Chuck Norris Jokes

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Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes

Funny Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris has been confirmed to be exposed to COVID-19 Virus has been quarantined for 14 days

Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people Then the grenade exploded.

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college? “You’re the man of the house now”

Chuck Norris was shot today The bullet is in critical condition

One time Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 47 people Then the grenade exploded

Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.

It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki

This morning Chuck Norris was shot Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him So he tracked down nothing and killed it

Chuck Norris's Daughter Lost her Virginity... He got it back.

What did Chuck Norris tell his father before he went off to college? "you're the man of the house now"

Chuck Norris caught the coronavirus but later decided to let it go.

Chuck Norris actually died 6 years ago. ...But the Grim Reaper still hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris Threw A Grenade and Killed 27 People. Then It Exploded.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room.. It's not dead, It's just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test The machine confessed everything

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.

Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty And killed someone in Battlefield

Chuck Norris threw a grenade that killed 15 people Then it exploded

When Chuck Norris moved out his dad became the man of the house.

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade killing 50 people Then the grenade exploded

Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie? He played the force.

TIL: Chuck Norris died earlier this month But the Grim Reaper hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

I don't believe Chuck Norris is that great Cuz if he was, he would show up right now, and slam my head all over my keasdhjaiosdcnhq09w8hjkoldq0i9 wdhj09qw daU9 10Q9WDJ09W3Q21JD QWD

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke? My Favorite,
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19. The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.

Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.

What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you? The Three-Hole Punch...

Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris got stabbed The knife bled to death

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You pick up the wrong phone.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris in my hometown.... ...but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands. Now they're just the Islands.

How many Push-Ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them

Chuck Norris Caught CoronaVirus The CoronaVirus is now hospitalized on ventilator support.

Dad, why are there so many Chuck Norris jokes but no Bruce Lee jokes? Dad: Because son, Bruce Lee was no joke.

Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.

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New Chuck Norris Jokes

Ever wonder how the moon got craters? 3 words: Chuck Norris Golf.

Chuck Norris caught the corona virus... ...but he already released it

Chuck Norris contracted COVID-19. Since then he's shredding the virus.

While learning CPR Chuck Norris brought the practice dummy to life.

Chuck Norris never had a dream... Because no one fools Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris Jokes Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Why are there more Chuck Norris jokes than Bruce Lee jokes? Because Bruce Lee is no joke

Chuck Norris contracted the Coronavirus. Now it's working for him.

Chuck Norris got tested positive for COVID-19. Oops, I meant COVID-19 got tested positive for Chuck Norris.

Ranger Jimmy was not actually black (on walker texas ranger) He was just in Chuck Norris's shadow

Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house... It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane! He pointed his finger at it and yelled “bang!”

Chuck Norris came into contact with coronavirus Coronavirus is now in 2 week quarantine

Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house Cold and wind don't dare to come in

Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast... ...at ate a glock every morning.

Chuck Norris doesn't just get the coronavirus He also gets the same misleading information from this administration as the rest of us.

Chuck Norris drinks the coronavirus for breakfast and the blood he bleeds is the cure. It’s too bad he never bleeds..

Chuck Norris got in contact with the coronavirus. Now the coronavirus spreads Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed ten Communists... ...and then the grenade went off.

Superman and Chuck Norris once agreed to a fight. The loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants for the rest of their life

I typically don’t tell chuck Norris jokes, but I’ll do one. Chuck Norris is the only ginger that burns the sun.

Chuck Norris went to a job interview, but when he left he was still unemployed The manager's answers to his questions weren't satisfactory

Chuck Norris has tested positive for Coronavirus After months of excruciating pain the virus died.

Chuck Norris doesn’t get Coronavirus Coronavirus gets Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris was a baby, his mother called him Chuckie. Once.

Breaking news! Chuck Norris has been confirmed to be exposed to COVID-19 and the virus has now been eradicated.

You know who’s not getting coronavirus? Chuck Norris.

All the numbers are running scared. 81 is nowhere to be found... ...Chuck Norris just broke 80.

Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees Chuck Norris will be 80 in a few hours so post your best Chuck Norris Jokes in the comments!

Chuck Norris has died aged 79 But Death is too scared to let him know.

One more notch on his belt. The Corona Virus wears a mask out of fear of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus. Too bad he doesn’t cry.

Chuck Norris got shot The bullet suffered fatal injuries.

When Chuck Norris jumps into a lake he doesn’t get wet.. The lake gets Chuck Norris

I know what's going to save the next Star Wars movie. Cast Chuck Norris as the Force.

So apparently Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands for Vacation. When he left it was just called the Islands.

What do you get when Chuck Norris makes out with a truck? Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris is a coward! If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my keybakwue hr<awjd <akreu<an<awlkuhnc<a kjdqw;eoim

Chuck Norris once skipped a pebble from Texas to Florida. Once it landed that pebble became The Rock.

2005 called and told me this Chuck Norris once threw a grenade at 10 enemy soldiers, killing them all.

And then the grenade exploded.

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Long Chuck Norris Jokes

Three action movie stars are sitting in a bar

So, Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"

"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"

That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"

"And who will you be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar.

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylvester says, "Let us hear it."

So Chuck continues, "All right, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers."

That's when Arnold throws himself in the conversation and says, "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"

"And who will you be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

Chuck Norris jokes

When Chuck Norris' code throws exceptions, it's across the room.

Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.

