Bunny Jokes

Contents

Funniest Bunny Jokes

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Well, now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

A tour bus is traveling through Nevada... it briefly passes by the Bunny Ranch in Carson City.

The guide notes, "We are now passing the largest house of legal prostitution in America"

A man in the back shouts, "WHY?!?"

Had a rabbit that would come by every morning. I'd leave a bit of food for him. But he stopped coming one day. Now he's just some bunny that I used to know.

Funny Bunny Jokes

Ever wonder why you don't see the energizer bunny anymore? He got arrested for battery.

What do you call a rabbit who is an anesthesiologist? An Ether Bunny

How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up? He uses Hare Spray...

(Ill see myself out)

What did bugs bunny save his word processing as? Whats up.doc

The Energizer Bunny was arrested. He was charged with battery.

What do you get if you crossbreed a rabbit with an insect? Bugs Bunny

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

Energizer Bunny made a mess.... I put the batteries in backwards and it just kept cumming and cumming

I gave the pet store $20 Mitch better have my bunny

Why was the energizer bunny arrested? He got a battery charge.

Why did the Energizer Bunny go to jail? because he was charged with battery

What's the difference between a rabbit on a treadmill and a rabbit with a carrot stuck up its nose? One is a fit bunny and the other is a bit funny

Did you hear the energizer bunny was arrested? He went to court and was charged with battery.

What do you get if you cross a frog with a rabbit? A bunny ribbit

A little boy is crying, because his pet bunny died... his mother asks: How does it come you are crying much more now than when your grandma died?
little boy:I didnt have to pay for her with my allowance.

The Energizer Bunny was recently arrested. He was charged with battery.

They took the Duracell bunny into custody today He was charged with battery.

The Energizer bunny was just releases from prison. He was charged with battery.

. . .

What type of jewelry does the Easter Bunny wear? 24 carrot

The Energizer Bunny was just arrested! He was charged with battery.

Energizer Bunny just arrested. He was charged with battery!

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler actually

The energiser bunny was arrested today He was charged with battery

I was banned from the pet shop when I fatally misinterpreted Put down that bunny

Why did the Energizer Bunny go to prison? He was charged with battery.

Punched someone in the face dressed as the Duracell Bunny Got charged with battery

Guys, did you hear the news? The energizer bunny was arrested... He was charged with *battery.*

Did you hear the energizer bunny was arrested? He was charged with battery

What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn? One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!

What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny

My girlfriend complained about her new bunny misbehaving I said "just give her some thyme".

Why didn't the bunny get the job as a marsupial? He wasn't koalafied!

What’s invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny farts

Popular Topics

New Bunny Jokes

What do you call a bunny if it makes jokes and puns? Bugs Punny

How can the Easter bunny afford so much candy? It's so rich that all of its meals are 24 karat

What's the difference between a unicorn and a head of cabbage? One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!

Why did the Energizer Bunny get sent to jail? He was charged with assault and battery

Breaking news: Energizer Bunny arrested! Charged with battery.

Fell in a hole today working as a Nevada Uber driver... The destination was the Bunny Ranch.

Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery

Did you hear the Energizer bunny got arrested? Yeah, assault with a battery. Apparently he just kept going on the guy. They're charging him in the morning.

Why does Bugs Bunny like Lola Bunny so much? She's a friend with bunny feets.

What does the Easter Bunny turn into when attacked? Hop-timus Prime

Did you know the Energizer Bunny got beat up? His attacker got charged with Assault and Battery

Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck we're in the middle of a robbery... Bugs Bunny asked Daffy, "Is this whiskey?"

Daffy answered, "Of course it's whiskey, but it's safer than wobbing a bank"

What's the difference between a male chocolate bunny and a female chocolate bunny? A teenie, tiny piece of chocolate.

My four year old neighbor buddy just told me this joke he made up: what do you call a bunny rabbit with no ears? A backpack.


P.s. I love nonsensical kid jokes.

