Virginity in school
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the schools are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute... On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...
Why are Americans so dumb? Because they shoot the ones that go to school
What can the coronavirus do that the us government can't? Stop school shootings
The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.
Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
Jimmy went to school and ate his colon
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves. Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.
I learned yesterday that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute... On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...
Sir, your son was smoking marijuana at school during the class!
Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.
-- Did he say where he got it?
-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.
The father, cleaning his tears:
-- Did he really say that?
White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do... We shoot each other in school because we have class
I received a call from the school telling me my son is constantly lying. I said "Tell him he's a good liar. I don't have a son."
Why are Americans so stupid? Because they shoot all the ones that go to school
In high school some kids told me they’d give me $20 to hang out with them. Turns out it was just clique bait.
It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right.... Alcohol IS a solution.
My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl in his class jerk him off... I said son that's 4 schools this year. Maybe teaching isn't for you
What's the best part about summer in the U.S.? 3 months of no school shootings.
Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
My son got thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class jack him off... I said "Son, That's three schools this year...maybe teaching is not for you"
Why are Americans so stupid? Because it's only the ones who skip school who survive.
Soon, the only way to abort a kid in the US... ... will be to wait for him to go to school and get gunned down.
My grandpa said "your life revolves too much around technology.
Then I said, "no, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.
EDIT: Came back from school to this! R.I.P Inbox!
My son just got kicked out of school for letting a girl jerk him off. I said son, that's the third school this year, maybe teaching isn't for you.
I got voted “Least Likely To Succeed” by my high school class... I hate being a teacher...
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
"Mommy, why does everyone at school pick on me?" "I have no idea, Someoneyourownsize"
"Mommy, why does everyone at school pick on me?" "I've no idea, Someoneyourownsize."
Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
My son was kicked out of school for letting a girl in his class jerk him off. I said, "Son, that's the third school this year..." "Maybe teaching isn't for you."
We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes. We never made it to a gig.
When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"
What's the difference between a Pakistani middle school and an Al Qaeda training ground? I dunno, I just fly the drone.
A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"...
"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."
A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book
To this day, my bully that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the positive side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
I got voted “Least Likely To Succeed” by my high school class… God, I hate being a teacher…
I'm Aussie and Americans are always asking me where in Australia there isn’t something trying to kill you... School is my answer!
I was voted “Least likely to Suceed” by my high school class. I hate being a teacher.
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will bully him because of his name... I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"
I don't get the appeal of school shooter jokes. I guess they're aimed at a younger audience.
Germany opens a summer school for kids with ADD Its a concentration camp
a guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "god, what an ugly kid!"
The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."
The guy, pretty embarassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"
"I'm his mom..."
Friday afternoon I'm walking home from school
and I'm watching some men build a new house. The guy hammering the house called me a paranoid little weirdo. In Morse code.
One day a teacher says...
One day a teacher says "whoever answers my next question can go home."
So little Timmy throws his school bag out the window.
"Who threw that?" the teacher asks.
"Me. Can I go home now?"
Did you hear about the kid who got caught looking into the girl's locker room? Well I heard he peeked in high school
I never get any of the school shooting jokes they must be aimed at a younger audience
I studied communism at school Got nice Marx
what do school shooter victims and school shooter jokes have in common? they never get old
A group of vaping college students is called a smog. A group of vaping middle school students is called down to the principal’s office.
What’s the difference between school and church? In school, the teachers care about you mentally, at church, the priests care about you physically.
I finally started dating my high school crush Too bad I lost my teaching license over it
A Polish man goes into the optometrist to get new glasses. The optometrist holds up an eye chart and asks "What do you make of this?" The man responds, "I went to school with that guy."
I told a mitosis joke in school once I thought it was hilarious, but the class was divided.
what do bees use to get to school? the school buzz
Congratulations, America. Two months without a school shooting.
Bringing chewing gum to school is like bringing guns to school: everyone starts acting like you've been best friends since 1st grade once they see what you have.
Back in grade school my teacher asked me to say a sentence that sounded intriguing.
Me: “My dog died.”
Teacher: “What kind of sentence is that?”
Me: “It’s a death sentence”
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus? A cactus keeps the little pricks on the outside.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French!” after a swear word... I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
Cheap oil, no immigration and no school shootings. Corona did what Trump promised
My wife volunteers every week as a school crossing guard. I tell everyone she’s into human trafficking.
