Teacher Jokes

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Funniest Teacher Jokes

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it. Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.

Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'

Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

Score: 15785

Boy: What's a palindrome? Teacher: racecar

{10 years later}

Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome

Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]

Score: 15129

Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

Score: 13421

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

Score: 12377

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper. I think he must be plotting something.

Score: 7489

"Timmy, what's 119+1?" Asked the teacher. "5!" Yelled Timmy.

"Yes Timmy, that is correct."

​

Score: 7167

Sir, your son was smoking marijuana at school during the class! Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.

-- Did he say where he got it?

-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.


The father, cleaning his tears:

-- Did he really say that?

Score: 7029

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail… But apparently, you can’t end a sentence with a proposition…

Score: 6495

Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I" Bobby: I is...

Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".

Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

Score: 6286

A teacher says to her class "whoever answers my next question can go home." One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.

"Who just threw that? Demands the teacher.

"Me" replied the boy. "And I'm going home."

Score: 4668

Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

Score: 3655

I wish I had Trump as a teacher. Citations would be easy

"You know it, I know it, everyone knows it"

Score: 3592

A teacher asks the class, “What are some examples of flammable objects?” and the Jewish student raises his hand. The teacher replies, “Very good! Any other examples?”

Score: 3320

It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right.... Alcohol IS a solution.

Score: 2827
Funny Teacher Jokes
Score: 2801

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"???? Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Score: 2068

Teacher: "Whoever answers my next question can go home." *Boy throws bag at teacher* Teacher: "Who threw that!?" Boy: "Me! I'm going home!

Score: 2019

Why was the piano teacher arrested? He kept fingering A minor.

Score: 1698

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

Score: 1428

Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters Teacher: Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters
Me: They aren't Silent, They are waiting their turn

Score: 1332

I got voted “Least Likely To Succeed” by my high school class... I hate being a teacher...

Score: 1302

I asked my math teacher why 6 was afraid of 7. She replied, “Approximately 0.3583679495453”.

I stared at her, confused. Seeing my confusion, she added, “You know, cos (789)”

Score: 1283

My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof.

Score: 1261

When I said to my teacher,I had 26 pets, didn't believe me. So I showed her a picture of my fish tank. Teacher freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

Score: 1248

Student: Are well and actually both one syllable words Teacher: Well yes , but actually no

Score: 1205

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor

Score: 1087

Why did the kid eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew

Score: 1014

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison... ...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

Score: 960

My physics teacher said i have potential and then pushed me down the stairs

Score: 924

Why did Jeffrey Epstein's English teacher fail him? Because he never finished his sentences...

Score: 885

My math teacher used to call me average. How mean!

Score: 344

In biology class my teacher asked "What is most commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" was not the right answer

Score: 188

A man lost $100 bill Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?

Student: No. I was standing on it.

Score: 181

The student and the teacher. JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not. "
JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...."

Score: 169

My math teacher called me average the other day. I thought it was mean.

Score: 167

What is the average Math teacher like? Mean.

Score: 92

An English class is writing an essay One of the students asks how long the essay should be.
The teacher responds, "Like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep me interested".

Score: 71

A class is learning about probability.. Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head?

Girl: For a penny? Not very bright.

Score: 59

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

One brave student... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

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New Teacher Jokes

Online clases are like watching Dora the Explorer Online clases are like watching Dora the Explorer. The teacher asks a question, there’s a moment of silence, and then he answers himself.

Score: 8

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny raised hand. and replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Score: 5

Teacher: Use dandelion in the sentence Kid *Jamaican accent*: The cheetah is faster dandelion

Score: 26

The teacher tells the class: 'Whoever gets the next question right, can go home early.' Benjamin throws his pencil to the front of the class. Teacher picks it up and asks: 'Who was that?'
Benjamin: 'Me, good day.'

Score: 33

So my guitar teacher got arrested. He got arrested for fingering A minor.


After he plucked her G string...

Score: 14

When I was in kindergarten, I liked the shape of the seventh letter of the alphabet so much, I would just stare at the one on the class poster and poke at it. My teacher would whisper *"Prodigy..."*

Score: 5

My teacher took my phone after he caught me and said I could reclaim it next class It was a long summer vacation

Score: 9

The year 2120 in a classroom. Teacher: "That anti-vaccination movement eventually died out in the beginning of the 21st century."

Student: "I'm glad they finally came to their senses."

Teacher: "No. It was Polio."

Score: 28

teacher and student joke Teacher: What's the past participle of the verb "to ring?"
Student: What do you think, sir?
Teacher: I don't think. I KNOW.
Student: I don't think I know either, sir.

Score: 7

Bin Laden's kid comes sad from school "Dad i got an F in Geography class"

"Why is that?"

"The teacher asked me what's the tallest building in New York and i said Empire State Building"

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies

"Let dad handle this one."

Score: 14

There was a kidnapping in the local high school. Luckily a teacher woke him up.

Score: 6

Joke from my science teacher years ago... Q: Why should you never wear Russian nuclear underwear?

A: because Chernob'll Fallout.

Score: 5

My Chemistry teacher was right Alcohol IS a solution.

Score: 40

Today, my teacher asked me to summerize my work... So, I took out all the parts about polar bears and eskimos.

Score: 5

A teacher was arrested for loligagging at work. He was caught strangling young girls.

Score: 5

A kid hand in his homework and the teacher says, "You're presentation is misssing."

