In Soviet Russia Jokes

Funny In Soviet Russia Jokes
Score: 736

Why didn't anyone drive stick in Soviet Russia? They were afraid of Stalin.

Score: 103

In Soviet Russia policeman questioning a man: *This body is your mother in law, yes?*

**Yes**

*How did she die?*

**Mushroom poisoning**

*But why does she have 26 stab wounds?*

**She was refusing to eat them**

Score: 62

Who was the unluckiest person in Soviet Russia? Yuri Gagarin. He circled the earth 3 times but still ended up in Russia.

Score: 60

In Soviet Russia, pessimist says "things couldn't possibly possibly get any worse"... Russian optimist says "Yes they can!!!"

Score: 42

In Soviet Russia, you rob bank. In Corporate America, bank robs YOU!

Score: 39

In America, you put in screws. In Soviet Russia, Putin screws you.

Score: 37

In Soviet Russia, the government own businesses. In Capitalist America, businesses own the government. *Insert edgy quotes

Score: 34

In Soviet Russia, you rob bank! In United States, bank robs you!

Score: 27

In Soviet Russia a man walks into a shop. He asks the clerk, “You don’t have any meat?” The clerk says, “No, here we don’t have any fish. The shop that doesn’t have any meat is across the street.”

Score: 21

While in Soviet Russia, I went to visit a doctor. "What happened to you?" He said.

"Migraine" i replied.

He bent forward, push upped his glasses and said, "Correction. Ourgrain."

Score: 13

IN SOVIET RUSSIA, YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT THEREFORE, YOU ARE NOTHING.

Score: 8

My uncle spoke of his time in Soviet Russia back in the day He said there were only 2 channels on TV. He said Channel 1 was propaganda, and channel 2 was a KGB pointing a Kalashnikov at the screen saying "Turn back to channel 1!"

Score: 8

In Soviet Russia, they don’t play The Floor is Lava... They play The Floor is Democracy

Score: 8

In Soviet Russia, a Judge bursts into his chambers laughing *"I've just heard the funniest joke about Stalin... ever!"*

*"Well, go ahead and tell us."*, the other Judges ask.

*"I can't. I just gave someone a life sentence for it."*

Score: 7

In school, work determines your marks In Soviet Russia, Marx determines your work!

Score: 7

In Soviet Russia there are only two Tv channels. Channel one is propaganda. Channel two is KGB agent telling you to go back to channel one.

Score: 6

In Soviet Russia we're all equal... ...ly worthless.

Score: 5

Here in Soviet Russia You rob bank.
Here in Capitalist America, bank rob you!

Score: 5

In Soviet Russia A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book.

The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author."

Score: 5

In Soviet Russia, there is no meiosis There is only ourosis

Score: 5

Why was there no school in Soviet Russia? Because it was a classless society

Score: 4

In Soviet Russia... ...end of joke is when line punches *you*.

Score: 4

In America, the army has read lots of news... In Soviet Russia, the news has lots of Red Army.

Score: 3

Did you know people in Russia are sexually attracted to light? In Soviet Russia, lights turn YOU on!

Score: 3

On Thanksgiving, in Soviet Russia... Turkey shoot you!

Score: 3

In Soviet Russia you watch TV... in America, TV watches you!

Score: 3

In Soviet Russia you don't iron curtains. Iron Curtains you.

Score: 3

Why cant you commit suicide in Soviet Russia? Because it's the destruction of government property.

Score: 3

In america you run out of money In Soviet Russia you run out of country

Score: 2

In America you peek at pokemon... ... in soviet Russia pokemon peekatchu

Score: 2

In Soviet Russia you don't make a meme, You make a usus.

Score: 2

What fabric is worn in Soviet Russia? Linen

Score: 2

In Soviet Russia... Light turns you on...

Score: 2

In Soviet Russia, the only thing missing from G lag... ... is u.

Score: 2

In Soviet Russia... Hackers are hacked by elections.

Score: 2

It was geography class in Soviet Russia... and little Dmitri asked, 'Why don't we ever get tested on the capitals of foreign countries?'

The teacher replied, 'Because we hate capital-lists, Dmitri.'

Score: 1

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