When Chuck Norris goes into a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Feel free to add more. Shamelessly stolen from the internet.

Some Chuck Norris Jokes

- Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.

- Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.

- When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.

- Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.

- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it without a single remark.

- Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.

- When Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy, Chuck Norris caught the bullets with his own bare hands. JFK's head exploded simply because he was so overawed.

So there's this school play...

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.

Stallone goes first.

"I'll be Mozart"

Next up is Chuck Norris.

"I'll be Beethoven".

Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".

Chuck Norris jokes, anyone who knows let me hear them.

When Chuck Norris left for college he told his dad, that he is the man in charge now.

Chuck Norris was 6 years old, when his friends went to his house to get him to play around, his mom told: Chuck Norris cant come right now he is busy shaving.

Breaking news!

Corona Virus claims a black belt. Chuck Norris, Dead at 80.

Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris, famous actor and fighter, died yesterday afternoon at his home in Northwood Hills, TX at the age of 80.

Chuck Starred in dozens of movies and Tv series which have, and continue to entertain millions of people.

He was also a master of martial arts, which was the cause of his initial fame in the movie industry.

However, after his minor inconvenience of death, Chuck has made a full recovery, and is reported to be doing quite well.

It has also been reported that the Corona virus is in self isolation for 14 days due to being exposed to Chuck Norris.

Arnold Shwartznager, Chuck Norris and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar.

Sylvester starts the conversation. "Guys, I have to say that I'm getting tired of doing all these action movies, especially at this age."

"I hear ya," Chuck adds, "But what else can we do? It's all we've done all this time."

"Well..." Sylvester starts embarrassingly. "I was thinking the three of us could make a movie about the classical composers."

Arnold joins the conversation. "That's a great idea! Sylveater, you can be Bethovean, Chuck will be Mozart!"

"What about you?" Chuck asks.

"I'll be Bach!"

Chuck Norris Compilation

Chuck Norris can lift up a chair with one hand... While he's sitting on it...

Chuck Norris can sit at the corner of a round table

Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris. *favorite

Chuck Norris did 5 successful suicide bomb missions

Chuck Norris can in fact eat water.

Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

Chuck Norris can hi-five himself with one hand.

Once chuck norris and time had a race. The time is still running.

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

Chuck Norris can win an argument with his wife.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

2016 has done the impossible

It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.

"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."

A guy calls his girlfriend on the phone..

- Boyfriend: Sweetie, do you know how much I love you?
- Girlfriend: How much baby?
- Boyfriend: I would go thru fire, swim in the ocean full of sharks, climb all the mountains, survive in the desert like Bear Grylls, fight with bears and lions, even fight with Chuck Norris and all of the expendables cast if I have to, just to see your beautiful smile..
- Girlfriend: Aawww, you're so sweet! Why don't you come over?
- Boyfriend: How about tomorrow baby, it's starting to rain..

Read this jokkkk

So I was at a festival with a load of stalls. I was busy deciding what to spend my only £1 on when I spotted something which really caught my eye 'Get punched by Chuck Norris for just 95p'. I'd struck gold! So, I headed over to this stall expecting a large queue. However, the only person there was Chuck himself. Astounded, I asked "Why is no one else in line to get punched by a living legend?" to which he replied "I don't know, but I guess you could say that there's no punch line."


Get absolutely rickrolled.

Does this sub take requests? Please share your favorite Chuck Norris joke!

They once named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to change it. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives!

Chuck Norris and Superman fought once and placed a bet on the outcome. The loser had to wear their underwear on the outside!

True Chuck Norris Encounters

A priest, a rabbi, and a potato farmer walk into a bar. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks them all in the face because he already knows this joke won't be funny enough.

A reporter once asked Chuck Norris why he decided to shave his beard. He responded, "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." He then chuckled, realizing he was going to kill the reporter anyway.

Chuck Norris once went on a vacation to the UK. Feeling thirsty, he went into an English bar and ordered and drank 234 pints of unfiltered whiskey. When asked to pay his tab, Chuck responded with a massive belch that lasted for 8 hours and 41 minutes. A nearby sound studio managed to record the amazing sound, and today we know this as the Beatles' White Album.

Chuck Norris actually died 53 years ago. Death hasn't gathered the courage or manpower to tell him yet.

Spiderman was bitten by a radioactive spider. Chuck Norris was bitten by a radioactive god.

There is no theory of evolution, just a long list of species Chuck Norris allowed to live.

Conan O'Brien once installed a lever on his desk that, when pulled, played a clip of Chuck Norris in *Walker: Texas Ranger*. In response, Chuck installed a lever in his office that, when pulled, played a clip of Norris banging O'Brien's wife.

Chuck Norris go to the Zoo.

Chuck Norris go to zoo and ask the trainer if he can pet the tiger.

\- Yes!

He respond.

Chuck Norris processed and suddenly angry Rrrrrr was heard.

The trainer said:

\- Get up very slowly and back up.

So the tiger did so, get up and back out.

(I was inspired to make that joke(fact), when I hear Chuck Norris telling that story to Karl from TODAY)

Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were making a video about classical composers.

Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were making a video about classical composers. Chuck Norris said, "I'll be Beethoven." Bruce Lee said, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be Bach."

Chuck, Jean Claude and Arnold.

Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, "If you were a musician, who would you be?".

Chuck Norris said, "I would be Motzart." Jean Claud VanDam said, "I would be Bethoven." Arnold said, "I'll be Bach!"

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