of Troy

Score: 2

Turkey has the moon on its flag Meanwhile the United States has its flag on the moon.

Score: 3

What's the best way to quit Thanksgiving cold turkey

Score: 3

A mom and her daugter (christmas) Daughter: "Mom, can I get a cat or a dog at Christmas, please?“

Mom: "No honey, you will be getting turkey, like every Christmas!“

Score: 3

What do you call a movie about a family haunted by a Turkey? Poultrygeist.

Score: 5

How to properly use the phrase "Fire in the hole!" Step 1: Eat 4 spicy turkey burritos…

Score: 2

What do you call a group of my ex-girlfriends sitting around a table eating turkey? Skanksgiving

Score: 2

I heard that certain foods can be addictive So I quit cold turkey.

Score: 8

If I could have lunch with anyone from history... I'd have the turkey club with a cup of the soup.

Score: 1

I really like European food... ...so I decided to Russia over to a European restaurant because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

Score: 6

What do you call a Vietnamese turkey? A gobbledygook

Score: 1

My wife took some shrooms the other night and accidentally put our baby in the oven thinking it was a turkey It was really tough for us, but we managed to eat all of it

Score: 1

Who wasn't hungry on Christmas? The Turkey, he was stuffed!

Score: 7

Cross the Road... Fat Turkey Why did the fat turkey cross the road?

Score: 1

My doctor told me I was eating too much meat So I decided to quit cold turkey

Score: 5

My friend told me he had an addiction to refridgerated deli meats I told him he needs to quit cold turkey

Score: 0

Why did Turkey cross the road To invade Byzantium of course, the Turks were vicious when it came to invasion.

Score: 2

Shot my first turkey today! Scared everyone in the frozen food section

Score: 2

What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, hubble, hubble

[shamelessly stolen joke from the Facebook page of "Grammarly"]

Score: 1

Turns out I'm addicted to refigerated poultry. I've gotta quit cold turkey.

Score: 2

How do you know Putin is late for Thanks Giving? He's Russian to Turkey.

Score: 3

What does a Turkey eat when it's hungry? An Armenian!

Score: 3

What does ISIS want for Christmas? Turkey, apparently.

Score: 4