And the kid replies with,

"Oh I'm sorry. Ladies and gentlements, my HOMEWORK"

Score: 10

On March 27th, our math teacher burst into class and threatened to cancel Spring Break unless the one who's cheated on all their tests reveals themselves before next month This is ridiculous!

How are we supposed to catch a cheater in eight days?!

Score: 5

Our orchestra teacher told us he’d throw an instrument at us if we messed up. Wow. I can’t believe our teacher is threatening us with violins.

Score: 9

I asked a millennial hipster yoga teacher to leave the room... He said: "Nah a ma stay."

Score: 5

A Sunday school teacher ask the children, "why is it necessary to be quite in church?" The children replied, "because people are sleeping."

Score: 5

Back when Stormy Daniels was in high school, none of her fellow classmen realized she would go down in history. Guys were usually getting it in the gym locker room or behind the teacher's parking lot.

Score: 15

A teacher enters a class room for the first time. he notices that two of the guys sitting together looks similar to each other.The teacher curiously asks them

Teacher :Are you guys twins?

Guys:No sir, we are neighbors.

Score: 18

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"

Johnny: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Johnny: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Johnny: "Homework!"

Score: 36

My english teacher told me that the file I sent her was corrupt, and that she couldn't open it I suggested bribing it

Score: 9

My English teacher said that nothing rhymes with orange. There was a young man who had nothing,

Until one day he happened upon an orange.

That rhymes?

Score: 14

I Wish I had Trump As A Teacher Citations would be super easy

"You know it, I know it, everyone knows it"

Score: 44

Little Jimmy was sleeping in class when... The teacher saw him dozing off and interrupted his nap.

He said in a stern tone: "Jimmy, you know you can't sleep in class."

Jimmy retorted: "Yeah, but if you were a little quieter I could."

Score: 6

My music teacher told me to stay on key I said "pitch please"

Score: 25

I bumped into my old English teacher. He said, "What's new?"

I said, "It's an adjective."

Score: 4

What happened when the child molester lost his job? Classroom 3-A got a new teacher.

Score: 4

Joke of The Day A new Student came to the class. After telling the rest of the Children his name, the teacher asked, "what does your Father do"?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Student :" Whatever Mom Says"

Score: 8

TIL that a class was taught by the wrong stand in teacher and the students knowingly went along with it. Whoops, wrong sub.

Score: 36

Punishment - joke A student is talking to his teacher.

Student: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"
Teacher:" Of course not."
Student: "Good, because I haven't done my homework."

Score: 5

Joke my scinence teacher dropped on us A lithium atom walked into a bar and said

"Hey I think I left some electrons in here last night, have you seen any?"

The bar tender replied, "No, are you sure you lost them?"

The lithium atom replied "Yes I'm positive..."

Score: 5

Teachers be like... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Students: "Homework!"

Score: 4

When I was a little kid, my dad would swear then say "Excuse my French" One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand

Score: 31

Classroom Nerd (In a high school class room)

Girl: Do you see that [email protected]#$ING nerd over there.
Teacher: Don't be so mean, he could be your boss one day.
Nerd: Sorry I don't plan on being a pimp

Score: 31

Teacher: What comes after 69? Student: Mouthwash.

Teacher: Get out.

Score: 14

My math teacher asked "should we trust a radical?" I said no, they ain't safe around planes.

Score: 21

My history teacher found a tampon He's still trying to figure out what period it's from.

Score: 7

Jimmy leaves for school today! The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

Score: 4

Why'd the band teacher go to jai? Because he fingered A-minor

Score: 8

Teacher: Johnny, can you tell me 2 pronouns? There were two boys named Johnny so one of them says: "Who? Me?"

Finally a correct answer Johnny..

Score: 4

Teacher - if my cup is half full, what does that mean? Student - that you need a smaller bra!

Score: 5

What was wrong with the cross eyed teacher? He couldn't control his pupils

Score: 10

Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I" - Funny Joke Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Score: 54

Why was the ukelele teacher put in jail? Becuase he was caught fingering A minor.

Score: 29

Funny comeback from a student TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s
cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his
father didn’t punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

Score: 6

A mexican boy in english class... A mexican boy in english class passed a note to his friend. The teacher saw it, and screeched "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

To which he replied, "writing an esé"

Score: 5

A yoga teacher was murdered... ...they're saying it was premeditated.

Score: 19

Jimmy teacher and p*ssy The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!

Score: 4

What did the music teacher say to the student with social problems? Just B♮.

Score: 8

After My Music Lesson, My Teacher Said I Should Be Tenor Tenor twelve feet away from her.

Score: 4

Teacher said this one in class....Why are there no Muslims in Star Trek? Because it's the future.

Score: 4

My Indian engineering teacher told us this today Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

Score: 22

A joke from Civil War History Class today Teacher asks: 'The southern plantations were very wealthy. Exactly how much of that wealth did the slaves get?'

Student answers: 'A whip'

Score: 14

My Accounting Teacher Told Us This One Today If your debits and credits don't equal, then your assets in jail.

Score: 37

my math teacher's joke she told us so, in math class my teacher told us a joke that goes like this: knock knock who's there? interrupting starfish interrup-(places hand on other person's face) we laughed so hard at the teacher's reaction.

Score: 6

What's the difference between a school teacher and a train? A school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, a train says choo choo.

Score: 33

A pony recently got to work as a teacher, But 1 day before school starts he got a cold. Naturally he couldn't talk as loud as usual so the next day he comes into the class and says: "Good morning! Sorry if I'm being a bit quiet, I'm just a little horse."

Score: 9

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