A little girl walk into a pet shop She asks the employee for a bunny, upon which he asks: what kind of bunny are you looking for? The girl replies: I don’t think my pet snake really cares!

The Energizer Bunny got arrested. He was charged with battery...

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just a Rottweiler

The energizer bunny got arrested He was charged for batteries.

Did you hear about the Energizer Bunny getting a lap dance? He just kept coming, and coming, and coming, and coming...

Energizer bunny arrested Was charged with battery!

Did you hear the Duracell bunny was in court last week? He was charged with battery.

The Energizer Bunny died of exhaustion recently... Someone put the batteries in backwards and he kept cuming and cuming

What do an angry bunny and a pro basketball player have in common? Mad hops.

What do rabbits use to make beer? Bunny hops

Did you guys hear the Energizer bunny got arrested last week? Charged with battery.

Today the Energizer bunny was arrested by the police. The charge? Battery.

The cops arrested the Energizer Bunny He was charged with battery.

I just got a Bunny from the pet store today, and it already ran away. I'm suffering from rapid hare loss!

What was the result of the Energizer bunny being taken to court? He was charged with assault and battery

My kid said I was like the Easter Bunny He stopped believing in me years ago

What do you call a bunny that sings supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? Mary Hoppins

By the way, not to brag, but I got that spelling right without Googling

Joke my four year old just came up with. How do you put a baby bunny to sleep in a cradle? A mushroom!

Hey may not be the funniest, but at least it's original!

What is it called when The Energizer Bunny punches someone? Battery

What crime did the Energiser Bunny commit? Battery

The Energizer Bunny just got arrested. . . . . . They charged him with battery.

Why is the Easter bunny the poorest animal in the world? He carries his tail behind, has to hide his eggs and can only come once a year.

Did you hear why the Energizer bunny got arrested? He was wanted for battery charges.

What do you get when you throw a rabbit into your oven during Easter? A hot cross bunny

Breaking News: Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with Assault and Battery.

We are waiting on his victim to be discharged.

Why did Donald Trump lock down the White House when the Easter Bunny was escaping? because his hare is almost gone.

Popular Topics

Long Bunny Jokes

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

The broom swept the nation away.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back for seconds.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in france? There was nothing but des brie.

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.

I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.

What should you do if you’re cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.

How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.

The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.

What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.

What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.

Sausage puns are the wurst.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

How did Darth Vader know what luke was getting him for his birthday? He could sense his presence.

Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.

What’s the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue? You can’t tune a bench but you can tuna fish. I bet you got stuck on the bucket of glue part.

What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.

Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.

Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.

Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.

Why did the man dig a hole in his neighbor’s backyard and fill it with water? Because he meant well.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.

What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.

What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

What kind of car does a sheep drive? A lamborghini, but if that breaks down they drive their SuBAHHru.

What do you call a spanish pig? Porque.

What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.

Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.

A cabbage and celery walk into a bar and the cabbage gets served first because he was a head.

How do trees access the internet? They log on.

Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.

The good doctor

A doctor is driving home along a lonely road when a rabbit suddenly bolted in front of his car. The doctor tried his best to stop, but it wasn't possible.

He immediately pulled the car to the side and got out to see if he could help the poor bunny. It didn't look good. He raced back to the car to retrieve his bag, but realized almost instantly that he was driving his wife's car and so his bag would not be there.

He rooted through the glovebox, trying to find gauze or water - anything that could be useful. He found a bottle of what he expected was water and brought it back to where the bunny was laying. With great care, he poured a cap full and let the bunny drink.

To the doctor's amazement, the rabbit sprang back to life - jumping up on his hinds and wiggling his tail. He smiled at the doctor and waved as he began to prance back toward the woods. He hopped a couple of feet, paused, turned and waved again. Another few feet and he turned and waved again. He reached the edge of the trees and again, he turned and waved at the doctor.

Stunned, the doctor brought the bottle up to the light to see what magic potion he had discovered. Squinting his eyes, he read the label aloud, "Hair restorer with permanent wave".