How do bees get to school? The school buzz.
social distancing is great, public school shootings are down 100% Unfortunately home school shootings are up 100%
[OC] My kids seem to magically only get sick on school days...and quite a lot of them. It's like they've got weekend immune systems.
A man was walking with his three year old daughter.
As they were walking, the man bumped into one of his high school friends.
'I've not seen you in ages! And this is my daughter Beth!'
"And what's Beth short for?'
'She's only three.'
I was planning a school shooting, but had to cancel it because of the virus. Apparently filming school documentaries isn't "essential".
Say what you want about Trump... ...but he’s brought school shootings down to zero for more than an entire month.
What is a snake’s favorite school subject?
I came up with that in a dream last night, hope it’s OC.
There was a big scandal at my school the other day, two students were suspended and teacher was fired for drinking on the job. Homeschool is crazy.
Hey ya know what the good thing about schools shutting down is? We might hit a new record for longest time without a school shooting!
What has gone down since carona virus has showed up? School Shootings
Young Arnold Schwarzenegger is selected to play a horse in his school play with another kid
The costume consists of two parts. The front part and the rear.
So the kid says: "Ok Arnold, I'll be the front."
So Arnold agrees and says: "I'll be back."
I TP’d my old maths teacher’s house last night. He was always very supportive of me in school and I wanted to do something nice.
Doing math after years out of school is like riding a bike It's no fun when you run into something hard.
Did you know a school of piranha can devour a child in 30 seconds Anyhow today I lost my job at the aquarium
What’s the difference between a school bus and a cactus? The little pricks are on the outside of a cactus.
As a substitute teacher, I get up every morning and ask myself the important questions in life; Who am I? Where am I going? And then I check with the school to find out.
The principal was sleeping with my teacher Everybody knew it, it was so awkward. He was so brash, calling her into his office right in the middle of the school day. The other cool thing about being homeschooled…
My son asked me if I ever fell in love with a high school teacher
“Well I did.” I said.
“Oh? And what happened?”
“Your mother moved you to another school.”
Whats the difference between a Cactus and a School bus? A cactus has all the little pricks on the outside.
When I was in school my teacher took my mood ring and never gave it back. I still don’t know how I feel about that.
I never got school shooter jokes... Maybe they were aimed at a younger audience.
My son got sent home from school today. It's serious.
Apparently he was letting a girl in his class jerk him off. That's going to mean he has to go to another school, which makes three times this year.
I don't think teaching's for him tbqh.
I have a friend who worked in Chicago his entire life tell me it isn't that violent... He is a tail gunner on a school bus.
What do they call the guy who graduates dead last in his medical school class? "Doctor". They call him "Doctor".
What does a school and a Running track have Alike? If you hear a gunshot, it's time to run.
Why do school Principles always give great blowjobs? I don’t know, all I know is they are the headmasters
I wanna try asking out my school crush, but it might come off as awkward Man being a teacher is hard
Son : Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a Virgin.
Son : Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a Virgin.
Mom: Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop.
I don’t understand school shooter jokes Maybe they’re aimed at a younger audience
What's the worst school to drop out of? Aviation school.
To this day, the boy who used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.... On the plus side he makes a great Big Mac
Grade school question, what day doesn't end in "Y" ? Tomorrow.
My biggest fear is dying alone. That's why I drive a school bus.
I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only memorizing even numbers. What are the odds?
There’s no way video games cause violence. If they did, school shootings would involve a LOT more tea bagging.
\- I am here at the school because my daughter is being bullied.
\- Who is your daughter?
\- That chubby one that looks like a capybara, seating in the back of the class.
I didn't see you at Ninja school today Nice work
I don’t get school shooting jokes They must be aimed at a younger audience
TIL that a school bus can only jump over 14 students at a time. Unrelatedly, I’ve been fired from my job as a bus driver.
American public school is a lot like Vietnam... You're forced to go and you might get shot
My school took my MP3 after I sung the song “Pumped Up Kicks” loudly in class.
When I brought my new MP4, they took it, and my friends laughed at me.
Tommorow I might bring my MP5, let’s hope no one takes this one.
My son dropped out of school to build houses for horses I can't complain though, it's a real stable job