Virginity in school
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the schools are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute... On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...
The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.
Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
Jimmy went to school and ate his colon
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves. Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.
I learned yesterday that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute... On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...
Sir, your son was smoking marijuana at school during the class!
Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.
-- Did he say where he got it?
-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.
The father, cleaning his tears:
-- Did he really say that?
White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do... We shoot each other in school because we have class
I received a call from the school telling me my son is constantly lying. I said "Tell him he's a good liar. I don't have a son."
In high school some kids told me they’d give me $20 to hang out with them. Turns out it was just clique bait.
My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl in his class jerk him off... I said son that's 4 schools this year. Maybe teaching isn't for you
Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
My son got thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class jack him off... I said "Son, That's three schools this year...maybe teaching is not for you"
Soon, the only way to abort a kid in the US... ... will be to wait for him to go to school and get gunned down.
My grandpa said "your life revolves too much around technology.
Then I said, "no, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.
EDIT: Came back from school to this! R.I.P Inbox!
My son just got kicked out of school for letting a girl jerk him off. I said son, that's the third school this year, maybe teaching isn't for you.
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
My son was kicked out of school for letting a girl in his class jerk him off. I said, "Son, that's the third school this year..." "Maybe teaching isn't for you."
When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"
What's the difference between a Pakistani middle school and an Al Qaeda training ground? I dunno, I just fly the drone.
A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"...
"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."
A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book
To this day, my bully that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the positive side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
I'm Aussie and Americans are always asking me where in Australia there isn’t something trying to kill you... School is my answer!
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will bully him because of his name... I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"
Bringing chewing gum to school is like bringing guns to school: everyone starts acting like you've been best friends since 1st grade once they see what you have.
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus? A cactus keeps the little pricks on the outside.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French!” after a swear word... I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
Say what you want about Trump... ...but he’s brought school shootings down to zero for more than an entire month.
Hey ya know what the good thing about schools shutting down is? We might hit a new record for longest time without a school shooting!
Whats the difference between a Cactus and a School bus? A cactus has all the little pricks on the outside.
I have a friend who worked in Chicago his entire life tell me it isn't that violent... He is a tail gunner on a school bus.
I wanna try asking out my school crush, but it might come off as awkward Man being a teacher is hard
To this day, the boy who used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.... On the plus side he makes a great Big Mac
I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only memorizing even numbers. What are the odds?
There’s no way video games cause violence. If they did, school shootings would involve a LOT more tea bagging.
My school took my MP3 after I sung the song “Pumped Up Kicks” loudly in class.
When I brought my new MP4, they took it, and my friends laughed at me.
Tommorow I might bring my MP5, let’s hope no one takes this one.
My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path They let me pick which medical school I'm going to
There’s a reason why students are forbidden to play Fortnite during school It would be really hard to tell where all the gunshots are coming from
A high school bully sees an old victim at their reunion,
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: Im not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I dont have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
I just dont like school shooting jokes i dont know why.
Mabey its just because they're aimed at kids
Alternative nursery rhymes Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread.
I was driving by a sign that said "SLOW - School Zone" when it hit me... A child to be exact.
My 10 year high school reunion was this weekend...
I ran into these twin brothers I hadn’t seen since graduation, and I thought to myself..
“Well, you two still look the same.”
I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers. What are the odds?
I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper.
She said that newspapers are old school and that no one reads them anymore, and proceeded to hand me her iPad.
That fly didn't stand a chance.
I just saw my high school teacher the other day and she didn't remember who I was...... I was home schooled :(
Years ago, I viciously beat up my high school bully with a baseball bat. Both of his arms were broken. Come to think of it, that's probably why I felt brave enough to beat him up.
Minecraft is probably what hitler would have titled his autobiography if he had gotten into art school
The son speaks to his dad
Son: Dad, I've got a part in the school play, I play a man who's been married for 25 years.
Dad: Maybe next time you will get a speaking part.
I was walking home from school when I saw a boy on the curb wearing rags and cloths. I asked "Are you an orphan?" He said "Yes, what gave me away?" I said "Your Parents"
I brought my MP3 player to school yesterday, but bullies broke it. Luckily, today is my birthday and my parents got me an MP4 player, but the bullies broke it again Tomorrow, i'll bring an MP5
A father confronts his young son in the backyard.
“I heard you skipped school today to go to the beach with your friends.”
“That’s a lie!” the boy shouts. “And I’ve got the movie stub to prove it.”