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the road sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."
The blonde says,"Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents on him.
The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves a paw at the them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.
It says..
(Are you ready for this?)
(Are you sure?)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)
(Last chance)
(OK, here it is)
It says,
"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair
and adds a permanent wave."
Happy Easter!!!

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit

He slams on his brakes, gets out and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired. A passing car slams on it’s brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny pulls out an aerosol can and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The Bunny jumps up runs a few feet, then stops, turns around and waves it’s paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight. The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says “Wow that is amazing, what is in that can” the man looks at the can and reads the label “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave”.

Bunny

A little girl walks into a pet shop. She asks the owner for a bunny, to which he responds "what kind of bunny would you like? A cute black one, an adorable brown one or perhaps a sweet little white one?"

The girl looks at the owner and answers: "I don't think my python really cares..."

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, but do you thell baby bunnieth?".

The pet store owner smiles and says, "Why, yes, sweetheart! We sell all kinds of baby bunnies. Now... what kind of baby bunny would you like? Would you like a baby grey bunny? Or a baby white bunny? Or would you prefer a pretty brown bunny?"

The little girl replies, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

An old Yiddish man goes to the Bunny Ranch.

He says to the madam, "I'm looking for a girl who knows how to do it the Jewish way."

One of girls walks over to him and says, "I'm new here, and I want to learn how to do everything, so if you'll teach me how to do it the Jewish way, I'll give it to you for half price."

The man exclaims, "THAT's the Jewish way!"

A doctor, a priest and a model are driving.

So the three of them are driving on a country road, when they hit a bunny. They stop and get out, overwhelmed with sympathy for their fluffy victim, it lies motionless on the road


The doctor draws on all his skills to try and get the bunny up again, but to no avail. The priest kneels down and gives the bunny his last rites and blesses it. They are about to bury it when the model stops them.


She takes a can of hairspray and sprays the bunny all over. It gets up and hops away as the priest and the doctor stand speechless. Ten yards down the road the bunny turns around and waves at the tree companions. Twenty yards away, it turns around and waves again. This goes on until the bunny disappears into the high grass beside the road.


"What on earth is in that spray can?", asks the doctor.


"I don't know ..." replies the model, "... but it certainly works as advertised" And she hands the doctor the can.


The can reads: "instantly revives your hair, adds a permanent wave"

Scotland Yard x FBI x Brazilian Police

To settle once and for all the discussions about what is the best police in the world a competition was held between the FBI, the Scotland Yard and the Brazilian Military Police.

The test was as follows: the organizers would release a rabbit in the forest and the police force that could find it faster would be the winner.

The FBI was the first. Using satellite photos, DNA analysis of fur samples and helicopters the rabbit was found in 3 hours and 14 minutes.

Then it was the turn of the Scotland Yard. Using behavior analysts, psychologists, scholars of the species of rabbits and carrots with soporific, they captured the bunny in 1 hour and 30 minutes. The FBI was devastated.

Then it was the turn of the Brazilian PM. They entered the forest with a bag and a rope.

They came back in 23 minutes, leaving everyone impressed. Then they opened the bag, inside it there was a skunk, curled up, bruised, crying:

—I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit! I swear I'm a rabbit!

The little bunny.

A little bunny hops into town, hops into the bakery, hops up to the baker and asks, "Do you have any cookies with fish in them?" "No," said the baker, "but I have some wonderful oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies." "No thanks!" said the bunny, and he hops out of town.

The next day the little bunny hops into town, hops into the bakery, hops up to the baker and asks, "Do you have any cookies with fish in them?" "No," said the baker, "but I have some wonderful snickerdoodles and cookies with macadamia nuts in them." "No thanks!" said the bunny, and he hops out of town.

So the baker decided to make some cookies with fish in them.

And sure enough the next day...the little bunny hops into town, hops into the bakery, hops up to the baker and asks, "Do you have any cookies with fish in them?" "Why yes I do." said the baker.

"Well who you going to sell those to?" said the bunny.

Poor little Rabbit

A vegan is driving his Escalade down the highway and as he turns a corner he spots a rabbit run out in front of him. He locks up the brakes and skids side to side, desperately tries to not run over the rabbit. The rabbit takes a couple hops to the left and SPLAT! The front right tire flattens the bunny.

Moments later the vegan is sitting on the side of the road, hands in his face, tears pouring down his cheeks over committing murder. He sees another car approach and stop near him. A salesman type gets out of his Buick and rushes up to the scene of the accident. "What happened!"

"It was horrible! I was driving along...I tried to stop...but I killed this poor, defenseless bunny! I don't know what to do! I can't call the police! I have no cell service!"

The salesman looks at the flat rabbit, then looks at the crying vegan, looks back to the rabbit again, thinks for a moment then smiles "Don't worry buddy. I got just the thing!"

The salesman runs to the trunk of his car and digs around for five minutes. He pulls out an aerosol can and races back to the vegan who is now standing over the rabbit.

The salesman sprays the rabbit and amazingly, it suddenly twitches. He sprays again and the rabbit flips over once and lays still. He sprays it for a good minute and suddenly the rabbit springs to life! It shakes it's head, smiles at the two standing there, gives a little wave and proceeds to hop down the highway. After about twenty feet, the rabbit stops, turns and waves at them again then continues on his way. The rabbit stops once again, turns and waves at the two and continues once again down the highway.

The salesman and vegan watch the bunny hop away into the sunset as it stops every so often and wave back at them.

When the rabbit is finally out of sight the vegan turns to the salesman "That was beautiful and amazing! What is in that can? You should make millions selling it! What is it?"

The salesman holds the can up with a smile "Hare restorer with a permanent wave"

A bunny walks into the bakery.

There he asks the baker if he has any carrot cake.

The bakers says: ‘no, I don’t sell carrot cake.’

So the bunny leaves, but returns the next day. He once again if the baker has any carrot cake.

Once more the baker answers: ‘no, I don’t sell carrot cake.’

Once the bunny left the baker started making a carrot cake thinking the bunny would return the next day for the cake. And so the bunny did, and he asks: ‘do you have carrot cake?’

To which the bakers answers: ‘yes, today I do sell carrot cake.’

So the Bunny says: ‘disgusting isn’t it.’

A bunny escapes from a research facility

he runs out of the lab and joins some other bunnies in the field behind the building.

"hey there!" one of the bunnies says. "are you from the lab?"

"yeah. I'm from the lab"

"then you have a lot to learn about being a bunny" one of the other bunnies says.

he teaches the young bunny about how to eat carrots, hop, and etc.

"So, new friend, do you want to stay with us?" the wild bunnies chorus

"I'm sorry, but I have to go back. I'm dying for a cigarette!"

An old "Dad Joke" from my collection that my son just retold tonight and nailed it. I've officially passed the torch.

A doctor is driving home along a lonely road when a rabbit suddenly bolted in front of his car. The doctor tried his best to stop, but it wasn't possible.

He immediately pulled the car to the side and got out to see if he could help the poor bunny. It didn't look good. He raced back to the car to retrieve his bag, but realized almost instantly that he was driving his wife's car and so his bag would not be there.

He rooted through the glovebox, trying to find gauze or water - anything that could be useful. He found a bottle of what he expected was water and brought it back to where the bunny was laying. With great care, he poured a cap full and let the bunny drink.

To the doctor's amazement, the rabbit sprang back to life - jumping up on his hinds and wiggling his tail. He smiled at the doctor and waved as he began to prance back toward the woods. He hopped a couple of feet, paused, turned and waved again. Another few feet and he turned and waved again. He reached the edge of the trees and again, he turned and waved at the doctor.

Stunned, the doctor brought the bottle up to the light to see what magic potion he had discovered. Squinting his eyes, he read the label aloud, "Hair restorer with permanent wave".

A Bunny Story..

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny. The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter Bunny!" The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching.
It was a woman in a red convertible. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter, and it's all my fault."
The woman ran back to her car. A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.
Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?" The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."

The doctor and the bunny (clean)

A doctor is driving home one dark and stormy night. A few yards ahead, a rabbit bolts out from the forest. Try as he may, the doctor couldn’t stop in time and he struck the rabbit.

An animal lover, the good doctor leapt from the car to see if he could help the little guy. But the rabbit was not responsive. He ran back to the car to get his medical bag, but then realized that he was driving his wife’s car, and so his bag would not be there. He reached into the glove box and pulled out what he thought was a bottle of water.

Returning to the bunny, he carefully lifted its little head and helped it sip from the bottle. To his amazement, the bunny sprang back to life. The bunny gave him a big wave and then hopped off. It stopped a few feet away and then waved again. Bounding up the hill, once again the little bunny waved. Astonished by the remarkable recovery, the doctor looked at bottle in his hand and read the label out loud, “Hair restorer with permanent wave.”

Bunny Wabbits

A little girl steps into a pet shop, walks up to a sales associate, and says, "I would wike to buy a wabbit, pwease.."

The woman takes one look at the little girl, and her heart melts. The child had big, bright eyes, a little button nose, pig tails - she's cuter than Shirley Temple. She scrunches down to the girl's eye level, and gushes:

"Weww, what kind of bunny wabbit would you wike? Do you want a white bunny, or a bwack bunny, or a bwown bunny, or maybe a cawwico bunny?"

"Gee, I don't know," the girl replies, looking down and shuffling her feet ... "I weawwy don't fink my pyfon gives a cwap".

A blind rabbit

So there is this blind rabbit hopping around the jungle when he trips on a snake. The rabbit says , 'Oh im so sorry sir, i didnt see where i was going because I am blind'. The snake says ' Hey its ok , i understand , I am blind too'. So the two strike up a rapport and get a few drinks and are talking. 'It sucks , being blind', says the rabbit, ' I don't even know what i look like'.


So the snake says ' hey no big deal , why dont i feel you up and i can tell what you look like. so they both agree and the snake starts feeling up the bunny. "hey you are all furry" , says the snake , " and u have long ears and a small tail, small feet. Hey you know what you must be a rabbit. my mom told me about them , they are really cute."


The bunny is really happy. He's like wow, he gets a warm fuzzy glow and all that. So he goes, 'hey why dont i return the favour and feel you up'. They agree and the bunny starts feeling up the snake.

So the bunny goes ..." lets see..'you have a scaly skin, you have no heart, no balls, you have a forked tongue...

"ah, I get it now.. You are a lawyer. "

A punny list

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

The broom swept the nation away.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back for seconds.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in france? There was nothing but des brie.

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.

I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.

What should you do if you’re cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.

How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.

The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.

What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.

What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.

Sausage puns are the wurst.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

How did Darth Vader know what luke was getting him for his birthday? He could sense his presence.

Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.

What’s the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue? You can’t tune a bench but you can tuna fish. I bet you got stuck on the bucket of glue part.

What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.

Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.

Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.

Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.

Why did the man dig a hole in his neighbor’s backyard and fill it with water? Because he meant well.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.

What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.

What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

What kind of car does a sheep drive? A lamborghini, but if that breaks down they drive their SuBAHHru.

What do you call a spanish pig? Porque.

What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.

Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.

A cabbage and celery walk into a bar and the cabbage gets served first because he was a head.

How do trees access the internet? They log on.

Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.

My kid's bunny was hit by a car. (long)

My kid's bunny escaped when we left the door open and ran into the street. It was struck by a car and died. My poor kid was inconsolable when a man stopped his vehicle and jumped out.

"I can save it." he declared.

I thought he was a vet but all he did was pull out a bottle from his pocket, poured something on the bunny and stepped back.

Suddenly the rabbit jumped up, bounced a few steps and waved, them bounced a few more steps, and waved. This went on as the rabbit bounced back into the house, waving as it went.

Astonished, I asked they guy what was in that bottle? He showed me. It read:

"Hair restorer with permanent wave."

Don't hate me.

(Edit, added an s to truck. Thanks)

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